Is My Daughter a Brat?

I have a problem with anyone labeling a toddler a brat. To me, only someone fully aware of their actions can be "bratty". I don't think a 3 year old has the emotional awareness to know that her actions truly affect others. It's all about "me" at that age and that should be expected. They learn over time that this is not the case, but all children act "bratty" at that age at one time or another, but that does not mean they are a brat. Now, I know there are different levels of misbehaving and this person probably thought your daughter was misbehaving more than she should for someone her age, but it's all relative.

Did you ever see the episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where the kids' new friend "Spencer" was causing Ray so much headache. He was supposed to be this gifted child and his parents let him say and do almost anything while excusing it as just being "creative". Now that kid was a brat! Of course, he knew he was a brat and did it because he could.

I too think it's good for us to try to look at our kids from a different perspective on occasion. It's funny how some parents are hyper-critical of their kids and think that everyone is bothered by their behavior if it's even just a little disruptive while others think their kids are perfect and no matter what they are doing, everyone around them should just think it's as cute as they do. Again, all relative.

I think I'm realistic about my kids' intellectual abilities at this point. I know my 8 year old should NOT throw a temper tantrum in public because she wants a toy and doesn't get it, but I know that my 3 year old might and there's nothing I can do about it except try to distract him from the situation. I can try to explain it to him, but there's no guarantee at that age he will understand.

I say shame on that lady for saying that about your 3 year old daughter, especially where your FIL could hear it. She sounds like the brat to me.

Children that age can be brats...and I'm a teacher. My son is a terror sometimes. You just have to look at it with open eyes. Are they doing that behavior (talking back, throwing fit, etc...) out of manipulation or do they truly not understand? It's hard sometimes for a parent to see those things in their kids. I can see it in my 3 year old son, & I think it's due to the fact that I saw it in the day care that I worked at. I also saw it when I worked in a classroom in school.

I have a friend who's 4 year old daughter is a major brat!! Example: We drive down to Houston for her birthday every year because her mom is my oldest friend. She is bossy, rude, & downright mean to all her guests...and this is all the time...not just at her birthday. When she opens a present she doesn't like (which is usually my son's), the girl will look right at the person & say, "I don't like this present!" She'll then throw it down. Her mom will just look at me & say, "I'm sorry." That's all...won't correct her behavior at all.

My friend's daughter runs the house. She sets the tone & schedule for that house. The little girl also talks to her mom like trash & screams at her. Now that's a brat!! And her parents' fault for letting her be that way. My DH & I have decided not to go to her birthday parties anymore because of how my friend lets her daughter treat us & our son.

So you have to look at how other people react to her. The good thing is that you will be taking steps to change some behaviors if you see something you don't like. :)

I have to admit that there are plenty of times that I've seen children that in my mind I thought were brats. It is usually a case of the "tail wagging the dog" when a child expects his/her parents to do or give them anything they want, they have no idea what the word no means and will whine or throw a fit it there is any resistance to his/her own will. My daughter is nine and she has one friend that is so disresectful to her parents, treats them like garbage but they still overindulge her (she is their only). One time while staying at our house, she tried ONCE to talk to me like I've seen her talk to her mom and she learned real quick that I don't let my daughter act like that and she certainly won't. She's been with us many times since and not once have I had an issue with her. On the contrary, she behaves quite politely. So kids have the ability to act bratty when they know it will get them what they want. But again, the lady at church should be more careful about voicing her opinions when the wrong person is standing close by. Hopefully, she felt very embarassed and will not make that mistake again!

Its easy to overlook our own childrens faults, but it is good to step back sometimes and see how your child interacts with others and behaves in general. Does she whine a lot? Does she talk back to you often? Does she listen when you are speaking to her? Does she throw fits? Does she use respect when addressing adults? I like to keep myself and my children in check so that we do not become blind to our own faults and weaknesses. After all, 1 Corinthians 10:12 says "let him that thinks he is standing beware that he does not fall."

What a terrible thing to say about a young child!
Hope she wasn't in a position of child care and if she was it needs to be reported. ALL 3 year old behave badly at some point or another! They are in the process of becoming their own person as well as trying to learn some self control.
As a mom we all fear that we are doing a bad job of raising our children as times. Specially when someone says or does something to plant that seed of fear in us! It shows how much you care by posting your request and as a mom you probably know you little girl better than anyone else!
C.

Interesting feedback you're getting, but I'm more interested in how Grandpa thinks he's going to enforce that threat! "Never speak like that about my granddaughter again..", (or I'll what?)
Feedback is a necessary function in our society. That's what we're doing here isn't it? If your husband came to church wearing a big flower hat on his head and lime green socks, he would no doubt get some feedback. Feedback can be valuable and some people give it more painfully than others. Why indeed did that church lady associate "rotten" with your 3 year old? Could it have been taken out of context? Perhaps she meant that she is spoiled with lots of things rather than rotten behaviorilly. If your child is REALLY a brat, you will get more feedback verbally and non-verbally from multiple sources and you will know. It is your job then, as her mother to gently correct obnoxious behavior. Often when I dress up our five year old, who is physically very attractive, I remind her that she must be pretty on the inside as well as on the outside. Unfortunately attractive kids have to work twice as hard for social acceptance. Practice and teach the golden rule and remind Grandpa that everyone is entitled to their opinion. He just needs to consider the source and file it away. He cannot shadow and protect your daughter all her life.
C. S.

I have 4 kids from age 13 down to almost 2. They all behave like brats from time to time...but most likely because they are rotten LOL...

Without really knowing the context of what was said it is kinda of hard to decide what the person at church was meaning. My kids are rotten because I love them dearly, so they have spoiled rotten bratty moments. Most the time, when they have these moments there is something in relation going on. Very tired, bad day, sick, or just having a moment as we all tend to do. I have met adults on the street that acted like brats. WE ALL have these moments.

I don't know that I would want to be around a child who didn't have a bratty moment because to me it just isn't normal.Kids have so much to learn every day about how they handle themselves in life it is only normal they are going to get frustrated. Unfortunately, it sometimes happens in the middle of the grocery isle when you are in a rush or just don't feel like dealing with it. Anyone that would happen upon you in the store, and look at either one of you as anything other than a bad moment is crazy or never had children.

I would have to be around a child several times to label them a brat. I would have to go back to a child that never had a good day and that is really rare. Most all kids have good and bad days...even if the bad seem more frequent during one time period and then lots of good for a time period.

I don't think you could be around a child for just one day a week (say Sunday school) and be justified in calling them a brat. If that is the only interaction that child gets with other children, than he/she is just learning how to act around others, not necessarily being bratty.

If your child was indeed causing havoc they would have spoken with you about it. Maybe it was an endearing rotten, maybe they were speaking of another child, or maybe it was some nosey nelly that has no business being around kids. Believe me, with me having 4 kids, I come across those type of people all the time! I just feel sorry for them that they don't have the love that I have from my kids!

I think if it was someone employed there, I would be having a talk with their boss, as they should never comment on the children in front of other parents like that. If your child is giving them a hard time, they should discuss it with you.

Good luck!

I agree with everyone else in that, a 3 year old is simply a 3 year old. Yes, she may well have been acting "bratty," but it was wrong for anyone to label her as a brat or as rotten - especially at CHURCH! As for what makes a child a brat, I would say it is defined by consistent disregard for the feelings of others and the attitude of always demanding what she wants with no regard for sharing, patience or good manners. Every toddler will exhibit some of those behaviors from time to time, but if your daughter shows a concern for others, uses words such as "please", "thank you", "excuse me", "I'm sorry", etc. routinely, then I am sure you are just fine. I would only caution you to be sure that she is acting as well when you aren't around as when you are. Does she go to a MDO, preschool and anything like that? Ask the caregivers there or your babysitter. They will give you honest feedback if you ask. The mere fact that you care and have asked this question tells me that you have likely raised her well.