((there are mistakes while i was typing .for some reason, the scoll down was staying at one position))
at first i thought my husband was a pack rat for the last five years. he kept bringing in 'junk'. he says he is goning to refurbish and sell. we can never have bbq's in the backyard cause to do so we have to go thru the garage and the yard is full of 'junk' as well. to compensate i myself keep my house indoors as clean as possible, i want to disassociate from his hoarding.
a couple of times i do throw things away that are his, especially if it stays in the front yard for months, (i took over the cleaning and mowing). he does get very upset and says he was gonna fix that. well yesterday my sister and i cleaned out the garage, the pile was high, some of the stuff belongs to my sister and my oldest adult daughter who will be moving out in august together. we were careful not to throw his junk, we were trying to put his stuff to one side and theirs the other so when moving begins we dont waste time getting is hoarding stuff out since it blocks theirs.
it took us 4 to 5 hrs. everything was on the driveway, it got too hot so we were gonna continue when the sun was down or in the following morning. when husband saw this i felt he was getting agitated. he wanted to know whn we were gonna put things back. after awhile he threw his stuff back into the garage and ordered me to do the same, he was even cursing at me withe 'f' bombs. i was really trying to be really clam, actually alittle afraid.
well i now i've been reading about hoarders and he really fits the description. and i must not push hi. does any one else lives with hoarders and is there a light at the end of the 'junk'?
morning morning.
From what I understand about hoarding, it tends to get worse - not better.
He probably needs professional intervention and you probably need professional advice on how to cope with this issue (can be very serious and difficult to "fix").
Good luck - my heart goes out to you.
My wife says I'm a hoarder. She just didn't use the word hoarder.
I don't bring home "junk" any more unless I have plans for it within two weeks. Her love and hugs for me helped me to tone it down. Based on what you said. I'd also tell him you were scared of him when he was cussing you and you are too much of a lady for him to use the "f-bomb" around you. (Providing your language isn't filled with "f-bombs" on occasion. Then that arguement sounds false and hypocritical.)
I would ask your husband to hold a garage sale for five or six items he says he is going to fix up and sell. Ask him what items he would like to put in the garage sale and how long it will take him to fix those things. Then ask him to put an ad in the newspaper or where ever garage sales are advertised in your area. Hand him the form to fill out for the garage sale and tell him you love the way he is looking out for your well being by fixing things and making a profit. Tell him you'll submit the garage sale ad for him since he'll be busy fixing things up to put in the garage sale.
Then love him. Ask him how things are going with the fixing. If he goes out to the back yard or garage or where ever and works on something, go out and tell him how proud you are of his ability to fix things. Use positive reinforement. Be proactive. When he fixes the first thing, tell him you think that's wonderful, etc. Tell him you think he's wonderful, etc.
Those things should help you clear some of your yard and garage. After you have the first garage sale, work on the second. If he gets frustrated with the fixing because something can't be fixed, tell him if he can't fix it no one could fix that, but you are glad he tried. Ask him if he can't fix it could he take it to a scrap metal dealer so he can sell it. Then he can use the money to buy the parts necessary to fix the next thing.
If its hot and sweaty work, when he's fixing something, bring him something cool to drink. (The drink should be non-alcoholic since he will be working around tools, some of which may be power tools.)
You get the idea. Are some of these things bothersome and difficult? Not to my point of view. Just remember you are cleaning your garage and yard, which was your origonal goal. (If you want some other motival ideas e-mail me. I'll tell you what my wife did for me.)
If you have been a real NAG, apologize to him. Tell him you would like to start fresh and ask his forgiveness. If he is amazed and doubtful of your sincerity, that tells you you have been a shrew and nag, from his perspective. When I taught the Marriage and Family class to the men in my church, one of the things I told them was to bring their wives flowers and tell their wives how much they appreciate them. I'd say that if your wives ask or think "What have you been up to?". Its been too long since you've brought your wives flowers and expressed your gratitude to them for them. Then I told them if they needed to they could tell their wives I told their husbands to do that (bring flowers). The same applies to you.
Good luck to you and yours.
Hoarding falls under obsessive complusive disorder, I believe. The only way things will change is if he is willing to get therapy and wants things to change.
His hoarding will only get worse unless he seeks professional help. He needs to see a cognitive-behavioral therapist who will treat him accordingly. Here is a good way to find a cognitive-behavioral therapist in your area: abct.org
Good luck--neither of you are in an easy situation right now!
Hoarding is a form of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, and your husband probably cannot control his anxiety about his stuff. He needs to get into therapy NOW, because he cannot do this on his own. If he won't get help, you will have tough decisions to make, because it tends to get worse when left alone. Good luck.
You said you were a little afraid when he started throwing everything back in the garage. Was he drinking? I knew someone who was a hoarder who also had a severe drinking problem. He had the best intentions of fixing multiple printers & computer parts, exercise equipment, sewing machines, plumbing parts, an old swimming pool, old cars & motorcycles...you name it....it was stuffed into the house or someone outside on the property. Someof the stuff was so old, that even if he did get organized, the "stuff" was old broken and rotten. He even had carpet, tile and other home repair material for the day when he would finally get the house in order.
Years ago, I worked at a storage facility. There was an older man who had 3 or 4 of the larger garage sized storage units filled with stuff. Apparently, his adult childen had told him he needed to get his hoarding under control or they were going to put him in a home. This was why he had all the storage units and would go visit all his stuff, which he constantly acquired more and more.
I suppose the question is, does your husband admit that he has a problem, and is he willing to get professional help? If he isn't, you have to decide if you are willing to live with it.
I was glancing over some of the responses. Put on the Hoarder show, someone said it's on A&E and watch it. Watch it with him. See if he can relate to anything. I have seen these folks on Oprah and they seem so miserable with their lives. Does he not recognize anything?
There may be 12-step hoarder meetings in your area. You could go too, even if he won't.
http://sites.google.com/site/clutterersanonymous/
I looked and they had phone and face to face meetings. These are generally no-cost/donation only so it's worth a shot. 12-step recovery has helped a millions of folks in many an area.
I would suggest confronting him, in a loving manner. Tell him this is out of control and it is having a negative effect on your life. Have your little 'speech' prepared and tell him the ways his behavior is negatively affecting your life.
Even if he won't get help, you can. It will help you understand, get stronger, not enable in any way and set up healthy boundaries.
Good luck.
Yes, he's a hoarder. The anxiety he experienced at your messing with his junk illustrates it.
Watch that show "Hoarders." At least I think that what it's called. It will be very informative for you.
See a doctor and or a lawyer asap.
Sounds horrible.
B. v.O.
