Mother in Law!!!

I am so sorry you have to go through this. It's definitely not fair. The question I wonder is... what if your child is overweight - is grandma going to love her less? Think less of her as a person. It's really important to instill in people that life is not all about looks. I am a moderately thick build and my husband is about the same - we are not small people, but we aren't obese either. Our children love to eat - almost anything. They love their chips as well as their broccoli. They are willing to try new things. But they also know that if they overeat, it will be harder to be energetic, to keep up with their friends, etc. I am lucky that they are both active and fit. They play sports, but they will never be petite. They do get teased about it by people who are thin. I explain to my children that body size and dynamics is complicated and that it's just as important to take care of your brain and your feelings as it is to take care of your bodies. If you can somehow just "discount" grandma in a way that your children understand without being disrespectful, then I encourage you to do that. If you engage in an upfront struggle, then the kids will feel that it is a big deal and it is polarizing. I'd probably say something like, "Oh, Grandma's being silly again! She'd probably like you to stay small forever, but we know that's not going to happen - you'll grow the way you're supposed to grow based on genetics, food choices, and exercise." There are also great picture books about bodies for kids and that is an objective way that they can get real information at their own levels without depending on mom or grandma who they probably love and don't want to see disagreeing. I would say to my mother-in-law, (This actually happened with me in terms of weight, intelligence, and general personality) "Mom-in-law, I know you have your opinions and we need to appreciate what they are - opinions. But I don't want you sharing your opinions with our children. We adults in the family need to have a united front, so if you want to say something of a personal nature somehow judging them, tell me privately and we can discuss it. Do not discuss it with the children. It gets too confusing for them." And then if and when she does come to you instead of going to the kids with her concerns, then praise her and thank her and respect the deal you made and listen to her.

Ask your pediatrician if he or she is concerned with any of your kids weight. If not, do not worry. If so follow his recommendations.
After that conversation, when your mother in law feels the need to bring the topic up again. Tell her what the dr. said. If she disagrees, ask her were she went to medical school. That should shut her up. (I have serious issues with those who advise against a doctors analysis)
Good luck.

Oh- my son is now almost 11 months old and weighs 23 lbs. My doctor is not concerned at all!

I would confront your mother-in-law about this topic. One of the moms said take the high road and just brush it off but your children are picking up on this and that is not good. I struggle with my weight also... but thankfully I have understanding family/friends. It never ok to belittled by anyone, especially someone that your children look up to.

Tell your mother-in-law that you don't think that the wight topic is appropriate and that the children are starting to call others fat and that it is rude. If you ask your ped about your your daughters weight and whatever she says tell your mother-in-law. If possible tell your mother-in-law that if there is any 'fat talk' you and your family will leave (make sure that hubby is ok with this). You are the mother so you are trying to raise your child to be nice and decent to others... remove them if there is something you don't approve of. Let your mother-in-law know that you love her but you don't want your children to learn bad habits.

I would also sit down with your children and let them know that it is not ok to call people (kids or adults) fat. This could be done at any time and reiterated if one of them calls someone else fat. Obviously talk with hubby to make sure you are both on the same page, so he is not caught in the middle 'choosing' sides. Maybe he will be willing to confront his mother about.

I would take the high road and try (however hard it may be) to laugh it off, if you are able. I would say things like "She is just perfect for her age", "Her pediatrician said that she is in the (? 50%tile) for her age which means she is exactly where she is supposed to be". I have had babies all over the spectrum; a roly poly four month old who was 20 pounds and off the charts, a 9 month old who was 20 pounds and average, a one year old who was 17 pounds and very petite. People will always comment -- maybe to make conversation because they don't know what else to say about someone that doesn't talk back -- who knows. Hopefully she will be your mother in law for many more years to come and this issue isn't worth getting upset over. I am also lets say "weight challenged" and have tried so hard to lose weight. I know I am more sensitive to "weight" talk and I try to ignore it or say I'm working at it or laugh and make a joke. I know I'm working at it and that's what counts. As for your five year old... explain to her that it is rude and unloving to call people fat. Tell her that you are working hard to lose weight and she can encourage you. She probably just wants you to do things with her like take walks with her, play with her, swim with her (find a place that's not so crowded if it makes you feel better, I sometimes do that --some hotels will let you use their pools during the week for a minimal fee, or find a remote lake in your area) etc. She is the one you should be more concerned about how to respond to. Body image to a young girl is important, maybe in a polite way you can say that to your mother in law, that what she says affects your daughter. I know I need to have a good body image for my daughter's sake and my own. My husband compliments me in front of the kids at times and I glow! I try to say things like -- don't I look great in this! I will never ask my husband or kids if I look fat in something. I might ask, "Do I look better in this blue outfit or in this peach one." Hope it helps. Keep working hard, you're doing a great job!

I'm not sure I can be helpful, since this really ticks me off, but... Next time your MIL makes such a comment, can you mention to her that you have been trying to teach your children that it is rude to talk about people that way, and ask her why she thinks it's acceptable? If she claims to be concerned about their health, ask her to please phrase it that way so your children don't pick up an UNhealthy obsession. If you happen to be feeling charitable, you might say that since she is definitely wrong about your daughter's weight, you wonder what has happened to her in her own life to give her such sensitivity about it.

Wow! Well first your baby should be a "little" chunky that means they are healthy! If your dr has not commented on the weight don't worry about it! As said before you need to talk to your husband about it and maybe he could say something or you can work our a plan together. Also instill in your children they are wonderful no matter what! Don't talk about being fat, talk about being healthy! I learned this with my oldest, who is a girl. I would talk about how fat I was, she started worry about being "fat". So now we only talk about being healthy. She now knows it doesn't matter how much you weigh or what you look like as long as your healthy! Good luck! :)

R.,

My son is 1 and he ways 21.7 lbs at his last appt, I believe it was like under 50th (but I can't remember how much) percentile...Your daughter is fat...and I would just flat out tell your MIL that he's well under 50% of kids his age and you could throw in that as soon as she starts runnign around, she'll probably thin out more... (if she's not already running around.)

You first need to have your husband on board and have a plan worked out with him. I would have him lay down the law with her about what is and is not acceptable to say around your kids. Then once the guidelines are laid down, you can help be the friendly reminder.

Oh my heavens, that is hideous. The next time she mentions weight, I'd take her aside and explain that her comments are unnecessary as all of your children are healthy weights, per their pediatrician, and that she is going to give all three of them eating disorders. The fact that your 3 and 5 year olds are already noticing their weight in a negative way is hugely indicitive of her behavior and shows how important it is for her to stop with the comments. Perhaps ask her if she'd prefer to visit them in the anorexia/bulimia ward of the hospital? Best of luck.