Moral Support

I loved the Ferber method. My daughter would wake up constantly and she (and I) were always tired. I tried having her in our bed but that didn't help. We read Ferber's book and then did the method when she was 8 months. We started the first night with just 2 mins of crying and then I'd rub her back and then leave, and then keep repeating that cycle. The next night I did 5 mins before going into her room, etc. Within about 3-4 nights, she would sleep all night! My daughter is so much healthier and well rested now and she sleeps great (11 1/2 hours a night), and even takes a 2 hour nap! I know it's hard to hear the baby cry, but they need to learn how to self-sooth when they wake up at night. Otherwise, you'll always be having to get up during the night. I have moms friends who did not teach their children to self-sooth and their kids are 2 or 3 and still wake up a lot at night. Anyway, I recommend reading Ferber's book (Solve your child's sleep problems) before doing the method.

first know you are not alone. many babies go thru this stage.i am not a fan of letting babies cry it out. i think it's cruel and do not understand how a child can get a peacefull nights rest when they get themselves hysterical before falling asleep. i would suggest either letting him in your bed, or you could put his crib next to your bed so he sees you, can reach out and touch you etc. you'll need to go to bed the same time he does. eventually you can start moving the crib further away from your bed and eventually into his own room.good luck, and remember they are only babies for a short while.

Meh, I say- if him crying is making both of you miserable, then let him come into bed with you! In the grand scheme of his life, he won't be there for very long. Some kids just need their mums a bit more than others. My first son- I tried putting him in the bassinet as a newborn, next to my bed. He was breastfed and colicky and ended up waking up a million times a night. Finally, around 4 months, I started putting him to bed with us, all night. He slept great. He was out of our bed at 10 months. He just wanted to be with me, and still is a clingy boy. Which is fine, he'll only be a little guy for so long! I personally think that if you let them cry ot out, alone, in their room, it creates distrust. JMO, I know it works for some kids but I felt like it wasn't for mine.
My second son was in our bed from day one. He is now 9 months old and sleeps in his crib, in his room, from 9-4:30, then comes into our bed for an early morning snuggle & nurse, and then falls asleep with me. I love it. Don't stress about keeping him out of your bed, if it helps you both sleep better and be happier, what's the harm? In many, many other countries, babies sleep in the family bed for a long time. Americans tend to want their kids to grow up and be independent too quick, IMO.
Good luck! Enjoy the night time snuggles while you can!

L.,

I did something similar. Of course the first questions people ask are do you have a bedtime routine? Bath, books, nurse/bottle bed? My daughter starts to wind down when she has her bath but as for the whole 'get to sleep' we still had to cry a little.

I tried the first time when she was 6 months old and after 45 minutes I had had enough and went in and nursed her to sleep. I didn't try again til she was 7-1/2 months old. I had resolved myself that I was going to get her to go down without being asleep in my arms but didn't know when to start. She was the one who gave me the signal and I ran with it. I was nursing her one night and when she was done she pushed off me. I was a bit shocked but I thought, "OK, if you don't want to nurse into bed you go." I put her in and of course she cried. It lasted 13 minutes then she stopped and listened to see if we were coming. When she didn't hear us she started to cry again. I went in at 15 minutes, sat her up and burped her over my arm. When she burped I laid her back down and had thought I would try to sing to her again but she rolled away from me and I thought OK and left the room. She fell asleep after that. The next night I did it again and there was less crying. It took a week til she didn't have an issue. Now when I put her down if she cries I know she fell asleep without nursing enough. The one thing I thought that helped me was to put a time limit on how long you will let them cry. I said no more than an hour. It never went that long at night but it did for her naps -several times.

I have to say you need to have yourself committed and ready for it. I didn't find it easy but since my daughter gave me the signal I went with it. Naps were a little harder for us and it took over 2 weeks to go down without being sound asleep but she did it. They get there eventually but it might take some nudging on your part to get them there and the older they are the more longevity they have. My doctor also told me it was ok if she cried, not that I liked it but it needs to be done.

Good luck,
L. M

My first piece of moral support is that you should absolutely ignore anyone who tells you that this is going to harm your child, either physically or psychologically, now or in the future. Bogus.

My second piece of moral support is to keep reminding yourself that you are teaching your son something very valuable that he will use for the rest of his life. Like sharing, or tying one's shoes, or going to the doctor, it's not always fun, but it's important.

Third, get someone to stay with you, if at all possible. If your husband can't come home for bedtime, do you have a friend or relative or someone who can come and sit with you? If you can't, when he's crying, turn off the monitor and read a book or pick out a movie you really want to watch and turn it on. It is torturous to sit there and just listen to the crying, so don't do it. However, if you want to cry, go ahead. Crying's not bad for you either : )

Fourth, remember that the second night will be better for this reason: you'll know for sure that when you go to get him in the morning he'll still be happy to see you, still love you, and will be absolutely fine.

Last thing - some kids really do get more worked up every time a parent goes in. Yours might be one of those kids. You could consider calling in to him from the hall every 5-10-15-etc minutes, if you wanted to stick with the overall Ferber plan.

Remember that NO ONE, even people who let their child cry it out, likes hearing their baby cry. It is awful. Being sleep deprived is also awful. In my mind, it's better to dread one terrible week (hopefully it won't last that long!) then to dread every sleepless night.

You'll make it!

I feel your pain. I let my little one cry at 12 months and it was not easy - especially since I nurse and was used to being woken up and cuddling and nursing her. But it worked - the key is that you have to stay the course. My daughter also wet herself with her tears. Someone told me two things that were very helpful. The first is to not listen when the baby cries - turn off the baby monitor for the 10/15/20 minutes you are away. You know he is crying, so why torture yourself? Also, your heart may be breaking (as mine was), but you are teaching him an invaluable skill - to soothe himself back to sleep without using you as a crutch. My little one now goes to sleep on her own and stays asleep - waking only once or twice during the night - although you will have setbacks (teething, sickness, etc.). One more thing - I have a 6 year old who I took into the bed with me and helped her get to sleep and she now sleeps with me or my husband! Trust me, you do not want a 6 year old in your bed every night!!!! Good luck - stick with it and you will be happy you did.

I'm also a 41 yo first time mom (to a 2 yo now) and I know how painful it is for both of you when sleep is not happening. There are more gentle ways to get the baby to sleep though. It is not a choice of no sleep or CIO. There is a reason it is painful to listen to your baby cry. It is unnatural! I absolutely disagree with turning off the monitor so you don't torture yourself listening to your baby cry. If it is such torture to listen to, just think of how horrible it is to be the baby going through it. I obviously don't do CIO. There are ways to be gentle with your baby and get him to sleep.

Another poster recommended The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. She gives you methods to get them to sleep without CIO. It can take some time but so can CIO.

I've never understood the argument that CIO helps the baby learn to self soothe. Makes no sense at all. There is nothing soothing about being left alone to cry to the point that your clothes are wet with tears. Seriously cannot understand that. And it is no wonder kids need night lights on for the rest of their lives as the association with sleep must be pretty unpleasant for them.

Also consider if you do leave the baby to CIO and it does eventually work (which it likely will, the baby will learn that crying is futile, noone will come) it is absolutely NORMAL for babies to go through different sleep phases with teething or illness or before a big developmental milestone is achieved or after a vacation or other disruption. So you might have to do it again and again.

Although I am totally against ferberizing, I am pretty sure 45 minutes is WAY too long to let a baby cry. That is totally rediculous!! Sorry!

Hi

These people sound so self righteous to me about not letting the babies cry it out. In a person's whole life time do you think they remember when they cried for a little while for 3 nights when they were a baby. No! I don't think you should let them cry for more than 20 minutes w/out going into to soothe them. But some kids need it, it's teaching them that at night it's bedtime and that's it. Just do what you feel comfortable with. Give the Ferber method a try.

Hi L.,
I am sure you will get a ton of responses to this. I really don't believe in Ferber's method. I believe in Dr. James McKenna's method, which is having moms and children be together. I don't believe in letting kids/babies cry. I don't think it is good for them or the parent. If they cry and no one attends to their needs, they learn that they have been abandoned, and that crying does nothing for them. Crying is their only way to communicate with you.....if they could talk they would.....I would suggest reading Dr James McKenna's book. He has done a ton of research. His book is available on amazon.com I hope this helps....good luck

I have definitely been there! We did the cry it out when my little guy was 6 months old. It was the same situation. The only way he would sleep was if I rocked him (which was my own fault!). I really didn't want to let him CIO, but I had exhausted ALL other options, nothing worked (no cry sleep solution, healthy sleep habbits, etc). The first night he cried for 48 min (we timed it). This broke my heart into a million pieces. The second night he cried for 15 min and the third night was only 30 seconds! It really did work. From that point on he goes to bed sleepy but awake and doesn't cry. And, if he does cry, now I know something is wrong and he's not just crying for attention. Once in a while after being sick or teething (and waking up in the middle of the night and me responding) he will get back in the habbit of me rocking him and I'll have to let him cry (obviously once he's feeling better), but it will only last 10 min. The best advice I have is not to sit and listen to the crying...it will feel three times as long. My husband and I bundled up and sat out on the deck with the monitor and checked every few minutes. It really was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but now everyone is happier (and well rested), including my little guy! Good luck!

Hi L. -

There are other methods for gettiing your son to sleep. Have you looked at the No Cry Sleep Solution? Or using the Walk In/Walk Out method? We used WI/WO with our son when he was 9mos and it worked. This is the basic stragtegy - What you do is go through your bed time routine and put your son in his crib in a drowsy but not asleep state. Say good night, rub his back a little and leave. Chances are pretty good he will cry. Return in about 3 mins and talk quietly to him -tell him all is okay, you are near, etc. rub his back but don't pick him up. Leave again - and return after about 3-5 mins Continue this routine until he falls asleep. We would do this about 5-10 times and the last time when we could tell sleep was near we would continue rubbing his back and gently jiggling him in his crib until he fell asleep.

This method worked for us. He started falling asleep earlier on in the process until after about 5 nights he was going to sleep on his own. He is now about 1year - we can put him in his crib awake and he will go to sleep.

Good Luck!

The only thing I can say is this:

Imagine you are old, ill and infirm, and you move into your child's house to be cared for. Imagine they are wonderful to you, they feed you your favorite foods and make sure you have plenty to do during the day. They shower you with attention and love you dearly.

Then at night (when you're likely to be a little confused), they put you in a bed you can't get out of, shut the door and walk away. Say you get lonely or frightened and you call out. They don't come. It's dark and you're horribly alone. You don't feel well. Maybe you lose bladder control and your undergarment gets wet or soiled. You call louder.

In the morning they come to you smiling and tell you being locked in your room by yourself is for your own good.

Can you imagine?

No.

I am so, so, so trying not to be cruel, but there are gentle and kind ways to teach a baby to sleep at night that don't involve them being left to cry for hours and hours. Contrary to the previous poster's opinion, there is a lot of evidence showing brain development harm in babies who are left to cry it out. Several well-renowned pediatricians have spoken publicly and firmly against it.

I really recommend "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley for your little one. Best of luck.

you just need to keep in mind you son is not hurt. hes safe in his crib and will be fine. i went through the same thing with my daughter and we both made it the end. it will take time and you may even cry with him but thats ok. it will get easer in time i swear to that. just stay strong and remember its for the good of both of you.
hope this helps some
M.

Hi L.,

I understand what you're going through. It's so hard. When my oldest was small he had severe colic & NEVER EVER slept - from about 2 months until 8 or 9 months old. I saw the sunrise & set every stinkin' day & looked like a zombie most of the time. It was horrible. I cried more than he did at times. We ended up letting my son 'cry it out'. But If he cried more than 20 minutes or so I'd go in & soothe him. I don't believe in letting a child cry for any longer than that if necessary. Does he have a lovey? (stuffed animal, blanket??) Have you tried playing lullabyes to get him to sleep? What about reading to him while he's laying in bed or come up with a special bed time routine - bath, story in bed, rub his back with music playing & make sure he has his lovey.

There's obviously something wrong for him to be crying that long about going to bed. Is there a special night light you can get? Maybe even try keeping him up a bit longer - why not? he's staying up crying all night, why not keep him up & make him more tired to sleep through?

We've put up glow in the dark stars on my boys' ceiling, they have a special night light, and a small fish tank w/a VERY low light on it that i leave on as well. My little one prefers stories & someone rubbing his back til he's off to sleep, while my oldest not only likes stories, but nice calming music. What about a glow worm? He can squeeze it & it lights up for him?

You need to be firm & set limits. Make sure you try to find out what's going on. I know he's still so small but you need to look for triggers for his actions. Is it the dark? Are there noises he may hear that frightens him? It's so hard at this age. I completely understand.

Does he climb out of his crib? I didn't understand that part ... I'd lower his mattress if that's the case! What about the crib accessories? There's the light/sound ocean thing that straps to the crib, so if he wakes up, he can push it, it plays nice music & the fish move & stuff & he's old enough to push a big button to keep himself busy w/o calling you. It may take a few times until he gets it but he will.

sometimes they just need a distraction. I'd still get some type of light up sound object that even if you run in to press it (some come with a remote so youdon't even have to go into the room) & still let him cry it out, maybe the lights in the dark & the soothing sounds will eventually stop him from crying.

The other option I can come up with is talk to his Pediatrician. Explain exactly what's going on & ask for their opinion as well. I LOVE my kids pedi! He's the best & I ask him questions about EVERYTHING!!! And he's very sympathetic & understanding, which is nice.

Good luck & God bless
Remember that you're doing your best & that this is ONLY a phase. You'll get through it, I promise.
- C. B.

L. my daughter had to do this with her son. He didn't want to go to sleep and she was going crazy so she took this route. My grandson is almost 3 years old and rarely gives her a hard time going when being put to bed. What she did was rock him for a short while if he continued fighting sleep and crying she would put him in his crib, make sure his diaper was dry and he wasn't hungry. She would then close the door make sure the monitor was on and let him do what he had to do to fall asleep (this entailed crying). Remember it's good for little ones to cry it helps strengthen their lungs. You're not being mean by doing this. When I was raising my kids there we went by instinct. We didn't have all these books and manuals available to us telling us how to raise kids and what to do at each stage of their lives. I tried telling my daughter this but she thought the books were what to follow. She found out differently. As long as you've done everything to make sure the baby is comfortable and not sick then there is no problem. It usually takes about 15 to 20 minutes for them to tire themselves out. If it bothers you too much put cotton balls in your ears to lessen the effect on your ears.

Hang in there L.!!!!
The first time I tried it with my daughter, I had to walk outside and close the door to keep myself from breaking. I had to remind myself that she was not injured, hungry, wet, and would not be emotionally scarred from crying. Crying is good for all of us to do sometimes, so don't feel bad if you cry a little, too.
Next time, I took a shower (with monitor) and did laundry. I did however do the method that allowed me to check on her after 15, then 30, then 40, etc. If that only makes it worse, allow him to cry himself to sleep. Seriously, he will not remember it in the morning and it will only take a few times for years of easiness! I was so sad the night my daughter finally cried herself to sleep. She woke up smiling and cuddling the next morning because she slept!!
Seriously, letting her cry was the best thing we ever did. She has always slept through the night 8-12 hours and now she just transitioned to her "big girl bed" and is sleeping 12-13 hrs. a night with no problems. If she ever does wake up, she finds her blanket and falls back asleep.
Suggestions: Does he have anything in his crib that plays music or has a little light? We bought the fisher price aquarium that plays music, has water/fish swimming and a small light. I think it soothed her to not be 'alone' at the push of a button. Also, we bought her a small taggie blanket that she always had in her crib for comfort. He'll need these comfort items to replace the only comforts he knows--you!

YOU CAN DO THIS! YOU CAN! Remember this is not just for your benefit, but you are teaching him how to cope on his own, be independent and get a great night's rest. YOU CAN DO IT!!

Please write if you need any other suggestions! D.

Hi there:-)

I have a nine month old too, and he has recently begun the same behavior you detail above. I too, take him out of his crib, and rock him until he goes to sleep. My pediatrician said this is normal separation anxiety, that is manifesting itself in him "checking" to see if we are there at night and feeling more secure in our room.

What I do:

Play with him in his room for at least 30 min.
Read 4 board books, including Good Night Moon.
I take him around the room and say goodnight to everything:-)

All before I put him to bed, so he learns to associate the room as his fun space.

If/when he wakes up I go in there and comfort him (in his room) I will rock him in the chair, maybe read another book if his crying is really bad.

Last night, I rocked him for 15 minutes until he fell back asleep and then put him in his crib.

If all of the above does not work, I would recommend letting him sleep in the bed with you. I know, I know, taboo, bad habit, etc., but the baby is well-a baby.

He can be trained to sleep in a toddler bed, when he is ready to leave your bed. Or you could bring the crib into your room as an intermediate step to all out creating a "family bed."

I tend to be a proponent of trying all different methods until you find one that works for your family. Although people criticize bed sharing (and I actually have not had to share the bed with my son), its not like the other methods don't have equally difficult downsides. Its a matter of personal choice.

Right it sounds like Mommy, Daddy and Baby could use some sleep:-)

Good luck!

I really agree with the first post, Jane's, and would also like to recommend to you a book called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". My son had terrible sleep habits in the beginning, and fortunately we found this book early. It sounds like your little guy has some bad habits to be undone, and it will be rough on both of you, but like she said, not everything you teach him in life will be fun or easy. I followed the letter of the law in that book, and my son turned into an AWESOME sleeper. The crying is hard to handle as a mother, but really after one or 2 rough nights, he will get the hang of it, and it will improve, and then both of your lives will be sooo much easier.

God bless you.

L.,

I feel for you and your situation. My son, now two, was always been a horrible sleeper. I hated the Ferber method as well, but I tried it a few times and then it didn't work or I didn't let it work and my husband and I would be in his room until he fell asleep or he'd ended up in our bed. The BIGGEST thing that helped us and changed for us was a ROUTINE. We start off doing a couple of books, (we started this before one year's old or so) and then we say Good night around the room. The Goodnight Moon book started this. That was our 1st book. Then we go into the crib and we rub his back and reassure him. I have even left milk (*big no no) with him for "security" inside the crib; you could leave water in a sippy cup instead. But since I breastfed him, leaving the milk was an added security. We then would say ok 1 more minute and we're going to bed too. I'll be back to check on you and I'll see you in the morning. It takes time but we would let him cry for 5 mins if that then go in to him, then repeat the back rub and so on. But no longer. We would try to put him down awake and talk softly about our day to him and the after a coupld of yawns, we would let him know it's almost time for mommy and daddy to leave. I also highly recommend the stars night light for the ceiling. Check it out on amazon.com. We also put on the crib Baby Neputune music that shuts off after 12 mins. A routine really works and now my son looks forward to reading his books and saying good night around the room. He still has some sleep issues every now and then and sometimes I take him to bed with us in the middle of the night, but it's not that often. Remember, a ROUTINE and you don't have to ferberize him if you don't want to. He's your son, do what's best for you. Hold your breath-look around-enjoy the cuddles in your bed because he's not going to stay a baby forever! I wish mine was still 9 months old! Time goes by too fast and this too will pass.
Hope that helped. Let me know how it turns out for you! Good Luck!
L.

Get the book Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child, I think it's by Weiss. It is a much better book with information about what time, how long, why, in addition to how to get your child to sleep at any age.

My advice, get him outside in the morning. The sun on his face triggers his internal clock to sleep at the end of the day. The light changing & the cold means you are probably not getting out as much. Get outside as early as possible. Exercise after his nap is also very good but even just being outside is beneficial to sleep.

Keep at it, getting your son to sleep is best for everyone.

Hi L.,

I know how you feel. I did the same thing to my first child. I started it at nap time. The first time he cried for 45 minutes to an hour. Then he finnally feel off to sleep because he was so tired of crying. It bother me so much but I had to be strong and to it. I sat out side his bedroom door. The next day he only cryed for about half an hour. Each day it got less and less. It was the hardest and the best thing I ever had to do. Good Luck.

M. G.

I know it's soooooo hard to listen to them cry. We ferberized out second child because I did not want to get into another pattern we had with our first. The first one wouldn't let me leave her room until she was asleep until she was three years old! You need to start from the beginning and do what the book says. The first night or two are going to be horrendous. Maybe you could let your husband handle the check-ins. It's just too hard for a mom to listen to a baby cry. I have to tell you, it really works. My second took a few nights and then she just went to sleep on her own. It was worth the despair and sadness. Your little man will not remember the tears (you will), and you will all get a good nights sleep.
Hope this helped a little bit.
M.

I Ferberized my daughter when she was 9 months old. I can understand your frustration. It was one of the hardest things my husband and I ever did. It took about 3 nights, before she finally settled down. The results were well worth it! She is now a nine year old girl who since then has always slept great! She needed to learn how to put herself back to sleep. Good luck, I know it is not easy, but in the end hopefully you will be pleased with your results as well.

It will work! But you can't just half-heartily try it one night and not do it again. You must be consistent. And who says you can't go in and pick him up ... you can, you just have to put him back down and keep putting him back down in his crib. This will work. It worked for us and for most people. You might also consider trying to ignore his cries in the middle of the night. He must learn to fall back to sleep on his own and that it is okay. Just keep putting him back in his crib and lay him down and shhhh him to sleep, sing him songs, etc. the first time is always the hardest, it gets easier. Just be consistent. Tell him it is night night time and leave. It is okay if your son cries. It is his way to get your attention and it has been working for him, but he needs to learn this and this is for him and for you. You can do it!!Good luck!

Hi L.,

My daughter had a really similar stage, although it started at closer to 10 months. And it was awful.

One thing to consider is that when babies go through a big developmental stage, like learning to crawl, learning to walk, learning to pick up, their little brains are working overtime, and sometimes they wake up because of it. It's not unusual for babies to wake up at this age rocking on their hands and knees, working out the logistics of crawling.

Babies can't wake themselves up on purpose, and the only thing you can really help them with is making sure they are comfortable (well fed, not overtired, diapers changed, warm enough but not too warm, enough humidity) and then help to teach them to get themselves back to sleep.

I was as frustrated as you, but honestly by the time we got to your position, I was way too tired to try anything like the Ferber method. We'd just bring her in our bed and keep trying to get her to be a little more independent in getting back to sleep.

The good news is that she grew out of it, and has gone back to sleeping well on her own. For us, time and patience was the answer.

I am not familiar with the Ferber method and didn't want to do anything that involved lots of crying. I went thru the same thing around the same age with my son. I was bringing him into bed and it was not allowing us to sleep well. So I started very gradual. I put a pillow and blanket in his room and just laid down in the room when he woke up. After a few days he realized that I was not going to pick him up and that he might as well go back to sleep. He stopped waking up completely during the middle of the night. I'm sure that's not ferber, but I can't handle the crying either. It worked great for us, I was able to go back in my room and get a good nights sleep. Good luck in whatever you do and do whatever you are comfortable with.

You NEED to stick with it. It is heartbreaking at the beginning, but picking him up just prolongs the pain. I understand, and I was completely against Ferber too, but after just 2 nights of Declan crying for 20 minutes or so, now I put him in his bed and he goes right to sleep. Are you doing the pre-bed time routine as well? This is crucial, take 30 minutes or so before bed to read, snuggle, give him a bath, or whatever you want. This routine is how he will know its bedtime. Ferber isnt just letting the baby cry himself to sleep, thats the misconception and why so many people dont wanna try it. If done properly, very little crying actually occurs.

Hi L.,
A lot of folks had some good suggestions. I would just add, be sure that you and your husband (especially if he'll be home for bedtime) agree with the Ferber plan. You'll both need to help each other through a couple tough evenings. Also, get the book (I got it from the library) that Ferber wrote so you really have all his advice at hand. The more you understand the methodology the more comfortable you'll be with it (at least I was). I couldn't wait the first set of times he recommends so I set shorter times I could handle and made them increasingly longer. I think I started with 3/5/7 minutes or something but my son was much younger when we did this.
And I'll add my voice to the poster who said you won't do any harm to your child. The first night we did this our son spit up he got himself so worked up and he was only about 16 weeks (I know, I am now a "cruel mother" among some on this board) but by night 2 he was much better and by night three he was asleep by the end of the first waiting period. For months now he has gone down peacefully around 7-7:30 and been quiet until 6:30am. I hear him wake up sometimes. He'll roll around, babble, fuss a minute, suck his thumb and back to sleep. Good luck. You will get there.

Hi L.,

Take heart! I too thought that Ferberizing sounded like too much, but my little guy was 11 months and STILL not sleeping through the night, and we were all so exhausted that I finally gave in. The first night was the worst. If you know that your son had a good dinner, if you changed his diaper before putting him down, and he's not sick, then the best thing you can do for him and yourself is let him be. Go down to your laundry room or basement, put your iPod on, or if possible, let your husband hang out while you head off on an errand...whatever you need to do to NOT enter the nursery. I read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child," and it REALLY helped me, especially when the author stated that you're giving your child the gift of sleep and health by establishing good habits. Honestly, by the third night, Matthew went down without a peep, and he's now 2-1/2 and an AMAZING sleeper! Most friends are jealous of how good he is. Good luck!!!! Just keep reminding yourself that your little one is not always going to happily go along with the choices you make for him in life, but as his mom, you have to do what's best for him. :o)

Wow, I read all the responses and there is certainly a wide range of opinions. It sounds like pediatricians have differing opinions as well. Ours told us that crying hard for more than 20 minutes was NOT good for an infant's lungs, it actually irritates the vocal cords and can cause permanent damage over time so we decided not to go with cyo, but clearly other people got different info. I guess once you've done something to your child, you have to go with it as the 'right' behavior or feel really guilty about your decision. So take your time with this one! Here's what we did, and it worked for our child and our conscience. We started at about 10 months and sat with him singing and rubbing his back while he cried for 15 minutes, then one of us would pick him up and comfort him for 5, (during which time he'd stop crying) then we'd put him back down again (and he'd start again). It took about a week and a half for there to be no crying at all, and he's been a great sleeper ever since! We liked this method because he knew we were there with him, he was just mad that we weren't doing what he wanted (rocking him), so he was never crying alone. We did use ear plugs the first week - he's LOUD!
Best wishes!