We use a nanny three mornings a week while I homeschool my daughters. Sadly, she started out OK but slowly got more and more lazy to the point, she never changed the baby's diapers, surfed on my Mac, sat the kids in front of the TV, and spent her first 1/2 hour every morning in the kitchen eating our food. At her last visit before the holidays, I left to do some quick shopping. I came home to discover she ate the lunch I made for my kids (givng my kids a small amount), the baby's outfit was soaked in pee because he was in the diaper I left him in, my laptop was messed up and the house was trashed. Later, my older daughter told me she was tired because she had told by the sitter to comfort the baby while I was gone. My daughter would not make this up.
So after lots of disscussion, we've decided we need to let her go. Now for my question (FINALLY!). Should I just tell her we don't need her services anymore and leave it at that. Or should I explain why we need someone else?
I am a very non-confrontation person and I'd prefer to just text her and tell her we don't need her but I am guesing texting would be inappropriate.
What would you ladies advice?
Thanks!!!
L.
First, thank you all so much for your advice!! It helped more than you would believe--part of me thought I was being too picky!
I had my husband call her and tell her we did not need her anymore. According to my husband, she did not seem surprised or upset so we think she knew it coming.
I partially blame myself for the whole mess. I should have been more upfront when I saw her plopping the boys in front of the TV. Instead, I would just wheel out the stroller and suggest she take them for a walk (which she would do for less than ten minutes) or bring out some toys and suggest they play; I should have just said' No TV, please'.
I also should clarify, she did not break my laptop--she just signed herself into to Google, yahoo etc. and used the 'remember me' box. That was frustrating!
And for those who want to know--her name is Catherine and she is a UNT student. Please contact me directly if you would like additional info. I am still hoping she is an overall good person--this just not something her heart was in and I needed a caregiver who CARED.
I am now going to attempt keeping the boys busy with playdoug/crafts while I homeschool the girls and see how that goes. If you have any advice on that, please let me know :)
Thanks again! Your comments meant the world!
L.
I was a nanny for seven years for a family. I would have never done the things that she ever has done to you. As a mom now myself, I would have let her go after the third time that she messed up. I would tell her in a kind manner that you no longer need her. I wouldn't send her a text message. Good luck.
I currently have a nanny that we are trying to let go as well and am struggling with the same thing. Fortunately, my husband has no trouble being confrontational and so he is going to do the letting go (as soon as we find a replacement). Our nanny isn't as bad as you've described yours, but we are still dealing with laziness, poor judgement, inability to use critical thinking skills,runs personal errands without permission, talks on her phone ALL freakin' day, and we suspect her of stealing.. ugh!
If it's too hard to tell her why you're letting her go, either tell her you've decided you no longer need a nanny and therefore there's just not a position for her at this time, or tell her she's just not a good fit for your family and leave out the details... or if you're married, have your husband do it.
Good luck!
Yes, please let mamasource know her name. At least her first name and a brief description of her. Best of luck in finding a replacement. I know it is an emotional thing to let someone take care of your children.
I would let Mamasource know about her as well as the Authorties or to the nanny service that she is works for (if any). If she is doing this to your children then she has done it to others in the past and in the future. If you dont want to confront her, you can send her a certified letter explaining why you are letting her go along with her last paycheck minus any deductions for food and replair of your mac. Personally i wouldnt explain why you are letting her go. If she insists then tell her, for her inablility to complete the task for which she was hired for. Good luck, You have to be strong!
I would let her go, tell her why you are letting her go and make sure everyone on Mamasource knows not to use her. I am not a confrontational person either but when it comes to my kids...
I use to be a Nanny and that is the worst! There are people out there that really love children and want to work with them.
Good Luck to You!
Let us know what happens...
We are all behind you=)
You don't owe her an explanation at all. I think you probably should call her to let her go rather than texting her, but if she has done all of these things, there is no way she would question your reasons for letting her go. I think one sentence will do the job. Something like, "I am just calling to let you know we will not be needing your services anymore, but good luck in the future". I think you are doing the right thing, and good luck!!
I don't think texting or emailing her to let her go is appropriate myself. I think calling her would be ok if you don't want to do it face to face. I would say something like "I'm sorry but this isn't working out for us. We won't be needing your services any longer. I will mail you your final check." or something along those lines. If she asks for additional details, you don't have to be confrontational about it. If it were me, I would probably say something like "I have a very specific type of caregiver in mind for my kids and you have been more laid back than the type of nanny I am comfortable with. I really need someone who's a lot more structured." I definitely wouldn't offer to be a reference for her in the future because that would be misleading her into thinking I would be a good reference. However if she did use me as a reference, I would most certainly be honest about the reason I let her go without being slanderous. I would use only clear facts when telling other potential employers about my experience with her. And please do share her name with us or give her a low star rating in the "business" rating section under caregivers on mamasource. You could save some other family a lot of headache by sharing your experience with this particular nanny. :-)
Get rid of her. Call her or text her, but don't let her back into your house. Pay her if you want to give her "notice" but don't let her back in.
These are your babies and she is not a caring person. You could tell her the reason if you want, but then she might not use you as a reference, and would'nt you want to warn the next person?
I never cared if my house was trashed or not, but not caring for the baby and being lazy is a sign of a very bad nanny.
I have children 2 and 1. And from the sound of what you went thru, I would get rid of her. I had a sister that I used as a nanny and she left my son when he was only 8 months old in his crib sleeping and took my daughter around our apartment complex at the time for a walk. My only thought was thank God no one went into our apartment and took him. If need be, however, I would let her know why you are letting her go. I never told my sister, but I did tell my dad and he said she would just do it to someone else. No one deserves to go thru that.
I'm surprised that you let it go on that long. I would fire her immediately. Maybe it might be best to do it over the phone, so at least she knows why she was fired.
wow, I would of told her to get off her ass a long time ago. I say tell your husband to straighten her out if your not confrontational. I think it would of been better to tell her when you notice problems rather than wait till there this bad and your just going to fire her. I will go over there for you if you like and tell her. haha.. Good luck!
Hi L.,
I saw your posting and wondered if you'd considered the flexibility of hosting a live-in au pair to help both during and after home school? I understand being non-confrontational and we serve as your mediators and even handle transitions/replacement should a situation not be ideal. Usually the screening, orientations and training alleviate the need for a lot of crisis management.
I will be glad to advise about the program if you'd like to know more. There is a local Cultural Care Au Pair group here in Fort Worth, and I'm the local childcare coordinator.
Our au pairs provide up to 45 hours per week of childcare in exchange for private room (bath may be shared), board, a $158 weekly stipend plus a small annual educational allowance of $500. Program fees can also be placed on a credit card to lessen the initial start-up costs. In-country placements are available for more immediate needs. Matching and overseas arrivals tend to be about 4-6 weeks typically depending on requests and season.
Cultural Care Au Pairs are: English speaking in addition to their native language, 18-26 years old from 44 countries, have references and 1 year visas with an option to extend up to another year. They are insured, screened, experienced with childcare and have gone through a training program in the US. Host families only need to have one parent that is a US citizen (green card holders ok) to qualify. If you're spending more than $300 a week in childcare/gasoline etc. then this is a cost effective option. The rate is the same regardless of the ages, number of children or special needs accommodation.
To learn more call 800-333-6056 or I can send an electronic brochure via email. You can also find out more and apply online at www.culturalcare.com. Currently, new families from Texas that apply by 5/15 and welcome an au pair by 10/17/08 get $250 off program fees AND the $350 application fee is waived! That means you can match for FREE with no risk! Just use promo code PCTEX2008 on the last page of the host family application and please reference me as your source. I look forward to assisting with your childcare needs.
L. O.
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Yes, definitely the nanny needs to be terminated. DO NOT do it by telephone. Then it becomes a he said/she said type of situation. If it's done by telephone, she could say you and or your husband said things to her that aren't the truth. This is better handled by certified mail, return receipt requested. If possible, have it sent to the nanny in such a way that she'd have to go to the nearest post office and produce identification so that you know she picked up the certified letter, and not someone else. Outline in the letter each and every reason for her termination. Do it in a kind way, and at the end wish her the very best of luck in the future. I think that's the way to go. Good luck to you and your family.
