Is It Making Daddy Sad or Feel Loved?

In his little 5 yr old head he's dealing with his dad being gone by knowing that dad is at his own house right now while he and mommy are at their house. By being able to tell his dad that he wants him home (but not quite using the words an older kid would use) he's letting his father know how much he's being missed.

Let it be, is good for both.
My husband teaches all over US and sometimes in other countries, most weeks he is out and other weeks he teaches from home.

My 3 year old is very use to, and doesn't cry when I drop him on the airport, I think he sometimes wishes she would show she miss him, but at the same time he feels better that she is not suffering, mixed feelings but always good to let them express any kind of feelings.

I want to make sure I've got this right: your husband is away for work, your son is 5 & is sad & misses him sometimes & you're thinking that you should tell the 5 year old to NOT say that so that your grown husband doesn't get sad?

Yep, I don't get it. Your husband is grown & can handle this type of thing. He's a daddy, not a mama who, upon hearing those sad little words the very first time would attempt to hop on the first flight home. Men have a little bit thicker skin usually. 5 year olds? Not so much. Let your baby feel what he feels & let your husband deal with it in his own way.

Your 5 year old should be able to voice anything that he needs to. Please don't tell him to stop. He may worry that there are other things he isn't supposed to say, and then your communication can be hampered.

Your husband is an adult, so although it's sweet that you are concerned about his feelings, the 5 year old's feelings trump his at this time.

What may be HARD for your son is when he comes home and leaves AGAIN. That's when you may see your 5 year old upset.

I feel for you, P.. It's SO hard when our husbands go off for work and we don't see them for extended periods.

Dawn

Please let your son keep saying this, or anything else he wants! Even if your son gets sad during a conversation, it's how he feels, and please don't quash it -- it may make your husband feel sad too but do let your son have his feelings. And your husband's the adult and can handle the comments from your son. I know you don't want your husband to feel sad but your son is the priority here and your husband knows that.

Tell your son he's very lucky to have Skype (think about years ago when kids had only the occasional, very expensive phone call from the parent who was gone, or maybe a note). Another thing to try is having your son write notes and make cards and drawings for his dad and mailing them, and encourage your husband to send cards to your son too -- even a card with nothing in it but a kid joke your husband got from the web would be so welcome. It's a good, tangible reminder -- something to post on the wall and take to show friends, etc., which even Skype can't do. And kids just adore getting and sending mail!

I would never tell my son to stop saying he obviously means. Just validate his feelings and move on.

Let it be but remind him WHY daddy is gone...because he's making money so we can have our home and do fun things. It has always helped with my kids to know the WHY of things, maybe that will help him. Good luck! =)

Let it be- he's expressing how he is feeling. Telling him to squelch it so that he doesn't upset daddy is sending a bad message... keep your feelings to yourself so you don't upset someone else.

I travel a lot for work (frequent, short trips) and it is very very difficult. As the adults, we made the decision for me to take this job, so we deal with the consequences. There have been times when my son is mad at me because I am gone and won't talk on the phone and there are other times when he will Skype with me for a long time.

I'm sure it makes daddy sad, my heart breaks every time I hear his little voice on the phone. Daddy is a grown-up and can deal with the sadness because he knows that he needs to provide for his family.

The time will pass quickly. Put a big calendar in your son's room and mark the "visit days" on the calendar as well as the day daddy comes home for good. Have him mark off the days. We do this with my son and it really does help!

don't censor your child's honest responses!!
your husband is a rational adult, right?
i think he can handle it.
khairete
S.

Let it go, his reality @ age 5 is different than ours, to him Daddy IS @ another house.

Encourage him! He is expressing his feelings of love. It's not up to a child to anticipate whether a parent might be upset about something like this. Would your husband rather that the child said nothing other than a list of his day's activities?? I think not. Obviously, a child shouldn't say mean things that could hurt someone's feelings, but that's not what this is!

Why not let him say what he feels? I don't see the issue at all.

I think if you told him to stop saying something, you would be teaching him to question his feelings. I think you should let him say whatever he's thinking or feeling to someone safe like his father. It's healthy, and it's needed. The alternative could be what? That he didn't notice or care whether dad came home at all? Leave it be, and validate your son's feelings. Tell him this thing is temporary (all things are) and to work on ways to show daddy some love. Mail pictures or crafts? Tell him stories of what he did that day? Take 1 picture everyday for a little book so daddy doesn't miss out too much? I've found that doing "projects" looking forward to his return makes the time pass easier for my sons. Sometimes my husband has to go to England without us, but we work on a "in the meantime" project, or a "while you were gone" book, or some neat things we'll do for when daddy comes home. One time we made a banner that said welcome home daddy: I drew the letters in pencil and let my boys step in paint and then we made the letters out of footprints and handprints. We mailed "homemade postcards" where my oldest drew things that he / we were doing (kung fu, riding horses, shopping, picking up dog poo---yes, that was one he drew, etc). Ask your husband privately if he would take 5 or 10 minutes when he had downtime at the hotel or wherever he's staying, where he can write little notes in a notebook for "the family" back home: what's he thinking, what's he doing, what did he eat, what does he miss, is he having fun, etc. Then when he comes home for a visit every 5 weeks, he can read it to his son. Plan for your next visit with him and make it "daddy day" where you cook a favorite meal, have his favorite music, color pictures in his favorite color, etc and plan an outing or at home "party" (even if it's just the 3 of you)---that stuff takes preparation and can be fun while still respecting and giving a nod to your son's feelings about missing dad.

When my daughter was an infant, I belonged to a "Parents as Teachers" group through the local school district. We had a speaker once who told us that parents shouldn't say "I miss you" to their child because it puts the responsibility for being "away" on the child and can cause feelings of guilt. Instead, the parent should say "I love you". That seemed reasonable to me so I never said "I miss you.". Years later (just recently), I was having a conversation with my 12 year old daughter about her going away to Girl Scout camp when she said "You never tell me you miss me when I go away to camp". First, I was shocked she noticed that at all. Second, I explained why I never said I missed her when she went away - I didn't want her to feel bad about being away and having some fun away from mom and dad, but that I always tried to remind her how much I loved her. I didn't want her to feel guilty and that I thought me saying "I miss you" would make her feel bad about not being home. I told her that of course I missed her -- madly -- every time she went away. She got a huge smile on her face and gave me a big hug. She understood and it made her feel even more special that I was so conscientious about my choice of words to her.

It seems your son only wants to express the obvious, he wants his daddy home. If we feel guilty about the words our kids use, well, that's what being a grown up is all about. Your husband can either change the situation, or just try to make the best of it. Asking your son not to say it is, again, putting the responsibility for the situation on your child, which is all kinds of wrong.

Now, my son says "I missed you" all the time, even when I'm gone only long enough to pick up dinner. He's funny that way. I'll say "I missed you too", but never first. I still say "I love you".

After my conversation with my daughter, I don't know if the speaker at the "Parents as Teachers" meeting was right or not. I mean, if my daughter was so acutely aware that I never told her I missed her, what might have changed if I had? I do know that letting our kids express their feelings, no matter what level of guilt that puts on us, is what will keep the communication lines open for as long as possible. And believe me when I say you and your husband will miss it soon enough when your son doesn't say "I miss you" anymore.

Blessings,
N.

He is just telling you how he feels. Please do not squelch this. We all want
our kids to say what they are feeling. It is healthy for him to be doing this.
He misses his Dad and loves him.

Yes! Affirm his feelings! My hubby is away about a week a month. My almost 4 year old always misses him terribly. When she says something, I just say "I know sweetie, daddy will be home soon!"

When my oldest was about 2 I took a job that I was working out of town during the week and was home on the weekends. My parents took care of my son for me. I called him every night. When he would say he wished I was home, I would tell him it would be only a few more days. Told him how much I missed and loved him also. But after he would say it, I would always break down and cry the rest of the night. I would always think if I was making the right choice. But I knew it was the best for both of us. The money I was making there was setting up our future. But after the summer was done and I got laid off that winter, I found a job that I was home with him every night. For me personally I couldn't handle being away from him even though both of my parents said that he was fine while not talking to me.

I would talk to him and see how he reacts to it. If it really bothers him then I would talk to your son about it. But at the same time he is just telling his daddy the truth about how he feels. Maybe with being gone for so long it might be comforting for daddy to hear that his son still loves him and thinks about him while he is gone and wants to be with him.