Major In-Law Troubles!

I Have been married for 30 years. I have learned from past experiences that if there is something I don't like about my in laws then my husband will be MY voice. If there is something that he doesn't like about my family then I will be HIS voice. Somehow this seems to work and then we don't look like the horrible daughter or son-in-law to the parents. If you don't feel peace about something then I would not do it especially if it involves my children. Maybe go away somewhere not too far so that if you need to come home quickly you can...hope all works out for you!

I would either cancel my trip or plan on making it a family vacation. There is NOTHING more important than the well-being and safety of my children - PERIOD. I would never leave my child with someone I didn't trust for 10 minutes let alone a weekend. I had a similar situation with a best friend, whose husband I found out was addicted to pain killers. She was watching my son for me for 5 hours a day 2 days a week and I NEVER knew! When I found out about it, I very politely told her that I was uncomfortable with her husband's situation. She was EXTREMELY offended, but I would rather lose a friend than sacrifice my child's safety and well-being. As parents we have a responsibility to prioritize our children before the rantings of an immature and unstable relative.

This will sound harsh, but neither your MIL nor your SIL is trustworthy at this point. SIL wouldn't be unacceptable if she were a responsible, caring person (she would have built up a good relationship with you and her nephew already), and MIL is totally out of bounds trying to give authority over your child to someone else without your prior permission! And not to sound totally cynical or paranoid, but there has to be more to this...maybe MIL just doesn't really want to come and care for your son all by herself, or maybe she is subconsciously trying to set up a disaster. I know that's going out on a limb, but honestly, I can't imagine a loving grandmother even considering letting a sweet 4 year old be in the hands of someone who is prone to such temper tantrums (I mean, if SIL's temper scares MIL, imagine how quickly SIL could become enraged by some innocent act from a 4 year old!). Your child won't be safe with either one. You can't trust your MIL now, not now that you know she will go behind your back and give your child to an irresponsible person. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this! Take it as a gift from God that you found all this out ahead of time, and take your son with you. You can figure out another trip later. Oh, I hate saying that! Do you have any friends who could keep him? Best of luck to you. One last thought - I wouldn't sway even if MIL gives in and says she'll keep him. She just can't be trusted, IMO. And she needs to learn the boundaries of acceptable behavior!

First of all if you wanted your SIL to watch your child you would have asked her....you MIL has no right to delegate who will watch your child....

Second of all if you are not comfortable leaving your child w/his sister then DON'T!!!! You are his Mom...trust your gut!!

I suggest either you explain to his mother that you are more comfortable that she watch your child, and if she says she will not, then don't go...I know that really stinks, but I'd rather stay home w/my child than worry about what could happen where he is!!!!

Take your son on the trip with you. I know it's not the idea anniversary get away but it's better than leaving him with her if you don't trust her. I wouldn't worry about hurting her feelings; they should have discussed it with you before telling her she could do it in the first place. You don't have to be rude to her about it...just say you decided to take him because he was feeling "left out"...she should understand that, right : )?

Find someone else to watch your son!!! Your son's safety is more important than a loopy sister-in-law's feelings! Go outside the family to get a sitter. If you can't find anyone, tell your MIL that you can't go because you don't have a sitter.

I really think this is where your husband has got to stand up and voice.As a mother in law myself I would never dream of asking someone else and agreeing for someone else to take care of my resposibility that is without consent from parents.This is something you and your husband need to agree on and let him be the one to break the news or you will be the dirty bird forever.

I wouldn't let her take him. You're gut feeling is no, or you wouldn't have wrote this. That wasn't fair for you MIL to pass off your son because your SIL is whining. You didn't ask your SIL...you asked your in-laws. Instead of going ahead & making the decision, your MIL should have asked you first.

I know it sucks that you're weekend plans will be changed, but you probably wouldn't have much fun if you're worried about your son the whole time. Maybe your MIL will change her mind, but I wouldn't even trust her at this point. Good luck!!

Cancel your trip. Who cares about being nice when it comes to your child's safety!

I don't know if this is a helpful solution, but I've heard that some vacation places have on-staff child care - you might want to see if your vacation spot does for the worst case scenario. Good luck, go with your gut. I know it's annoying - my mother and sister are like your sister in law! Sigh!

Ugh. What a terrible situation! I would ask yourself one question: Which will be easier to live with, the temporary uncomfortableness of setting BOTH MIL & SIL straight on your desires as a parent (IE - not comfortable with SIL watching kid), or the lifetime of regret you'll face if something should happen to your son while you're gone.

I agree with other posters - your anniversary trip just became a family trip! Good luck!

First and foremost, you need to tell your MIL that it is not her place to change the childcare situation. You and your husband get to decide who takes care of your son. Tell her that because of the situation that you will now be taking your son with you and for HER to tell the SIL that her services won't be needed....since the MIL didn't check with you first. MIL needs to be the one to "fix" that because she made the mess.

We have three girls and have found that the best situation for us is just to realize that vacations now are family vacations. Prayerfully, once they are grown and gone to college, my husband and I will have time for our private getaways. I know that not everyone feels that way but having 3 kids really puts a strain on older grandparents....we have just chosen to always include them now. Sure takes away the stress of worrying about the care of our children! Good luck!!!

Hi Diana,
Don't ignore you concerns to keep someone's feelings from being hurt. Make other plans for childcare or pull out of your trip.
C.