JFF: Where's the Romance

Will it make you feel better to know I had to seduce my now husband. He wanted it be soooo special, so romantic. Dude you live in a hotel room when you are in town, get over it!!!

Okay since I see some bad advice here I thought I would mention I used to be on a message board where a lot of players hang out. They know women go for guys that won't push to put out on the first date. Please don't use that as criteria to decide if they are in it for the long run. So many women would post we went out for three months, he did all the right things, opened doors, blah blah blah, then he said he loved me, the next night he planned this romantic dinner at his place, maybe it was the wine, maybe it was the romance, but we had sex. He hasn't called me since and it has been two weeks. That I am sorry to say is how the new player works, they look like the perfect guy.

I didn't date at all for about a year after my divorce. Then it dawned on me that my ex was out having fun (he didn't pay child support OR take the kids except for maybe 3 hours every 6 weeks or so) and so I decided I was going to start dating. So I filed for him to pay child support and to also make him take the kids every other weekend (sad, I know). I got on a couple dating websites and started to meet some men. We would chat and then they would ask me "out". Well, it was more like at a coffee shop to check me out, then they would want to head to the car to make out (or more) and I was like, ok, I haven't had sex in awhile and I'm all for it but freaking buy me dinner first!!!! So after a few months of this over and over with every single guy I was DONE! I pulled my website profiles and cancelled everything. Decided I was going to focus on my kids and my business. That was on a Wed. That Friday morning, I had my court hearing with my ex and he was told to pay child support AND to take the kids every other weekend starting that weekend. So that Friday afternoon, an acquaintance called and gave me a referral for my business and asked what I was doing that weekend...I told him nothing, my ex had the kids, no plans, and I was living with my mom (UGH!!) and she was out of town. He said his ex had his daughter and he had no plans and he asked me out. Monday was our 2nd anniversary. You know what they say...when you least expect it...

Here's a rule of thumb, since you are newly dating again.
If a guy tries to sleep with you immediately, he doesn't care if he ever sees you again. When I was dating I realized that if I really liked someone I would get nervous and giddy and suddenly old fashioned. When I was on a date with someone that was attractive, but we didn't particularly fit or I couldn't see it going anywhere, I was way more laid back, relaxed and openly sexual. It wasn't any big deal because I didn't care about his opinion or impressing him. I watched a little closer and saw that for the guys it was the same. If they really liked me it was way more formal and nervous and sweet. If they didn't it was more like, what the heck, we're already here, you wanna get down?
With my husband it was differant. It was love at 1st site and passion exploding, but seriously 15 yrs later, he still gives me a hard time for giving it up so quick!
Save it for someone that is too nervous to try it. Make him work for it. If it does turn out to be Mr Right, you want him to think of you as sacred and precious.

I met my husband on eHarmony. I figured any man who would take the time to do the personality profile (takes a good while to do if you really think about your answers) was worth a shot. I went on a couple of dates with one guy before I met my husband. Neither of us dated anyone else after we met each other. We've been married a little over 7 years!

It was the expecting-sex-on-the-first-date guys (animals) that led me to eHarmony. Guess they were good for something!

Maybe you should work on some snappy lines. Something like "You know, I don't kiss on the first date but if you put your hand on me again, I will bite." I'm sorry you are going through this but know there are good men out there. My husband was and is very respectful and romantic. Part of why I married him. Good luck.

Awww, man, er men! I completely concur w/ the ladies who said it happens when you're not actively looking for it. Love, that is. Before I met my husband, I must have gone on one date with every player out there. ONE date, I tell you. Because they'd all expect sex on the first date. Uh uh. It was actually hilarious to see their surprised and rejected faces to tell you the truth. Guess they weren't used to 'no.' Anyway, I literally began praying to God, please send me a great guy. Just a sweet guy that I can love.

Two weeks later I met the most wonderful man out there. My family took my grandma out to a dinner theater for her 75th birthday. As we're eating dinner, my grandma said, "Would you look at that handsome waiter over there! He keeps walking by our table, and this isn't even his section! Next time he comes by, drop your napkin."

I cracked up and poo-pooed the idea of dropping my napkin, but my grandma plied me with a cocktail and ten minutes later she says, "Ok, he's walking down the aisle coming toward us. I'll tell you when to drop your napkin!" I don't know what got in to me (well, I guess I do, that cocktail!) but she gave me the countdown and on "3," I nudged my napkin off the table and onto the floor. As he bent over to pick it up he looked into my eyes and smiled kind of knowingly and said "oops, I think you dropped this" and winked. I almost turned purple I was soooo embarrassed! He knew what was up, lol!

Well, hey, it's now 19 years later, 15 years of marriage and I thank my wonderful granny up in heaven for the introduction to my husband. And for the record, the man was so sweet and respectful that after a month of dating (many, many dates we were practically inseparable) I finally had to attack HIM!!

And a word to the warning: Match.com is just a total hook up site. I know guys that set up 3 dates a day and have sex during each one. If I were going to go this route, to me, Harmony.com seems more like a site to find a relationship.

Good luck, it WILL happen!

GUghh CREEPS! About a year after my divorce I started dating and had pretty much the same experience so I said I was done with men and just decided to focus on my kiddos. A month later my bff was dating a guy in another town so we would go sometimes on Friday nights so they could see each other and I would tag along and his friend always was drug along as well. They broke up after a few months but the guys friend found me on facebook and asked me out. I told him repeatedly that I didnt date so we decided to be friends. To make a long story short, after tons of all lenghty phone calls, and months of flirty emails I relunctantly agreed to a date. One month from today will be our 5th anniversary :). I know it sooo cliche but when you stop trying it really does find you....sometimes. As for the most romantic thing I guess it would have to be our wedding vows that he wrote or the perfect date he planned for our first anniversary. He actually isnt super romantic in the traditional sense but he does lots of little things that remind me how lucky I am.

I think that the most romantic thing my husband does for me is that he sings to me every night. It's his wedding gift to me -- every night, after we've turned out the lights, and we're done talking or whatever, and are all snuggled up together, he holds me and softly sings a romantic song to me. He's done this every night (well, almost every night -- there are been a few times when he's been sick and unable to) for the past 4 1/2 years.

He also writes me sonnets.

Ugh. To answer your question--no I have not been in your shoes....
But this is exactly why O. of my BFFs swore off dating until her son was a teen! LOL
Maybe be a little harder-to-get before accepting an invitation. It might weed out the creeps a bit.
Nice guys ARE out there and just know that O. is working his way to you, as we type!

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Hi E., I can relate to you! I dated 3 years and had the same problem over and over with guys on dates, until I met my fiance-who was so respectful and didn't try to move too fast, which was refreshing to say the least. Maybe you need to tell guys before you even go out what you expect from them and that you want to get to know them before getting physical. Maybe that would weed out those that are just looking for a casual relationship.. I wish you the best.

A few of my friends are going through this.... Since women have become accepting of casual relationships...men have the mentality. that women are more readily available in that area and it's no biggie. Since a lot of women just put out...men don't have to work to romance and be respectful anymore. They just move from woman to woman because well nowadays people get to "score" a lot easier....Says something about our society doesn't it? Sad. The good ones are harder to find. Hugs to you. Dating sucks no matter at what age! Keep "fishing" there is bound to be a good catch out there. I like one of the suggestions. Be blunt and say if you're looking to score move on..I'm not interested.

Love Alexis's line!!!!

You need to date more!

These kind of dates in my book called "Freak! I am outta here... Next one, please!"

Do not stop and do not give them much thought. How did you ended up on dates with those two, by the way? Don't you weed the bed ones out before time with some conversation, sizing them up in general?

Do your homework before you go on the date. Talk to the guy as much as you can, if you do not like him - do not go out with him. Why waist time?

Good luck next time!

ha its normal to go dutch now too! While i understand this now somewhat, since before when guys paid for girls, girls didn't work, so it does make sense it would change, but still wheres the romance, atleast treat in the beginning. Wheres guys opening doors for you, and thinking about you and writing a sweet note?
ughhh my ex who cheated for years was awesome at romance, he wasnt insanely in shape...but he still has grls crawling all over him and it's b/c he opens doors, pays for his dte and takes notes in his phone when a girl mentions they like something so if hes ever thinking of her and wants to get her something he knows what and they know he's been listening. BUT that does proove J. because guys are romantic doesn;t mean they;re thinking of you, they're jut TRAINED. That doesn;t go for all guys, some guys are the exception.

Sorry for your dting troubles. Atleast you have something to laugh about=)

Jo W youdescibed my Ex although he would still call and hang around for future fun while seeing other girls=)

The post made me laugh!! I deal with the same thing a lot. My latest adventure was when I was speeding on a back road and a cop pulled me over and tried his best to sleep with me. I took the ticket!! I figured if he was doing that to me then he was doing that to a lot of single women. Single does not mean stupid.

I just figure that if a man cares enough to chase me then I will venture out to take the step. I have been single for over 3 years. I concentrate a lot on my kids. I laugh a lot at the cheesy pick up lines.