I didn't receive anything for Valentines Day, Mothers Day, or my birthday day
Well, you know that this is the way he's going to be if you marry him. Do you want to marry a man who doesn't think enough of you to give you gifts?
Does he have good character traits other than this? Can you live with this in exchange for those other traits?
I always find it funny when people ask how they should feel. You feel the way you feel - period. If you are mad - then you and he need to address this. I'm guessing you feel let down and disappointed, and hurt - more than mad.
I find anger doesn't solve anything. I also know that after the first ten years, my husband slowed down in the gift department. In our case, kids, busy careers, etc. got in the way. I
For me what worked was planning couple gifts for Valentines Day - we'd make a nice meal and go for a walk. For my Mother's Day - I get a shrub every year - the kids go pick it out for me, and I have a garden that is just shrubs from our family (other family members find it easy to buy for me also). That's my passion - so it's easy for them.
Can you make easy suggestions for your husband? My husband can be clueless at times. So it's nothing personal - so much as he needs big time hints.
You can;t help but feel however you feel. You are entitled to feel however you want by this lack of gifts.BUT if you are hurt and not expressing how you feel by this then that's a huge issue. Your boyfriend is not a mind reader.
My hubby totally forgot my birthday last year. Like knew when it was but for some reason didn't connect the date to the day. Not a happy birthday, not a gift, nothing. Add in that my mom also totally forgot (didn't mention it until I called her several days later) I let them both know that I was disappointed but didn't expect them to get or do anything at this point because it would be too little too late.
Next year I'm already set for them to forget and will just set my bar lower so my feelings won't be hurt. I'll do something for myself and call it a day.
First, should you be mad? I don't know. I think you feel how you feel.
In my opinion, it's just information. Is he usually considerate most of the time and does he treat you well? Does he do those things for other people and not for you? Unless you have a child together, I'm unsure if you should expect anything from him for Mother's Day.
My husband and I have been together nearly 16 years. Once, I forgot his birthday. I was overwhelmed with a toddler and running a preschool... just overlooked it and felt awful.
Talk to him about what you like. Again, I'd consider this in the context of how long you have been together and how he treats you in general. It sounds like three things have happened where you have felt disappointed. Don't hold onto that-- it only builds resentment. Let him know you want him to honor those days (and again, if you don't have kids together, don't expect him to 'do' for Mother's Day.) which are important. Some couples don't do Valentines or birthday presents... so, try to get on the same page. Talk to him about expectations before deciding to be mad.
I'm sorry you're hurting. I find it useful to examine the logic of the situation to pull the emotions into perspective.
Think about how long you've been together, about whether or not you're the mother of his children, and most importantly, about what kind of communication you have.
If you've told him specifically, "I want to go out to dinner with at XYZ for my birthday, and lilies are my favorite flower so I'd love you to get some for me." and he does absolutely nothing, then he's showing you who is is and will continue to be as a boyfriend. You can be mad, sure, but also realize you're not going to change/fix that. You'll have a hard decision to make in regards to staying in the relationship at all.
If you hope he comes up with plans on his own, figures out your hints, or should try to read your mind and guess what you want, then you'll need to change how you handle communication with him. We have to deal with people in reality, not in our imaginings of how we wish they would be without being told.
I've been married for almost 19 years and my husband will ask, "What do you want to do for/what do you want for <event>.." and listen to my answer. If I say something specific, that's what happens if possible. If I say "Nothing", I sincerely mean Nothing. I'm not keen about surprises, which he knows and respects.
Men learn how to treat their partners by watching how their family members interact with one another. In some families, gifts just aren't exchanged amongst adults. He may not realize that give significant others a gift on these special days is something that is not normally done.
You need to kindly by explicitly spell out for him what your expectations are. Something like: "I really enjoy holidays and part of what I enjoy is being pampered a little and receiving gifts. I want us to be together for a long time, but the thought of never receiving any gifts makes me kind of sad." And then listen to his response.
Once you know what his thought process, then you can decided if the no-gifts thing is a deal breaker for you.
It depends. How long have you been together? Has he given gives in prior years but not this year? If so, then what changed? Were prior gifts unappreciated? Did he get the wind taken out of his sails because you didn't like what he got you and so now he's either angry and frustrated, or insecure about his choices? Then perhaps a conversation is in order and a reevaluation of your own behaviors.
Re Mother's Day, are you the mother to his child, or to someone else's? Did he feel he was stepping in the way? Then have a conversation with him.
How was he raised? Did he not see these things being done? Did his mother buy stuff for herself, or perhaps return what his father gave her? Did the women in his life do everything for the men, putting cards in front of them to sign (or signing on their behalf) or saying, "I bought ____ for your mother and put your name on the tag"? Is he rebelling against the over-commercializeation of holidays? You need to learn more about his background and how it shapes his philosophies and actions.
What do you do for his holidays/celebrations? Do you make it so strong or so "perfect" that he feels he cannot compete? Then change your own behavior.
Is he under incredible financial pressure that allows for no luxuries? Then talk about cost-free things that would have been just wonderful.
Did he not acknowledge your birthday in any way at all, or just not with a gift? Or is he a selfish jerk in many ways, buying for himself but never for anyone else? Does he know how you feel and still ignores you? Then you have a problem and yes, you should be mad. You have to sit down and talk it through, see how he reacts, and decide if he's going to change, if you can live with things as they are, or if this is a deal-breaker.
R.,
Welcome to mamapedia!
How long have you been dating?
How old are you?
How old is he?
is HE the father of your child/ren?
Have you told him what you would like to receive?
did you tell him your expectations?
Why are you asking me if it's okay if YOU FEEL MAD or upset? I'm NOT you. I'm NOT your feelings.
Was he raised that birthday's and such were big deals or just another day? My husband? It's just another day. Even Father's day is just another Sunday for him. I've been married to him for 20 years this October. in the last TWO YEARS has be changed ever so slightly about this.
You MUST tell him your expectations. He can't read your mind.
You MUST tell him what you want. He can't read your mind.
Good luck!
If it's suppose to be a committed relationship, sure.
What sort of relationship are you shooting for?
Usually people who care for each other do nice things for each other.
Do you give him gifts for Valentines, Fathers Day and his birthday (and other holidays)?
If your relationship is all one sided, then there's something not right about it, and he's not appreciating you.
Sounds like it's time to find another boyfriend or do without one for awhile.
Definitely communicate how you feel about this. Let him know that it is important to you that he treats you special on special days of the year. That you love flowers, a card, a gift, and to be acknowledged on these days. My husband came from a family that didn't do gifts much...his dad was super frugal and his mom is religious and believes in celebrating with your heart and not material things. So, he grew up with parents who kind of look down on people who give a bunch of gifts...it was his family culture. I don't think they put up streamers and balloons on birthdays. My first Christmas with them was a bit shocking....so different from my family. We sat down to open a couple things and it was over. I don't think they hardly ever put up Christmas lights outside or decorated for Christmas except the few things the kids made at school. His dad would go get a tree on Christmas eve when they were on sale or sometimes do no tree at all. It's not like he couldn't afford it...he just thought it was a waste. I am not into "stuff", but I do expect my husband and kids to treat me special on a special day such as my birthday...with cards, a gift, flowers, etc, and I had to explain this to my husband a long time ago. Even though he thinks it's a "made up holiday" for people to make money, I had to explain that if people love each other they will express this with a gift/card something special on these days. I do it for him and I expect him to do it for me. It is a way you show appreciation for your significant other. He is much, much better than his dad was, but over the years I have had to remind him and talk to him about it.
Hi. Did he bring flowers, a card or nothing at all? My husband loves me very much but the first year we were married he gave me for my Bday a frame with our photo, and the frame was bought by me some time in advance. Howether i confronted him and i was very pissed off and told him i am not going to accept my Bday being forgotten. I am a woman and yes i love flowers , gifts and i want him to make special days -special. This year a got a wonderful flower bouquet and a wonderful SUV as a gift. So i think you should tell him, that you expect this.
Were you acknowledged on Valentines' Day and your birthday, or were they ignored?
In my mind, there is a huge difference. If you did something special together or he expressed his love for you in some other special way, why isn't that enough? Do you really need something material to be purchased?
If you were completely ignored on the day - he didn't even say happy birthday - that is totally different and if it were me, I would probably be upset.
Mothers' Day? Well, you're not his mother so I see no reason why he would get you a gift on mother's day.
