Obnoxious, Rude kid..how Would You Respond?

Okay, this isn't abnormal behavior for 4 year olds.

I'll be honest, I'd have stuck my tongue back out at him and laughed.

Now blatant rudeness, meanness, or disrespect...get's a talking to just like I would my own kids, and if it's really over the top I find the parent of the child, explain and walk away.

Close friends also know I'll discipline their kids.

Depends how close the kid is to me. Family member, I correct the behavior. Friend's kid, I tell the parent just so they know how the behavior is perceived by another parent and can handle it if they want. Kid I don't know and probably won't be around often, I'd give my disapproving look and move on.

That particular behavior doesn't sound THAT bad for a 4 year old. Pretty brazen and doesn't reflect well on whatever the parents are willing to put up with from the kid, but unless it i repeated a lot I wouldn't say that is neccesarily an indication the kid is a total brat all the time. 4 year olds push the boundaries. I know I'd want to correct it if my kid said that to an adult so hopefully they'd tell me.

Your friend handled it correctly. She's not 'his boss' and should be thankful she isn't. After he ran away she should have turned to her 3 yr old and said 'It's a shame that he doesn't have manners. Maybe he'll learn to be more polite like you when he gets a little older.' That way she's using the opportunity to show her daughter that yes he behaved badly and she wants her daughter to not act like that at any time.

Seriously. He's 4.
I don't know too any 4 year olds that are 100% perfect in word and deed.
If your friends 3 year did perfect, then I guess she can sit back and bask in the fact that she's a perfect parent that has a perfect child--the only O. of each on the planet.
Truth be to, I don't know a SINGLE SOLITARY parent who's child's words or behavior hasn't made them squirm at some point in their lives, do you?

Oh my goodness! This is pretty typical 4 year old behavior! I don't believe that anything needs "handled".
If an adult is nearby when this is said, all that needs said is," Hey, those aren't nice words. We don't talk like that." If anything is said back, as the adult, you surely must realize you aren't going to get anywhere with that kid, and probably not with the parent either.
Too many people are too sensitive these days about things like this, IMO.

ew, it's hard not to yank a little monster like that up by the ears.
but you can't, and shouldn't.
and even nice little 4 year olds have monster moments.
no disciplining other people's kids, at least not under those circumstances. since she knows the mom, she could let her know in an upfront but not accusatory fashion (everyone's got *some* mamabear when it comes to their own kids.) 'hey petaluma! just wanted to let you know, had a 'moment' in the park with nicodemus. he told sally he was going to poke her eye out, then stuck out his tongue at me when i asked him not to scare her like that. they do have their moods, don't they?'
but if the other mother is one of Those Mothers who pride themselves on 'standing up for their child' under any and all circumstances, and will get volatile and defensive, she should just let it go. most sane moms would want to know so they can address the behavior with their kids, but sanity is growing rare.
regardless, unless she is the adult designated to be in charge of this little cretin, unless he is outright manhandling her daughter, she should refrain from doing anything more about this situation than making sure her daughter is okay.
khairete
S.

Chris G.'s response nails it. Send it to your friend.

When I saw the title on the post I figured it would be about much older kids. Yes, the kid was bratty in that moment. What your friend said to him was fine and exactly what I'd have done, but remember, what she said really was for her daughter's benefit more than this boy's benefit. Daughter needed to hear mom telling another child "that is not how we talk to other people" so she absorbs it for herself AND so she knows mom "has her back" and will step in when kids talk to daughter that way (because three years old is to young to have to handle it herself; that comes later!).

When these things happen I say, "We use nice words" "I am sad that you are not using your nice manners.".

"You need to go (sit/stand next to your Dad, Mom until you can find some nice words. "

And I do this with a very disappointed sightly disgusted face.

You don't worry about the other person's kid, that's their problem. You worry about your kid. Use it as a teachable moment for your child. Remind your child that this behavior is not acceptable and you don't expect to see them acting in that way. Trust me, once kids get into school, you're dealing with all sorts of behavioral problems from other kids. You can drive yourself crazy over it, but the fact is you can't control other people's kids or their parenting style. You can only control your own. My second grader comes home all the time with stories of kids in her class misbehaving. We always talk about it but in the context of her own behavior and responses. I want to make sure she understands what our expectations are for her behavior and why. In the end, that's all I really care about anyway.

Since she knows the mother, I'd have said something. If I was the mother of the 4 year old little boy, I'd want to know that my child did this, and impose a consequence for being fresh to an adult. I remember my daughter being little once, and me telling a little boy on the playground that he was not allowed to push my daughter. I may not have been the boss of him, but I sure was the boss of my own child and what happened to her.

I don't discipline, because it's not my place, not my child.... nor do I ignore.

It really depends on the age of the kids involved and what's going on. With my son moving toward 7, we might have a quick reality check on standing up for ourselves and "well, he's not talking in a very nice way, you can choose not to play or you can talk to him about it".... In the situation you describe, with the ages you describe, I'm a lot less likely to empower a three year old to handle a meanie themselves. So, if I heard this, I'd likely just hang close so MY kid felt reasonably safe, and if the mean kid continued to do this, I'd just tell the mom -- "hey, looks like your little guy needs help, he keeps threatening to hurt Kiddo".

Here's the thing-- I don't hang out with moms who let themselves be doormats to their bratty kids. Period.I stopped attending a moms group for this reason... the one hurting brat whose mommy made excuses. No skin off my nose, more like a relief. To not respond is to act stupidly, and to choose to act stupidly-- well, I refuse to be around stupid people whenever I can help it. The problem is really with the adult getting off their butt, putting their brain in gear and doing their child the service of *guiding them in life*. I have no respect for parents who can't be bothered, for whatever BS reason they come up with. Short of a major crisis, we shouldn't be so checked out we aren't responding to another adult's request for help.

So, in short- if the parent makes an effort to address a problem, we are fine. I'll still stay close,and we might go home early if my kid isn't having any fun, but if the parent could care less, then so could I. True friendship is a two way street-- my friends and I, we know our kids aren't perfect, but we are attentive and so it works-- and our kids have a great time. For the parents that refuse to be responsive, we just don't hang out any more. I do not suffer fools gladly and don't like seeing parents choose to raise future monsters by not parenting when they need to.

Sometimes it's because of what they hear at home. Sometimes it's because of what they've heard on the TV or from other kids. It is NOT only because parents don't teach proper respect. I have a good friend who worked SO hard with her kids - wonderful home, proper discipline, no yelling, etc. Her daughter was STILL a little piece of work. My son asked her to pass the glue while they were working on an art project, and she said to him "I'm not your slave!" And yeah, she was 4 years old. I looked at her and said "That's not how we talk to people." She heard my words.

She's a college senior now. She's a great kid - still a piece of work in a lot of ways, but a great kid. Sometimes personality traits are tough to deal with. As far as you and your child are concerned, stand up for what is right. You can ABSOLUTELY say to someone else's child "That's not how we talk to people." You should, too. No 4 year old should have to right to take over a room without someone calling them on rudeness, even if you aren't their family.

ignore it, J.. Really. The kid is SCREAMING for attention. You react to it - he gets what he wants. You ignore him? He can't bother you.

Since your friend also said "we don't talk to other people that way" - she tried to handle it. It's apparent that talking to the mother would really not change much. He's learned that behavior from somewhere and no one, it appears, has tried to change it...she will make excuses for him...you must have misunderstood...he's tired, he's having a rough day...

So ignore it...

Gee I hate to see how a parent would react to my son, as he will go up to a friend of his an say "I am going to toot on you." Laugh then run away. Kids will be kids and say inappropriate things to others. Its our responsibility to teach our kids to talk properly to others, however kids that age dont understand whats appropriate n whats not. Then to consider a child rude or obobnoxious? A tad judgemental? Hes a kid!

If a child was disrespectful to my kid or mine was to another, I would speak up and not allow that and talk to the child. Ask them to apologize. Whats sad is realizing how rude kids are these days and how little kids use their manners. When my son started pre-school, he wss the ONLY child out of 18 who said please, thank u, sorry or excuse me. My son also shows compassion, love and care.

A child does what he gets away with n not taught. I have no problem speaking up to someone elses child if it deems appropriate and the child doesnt run away. When my son was 2 I witnessed my son get shoved down by an older child because he didnt want my son to play with the steering wheel. I walked over to this child and said if I see u do that again to my son or n e other child ill walk I over to your mom and tell her how careless you are being!

We all need to help each other out and not allow our kids tob rude, bratty or disrespectful. Im cool w another parent verbally disciplining my son as long as they do it respectfully.

Ummmmm....your friend is a grown up, right?

Grown ups respond like grown ups. Stick your tongue right back at them!

Depends on where it happens.

If it's in my own home and the parent isn't around, I would discipline like I would my kids.

If it's in my own home and the parent is around, I'd hope they take care of it. If they didn't I'd be finding a way for them to leave pretty quickly thereafter.

If it's out in public, my child and I would be leaving the area.

When I took a 'mommy and me' class, they mentioned give a lot of attention to the child being hurt. I think it also applies to verbally hurt. I would comfort the 3 year old in an exaggerated way. Oh, 3 year old you have beautiful eyes and I will protect you. I really appreciate how nice you are to me and all the kids around.' Okay, not quit sure if this example sentence is p.c., but it is an idea.

Yes, I am sure this seems passive/aggressive. But for some, it works to compliment the innocent child with examples of the opposite behavior from the guilty child.

I would consider telling the guardian, but some parent reap what they sow, so there really is not a point if it is a public park. If I was in a swim class or other paid event I would tell the organizer. I do know of some children getting kicked out of classes when there have been valid complaints (3 year old trying to dunk another 3 year during swim class).

Well a four year old who sticks his tongue out at an adult and shouts "you aren't the boss of me" clearly has been raised not to listen to or respect the adults around him so I'm not sure what COULD be done.
I guess I would probably just say, wow that's not very nice!
Glad I don't hang around with people like this. Another thing to be thankful for today :-)

I would say something like that is really mean and could hurt somebody's feelings---Try saying something nicer next time !

I am kinda blunt because I know that mine would never say things like that---and never did!

I ignore other kids.

I probably hear that every day from my own kids, to each other! . I try to have them @ school at the same time so they are not home to fight.

Wow, talk about a lack of understanding about small children and how their minds work and how they behave, J. G. The four year old is just categorically a brat? Sure the behavior was bratty but I'm sickened at your tone.

The situation was handled. The child responded just fine. "Suck it up, Buttercup, and let it go." is what I would have said to your friend. Because honestly what else could she have said or done? The next step if the CHILD had not walked away would have been addressing her OWN child by taking her 3 year old by the hand and saying, "Let's go, Honey. It's time to play somewhere else with someone else."

And that's how it's done. Because rather than cause trouble the other child knew to walk away.

Nothing beyond that, like I wouldn't have mentioned it to the mom or anything. Kids do act bratty sometimes, although I do also get surprised when a young child doesn't care that an adult has corrected them. I don't think that is a great sign, but also not totally tragic.

I think it depends on how well you know the other mother. If I were comfortable with her and knew she wouldn't blow a gasket, I would let her know (if my kid said that to another kid or stuck their tongue out at an adult, I would want to know).

Even though 4 year olds are still very young and impulsive, they are old enough to be given rules about what is okay and not okay to say to others, especially physical threats.