My husband will be starting a new job in a couple of weeks. It is about an hours drive away and he is required to be within a half hours drive from the plant. They are giving him six months to make the move. We have to children. One in a mother's day out program and one in 1st grade. My question is do we move now and enroll our first grader in a new school for the last two month of the school year; or do we let hubby commute and move after school is out. I have a very strong opinion on this, however, I am curious what other moms think. The fact that my mother and mother-in-law have opposite opinions on this is what has prompted this curiosity. So moms, what would you do?
Wow, I didn't expect so many responses already. To answer one of the questions, we will be renting. We are currently in a rental with a lease that is up the end of May, however, our landlord will let us out of the lease without a penalty, so the move could happen fairly quickly.
Thank you all for sharing. I was positive that waiting for the school year to end was the best idea. Now I'm not so sure. We will definitely be involving the children in this decision since it will affect them too. My mother-in-law's opinion was "why wait, they're young". Not a very good reason in my book. We have already checked out the schools, so we know the area where we want to be and we figured we would go ahead and start looking for a place to live. I now think there needs to be more discussion on the time frame of the move. You all have given me some things to think about that I hadn't considered. Thanks again!
I can't believe how many opinions said to move now. There is no way I'd take my first grader out of her school before the end of the year! Almost everyone in Houston commutes 30-45 minutes to work. What's another 15?
hello! i have had to make a move like this last yr and i was a little hesitant on moving at the end of the yr, so we waited til the new school yr so my daughter could start fresh at the begining of the yr at a new school. i hope this advice helped...keep us posted and GOOD LUCK!!!!
I think it depends on the hosing arrangements you're going to make. I would probably let that guide my decision.
I would wait until school is out and then move right away so that he doesn't have to commute for another day :)
I would NOT move now and wait until the end of the school year. First grade is a very important year and moving him now, this close to the end of the school year could really dampen his progress. Since the commute is only an hour and your husband would only have to do it for 2 months, I would stay put.
Let me give you some personal insight. Last year, 12 days into the school year we had to evacuate for Ike. On Sept 13 we learned from our neighbors who stayed that our house had at least 4 feet of water in it. On Monday, Sept 15, we enrolled our son in school at my parents because we didn't know when we would be returning to Galveston and decided our son needed as much normalcy as possible. When Galveston schools re-opened on October 5, my husband and I made the decision to keep our son in school at my parents. Our home in Galveston had now a hotel room, the town was a mess, and the schools in upheaval because 2 had been flooded and could not reopen. We kept him in school at my parents until the Christmas break. During this time my husband stayed and worked in Galveston. I stayed with my parents and son 6 hours away. I was lucky that my work had us set up so we could work from home. We came down to Galveston about every 2 weeks to visit our husband/dad.
After Christmas break, we moved into my parents 5th wheel travel trailer and re-enrolled our son in Galveston schools. Galveston was still a mess, but I had to return to the office. We didn't want to leave our son without both parents, he had already lost so much already.
Long story short, with only 2 weeks left in the semester, he didn't actually get grades from Galveston for that time period. Galveston is on a 9 weeks system and his other school was on a 6 weeks system. Through the remainder of the year there were times that he was repeating what he had already learned, because he had already had it in the fall at his other school.
Switching schools at Christmas or semester break is, I think, best. I would definitely not do it with only 2 months left of school.
As for socially adjusting, my son is very outgoing, so that was not a problem. Is your son outgoing? Would this transition be difficult on him? Making the change at the beginning of the school year is so much more logical, because kids are in different classes with different teachers.
Galveston typically wears uniforms, but since most kids had lost theirs, they gave them a reprieve from them for the remainder of the year. Would the school he would attend have uniforms that you would have to scramble to buy this late in the school year?
I have mixed feelings. One part of me says stay and let your 1st grader finish out the school year with their friends. The other part says to move now so they will have time to make new friends before the summer. I see pros & cons to both sides of this issue. Sorry I'm not much help :-)
I think that your husband should make the 1-hr drive. One-hour drive is not unreasonable. Your first grader should stay in the same school until the end of the school year.
I'd recommend moving once you complete the school year for your first grader. It can be really tough to move mid-year and get re-acquainted with a new school, new friends, etc.
Perhaps, if you move shortly after the school year ends, she can begin to make some friends in the neighborhood or other activities to prepare her for the new school year.
That's how I would choose to do it if I were in your situation.
I'm interested to hear what your thoughts are vs. your MIL.
Good luck!
I know you got a lot of responses already, but would like to add mine. If it was a lot further away, I would say move now, but hubby can make the commute for a couple of months so your child can make a clean transition to a new school in a new school year. When I was little I had to change schools in the middle of the year a couple of times, and it was really hard... to this day I have trouble with my times tables because of a move! since it is feasable to wait,, I think you should. Blessings to you nd your family!
Definitely wait until the 1st grader is out for summer vacation! It is soo h*** o* kids to switch schools in the middle of the year! Plus, I would take the next 2 months to drive around the new city, talk to people there and take your time deciding where to live. Quick moves are NOT fun, trust me on this one!
Will you be buying or renting? The reason is the time involved depending on what you pick. I would start looking now and if the perfect place needs an earlier move go for it. my plan would be to wait. I would even be willing to drive the first grader to her school if i moved earlier. You can do that as an option if you move now.
I am currently living in one state while my hubby works in another. It is a rough choice. I chose to stay here until he got settled in his new job, he started Sept 1.
Do I wish I had gone with him? Sometimes, but he's had snow this winter :o)
YOur little ones are young enough they will adjust either way. My oldest daugherr is in high school and no matter when we would have or will move she will be devastated more so than the other times.
If the situation comes up again and one of them is a senior in HS I would stay the year for graduation. We didn't and our son never adjusted to the new HS.
It will be much easier for the first grader to adjust if you make the move after school's out. They'll have the summer to adjust to the new area and have the opportunity to make new friends so they won't be "alone" when school starts next year. It would probably be a good idea to start "talking up" the move now though & maybe even go visit the area to find some neat parks or something special in the new area to get the kids excited about the move.
As someone who moved often as a child, I would say go now or your child could be in for a long lonely summer. I hated it when we had to move in the summer, even though our parents enrolled us in activities it was still hard to meet new friends there because many of the kids in the activities joined with their friends and requested to be on the friends team, etc, creating a tighter clique than I ever ran into in school. I much preferred it when we moved during the school year, you could even go into his new school a day or two before the 1st grader starts and request that the teacher assign a student to help your child adjust and meet new people. Most teachers are willing to do this and as the newcomer it REALLY helps with not feeling left out in a new place.
I had this same issue. I spoke with many people, including school teachers, principals and counselors. Since it will be a permanent move, now would be good. They have the chance to build relationships at the new school before summer break. They need those friendships for the summer. Moving in summer, it will be harder to connect with kids unless you walk them around the block to meet all the kids. Just my thoughts. Good Luck.
M., this is what I did: My husband got transferred 4 hrs away. I was going to college, had 3 children in elementary school and one in daycare while I was in class. It was hellish to have all the responsibility for 5 months. However, I was determined for the oldest to be able to participate in a 2 wk school camp that they'd been working toward for months. I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it alone until school was out. It was crazy how our relationships changed when hubby came home on the weekends. I'm glad that I proved to myself I could do it, but it was emotionally harder than I anticipated. I had no nearby family support to lend a hand. As young as your children are, I'm sure they will do well either way.
It's only the middle of February so there are 3 full months left in the school year. I don't know if it would factor in much but even moving during Spring Break might be nice.
Are you going to buy? If so, Housing prices should keep going down, at least a little, as the year moves on. But they might blip up just a bit from May intil August- the busy season. Is your husband commuting through any rush hour traffic? An hour commute is bad enough, but anything over that could really stress him out and make home life not so happy.(depends on how resilient he is). Gasoline prices are a factor for you too.
It's a good idea to keep our kids in schools and let them finish it out, but young children are pretty resilient. I've had an almost divorce a year ago, and a move to another state (in January) and it didn't affect my second grader at all. Nada. So you have to think about the personality of the child. Does your kid roll with the punches or are changes really h*** o* her? Really sensitive, shy, or introverted children would probably have a harder time.
Life happens, and people go through changes all the time. Even h*** o*es. It doesn't mean it is so bad. It is perseverance that builds character.
We will all have our own opinions, but each situation is unique. You need to make the decision based on your own gut instinct because no one knows your family needs like you do. Not even your in laws.
Good Luck!
Dear M.,
Do you own or rent?
What if the job doesn’t work out?
It won’t hurt to start looking now, but I would give it the 90 day test before making a decision to move.
Another solution is to look for temporary housing while you see how things work out.
Both your children are at an age where moving will be more of an adventure then a life changing event that will cause emotional upset.
Blessings…..
I would say commute and move when the school year is up.
If you can afford it, you could go ahead and find an acceptable rental and your hubby can move ahead while you stay behind.
Good luck!
have you considered homeschooling? My aunt lived away from her husband for months and it was awful, when she moved she homechooled the children so there wasn't the problem of starting a new school mid semester. But an hour's drive from the plant isn't bad if they will let him wait on the move. My husband drives nearly an hour to the close office, nearly 1 1/2 hours to the main office. It's awful, and we want to move, but at least you are PLANNING to move so if he wants to make the drive for a short time (a few months) it's not that bad.
Moving once the kids are finished with a school year is very common. It gives you time to hunt for a new house/apartment and look into the schools and neighborhoods in the area you will be moving to. It also gives you a chance to go through items you can give away/donate or sell before you have to pack them up and move them. For school info:
http://www.greatschools.org
This is a tough one and I can see both sides.
Moving them now will probably not do any damage, kids are very resilient and can handle lots, especially if you make it fun and an adventure. I am leaning towards this option because maybe your school age child will have the opportunity to make some friends in the area this school year, so next year she will not be "new" and might even have some friends for the summer.
Moving them later will not harm them at all. It will probably just be a pain in the butt for you guys to commute back and forth, paying more money out of pocket if you have to keep 2 household going, and then there is the time away from daddy...
Good Luck with the move and the new job! How exciting! A new fresh start!
I grew up a "military brat" move in the school year, move in the summer, doesn't really matter, you're still moving, I can tell you from personal experience of being the child, being separated from Dad, was much harder than moving, regardless of what time of year we moved.
As the Mom, bottom line, you have to do what's best for your family, others can share thier experience, but they don't live in your family. I personally have reservations about including young children in major decision making; for several reasons. I'm not sure a preschooler and a 1st grader understand enough about "moving" to have the logical, critical thinking process thats developed enough to be included in the decision making process of determining when to move. As well as if the child is very sensitive to things, the pressure of being expected to make a grown up decision can be overwhelming, and then if things are tough, the child may feel responsible for causing hardship. But of course thats just my "opinion".
Whatever decision you make, it will work out. You get out of it what you put into it, Good Luck with your move.
If you have the time to not move before the end of school, I would not. That will give you plenty of time to find a good place to live and plenty of time to pack up and move without having to feel rushed.
Good Luck!
I haven't read the other opinions so sorry if this is a repeat :-) but if there is only 2 months left of school I would just wait until summer to move. That way especially for your 1st grader, she can finish the year at her school and start fresh for the new school year.
Everyone commented on the kids' reactions but you didn't get many about you and your husband. If you are excited and see it as an adventure, your kids will have an easier time. Our kids did fine either way. But I wouldn't recommend the added stress for you and your husband with him having a long commute and you seeing him less. Your husband may be fine with a long commute, but my husband could never do it and be a very pleasant person when he got home. Many people do that commute but it is harder on most families. The added time that you have the children without him would be tough unless you have family close by that could help out. I always vote to maximize family time, especially if you have the opportunity to reduce stress. Moving is stressful enough.
My opinion is that you should move before the school year is out, as your first grader will have an opportunity to meet her new classmates before the long, lonely summer commences, and then she will already have new friends for the summer. Once the summer starts, she won't have that opportunity. I used to teach, and I know that the school and teacher can assign her a buddy for a week or two, to help her adjust to her new school. Also, there are still a couple of parties left in the school year, so that will give you an opportunity to interact and meet the parents of your child's classmates. making it easier to schedule play dates, etc for the summer.
Best Wishes for a wonderful move and new friends to enrich your lives,
K.
A lot depends on your current situation and the situation you are moving into. Does your 1st grader currently have very close friends that he/she spends time with outside of school? Is your first grader involved in any extra-curricular activities? Does your family typically (or expect to) become involved in the rec leagues for Tball/soccer/tennis, etc? Are those things available where you will be moving to?
If your child is already involved in a lot of things outside of school, then I would more strongly consider staying until those things wrap up. On the other hand, if your child is extroverted and wants to do those things but he/she is not doing them where you currently are, then I would more strongly recommend going ahead and getting your child involved at the new location.
A lot depends upon your child's personality as well. I have one child who is more reserved, but when she makes friends, it is very important/emotional for her. Leaving them behind to change schools is a BIG deal. I have another child, who is more extroverted, makes friends everywhere and can go weeks without seeing old friends and it just isn't as big a deal. He tends to be more go with the flow. Either child would appreciate having a "going away" party to say good-bye, however.
Also, If your family tends more to "keep to yourselves" and spend family time over the summer, then I would wait until then, and let it be more of an adventure. If your family is always doing things with friends and kids having sleep-overs, etc, then you should look more at getting a head-start on those relationships you will rely on over the summertime.
How many different school districts are there at the new location? You might need some time to "research" which schools you prefer to have your children enrolled in, if there is more than one choice. It might affect where you choose to rent. Be sure to consider middle and high school as well if you think you will be there for awhile. If there are multiple elementary and middle schools, the elementary schools feed into particular middle schools. So you would want to be mindful of that sort of thing.
All in all, I think you could go either way. Children are adaptable for the most part. If you take things in a level headed way and stay positive and upbeat, don't stress over details, etc... then they will mimic you. If you freak out about how it will affect them... then they will EXPECT to be grossly affected and they WILL be. So what do YOU think would be best, Mom? Whatever you decide, be sure to take your child to visit/take a tour of the new school before the first day of class... whether it is this school year, or next.
Good luck and I hope the transition is a smooth one, whenever it occurs.
I'm in the same boat as you are. My husband is starting a new job on Monday that is a TWO hour drive away. We are not going to move until the kids are out of school so they can start their new school year at a new school. This gives us the time to start looking for a place to rent, a new pediatrician, dentist etc. We also want to check out the schools in the area and pick the one we think is best. I say take your time because moving is a big deal when you have kids. I think if you tell your daughter now, you will give her time to get used to the idea.
We were in a similar situation not too long ago. My huband had the option of starting at the new place right away or stay put until the school year is over. We decided to move right away because we felt it was better to get it over with asap and settle down in the new home. However, we already knew in fall and the switch to the new school took place in November. I'm pretty sure that this much into the school year, we probably would have stayed put until summer break. It just seems so much easier and I think the psychological impact on the children is probably much less that way. The kids get a clean break, they won't have to go through being the new kid and the saying goodbye is probably also not as traumatic when they are in summer break and don't see their friends every day anyway.
On the other hand, we moved once without the option of waiting till summer. The move took place mid March when my son was in 1st Grade. He was ok with it (but he is very easy going and makes friends easily). The advantage of moving right away was that when summer break rolled around he already knew some kids from school when he went to the playground or to day camp, etc.
How does your child feel about it? I would do whatever you think is best for him/her.
Just out of curiosity, what is your preference?
My first opinion was to wait for 3 months until school was out, but then remembered my own experiences. I too moved a lot as a kid, and I made friends quicker when I moved during the school year. The teachers would make sure that I was introduced to other kids. If I started school at the beginning of the year, no one would make an effort to see that I had met someone, and I'd get lost in the crowd of kids who already knew each other. We are also moving this year, and will probably do it during the summer. However, with my daughter starting kg, everyone in her class will be be new to the school. That won't be the case with your child, who's a little older.
I say wait. With new jobs, all have to make sacrifices, but for children its harder. Its only for 2 months. There are people that have a longer commute and live in the same city that their job is. Traffic is really bad in some places. I would stick it out and make the move when the oldest is out of school. Its harder to transition for children. Especially at the end of the school year.
I moved alot growing up. My parents made it an adventure and you can too. I would suggest moving at Spring Break. This will enable her to meet kids at school making it easier for her in the summer. If her old school has an end of the year party, see if she can attend. That might help also. Its not like you are moving several states away, you are moving an hour. In Houston, that is just around the corner!!! We moved back to Houston 4 summers ago from Kentucky. My oldest was a junior in High School and my youngest was a 7th grader. It was very difficult on both. However, I was able to get some kids from the high school band to come over and meet my daughter. My son, however, didn't know a soul and in Houston in the summer time most people are not outside. The good news is she is in 1st grade and will adjust fine! Good luck!!!!
P.S. my kids are doing great! The oldest is at a University here in Texas and the youngest is a junior in High School. Both love living in the best state of all, TEXAS!!
I would let them finish out school and then move this summer.
As a child I moved around a lot growing up. I've done both moving during the summer and in the middle of the school year. Unless your child is prone to high anxiety over change and has trouble making new friends (as my son does) I would vote for going sooner rather than later. If you can get down there and get settled into a home that will allow him to go to the same school this year that he will next year for the last 2 months of the year I would go now.
Now, if it's going to take a while to find a home and he may only have a few weeks of school or if you might rent in an area that feeds into one school and then find a house over the summer that feeds into another school so he might have to change again, then I would wait.
Good luck,
K.
Since there is not too much longer in school I would just wait it out. Its going to be a big change and children are adaptable but I would prefer to start my child in a new school fresh. That way if the class is smaller than the one he/she is in now they wont have any trouble fitting into groups that were already formed.
Wow, that's a tough one. I think I would move now to keep my family together. I would miss my husband too much being away from him all week!
Kids are very resiliant and I bet your first grader will make the transition easily. Another positive aspect is that your older child will not have to experience anxiety over a new school all summer. The child will already have friends and be familiar with the new school.
Good luck - I'll pray that you and your husband are able to make the right decision for your family!
With children this age the move will not mean that much, the driving and the cost of the gas is another thing for your husband not counting his safety while driving that distance every day. The move now will also give your child friends for the summer and even more for the next school year.
