My husband and I have been married for 7 years and together for 10. For the past year or so we have had a lot of arguements, usually dealing with money or my lack of being able to get past things he's done in the past. We have recently seperated and I feel the fault is mostly mine. He has cheated on me in the past and I have tried to forgive and forget, but have found that it's a lot easier said than done. He's tried making things up to me. No matter what he does though, I can't seem to get past it. He recently betrayed my trust, again, when he spent money that set us back months on everything because we pretty much live pay check to paycheck. For my part I have taken advantage of his kindness and his wanting to make things up to me to the point where I do pretty much what I want, when I want, and he stays home with the kids and does just about everything.
I don't know what if anything can be done to save our marriage, but he and I agree that we can never get past any of our issues unless we talk with some one. I know he loves me and he knows I love him. I can't see my life without him and we don't want to give up.
My husband and I recently attended a Retrouvaille weekend in Houston (it's one long weekend, Friday-Sunday, and then 6 post-sessions on Sunday afternoons). Here's the website: http://retrouvaille.org/. It's really a first step in the long process of healing a broken marriage.
Foundry united Methodist on the nw side if Houston. They offer counseling and they are wonderful people. It is located of 290 and jones road.
I just started going to a counselor and just want to share with you that one thing that surprised me was that it is going to take many weeks of going to get the help I need. I went in thinking I had "a" problem and come to find out there are many layers to my issue. It will take patience and commitment. I am all for doing what you can to save a marriage and I am going to countinue to go but I think I expected a quicker fix.
It sounds to me like marriage counseling would be a great start to working out your issues. You can find low cost or even free marriage counseling by dialing 2-1-1 on your telephone. 2-1-1 is a service of the Health and Human Service Commission's Texas Information and Referral Network. If you both still love each other and are committed to making your marriage work, give counseling a chance. You may also want to get financial counseling as well. Money issues can cause ridiculous amounts of strain on a relationship. Good luck to you and your family. I wish you all the best!
If you have health insurance start with that. Your plan should provide a list of counselors that accept your insurance. You can find a list of these individuals through the website of your provider.
If you do not have insurance, I would do some research on the internet for a counselor that is convenient for you. Keep in mind that you may have to meet with several counselors before you find the right fit.
Although confessing your sins to God and asking for forgiveness goes a long way - just going to church does not. And you thinking that things are mostly your fault does not help the situation either. Your husband has cheated and done things to cause mistrust - you don't mention that you've done the same things.
Love is one thing - committment, trust, honor and respect is on a completely different plane.
I do not know what church you would want to belong to but if you are able to find one that also has someone that is also has training. Professional. In counseling. Not just someone to talk to. Also you did not say what he spent the money on, was it something that he wanted or something that would make your life together better.
If you want this to last you will both have to work at it.
ummm... how is it your fault if he cheated on you AND he blew the money?
We have used Eugene Webb. He is about $100 an hour.
He is wonderful. It does not feel like you are going to counseling.
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My suggestion is to get the books A smart step family and a smart step mom. Our church does a class on the smart step family ever so often and fire proof your marriage course as well. I went through a class called the smart step faily and also the fire proof your marriage. WOW -- great stuff. Let me know if you need some more help. Height's Baptist in Alvin ROCKS
ksbj radio out of houston has a few things that would be helpful. i recomend giving them a call to further help you. focus on the family and tony evans speaks out are some things you could search on line. they often speak about what roll a woman has and what a husband has, according to Gods plan for marriage. Dave Ramsey often visits different churchs and talks about money and what to do with it.
Hey L.:) Well I think with all you guys have gone through it is just awesome that you are both still wanting to work things out. That says a lot about both of you right there. I go to a church called Life Church in Katy TX. I have some friends that were at the brink of divorce and were able to get some help there and now are doing really well and trying to get pregnant, it's like a total turn around for them. Here is the web link for the church so you can take a look, www.lifechurchkaty.com. It is a very friendly church and there is a lot of help there if you are interested in coming for a visit. It is a culturally diverse church and there is live translation of the service in Spanish at the moment and I think there are plans to provide other languages as well in the future. My husband and I have been visiting there for about 7 weeks or so and we like it and our son just loves it, there is a lot for kids from nursery all the way to graduation. Anyway, I wish you all the best whatever you decide to do and I just think in a situation where a lot of people would just walk away you are really taking a high road to work through it and that is really awesome.
i myself was betrayed by my husband 5yrs ago. At that time we were 10 yrs married. We are now on our 15 yrs. I thought my life was falling apart, literally. I 'begged' him to come home and work it out. But the truth is to forgive is to forget. It took me 2 yrs to completely get over it. I did everything I could do to show i didnt trust him. From screening his calls to making him quit his job. We couldn't go to a get together with out me accusing him of having google eyes for some one else. It got ridiculous, seriously. So i started to look at myself for a change, started to work out and feeling good. Then i made it clear to him that i was done with the whole jealous act. I told him that i loved him and that i trust him and he better know what he wants and he better know what he has before he thinks about screwing up again. Always be sure that both of you want the samething. So remember, Forgiving is Forgetting.
L., I'm so sorry you guys are going thru this but the great news is that your marriage can be saved but it's alot of work. I'm sure you have received lots of great advice but I have a suggestion. Go to the web site www.marriagebuilders.com
It's a great start for you & it's free. There is lots of tools to help both of you & a plan to help you get things on track. There are a couple of books that you can also read that will help both of you. Surviving an affair & His Needs Her Needs. I think they have a marriagebuilders weekend coming up also that would be beneficial to both of you. I hope this helps and if you need to reach out certainly do. My email is ____@____.com. I've been in your shoes and forgiving can be done but unfortunately you never forget but it does get easier.
Don't give up!!! My church offers Marriage Matters, a marriage course designed to help heal and restore hurt marriages. If you are in the K. area, try this!
http://www.whatisgrace.org/care_marriage_matters.html#mar...
My church also offers classes on managing money. Right now, my husband and I are taking the Dave Ramsey course, Financial Peace University. Go to the Dave Ramsey website to find where a course is going on near you!
If you have a hard time finding the information you need, feel free to contact me!
Hi L.,
I attend Currey Creek Baptist church in Boerne and love it. They are currently offering free counseling. http://www.curreycreek.com or ###-###-####. The church is about 15 mins from 1604/I10 interchange (Six Flags area)
God is faithful and will see you through this tough time.
:-)
O.
L., I just quickly scanned through your responses and noted someone else had mentioned Retrouville. My husband and I nearly divorced and as a last ditch at making things work we did the weekend retreat with Retrouville. I think it was one of the smartest things we could have ever done for our marriage. It certainly helped. It is geared to your income. it is through the Catholic church and I'm not Catholic so you can attend regardless of your faith.
good luck!
B.
I don't know of a specific church in your area but most larger churches have a minister on staff that counsels or they will be able to lead you in the right direction. Also I would recommend taking a Financial Peace class together. Go to www.daveramsey.com/fpu/home/ & search for a class being offered in your area. It sounds like it is only one of the issues y'all need to work on but it's a start. Look for a class at a church (i think most are) - it might be a good way to also get plugged into a church. I'll be praying for y'all.
Sounds like you have a lot of great advice here. I am not a marriage counselor but I do have to tell you that I have been where you are. It's a nightmare and the unforgiveness, pain and suffering consume you and you can't seem to let go because there is a fear of what is on the other side. Sometimes we feel that if we forgive we are saying it's ok for what that person has done to us or if it happens again I'll feel stupid and betrayed. Wanting to work it out is the first step. My husband went through counseling several times but the counseling didn't do any good until there was a heart change. Just like everyone else I love my church but you know it truly saved my marriage. We what is called teams. A group of women that meet and we do life together. We cry together, we laugh we learn about God. A true family. There Is counseling provided in these teams with a leader that has been trained by Pastor. The men have their own group also. This church specializes in families, fathers, husbands and Godly lives. I can't explain everything without writting a novel. Just know that I understand where you are and there is hope. Just email me if you need more information. ____@____.com
Most larger churches have a counslor on staff. Those visits are usually free or minimal. Don't know what part of town you are in but FBC houston and jersey village baptist have a counslor on staff.
In Houston, there's a counceling center named The Samaritian Center. They work out of different churches - if you're near The Woodlands, they come to Christ Church United Methodist on Wednesdays. One of the councelor's names is Derek Prinis, he's the one that comes to TW, and his number is ###-###-####. If you're not near TW, he'll be able to direct you as to where else they go. Their fee is based on income and ability to pay. I don't know all the particulars, but I know Derek is able to give you the information. They do base their advice on Christian principles. May God bless your family.
Hi L.,
I am sorry it has been such a struggle for you both; my heart goes out to you. I do have some recommendations for you. The recommendations come as a parent and family educator/healer as well as from my experience in my own marriage.
I would suggest that you both consider learning Nonviolent/Compassionate Communication (nvc). In my sessions with couples and parents it is one of the most effective tools I have found to help people communicate lovingly and to begin to heal relationships. There is a monthly practice group that meets at my office in central Austin. If you want more info you can contact me directly. More info about nvc at www.cnvc.org.
Secondly, I would suggest that you learn some form of heart centered meditation and/or self-calming techniques. The heart centered meditation that most people find easiest to learn is Heartmath. You can get more info at heartmath.org. The self-calming technique that I suggest is Emotional Freedom Techniques. It is based on the system of acupuncture yet you do it for yourself without needles. You can contact me to get some articles about it or go to www.emofree.com. These things would help both of you no matter what you choose to do about your relatioship.
There is a specific prayer/meditation that is designed to heal couples' relationships. If you are interested in learning it, I could send you a copy and could talk you through it over the phone.
You can also do individual sessions or a class to learn these things....just trying to keep it low cost.
Finally, I would recommend the Church of Conscious Harmony as a place to learn to be more loving and forgiving. In fact, each year the members of the congregation take on a yearly aim or intention. This year's intention is forgiveness.
Wishing you both peace, blessings and healing,
K.
Just start calling around to the churches in your area. It depends on what denomination you want to attend. First Baptist in Magnolia is great and has a low cost counseling service. Basically, you pay whatever you can afford whether it is $5 a session or $25 a session. The counselors there have helped lots of people, including myself. Marriage is hard.. there IS hope, so don't give up! It's great that both of you agree that you need counseling! Best of luck to you.
L., I think that counseling is a wise choice and counseling with someone who can give you both, the biblicial help for your marriage, is even wiser. Only God can save your marriage and HE will do that, if you are both willing to do the work. I love the church I attend (Macedonia Baptist Church) and the Pastor (Dr Jerry Wm Dailey)because he tries to minister to us on every level that we are on. We have classes geared toward marriage. I am single but I've been married and I recently attended a class called The 5 Love Languages....very informative. We have married Sunday school classes so that you can study and learn about God together. We have children's church so that the kids can be ministered to while you get what you need. Even though we're "Baptist," please don't allow that to deter you. We are a multi-cultural church and we believe in GOD. Please check out our website at www.macedoniatx.com. Our telephone number is ###-###-#### and the church secretary is Valerie Lewis and assistant is Anita Robinson. Assistant to the pastor and overseer of our married ministeries is Min. Kevin Love and his wife Jackie. All are wonderful people and they will be there to help you, if you want it. You don't have to be a member of our church to receive the help that you need. If you're serious about your marriage surviving, please check them out. My name is Joyce Blackwell and I've been a member for over 29 years now. I've been truely blessed by our ministries over the years. By the way, I'm only divorced because I married two individuals, over a 16 year period, that were physical abusers and "I" made the decision that I wanted to live and not die but my church helped me heal through all that and now I know who I am in Christ and what I should expect, from the bibilical perspective, so when I'm married again, I'll know how to stay that way so don't let my experience be a deterrence either. Be Blessed.
Bless you both for taking action before all is lost. I can highly recommend Marla Sifers M.A. L.P.C., a certified marriage and family therapist. She is located on FM 1960 just west of Kuykendahl on the southside of the street. She is a common sense, christian person that gets to the heart of it with much empathy, compassion, and directness. She will work on communication with both of you. She does take insurance and will do all the calling and paperwork for it. Her number is ###-###-####. Best of luck & many prayers for you and you family.
I am not sure where you live but I attend a very small church but our pastor is the best and he offers free biblical marriage counseling to anyone...our pastor lives in Spring, tx and our church is located in cypress, tx off of Jones rd and cypress north houston rd let me know if you are interested!
