Low Energy Child

Hi M.,

My son was like that at that age, also. He liked to sit in my lap and watch the other kids play. He was very shy. I got us involved in a Mommy and Me class once a week, and a playgroup of boys his age as well. He is now 3.5 and much more outgoing in social situations. I don't know if that's the reason or just because he's older now. I really wouldn't worry about it, though. I used to think it was odd that my son wasn't into cars, trains, or trucks, like the other boys. He's always liked books, puzzles, letters, and drawing. I've come to realize that they are all into different things at different times in their lives. Just embrace it all!

D.

M.,
Please take this advice to heart. Aside from any health concerns (is this normal for him or unusual?), I can tell you in my experience that this is very normal "first-born" behavior! Please, please get a good book (I'm sorry I can't recommend one) about birth order, especially first-born/only children. This temperament is practically on a checklist for first-borns. They are generally cautious, ESPECIALLY AT THIS AGE, slow-to-warm up, and emotionally sensitive people who are intelligent beyond their years, and more mature than a lot of kids. You'll find that the real "go-getter" children out there are younger siblings, esp. last-borns who have had the path laid out before them from older siblings. They are much more carefree and "crazy" and fun-loving. First borns are so special...but use a lot of humor to bring him out of his shell, and encourage him to show emotions outloud! The more you can encourage that, the more he'll have a way to express himself. Mine used to take days to be able to tell me something deep that was on his mind, so be patient!
Email me if you have any other concerns,
M.

I have four boys. The first two were super active, running and jumping and always on the go. Number 3 was totally different! He preferred to play in his room with toys or watch dvds. Number 4, a mix. He enjoys physical activity, but also likes his quiet play. The less active child just turned 22 years old. He has always been less "sporty" than his brothers. He is simply a different kind of person. It doesn't pay to stereotype when it comes to boys. I have to strongly disagree whenever I hear anyone say "Boys will be boys". Nope! That is usually just an excuse for bad behavior. All four of my sons are very different, and in the area of physical activity, the third was far different than the others. He is, by the way, my sweetest, most loving and considerate son. He has never had a weight problem - he simply prefers low key activities. As for taking your son to the doctor... if it would make you feel better, do so! Better safe than sorry. The most common form of childhood cancer, acute lymphocytic leukemia, normally crops up between the ages of 2 and 4. (It has about a 90% survival rate, by the way, but a blood test would rule that out and give you some peace of mind.) Chances are you simply have a child who prefers less active pursuits, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. He is an individual, not one of the pack, and you will be VERY thankful for that when he enters the pre-teen and teen years!

Hi M.,

Let me tell you that is AWESOME!!! My first daughter was the same. She would study stuff really well and enjoyed sitting and doing stuff like that. She also was a very chubby baby so I too was concerned. She also was reserved and "frighted" of doing new things, like going into a jumpy, going to Legoland and seeing the people dressed up in costumes, etc.

But, from what I have found she is exceptionally bright! She has read sooner than other kids, she understands math extremely well, picks up languages fast, etc! She slowly lost some of her fears and as she grew she became more active. She is now in 1st Grade. She plays just like all the other kids. It just took her some time to develop the physical skills. She also would visual learn who the other kids or the situation first by watching for a while. Then she would slowly merge into the sitution slowly.

I wouldn't worry at all. He is a toddler still and will continue on his path at his own rate. I bet you will see him as a smarty pants later on.

Oh, and my daughter liked to have all her friends do things her own way. Not that she was bossy, but she saw a logic in doing things a certain way...like organizing stuff. Of course, now, she has a normal messy 6 year olds room that we are always picking stuff up. So, don't worry. Your child is great and you are lucky because I bet you can get some things done around the house and not worry that he will climb ontop of the fridge!!! LOL! Be pleased because not all moms are sooo lucky!

I think that's just who he is... don't worry... ENJOY IT!!!!Just wait until he's a teenager and you'll laugh at yourself. My brother was the same way--an angel and now that he's a teenager my parents keep saying how he's making up for being such a perfect kid when he was younger.
My daughter is 2.5 and is the opposite of your son. I don't have a minute to sit and relax--i've just learned that that's who she is :-) Hope that helps.

Hi M.,

Boy, I sure wish society would make us stop feeling self-conscious about kids who appear to be a little bit different than "others."

Although I have to say--it sounds like your son is pretty normal. Not all kids are extroverts or monkeys! My son is not shy, but he enjoys independent play and just recently he's become interested in Legos and playing catch (he's four). He's always enjoyed playing with stuffed animals, flashcards, books, microphones, and musical instruments (never cars or blocks). My son is not as rascally or squirmy as other boys we know (thank goodness)--he likes to explore and run around on his own, but he is more of an observer than an outright joiner. That's okay!

What is wonderful about this world is the variety of people in it! There is not room on the planet for everyone to be an immediate joiner and an extrovert--think about it--not everyone can be a CEO or a salesman or a manager or a five-star general. Some of us have to be artists, athletes, researchers, scientists, firemen, teachers...you get the idea. How boring would it be if we were all the same??

I think you will be surprised at how your son will grow and change in the next few years. Some things about him will stay the same, but not others. I honestly couldn't believe it the day that my son wanted to play with his dump truck earlier this year--he'd never done that before--and he is beginning to get the idea that you can ask kids to play with you at school (up until now, he'd always waited for others to ask him to play).

Enjoy your son--I'd say there's not a thing wrong with him!

:-) D.

Hi M.,

I think your son is fine. Mine was very shy around other kids too. How is he at home? Is he more outgoing with you and your husband?

When my son started preschool he wouldn't talk to anyone. He would participate half heartedly in the activities. He was very reserved until he met his first friend and loosened up. I will always remember the day he got in "trouble", and how happy he preschool teacher was about it.

Now my son is in fifth grade. He is well liked in school but still a little reserved. His confidence is fine. He has no trouble sticking up for himself, answering a question or walking out on a baseb

You know your child best, but before you put your son through medical tests, I would suggest activities to put him more at ease with others. Local cities have recreation classes for toddlers and preschooler that are mommy and me. That might be a good place to start because you will also be attending. Call your local cities recreation department for what's available.

Good luck to you. I am sure he will be fine.

C.

M.,
Thank your lucky stars that you have a mellow boy...They are a rarity. At least you won't have people suggesting that he needs Ritalin when he's in first grade! (That would be what I am dreading with my five year olds...LOL). I wouldn't worry about your little guy - if he's not acting sick - is active with puzzles (smarty) and building, etc. I would just enjoy it.
The only other thing that I would ask about is how much interaction does he have with dad? Boys usually rough house with daddy more than with mom. Does he have that input or is dad mellow, too? I was both mom/dad for my little guys up until about a year ago and really made sure that I was active with them as it is my personality as well as something I thought was important for them to have and not miss out on just b/c I was single parent. Just a thought.
Take care and God bless,
A.

It's probably just his personality, but be VERY aware of whether he's doing too much sorting, organizing etc. One of the things my RN friend told me about was to watch my boy if he starts to "compulsively" put things in order, like lining up his blocks by size, color, shape, whatever but doing it to perfection. This could be a sign of autism. Just be aware, because it's usually around 2-3 years of age that it starts becoming most obvious. And see how much your doctor knows about autism. Depending on where you live, some doctors don't even take autism seriously, so like I said just be aware.

Oh, and Caprice, not that I'm against marketing your own business wherever you can, but promoting your business as an "answer" to a serious question from another mama... personally I don't think that's cool.

is he typical in other ways? Verbal? It couldn't hurt to have a blood test if that is negative then maybe an assessment at a regional center

that could just be his personality..my son is over active..seems to be calming down a bit..man i wonder what it would be like to have a mellow child? i always feel like i'm about to have a heart attack! talk to your doc and see what they say..3 year check up is coming up soon..bring it up for sure.