Let It Go or Get Serious?

Updated on February 27, 2008
N.G. asks from Rossville, IL
5 answers

My 10 year old daughter is slipping in accelerated math. She has struggled with it for 2 years-it's required in our school in addition to her regular math class which she gets straight A's. She is otherwise a straight A student~high honor roll etc...
Do we let it ride out and see what happens or get tough with her? I don't want her to think she has to be perfect and trigger some other problem. There is a history of ed's in both of our families so I hesitate to pressure her too much. She is a happy kid, but a huge people pleaser. It's also been brought to our attention that she is getting forgetful at school and is having trouble finding a balance between being social and getting her work done in independent subjects. Is this normal for this age group? Help Please! I'm a wiz with toddlers and preschoolers but I'm at a loss with tweens and preteens!

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So What Happened?

Thanks for the encouragement and for the "chill" advice. I think I knew what I wanted to do with the situation but really needed to hear it from others! I was mostly afraid that DH wouldn't agree with me. We've decided to let her be in charge of this particular grade with the understanding that if she needs us to help communicate with her teacher we will. It's an independent subject, and in reality if she fails it will only affect her overall grade marginally. She isn't involved in any school sports at this point so we don't have to worry about eligibility. The relief on her face when we told her last night was worth it! Thanks so much! I am also trying to find humor in her forgetfulness. Thanks Moms!

More Answers

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L.S.

answers from Chicago on

Chill Mama! It sounds like whatever you are doing, you are doing it right. Your daughter is a people pleaser. I have one like that too. They will sacrifice to make others happy. I would do what your gut is telling you to do, ease up! She will not let herself slip too far and she will find balance on her own. This is the time for her to figure it all out. With support from you, she will.

1 mom found this helpful
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C.D.

answers from Chicago on

I think she needs some pressure taken off of her. When I read your post, I thought of myself in high school. My mom always pressured me to get good grades, and I resent that to this day. If I got an A, it was "Why didn't you get an A+?" Plus, since she is starting to be forgetful and everything, it sounds like she is majorly stressed. I wish I had parents who watched out for me like you are and wondering if the stress is too much. Just try to get her to relax a little bit and enjoy life a little more. Just talk to her about how it is great to get good grades, but she needs to enjoy her childhood as well. Good luck!

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L.B.

answers from Chicago on

Enlist her input in the solution. Does she want help in the form of a tutor, your helping her with her studies or maybe she's trying to tell you something.
I have 3 kids & they are all different students. My oldest has ADD & struggles but I am proud he is in his senior year at college.
My middle guy got a full scholarship to college yet admits he could do more.
My youngest is a sophomore in HS, wants to be involved in everything & has a GPA of 4.86.
I have always made it clear to them that I expected a lot of them but not perfection.
They all have to find a balance but your daughter is definitely ahead of the game.

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E.S.

answers from Chicago on

Does she like math or is some of it just too easy for her that she gets bored? Why would a school require a regular math and accelerated math class, especially for a 10 year old (4th grade?)? Definitely talk to her and see how she feels about the class itself and where she is getting hung-up. Sometimes the topic just distracts them quite a bit and they need help over that hump. Also, as kids start to hit puberty, hormone surges actually do cause a disconnect in brain function so they become a little forgetful. Maybe something as simple as a notebook for her to write things down in would help. She could just have too much going on in her life too.

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C.D.

answers from Bloomington on

What type of school requires both accelerated and regular math? I think this is way too much pressure. Seriously, she is already a straight A student. Being "forgetful" is part of being a pre-teen. Not everyone is going to excel in math. This is part of the whole left brain/right brain theory. Personally, I would not put much pressure on her. It sounds like she is a good girl with a lot going for her !

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