Is There Any Way to Undue 2 Major Parenting Mistakes Ive Made with My Toddler

If you consider these two things "failures", you really will have problems later when you have teens ;) Anyways, I don't consider either to be big mistakes - it sounds like you've done a great job overall and there's not a parent in the world that has a perfect child. And, these behaviors are quite normal and not at all unusual for kids this age and don't reflect poor parenting.

As far as #1, part of that habit is learned, but it is also totally natural for kids to need their parents more sometimes than others. And, kids that are more active (and intelligent) often seem to have more difficulty with easily settling in for the nite. YOu also might consider looking at what happens during the day on the nites where she doesn't settle in well - maybe too much activity or perhaps not enough outside time or not enough one on one time with mom. I also don't think that spanking is effective at all in this situation. Both my sons needed extra time with us at nite and I found that staying in their room for a bit while their nitetime story tape was playing helped everyone calm down. Also, on days that were busier, I really tried to make sure that we started our winding down earlier - that may sound the reverse of what you need but an overtired child can have more difficulty falling to sleep than a child that isn't. Also, you don't mention how much she sleeps - part of this may have to do with her needing less sleep and some kids do give up naps pretty early - my older son never napped at home after he was two. This seems also to have become a power struggle, so it might really help to change your tactics and rather than take away privileges perhaps give her something extra the next nite - i.e, an extra bedtime story IF she goes to sleep well the nite before.

2) It's not totally realistic to expect a two year old to sit through a meal while parents try to enjoy their meal, so you might really want to consider not eating out as often for a while and as someone else suggested talk to her to set expectations beforehand. And, I used to think that other folks had issues "teaching" their kids "properly" when they were doing what your daughter does in restaurants - that was until I had my 2nd son who was crawling out of his high chair at about a year (undoing the buckle) and could not stay in his seat for an entire meal even at home.

you seem to have a lot of good responses but I will chime in also, first of all you are a good mother, don't be so hard on your self, each child will be different and 3's are the testers in the house! they can test your very last nerve sometimes, so chalk that one up to her personality, she will like to test what she learns which is good.

As for sleeping issues, my son is the same way. what I've started doing, and it is working, the first time he gets out of bed I talk to him about how he needs to stay in his room, he can get a book and read in his bed but he has to stay in his room. He only gets water in bed, if he continues to get out of bed or call out I DO NOT speak to him, I just go put him back in his bed and walk out. I learned this trick on Supper Nanny, they get out of bed to engage parents and get attention, but if we give then no interaction and just put them back in bed they don't get the attention they are looking for, and they eventually give up... every once in a while I have to say "NO" before I walk out. but it is working, I usually only have to do it once in a night now.

at the restaurant, I have always used the theory that I tell them before we go in a restaurant (or store) how I expect them to behave, and what the consequences will be if they don't. then you have to be willing to leave if they don't follow through. for example set up the situation, you know what she will do so plan ahead go to a restaurant where you pay for your food ahead of time so it is easy to leave if you need to, tell her what you will do if she gets out of her chair... she will go into a high chair and if she complains you will leave, have the high chair sitting at the table as a reminder of the consequences if she gets up and the first time she gets up in the chair she goes. and if she has a fit get up and leave. then next time you are out with her remind her of her actions... "I wish we could go to Double Daves for pizza but since you wont stay in your chair we cant go" then go home and eat. then set her up again, go out to eat and follow the same plan till she gets it right, I promise it won't take more then twice, kids love to eat out, so they learn very quickly. I had to do this at Mc Donalds a few times where they couldn't get up till they were done eating, they learned very quickly to eat all their food first, McD's wouldn't be a good place to learn because you are supposed to get up and play but there are plenty of places that you can go where you pay first then eat that work.

the bag of toys help entertain, while sitting at the table but the behavior still has to be learned. My three yr old didn't start challenging me till he was 3 and a half but he is making up for lost time (my first child barely challenged us at all, my 2nd challenged everything) it is part of being three it has nothing to do with making mistakes as a parent just a different stage in your child's life

hope that helps

Re: Seems like lots of excuses to stay up later at bedtime before bedtime try having her empty her bladder by sitting and going on the potty so that a "diaper change" is NOT necessary. Maybe switch to PULL-UPS at night and if she goes to bed and stays in bed she can wear a pull-up the next night if not a diaper the next night? NO more 2nd cups of milk-- If he had a good dinner and her 1st night time milk then she should be FULL. wean her off of the 2nd sippy cup milk routine by giving water ONLY. Maybe allow her to have the door opened with a hall light/night light on in the hall or her room. (make a BIG deal out of a night light if she doesn't have one go pick a special charater one out. If she gets out of bed then the door closes? Maybe also she might be ready to get rid of her nap time-- she may not be tired enough to goto bed? Maybe instead of nap time she just has quit time in room on her bed "reading" and looking through books?
re: restaurant behavior: at almost 3 she maybe ready for a booster seat. Those rest. high chairs are hard and not comfy. Explain to her at home (maybe even get her a booster at home first) that when "we" go out to dinner if you can be a big girl and sit nicely we can you can try a booster-- however the min. explain that if she misbehaves and tries to get out she will need to know that she will IMMEDIATELY go to the highchair.
good luck-- be consistant and stay STRONG!

I use to take my daughter by myself out to eat. We would go at least once a week to get her use to eating out. She was probably around 12 months when I started and it worked with her. I could focus more time on redirecting her behavior. I notice you said she does this when she is done eating do you wait to eat until she is done? If so try to make her feed herself while you are eating. with my two children now dining can be difficult at times, but stick with it she will get better.
For bedtime I would just stick to a routine. Make sure when you are reading her book give her a drink. Once you are finished tell her drink time is over and it is time for bed. Don't go back she will learn to put herself to sleep. I am not a big fan of gates just because she will start potty training soon and will need to be able to get out of bed to go potty. If you are going to change the way you do bedtime then I would take away the gate so you don't have to worry about that again. Maybe tell her you are such a big girl that I am taking away your gate and that means you need to stay in your own bed. I love the reward chart (worked great with potty training my daughter) I would try it. You could also read 3daysleeptraining.com I have never read it, but I did use the 3 day potty training method and it work with both my kids.

Well, I think it is never too late, but certainly not in your case:) I will just suggest that you have a special bag of fun things to do at the restaurant to help occupy her. We have a bag of toys..mini magnadoodles, etcha-sketches, colored pencils etc. that are only for things like restaurants and dr. offices etc. That has been the biggest life saver!! It is unrealistic to expect her to sit with nothing to do, but certainly, there is no getting down and running around! No offense, but I just hate that when I am at a restaurant. You can fix that one pretty easily:) Also, I do tend to take special snacks for them after they eat their dinner...maybe smarties or something like that. I hope that helps a little. Good luck ~A.~

Here's what I have learned about parenting....at age 3 (or even several years older), it is NOT too late to change behaviors--both mine and my children! (Thank goodness, because I rarely do it quite right the first time!)

With bedtime, I wonder if you put a little sticker chart in her room, and tell her if she stays in her bed until morning, she can put a sticker on the chart, and with the sticker comes a special prize (something small but motivating to her, like special Mommy and me coloring time for 5 minutes--not toys, etc.--or the sticker may be enough) Then (if it works) she can start getting a reward after 2 stickers, then 3, so you are not having to reward everyday. And then if she gets the sticker in the morning (especially the first few times) celebrate like she has won the lottery--make a BIG deal about it!

In the restaurant, I have found (not 100% effective, but what is?) that if I tell my kids before we go into the restaurant that we are going to sit nicely at the table while we order, then we are going to eat using our best manners, and we are going to stay at the table after we finish eating--just prepping them for the entire experience as we are on their way to the restaurant, it seems to help. I will also let you know that with both of my kids (ages 5 and 8) there were phases(at the 2-3 year range) with both of them that we just chose not to eat out because it was too difficult. Usually the phases didn't last long, but we would have months that they were perfect little angels at restaurants, then weeks (or longer) that they were just the opposite. Now they both do fine!

Good luck, and remember...parenting is trial and error~lots of errors` until you finally find what works for you and your child....

Good luck!

You are being way too hard on yourself! Perfection is something that is NEVER going to happen. And kids go through phases like this all the time and has NOTHING to do with your parenting skills. Our 5th chuld did the same exact thing. I was totally at a loss at what to do, my other four never did this. After research on the subject I chose the consistency method. He got up, I put him right back to bed. No talking or yelling or spanking. If he was out of bed, I got up and simply put him back. I thought this was NEVER going to end. And truthfully it was an almost six month struggle. BUT one day it finally clicked in his brain that I wasn't giving up. He is 4 now and is my EASIEST child now when putting down for naps and bed and I believe its because of that method now. My 6th child is three and started doing it about a month ago and we are doing the same thing with her.

As far as the restaurant goes....strap her in a high chair next time. She's not too old for it. If you want to give her an option tell her you will let her sit in a big girl chair but if she gets out she will go back in the highchair. After a few times she'll learn.

I can offer advice on #1- the only thing that worked for us was the Super Nanny method. We don't have a gate. When our son opened the door and came out, first you can say "good night, it's time for bed, I love you..." and put him in bed, 2nd time, you only say "it's bed time" and put him in bed. After that, you don't say anything and just put him in bed. It probably took a couple weeks every night for a few hours every night. My husband and I would take turns. I would read a book right outside his door. We quickly learned trying to sit on the couch was useless. Most of the time immediately after we put him in bed, he would get out. It was hard work, but it paid off. Occasionally he'll come out now, but he knows he's not allowed to come out and have fun so he stays in his bed and sings or talks or reads (in the dark.) Good luck

T.,
I'm chiming in too, but not to give you advice on how to correct your "mistakes" as I think you are getting plenty! I'm chiming in with the Mom's that are telling you that you are too hard on yourself. These are by no means "major" mistakes and ALL of us make mistakes. Your child has a personality of her own. You can't always know the "correct" way to respond. Parenting, like most things in life, can be trial and error. Just that you are trying so hard shows what a good mom you are.

I think, really, that alot of this is just to do with the age. Plues, some will be pesonality.

#1- Of my 5 kids I have 1 who is 16 that bed time is STILL a struggle. His clock is just set differently. So for him I make concessions as I can. Theothers 2 of them were great bed goers and my 3 year old still dioesnt want to go to bed a couple nights a week. She may go to bed well, but she deosnt stay there. some of the others have done this to but they all out grew it over time. The thing is, sometimes there is only so much you CNA do because you are trying to enforce one set of behavors on a personality that is different from yours. What I would continue to do is remain consistant with your routine and your baby gate, but then I would maybe let up on thepunishments. She is 3 and its harder for the *big picture* to be grasped. Plus using a punishment the next day for something done tonite is usally not effective because they jsut cant remmeber the transgression after that long a period. Maybe try going opposite witha reward system of stickers or whatever for going t bed rather than punishment for not. Try putting her downa bit later, maybe she isnt ready yet at her current bed time. But rest assured with continued consuistant routine she will fall into it evebtually!

#2 I dont know to many 3 year olds that will sit quietky at the restaurant table for long periods of time.They have a short attention span. Its normal. You could limit her trips with you or limit your time at the restaurants. But in all reality, sitting at the big table enduring a bunch of adult conversation you dont understand is not a good time for a little one! One thing we do on occasion is feed them dinner before we go, but when we get our food we will offer bites and tastes to the littles then order them a dessert about 1/2 way thru our own meal. This works pretty well for us!

You seem to have it under control it just seems like you have hit the crazy 3's! Take heart, I survived it 4 times so far and have a 5th one on her way up!

Hi T.,
I think that the sleeping issues are very common for her age. I would just be constant with your routine and try not to be upset with her or yourself but firm about it being time to go to sleep. Have you tried giving her books to look at while lying in bed. Sometimes it helps them to unwind by themselves before going to sleep.
As for the restaurants, I would suggest telling her ahead of time that the rule is that she sit in her seat and not get up. Tell her that if she does she will have to sit in a highchair. If you are not comfortable with her possibly having a fit in public you can give a "time out" in the car. We did that a few times and worked great for us. Whatever consequence you decide make sure you are willing to take the time and back it up. Even if that means someone has to eat a cold meal. ") After a time or two she'll get it. Also it would be wise to take something for her to do while she's required to seat in her seat like a toy or game.
Best Regards,
C.

"This, too, shall pass...." believe me, it will..don't stress!

For the restaurant, I highly recommend a booth. That was you can "trap" the kid between you and the wall so she can't get down and run around. You can also get a portable booster with a seatbelt if you think that would help.

The bedtime routing seems about right. That is what we do with our 2 1/2 year old. Sometimes she fights to go to bed as well; however, the struggle usually ends pretty quickly. Her latest thing is refusing to go to bed a few nights a week. After the bedtime routine, I tell her that it is time for bedtime. She refuses to lay down in her bed. I just tell her that i cannot give her a kiss or tuck her in with covers until she lays down. She usually refuses and remains sitting up. I tell her that she has made a poor choice and I leave the room. She screams and after a few minutes I go back in tuck her in and give her a kiss. i don't hear a peep the rest of the night. Your situation seems to be a bit different because my daughter does not dare get out of her bed without me allowing her to do so. She has always been that way; however, when I transitioned her to the bed from crib I sat at the doorway with my back to her for the first couple of times. I would not respond to her crys and she got the idea that she is supposed to stay in bed. In your circumbstances, I would start over. I would start this evening doing the bedtime routine; however, this time sit at the door with your back to her. If she gets out of the bed, then pick her up and put her in bed. The first time say it is time to go to sleep. Everytime after that do not say a word and just continue to put her in bed until she gives up. She will get the idea. Good luck!