Mom Needing Advice on Tantrums and Sleepless Nights

My daughter used to do the same thing until I started to have some kind of seperation from her. I took her to day care so that I could go to the gym and have some time for myself. Setting time apart is good for the both of you. She would cry, but eventually she realized that she was going to play and mommy would be back. We all have diff. methods my sis-in-law sits her twin girls on a chair in a room until they completly stop crying. It works and quick too. It used to take a while but they got the hang of it.. Just stay consistent and don't give in bacause they are the best fackers in the world. Like my grandma says they cry tears not blood...

Well, you have allowed some routines that worked for you at the time, but apparently aren't working for you now. Trick is to stop them and start something new. I say be honest with your son and tell him that you are tired and not getting enough sleep. Tell him that he is a big boy and will now need to sleep in his own bed. Ask if he can help you to get more sleep by not crying when it is dark out. I know you are reading this and thinking I'm a ding bat, but I have a 3 year old and a 22 month old. My night time routine is this. I tell my son at 7:30 that he has thirty minutes until bedtime. I get his jammies out etc. Then 10 till 8, I tell him it is bed time and I take hi little hand and have him help me get his water. I let both have a sippy cup of water to take to bed with them. Once we have the water he puts it in his bed. We then go and brush our teeth. He then grabs whatever must have toy he wants to sleep with. Then we all go into his room as a family and he gives us all hugs & kisses and I lay him down. WE say a prayer and I turn out the light. That is it! There is no whining or crying. I don't wonder how long it is going to take me to get him to sleep nothing. That is it. My daughter's routine is exactly the same only she gets to stay up to 8:30, so she know once her brother is put to bed she has thirty minutes. I use this time to let her watcha video or do a few pages in a sticker book with me. Anyway, my kids can do this because I let them learn how to put themselves to sleep. It is something we all have to learn eventually and it is easier on them the earlier you do it, but once you realize how much it is holding your son back by not having this skill, then you will have the strength to let him struggle to learn this skill. He is going to fight you because we all fight and dislike having to struggle to learn something, but this is not something you can teach him or do for him so to speak. He has to figure it out on his own what works for him. my daughter hums herself to sleep for instance. I am honest with my kids and I tell them that if they are sick or hurt or scared then they can say loudly, "mommy please come here." and I will hear them on the monitor. I have had them both see that I can in fact hear them in their rooms with it. I tell them that crying and whining keeps me awake and so I have to turn the monitor off to sleep, but I won't be able to hear them then. My son at 10 months knew that I came immediately to his room if he said mommy, but I took longer if he just whined or fussed, so now in the mornings, I hear things like "Mommy wake up or good morning" It brings a smile to my face to know my kids feel safe in their own rooms where they sleep better because they aren't being woken up by others moving or snoring etc... Once they get used to the routine, they don't fight it or question it, it is just how it is done. So hang in their and settle on a routine you want for long term and just keep at it. A routine only becomes routine with consistancy & time. Good luck
Oh the tantrums could be a result of lack of sleep or inturrupted sleep. I know when my kids are sick and don't get the normal amount of sleep they are prone to tantrums. I have rules about those as well. They can have a tantrum all they want, but not around me because it hurts my ears, so they have to go to thier rooms and shut the door. Well, as you can imagine, that defeats the purpose. When I see the tantrum starting, I ask, "do you need some alone time in your room?" The answer is almost always No and then they begin to use their workds to tell me their problems. So you may try that. In public, I ask if they need to go to the car for some alone time. same thing happens, they say no and it diffuses the situation most of the time. If not I take them to the car and put them in the car seat and stand outside playing with the other child utnil the crying stops. Then I usually ask if they are ready to play nice with us or if they need more time. They always want to join the group and I usually ask if they need a hug and they always do. So hope this helps with those too. Good luck.

I have 3 boys who are 6,4, and a 15 month old baby. What has worked for me in the past is to get him on a schedule and then a routine. Make sure he wakes up in the morning around the same time everyday, and the same with nap time and bedtime. Then make sure he has a routine before he needs to sleep. For instance, my son has to have the room dark and quite, his little pull sting toy that plays music, squishy pillow, and milk. Once I lay him down in the crib, I give him his pillow, then milk, pull the string on his toy and walk out, he knows it's time to sleep. It works all the time just be consistant! The reason he wakes up in the middle of the night and crys is because you put him to sleep with you and then take him to his bed. He falls asleep with mom and turns around and you are not there so he freaks out. Put him to sleep in his room and when he wakes up do not go to get him and bring him to bed with you. That is the worst thing to do. All you have to do is just take him back to his room or go to his room and put him back to sleep by himself. It is really hard at first but he will get used to it and it will soon be very easy. Please remember to stay consistant.

Re-direction …. We are big on redirecting our little guy (18 months) and it works like a charm over 90% of the time. I’m not sure if he does not throw many tantrums OR if it is just that they are very short lived because we re-direct him. He likes to laugh and be silly so we make him laugh. We also re-direct him to the next thing we have planned for him to do that he likes like brushing his teeth after meals, asking him about playing with a toy he really likes (can you ride your truck for me?) or suggesting something he likes to do (let’s go to your room).

The other thing I recently read that really seems to work too is to show affection when they have a tantrum. It is all because they are working to communicate and we still only understand some of what they are saying and they can only do half of what they are trying to do so they get frustrated. I often ask for hugs and kisses (or take them in a smiling affectionate way) when he is upset to make him smile and laugh too and he gives in with a smile.

One last thing…do not underestimate the value and importance of regular meals and naps…’sleep begets sleep’. A tired child has problems going to sleep at night and a hungry, tired child is more prone to expressing himself with tantrums.

I think you've gotten some good advice except for the part about him throwing tantrums b/c he's spoiled. My 3 year old throws terrible tantrums at the doctors office but it's not because he's spoiled. He's had some health problems and gets anxious at the doctors office. It is a normal part of development for a child to start exerting his/her independence at the age of one and half to two and half. My son also started hitting/crying at that age and you just have to start using time outs. Be consistent and he'll learn but it doesn't mean he'll stop throwing them all together. Also choose your battles. If he's crying b/c he wants to wear his baseball shirt and you want him to wear something else that matches then give in. It's ok to let them make some decisions. Try to keep him on his schedule so that he's not tired, take snacks w/you so he's not hungry and always keep lots of toys in your diaper bag for entertainment. If it's a certain time of day (dinner time) when it occurs more then don't go out to eat until he's older...I'm not kidding!
About the sleeping. I would work at getting him asleep in his own bed rather than falling asleep in yours. If you keep putting him in bed w/you now then you'll never get him out. He's only 16 months old so it's really very easy to change his sleep routine now rather than trying to change it when he's 3 or 4. Good luck and hang in there!

Billye:

I think the tantrums are typical of the age. If you continue to respond calmly and ignore these, he will eventually learn that tantrums will not get him anywhere.

I remember being soooooo tired when my sons were growing up! One thing that might help is to rock him to sleep in his room rather than letting him fall asleep in your bed. When he wakes up in the night, cuddle him a little in HIS room, and put him back in his bed. He will figure out that his bed is where he is supposed to be. The first few nights of this will not be easy, but you and your hubby need to sleep undisturbed. Once we got our little guy to realize that he was ok staying in his "big boy bed," we got a lot more sleep!

Good luck!

my son did the same exact thing
he is finally sleeping through the night at FIVE!, and that is because i am pregnant and got extra tough with him.
he has a very strong personality and such a loud screamy tantrum that we would give in to him for an easy life, plus in the middle of the night its easy to give in when he wanted to come into our bed! it would not have been so bad if he wasnt the world greatest fidgeter, he would end up sleeping horizontally accross us whilst twirling and kicking (in his slepp)
we would have to lie with him, sometimes for an hour till he fell asleep, otherwise he would cry, say he was scared, thristy, hungry - whatever!
so this went on for 5 years - and unless you get tough yours sounds like he will do the same - this is what i did and it may shock some, but its old fasioned and it works in just a few days.
my friend who is jewish gave me a book on disciplining children, after watching my son who is bossy and has a low frustration tolerance, and i read it.
they advocate switching - not with a massive stick or anything, but a paint stirrer from home depot, they make a loud noise, but dont really hurt (i tried it on myself first)
you explain to your son whats going to happen - he has to stay in his own bed, or he will get the switch.
my son got out of be ONCE only, i switched him, he screamed for 10 minutes, i told him if he didnt stop he would get another - he stopped.
in the middle of the night when he crawled into our bed - i did the same thing - but i felt a little sorry for him, so i have given him an option.
i made him a "special" bed on the floor in our room so if he is lonely or scared he can lie in this special bed which i deliberately have not made too comfy, its just a ready bed on the floor.
he very rarely has slept in it, when he sneaks into our bed i tell him, no boys in mam and dads bed, go to your bed or sleep in your special bed, if he doesnt get out i tell him i will get the switch, and he goes.
i have not had to actually use it more than a handful of times, but it works great on all types of behaviours.
i will try and find the name of the book for you to read.
sorry if this is long winded, but i dont want you to go on like i did for years.

girl, you just described my life!!!! except i have a 2 1/2 yr old and a 1 1/2 yr old in my bed everynight. hannah, my 2 yr old is the queen of fits. i put her in her room when she is throwing one away from all of us and she usually dries it up pretty quickly. she doesn't like being seperated. but i hear you on the bed thing. i pat micah (the 1 yr old) to sleep every night, that takes about 15 min. then for hannah i have to sit on the couch in the living room where she can see me from her bed until she goes to sleep. its nuts. sometimes it takes her 30 min but normally its atleast an hour!!! then both of them around 2am are crawling into my bed. i used to get up and put them back in theirs but you gotta learn to pick your battles.

so i have learned to comprimise and make the best of the situation. while i am patting micah, hannah and i talk quietly (they share a room). when he is asleep, i move to the couch where she can see me, and read the Bible or watch tv with my husband if he is home from work. Then i can move on to what else needs to be done around the house. As for them getting in my bed....we have a california king. so i just nudge my husband over and we make room. a girl has gotta have her sleep!! lol!!

i don't know if this has helped any but i think as mom's we just have to find a nitch that works for us.

D. Mattern-Muck
The MOM Team
www.formyrugrats.com
"The only thing that counts is faith, expressing itself through love." Galatians 5:6

I know you have to wonder what's causing the behavior ... is he acting out because he's not getting enough attention? I work from home, too, and I know it's easy to get so caught up in things that the kids start feeling neglected. Is it possible, though, that there are some chemicals in your home that could be causing the behavior? Some kids and adults have behavioral problems because they are allergic or have a strong reaction to something as simple as glass cleaner or furniture polish. While you want to get to the root of it, you may have to also just walk away from him, like you said. As long as we, as moms, cater to the behavior, they'll continue it, because they're getting the attention they want. Tough love is really tough!

J.
www.prepareandsucceed.com
www.emersonpublications.com