It's Been 2 Years and I'm Still Very Sad, Is There a Suport Group (Avalon Area)

Updated on April 01, 2008
M.C. asks from Orlando, FL
4 answers

I've been divorced just over a year, the whole ordeal began two years ago. My husband just re-married this Saturday and I'm devastated. The kids are with him for the week so I'm alone to dwell on it. I have a great group of married friends who help me out as much as they can and a wonderful church (where they also got married) but I just can't seem to get past the pain of loosing my marriage. Is anyone else in the same situation or do you know of a suport group I can meet with?

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So What Happened?

I survived the week of spring break when my kids were with their Dad and he married his girlfriend. Thank all VERY much for the prayers and words of wisdom. Sometimes hearing the things we know mean more when they come from a stranger.
I was not happy in my marriage, and I have a good life now. I realize what I am most sad about is the loss of that dream, the perfect family. There will never be a family vacation or holiday the same as it would be if we were together. Sometimes my faith hinders my healing. I struggle between knowing God has a plan for me and he will protect us and knowing divorce is no OK with Him and that we should have turned to God and prayer before we gave up. I guess the good in all of this is that the divorce and the healing has given me a new relationship with the Lord and for that I will forever be greatful.

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answers from Orlando on

I was very dedicated to making my relationship work with my ex and when it did not it weighed on me heavily. As a child of divorced parents it was very important to me to have "Mom and Dad" together. Sometimes we focus on the wrong thing. Were you happy in the relationship? Do you think you two were compatible? Sometimes people just want different things in life and it takes a while to realize it.

You sound like lots of fun (save the tatas too funny!) and have plenty to offer to someone who is right for you and deserves you! Take this time to realize your worth and what you want in life, develop your talents and explore your interests. Take the focus off of him and what could have been (as hard as that can be at times). Sometimes people come in to your life to teach you things and they are not necessarilly meant to be by your side for life.

This is a new chapter in your life and it can be checking in, no compromising what you want to do, you can explore and grow as a person...alot of this gets lost in our efforts to keep the relationship working. As we focus on our spouse we loose focus on ourself. It sounds like you are doing that with all your activities.

So if you feel your thoughts winding up..just say no! then go! get out of the house, go for a walk or a jog, keep your body and mind moving and stay in control of your thoughts! With that said, sometimes you have to face and deal with your emotions and it is ok to feel sad at times, you gave alot to your relationship. Just keep it in perspective and keep the focus on your life, your journey which started before you met him and continues on with or without anyone you meet in life.

Our kids seem to be similar ages, if you ever want to get together on the weekend. I am not too far in the Winter Park/Orlando area. I sure could use someone to work out with and loose some of my baby fat (I think 3 years is too long to claim baby fat :>)

In love and blessings,

Mom to 4 (9b, 5twin b, 3g)

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answers from Orlando on

I just wanted to say I am sorry for your sadness. It will get better. My first marriage ending was devastating. My son was 6 1/2 and my daughter was 2 months old when my ex left. It will get better. I promise. Keep busy and it sounds like you are. On those times when your kids aren't with you. Treat yourself to some YOU time. Get your hair done, manicure, pedicure whatever, just stay active. I had friends that weren't married and that helped too. Important to your survival is feeling sexy again, feeling like someone would want to be with you, because you have all of these wonderful things to offer.
You have accomplished so much. My husband ran in that same marathon as you with all of us waiting for him. So, I know the commitment you had to have made to get through that ordeal.
You will make it through. It will take years and years to get past all of the feelings associated with divorce, but take this as a learning experience and move on to the rest of your life.
I have been divorced from my ex for 13 years and I still have to deal with him and I still want to wring his neck sometimes, but I am happily married to the right man now for the past almost 12 years and have moved on.
Stay strong and I'll be pulling for you. Thanks for all of your help to in the fight against Breast Cancer my whole family is involved in the fight. I and my mother did the Breast Cancer 3 day 60 mile event in Tampa and my husband did the marathon. My husband and daughter will do it together next year. My friend and sister in law died a year ago Jan. from this killer and left behind 5 children. So, it's close to our hearts as well.
Keep up the fight.



answers from Orlando on

First of all--OMG after reading your bio--congrats on completing the 1/2 marathon!! That's amazing. I work out, and have done a mini-triathlon (and hate running) so I do understand the size of that accomplishment--I'm impressed!

Regarding your divorce and your ex remarrying--well of course you are devastated! That's a very short period of time you have had to first adjust to being divorces and the huge lifestyle change and then accept your ex getting married and the affects that also has on your family!
As far as support groups, I'm sorry I don't any, but check with UCF. They have many, many free and inexpensive student services which include counseling--I mean you are paying for it with your tuition--why not take advantage of it?
Hang in there tho!
Also, I'm not sure of your schedule, but also check into moms clubs (they are a great form of support). Not sure where you live, I know moms club international ( has chapters all over, including out by UCF. Just PM me if you want more info on that since I'm in one here in Winter Park.



answers from Orlando on

I am very sorry you are going through this.

All I can offer is that God will handle your pain and to start looking forward to the future. Your future. Not your ex's... or anyone elses.

God has great blessings in store for you and he does not intend for you to be alone while all others are off having whirlwind romances. (As we all know, that whirlwind fades and then marriage need effort again).

I assure you their marriage will not be the magical fairy tale you envision it to be and thinking about them and their life will only hurt you.

Instead, love yourself, let go of the "failed marriage" and accept that it takes two to make a marriage fail just as it does to make it work.

Right now focus on your happiness and the things you do. Do not ever talk about your ex or his relationship again. Do not reference it as there is no longer a need to. There is no fear of them getting married, they have, so it's the end of the road for dwelling on that note.

This life is about you and your relationship with your children now and also about how you are touching the lives of many by becoming involved with the community and with your children's school and with the marathons for breast cancer! What a wonderful person you must be!

You will not be left alone in this life but for now, focus on knowing who you are and what makes you happy along with spending time with your children. In the middle of all your fun and happiness you will come to realize that you are never really alone and that one day, even if not tomorrow, you will have someone new in your life to share everyday with.

Long for the blessings of the future,
With love,

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