Money - Chicago,IL

Updated on May 07, 2010
C.C. asks from Chicago, IL
7 answers

Hi everyone,
I am ashamed to admit that I have used credit cards without my husbands knowledge. I was used to being independent for so long that I couldnt ask him for money if I need it since he pays for everything already. I have my own cards that I maxed out buying things for myself, my daughter and to cover expenses between jobs. I now have to declare bankrupcy in order to pay off my debt. I had to tell him but he doesnt understand how this happened. His passion is home repairs. All his extra cash was spent on that. Has anyone done this too? We are human and make mistakes.

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So What Happened?

Hi everyone and thanks for your imput. There are other issues not revealed here. I am working and always have. I guess Im trying to let others , who may be in this situation as well, to take control and be more responsible so that it doesnt reach my point. Make a buget with your spouse. Id say I know at least 50% of couples who keep accounts separate like I did. It may work for some but not every situation. I now have a repayment plan that works for both of us. Thanks Again!

More Answers


answers from Dallas on

Yes we are human and make mistakes but this was so largely irresponsible for you to sink your family like this and then expect him to just "understand". That is totally unreasonable. Having said that, you need to do what it takes to get your family out of the mess you created. He supported you while you sank your family, so maybe you should go to work to get out of the hole you dug. You need to show your husband that you are willing to fix this. Maybe if he sees you being proactive about it, he will be more willing to "understand".

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answers from Kansas City on

Ditto Nikki. This isn't a mistake, this is irresponsibility. I would recommend that you look into the Dave Ramsey program. It will help you get out of debt in a responsible manner, and help you plan for expenses that pop up. It will also help you to communicate with your husband and get both of you on board with the family finanaces.

My husband would be totally ticked off with me if I used credit cards without telling him and I would be mad at him, too, if he pulled that on me. Get out all of your credit card bills, sit down with him and work together to get a budget going and a plan to pay off your debt.

I'm sorry that you are going through this and I hope you and your husband can work things out.

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answers from Chicago on

This is what you need to do:

1)cut up all your cards NOW
2)apologize to your husband for being irresponsible
3)find a Dave Ramsey class near you
4)dont file bankruptcy, this is your debt

Yes we all make mistakes but filing bankruptcy isn't learning from your mistake all that does is put the burden of your mistake on all of us. You can fix this but communicate better with your husband. Best wishes

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answers from Sioux Falls on

Before you file for bankruptcy, check out Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. It teaches you realistic ways to get out of debt, and will also teach you how to communicate about money with your spouse. I highly recommend it, and it will help your marriage tremendously!
Take care...

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answers from San Diego on

Hi, I am not declaring bankruptcy but I have experienced some of what you have. I am coming from a spiritual point of view so you may or may not accept all that I say. I have to say that it has taken a long time to evolve to where we are now but it is definitely so much better!! We are more of a team rather than acting as if what we do doesn't affect the other. My husband is very conservative financially and I'm more of a risk taker. If I had been in charge of our finances then we would be like the millions around us loosing our home. when we purchased it he was being pushed to take the adjustable loans and stood firm to only sign for a 30 year fixed!! We never wanted to count my income so that we wouldn't count on it and I would be obligated to work. My income was just for 'extras'. I did the same thing and started using credit cards. I kept thinking I would pay things down before it was known that I was getting buried. I had a surprise pregnancy after our kids were getting older and had to let go of my second job so it all came out and we were forced to work together. Through counsel with our pastor he told my husband that it was his job as head of our house to work together to pay this all off and not allow it to be just on my shoulders.It was hard but we started to become a team instead of him resenting me, he became my hero and I changed my ways so I could honor his hard work of taking care of business. We don't have a large income (less than $100,000) but we managed to pay for two weddings with cash and pay off $10,000 worth of debt in the last three years. Don't go through a debt relief agency! I lost $1,000 by signing up through a program only to discover that I could do everything they promised to do and negotiate with the creditors myself. I'm sure your husband discovered that when you apply for bankruptcy then his credit is taken down with yours too. It can't be separated if you are married. Wish you the best, don't let it put as wedge between you. I get the privilege of growing old with my husband and raising our kids and grand kids together!!

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answers from Charlotte on


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answers from New York on

I'm sorry but I have a very difficult time understanding his money, my money. When your married you are a unit, a team, and all the money gets put together and together you make decisions on how to spend that money. In our 17 year marraige my husband and I have only had two disagreements about money. 15 years ago when we had our first child and money was tight, we agreed that neither of us would spend more than $25 without the others knowledge. It works for us.

On the other hand, a few of our friends have a his money/her money relationship and it seems like there are constant agruements, fights, and stress over financial matters. A close friend spent lots of money (on what most would consider unnecessary items) behind her husband's back and it was the major reason for their divorce.

In my opinion maxing out credit cards behind your spouses back is irresponsible and deceitful. This not only destroys your credit, but also damages his. It sounds like you've personally made the decision to file for bankruptcy. Yes, everyone makes mistakes, but what you need to focus on is fixing the mistake and taking steps that will prevent it from occuring again. What you need to go is sit down with your husband and discuss the best way for both of you to handle this situation, there may be a better way than bankruptcy.

Good luck to you and hubby. I hope you can work this out.

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