Mother's Day - Little Elm,TX

We do put too much into it; my mom gets a call every Sunday afternoon from me, and some through out the week, all she needs is a happy mothers day, the happy bay song on her birthday, merry cmas etc, I am the same way! I would have liked a card, but was totally content with none, we had lunch out, all took a nap together, I got a massage and a very cuddley day. That was all I needed and really will need, it's nice to have a day set aside to make a point to say thanks mom but its not needed, they say it all the time. I decided the pace and point of the day it would have been just as nice to have stayed in and ordered pizza with a glass of wine. He wont know what you want unless you tell him for the most part.

It's not too much to ask, but it probably won't happen.... My husband is awful about that kinda stuff, so I tell what I want. I'll circle items from ads in the paper, or tell him that i'm not cooking on mother's day/anniversary or which ever special night and he needs to either take me out or make something special. It's not a perfect way of doing things, but i've decided its just what works for us, since i have no doubt he loves me, but he just doesnt think the way i do lol
good luck!

Men are clueless. You have to tell them what you want. I have been married and a mother for over 10 years and it's now to the point where I buy my own gift from my dear sweet hubby. For years I never even got a card because he couldn't find the time to go and get one. With my husband you have to be very specific in telling him what you want.

Good Luck.

You know what, men are not clueless. They are not horrible. I cannot believe all the comments that say they are! Men just do not weigh things the same way we do. For example, forget Father's day and it is no big deal to them. It is just a day. I may be the only woman who feels this way, but I believe that women make way to much out of the little things. Mother's should be appreciated EVERYDAY, your family should say "thank you" "I love you" etc. One day does NOT show you how much you are loved. Look at the big picture. Are you appreciated? Does your husband hug and kiss you? Does he find little ways to show he loves you (like doing the dishes while you are out running kids here and there)? That is how you know you are loved. It is the same for Valentine's Day. One day is not worth getting upset over. You need to look at every day of the year. Men typically do not realize how much weight we women put on one little day. They think that they show you all year. On that one day that is "your day" if he asks what you would like to do, that is his way of putting you FIRST!!! I think that is great. That left it open for you to take a nap, a long bubble bath, tell him you wanted steaks on the grill, whatever! How totally awesome that above all the things he may have wanted to do, he asked you and was willing to do whatever that was for you. That is total commitment and sacrifice.

You women need to appreciate your men for what they are. They are men. Men are not as emotional and do not put the same kind of thought into romance as we do! I recomend two great books for you women who are upset 1) Men are Like Waffles, Women are Like Spaghetti (very awesome book about the different ways men and women think) and 2) The Propper Care and Feeding of Husbands (I have not finished this book, but what I have read is awesome!).

Awwwww....I'm sorry!! Don't be too upset though...men are dopes! :) It took years for my dad to figure out that he SHOULD go out of his way to make Mother's day special for my mom (it was always from the kids....but he had to do everything!). He didn't get it right until we were around 5 years old.....up to that point we were just babies to him so why would we get something for mom??? As we got older it was easier for him to understand - because it was fun! Being that this is your husbands first child too, he probably has no clue!! I'm sure he appreciates everything you do as a mother but figured you already knew that. Also, he probably thought by asking "what do you want to do today" was perfectly fine, afterall, he was giving you the choice of anything you wanted that day. Little does he know, you wanted him to figure it out! :) Most likely, to get what you want, you will have to tell him (nicely of course:)) that next year you would love to .....whatever it is you would like. I always ask for some "me" time!!! Don't be bummed!! Men really are different than women.....they don't think the way we do therefore they don't act the way we would like them too! LOL

Well, my husband wouldn't have appreciated me telling him a week in advance to do something special for me. Simply because when he does do something special, he wants it to be HIS idea. If he had been thinking of doing something, my little reminder would have killed that thought. Also, men are typically not planners. Haven't you seen the crowds at the stores on Christmas Eve? 90 percent men. Mother's Day plans wouldn't have even entered his mind until Friday night at the earliest. Again, a reason to resent or ignore the advance reminder.
And, his "What would you like to do today" might have been his way of offering something special...by letting you do whatever you want.
You may also have to remember that a lot of men aren't as "in love" with fatherhood like moms can be "in love" with motherhood -- especially in the first year after a baby arrives. Even in the best marriages, dad often feels like he's in second place, and his lack of fuss about Mother's Day might be a passive protest. I know tooo many new moms who have made the mistake of behaving as if they are married to the baby, and leave Daddy out of the "inner circle" of decision making, criticize parenting style, offer a bit too much "advice" and too many tips... That sort of thing probably simmers under the surface for him the same way his lack of fanfare on Mother's Day does for you.
Of course, he may still have a surprise waiting for you :-).
But if not, Father's Day is around the corner. Plan something for him on the order of what you would have liked for yourself. He'll likely say that you've done too much, and that's your opportunity to share your feelings about these holidays. "I just feel like it's a special day of the year that reminds us to take time to show the people we love that we think they are special and important to us."

C. - your husband DID get you something for Mother's Day - he got you a GREAT STORY that you will tell for years to come - and (I promise) you will laugh about it.

On my first Mother's Day, my husband got me nothing, and then on the day, I mentioned something (because I was so sad and hurt) to which he responded "but you're not my mom" and I cried and cried. Then while we were out running errands, he pulled into a Hallmark store and left me and my son in the car while he ran in and bought a card and came back tot he car and asked me for a pen to sign it. Do you even know how much mileage I've gotten out of that story? It's funny! It wasn't on that day, but it is now, and we laugh about it.

Some mamas here have said that men are just clueless - it's true. You cannot be angry at him for something that was not intentional.

For future events, be very clear about your expectations. If you want breakfast in bed, tell him. If you want an expensive gift, tell him. He will be more than happy to comply! Trust me - yes, you do need to tell him what to do for you, and that's okay and is absolutely no reflection on his love for you.

So look back on yesterday and know you got the best present ever - a story that will bring a laugh for years to come. :)

I've been married almost 20 years now and a mother for 12. I would have a heart attack if my husband came in with a card/gift for me for a holiday. My husband is a very giving man and he does wonderful things for me and my daughter throughout the year, not just on holidays. On Mother's Day, we have a tradition of going to a special place for brunch and that's it.

If you want more for holidays, speak up. I personally enjoy the little things that happen within the year (ex: new car in my driveway, cleaning service, hubby helping me around the house)

Let me first say welcome to my world. My husband doesn't do anything for me. I have to tell him what I want for Christmas, my birthday, and mother's day. I made the reservations at my favorite restaurant for yesterday and got no card no nothing so don't worry you are better off then I am you got a card. I love my husband but men really are clueless. Just let him know he hurt your feelings and give him ideas of what he could do to make it better next year. I do have to say I am curious as to why we as mothers expect so much out of our husbands for mothers day but let me tell you 90% of us do not do the same for our husbands on fathers day. I use to wait tables at a restaurant and we would be packed on mothers day and fathers day would be like any other day. All I can say is maybe do something special for him on father's day and hopefully things will be better next year. Don't be angry at him and leave him out on his day. He is a man and men make mistakes just like anyone else. Just talk to him and explain how you feel.

C. - I know it may be hard to deal with the fact that your husband didn't put as much thought into your first mother's day as you hoped, but that's guys for you.

My advice - be thankful that you have someone there for you. I'm a single mom, and my mother's day was just like every other day. No cards, no gifts - I spent the day wishing that I had someone to at least call me and tell me happy mother's day. But the best thing I did do - I spent the whole day with my 6 month old daughter - no cleaning, no nothing - just playing with my daughter. She's the best gift I ever got....

Looks like my experience was different. I'm divorced now, however my ex husband was remarkable - there wasn't a special day that he ever forgot. Mother's Day was always full of cards, gifts and surprises - he all of these days quite wonderful. I really don't think that it's just a "guy thing" I think that there is more to it than that.

I know how you feel! And you do have to just tell him out-right exactly what you want. Unfortunately, most men don't get the proper training on how to handle special occasions, mainly because their dads didn't handle them properly, either. It's basically the whole Venus and Mars thing. Tell him in a very matter-of-fact way (speaking his language of logic) that you were very disappointed and you need to come to an agreement as to how this holiday will be handled in the future. No, it's not romantic, but like I always say, this is life, it ain't the movies! :) Good luck & happy mother's day from one mom who knows how you feel!

Honey, like everyone else already said, it's a man thing. My husband is the same way, and we've been married 10 years. My oldest will be 9 this year. My husband had the nerve to say "you're not MY mother" on my first Mother's Day. I felt awful, and he never made that mistake again. But still he needs to be reminded what to do on special occassions. I really just think he's clueless. He made a really nice breakfast yesterday and took me to a nice dinner. So he's definitely gotten better. You really just need to voice your opinion!

It is not you or him. Men are just different. They need to be told outright which ruins some of the fun for us but this is his first mother's day, too. Talk to him when you are not upset about it. And show him what you may mean by special on Father's day.

Then remind him when next year rolls around, too :-)

I know exactly what you are talking about! This also was my first mother's day and my husband took us to cici's after church and then that was it!!! No card, no nothing!!! But he had the audacity to leave yesterday evening to go to his mother's to give her a gift and an elaborate card that he made on his own! I was furious but more than that, incredibly disappointed! You are not alone...

I just waned to say to all the women who stood up for the men not weighing the holiday as much as we do, is way off (in most circumstances, but not all of course).

Most of these men do hardly anything for the mother's of their own children, but do plenty for their own moms. So apparantly, they do have enough foresite and years of training by their own mother's as to what is appropriate for certain holidays that are meant to bring extra thanks and kindness.

I have an irritating story (not related to mother's day). When we moved to a different church, my husband stood up to announce who we were, bare his testimony... Well, (we had ONLY been married a week so you would think he would be in the honeymoon frame of mind) he spoke MORE about how much he loved and missed his mom and how she was such a wonderful woman, and said nothing about me. That's just how some people are, totally thoughtless and total momma's boys.

Your husband can't read your mind, at least mine can't. If you want something done you need to let him know in advance. Don't be upset with him if he didn't know what you wanted. But now that you have done this once and you now tell him what you would like to happen next year. You have every right to be upset if he blows it off again.

My advice? Just tell him about how you feel. Not in an accusation way, but explaining. My mother always told me: ”Men are different, they can not smell your feelings, you have to tell and explain them”. I think she is right. Be specific, because he bought a card, and thinks he has done what was expected from him. He will be surprised when you tell him you are disappointed. Talk it over!
And read again what Janet W. wrote, she is totally right!

Good luck!
Next time there will be an other mothersday!

I.

Wow, did you get a lot of different comments on this one. I have been married for 12 years to a wonderful husband, who does not really think about holidays or "special days" much either. You really need to think about how your husband is. Would he want you to tell him specifically what to get and remind him about it (which is what my husband would rather do). Or maybe he does want to come up with his own thing and just needs a little coaching for next year. I grew up where my dad never forgot a special day for my mom, he did not grow up that way so it was something he decided to do. So believe me my first Mother's Day was disappointing for me from my husband, but my mom and dad stepped in and got me something from my son. So me and my husband had a long conversation about it and once I knew where he needed help with it then it has been better since then. Communication is always the key!

Well I guess they day's not over... he could still surprise you. I would discuss it with him though. If you don't talk to him about it, the resentment could grow into something bigger. Try not to be accusatory though. It was probably just a totally honest mistake. He probably thought a card was good enough. Heck, we all know that most men aren't too good at these things. Just let him know that your feelings are hurt. I know you don't want to have to tell him, but since this is your first Mother's Day, hopefully he can learn and fix it next year. My husband bought me a DVD of "Knight Rider" for my birthday this year! No, I have no idea why. I literally looked at it and laughted and said, "I don't get it." I thought it was some kind of joke! Men are just strange sometimes. Good luck.

one thing I've learned about men... they don't assign the same value to things like mother's day like we do, so in order for you to get what you want, you have to ask. otherwise, you'll just be setting yourself up for many years of disappointing mother's day.

"Hey honey, we haven't been to XXX restaurant in awhile, why don't we go there for mother's day breakfast/lunch/dinner? Hey honey, I would really like a new purse/ring/necklace, etc for mother's day."

I collect precious moments and for the last 3 mother's day, I pick out a figurine that means the most to me, circle it and leave it out for my husband to buy. I get what I want, so everyone is happy.

In order to ensure you get what you want, you have to tell them.

I feel for you.....I didn't even get a card! We had a talk before hand, so I knew I wasn't getting a gift because money is tight. I did expect a card or a sweet gesture....but nothing! I even sent him to the store the morning of to get his mother a card....so, he was in the isle looking at cards and everything. I was crushed, actually still am. I just don't think guys get it! :( You aren't out of line for wanting something special....I did too. Sorry!

C., that stinks that your husband didn't have much of a clue on thoughtfulness but men just sometimes don't get it. I don't think most men yearn for parenthood the way us moms do so it's hard for them to understand the deep, intense feelings this day brings out. I would have been disappointed too and your husband should know you feel that way. Not getting you something nice for your first Mothers' Day is crummy. But, when he asked what you wanted to do, rather than being upset, you should just tell him 'I'd like you to take me out to dinner and buy me a nice piece of jewelry'. No ambiguity there!
It was my first Mother's Day too and I was just overwhelmed all day with how grateful I am to be a mom. We went through years of infertility treatments and I was first time mom at 35. It has been the best year of my life.
I made it pretty clear to hubby that I wanted nice jewelry and we went to the mall on Saturday and I got a diamond heart in heart necklace from my son and a diamond ring from him. He really did right by me this year but I had already sent him gift ideas and email reminders so he would know how important it was to me. But, I didn't get a card. I think guys don't get it unless you spell it out!
Happy Mothers Day C.. Go and buy yourself a nice piece of jewelry and just send him the bill! : )

I get disappointed every year. I tell him what I expect, that he at least takes the kids shopping to get me something, but he never does. He isn't teaching the kids very well. He just doesn't learn or remember from year to year. I could go on and on with disappointments on my special days. I've learned to buy my own gifts and the kids usually make something in school. I did get cards and flowers this year but I'm not a big flower person. I want some special attention. I want to know they think about me, that they plan something special for me ~ a picnic at a park or Arboretum. Me don't understand, though they do want Father's Day gifts. What they give for Mother's Day is what they get for Father's Day. Simple as that. As your child grows you can get them to ask Daddy to take them shopping for a gift.

My first Mother's Day was disappointing too. I got a little book about something like "how to make family traditions" or something. I don't even remember, and that was just last year. I went all out for Father's Day, and I think my husband felt bad. He did much better this year. But my favorite thing. . . .We visited family the first part of the weekend and got back at midnight last night. We were so tired after church that we all had a nap time. When my son woke up, my husband just let me sleep! I got a whole extra hour of sleep this afternoon, and I couldn't have asked for more. It will get better. Don't tell him you were disappointed but show him by going all out on father's day. He'll get the point without you even having to say anything. I think my husband even did something extra special for me on our anniversary last year because he felt so bad for the difference in our gifts on Mothers/Fathers day.

Hi C.!

No, you are right to expect something more, much more especially after everything you have gone through getting to be a MOM!! I spent 3 years of infertility, so no, my dh does it right every time. He normally needs a little bit of help,but he usually always comes through.

You need to sit down and express your feelings to him and what you expect. A card is nice, but that is not really showing you his gratitude or happiness for your care of your baby each and every day, especially after your decision to be SAHM. Like I said, sometimes they need help after a few years, but I would rather get something I want than not. I went to Origins (one of my fav. stores) and had them package an entire line of products and to wrap it up and I told him where to go and pick it up for me. He always does something for me from our son and this year he had his hand print in clay w/a picture of us at the bluebonnet fields that we took earlier this year w/ a card signed by our son. He also cooked me a filet mignon dinner, baked potato, and all, so that was great! I really didn't want to do dinner out since it is a madhouse out there on Mother's Day (unless you make reservations) and it was nice! He did good and also took me shopping at the mall yesterday and I bought me some goodies!

So, no you should expect better than that and you should tell him that!! Do it now, so he will know from now on!! No excuses!!

Sometimes honey, you gotta tell these men what you want, they can't read our minds and they just don't get it. Remember, if you don't tell him, he won't know.

Take care and just know that your are a Mommy and hopefully your own Mother let you know that a few of your friends as well.

G. B.

Hi C.,

It is not crazy at all that you are upset. My husband has always been good, BUT I have a feeling he was told by his mom how important Mother's Day is. Especially the first.. when you are sleep deprived, etc. Guys don't get it a lot of the time. If he is usually really good on birthdays/Xmas etc., I am sure he just has no clue how important it is to us.

This is how clueless my husband is.. My son broke my digital camera last month, and I basically TOLD my husband I wanted a certain camera, and said it would be a great Mother's Day gift and he said just a few days ago..."do I need to buy you that camera for Mother's Day or did you already buy it on Ebay".. ha-ha. I am telling you it is a guy thing.

I would really mention it to him, and make sure to explain it is more the thought and not as much about the money. I know your baby can't make you anything yet, but today I got a camera, DVD's, etc. but the MOST special thing was a flower and pot that my son picked out at Home Depot and helped my husband plant. It is the tackiest pot ever, BUT I love it because he is so proud of it.

Maybe mention, that you appreciate him asking what you wanted to do, but hoped he would have planned a day for you...even if it was as simple as breakfast in bed or a small outing..(plus flowers and a gift).. ha.

Good luck!

Had the same thing happen on my first mother's day. I told my husband exactly how disappointed I was and he felt horribly. He really just didn't know. Since then (this is my 4th mother's day now), he has been on top of things. I've told him what I expect for the day and he follows through. You have to be specific with them, they aren't as clever as women. Your husband is new at this, so give him a break and explain your feelings to him so he won't make the mistake again. Good luck!

Same thing happened to me last Mother's Day...except I didn't even get a card. This year, I told him he better do something nice or he was going to be in big trouble haha...he listened though because I got the new camera I've been wanting. And not all men are stupid and dense, some are wonderful. My two uncles and my grandpa go every year and get gift certificates to a high end spa for my two aunts and my grandma...they do it every year and now it's kind of a tradition. They even go in together and get one for my mom who is single. They thought this up all on their own too. So it IS possible to find a man who can think ahead of time and get you a great gift without being told. Though I do agree that the majority just don't have a clue. I find that subtle hinting doesn't work. At all. And I agree with the other moms, you have to tell them outright. If you see a gift you'd like or have an idea of something you'd like to do, mention it a few times a week, several weeks leading up to Mother's Day.

Anyway...I'd let him know how disappointed you were. Massive guilt might be incentive for him to do something extra special this week to make it up to you.

Hi, C.! Yeah, my husband did kinda the same thing on my first Mother's Day, too. He figured that since I wasn't his mom he didn't have any obligation to do anything. I was disappointed, and he didn't understand until he talked to his mom, who spontaneously asked him what he had done for me. His mom and I both explained that until the kids were old enough to do something on their own, it darn sure was his responsibility! That was 12 years ago, and we now have three kids. He hasn't missed a single one since, even though my oldest is nearly 12 and can do it by himself. My two little ones still need my husband's help, though. So I suggest you tell him he should do it until your child can. Maybe he just didn't think of it in those terms. I hope this helps in some way.

Happy Mother's Day,
D.

Men are different. If you don't want to be disappointed tell him exactly what you expect. A card, a gift (give suggestions) and dinner or whatever it is you want. Telling him what you want doesn't take away from the gesture.

It's just a guy thing. They do not think the same way as women and they are not going to, so make it easy for him by telling him specifically and you will never be disappointed again.

If it makes you feel any better, my husband got me a card that says....

"Mother's Day seperates the women who have children from the skinny ones"

and then he took his mom to a nice dinner leaving me home alone with pizza and our kids.

Men......they just don't get it.
At least you won't feel pressure to do something wonderful for father's day! :)