Infant Separation Anxiety

I'm going through this with my daughter too. She's 11 months. I don't think it's quite as bad as yours though. She will go to sleep without a problem during the day but I've had to go up and give her back her paci a few times lately at night (she only gets to have it in bed). I never had to do that before and twice she woke up screaming and wouldn't go back down for a long time. She mostly does it when she is tired but it seems to be getting worse.

I can't just plop her down to do chores like some moms have suggested because she can walk and she grabs hold of my leg and won't let go. When I can get her to not hold on to me, I let her get into the tupperware drawers and that keeps her busy. I'm not doing the sling thing either; she weighs about 23lbs and I'm 115 so she is just too heavy to carry around like that, plus she grabs at anything within reach. I have to take her to the bathroom with me also, but I keep some toys in there for her and that keeps her busy while I take care of business; I'm also using the opportunity to teach her some potty training words and explain what I'm doing and let her watch while I flush--I know sounds gross but maybe she'll get the idea so it'll be easier to potty train later.

Sometimes I just have to let her cry. I try to keep those moments brief and reassure her as soon as I get back into the room. And sometimes, I just let her hang all over me and pray that this will pass quickly! If I learn any good tricks, I'll let you know.

It is so hard to watch your little one scared. Our son had it at about that age, but it wasn't as bad as what you are going through. With us (and the doctor told us that it was pretty common) it only lasted about 2 months. If you can keep that in the back of your mind, it helps. What we did to help with getting stuff done around the house was to try and stay in the same area has our son. We would put him down and do chores right next to him, talking to him the entire time. He would cry horribly for the first 3 or 4 times that we did it and then would calm down a bit. (This is great for when you need to go to the bathroom. Plop him down on the floor RIGHT next to you and talk and sign songs.) When that distance was okay, we would put him a little farther away, doing the same thing. Gradually he realized that we were not going to leave him. Infants are farsighted, so everything up close is very blurry. They only know you by your voice and smell. When you leave the room or move away, everything else is scary, but your voice and smell are what make them feel comfortable. Hopefully it will be over or at least not as bad in the next few weeks/months. Best of luck.

I've been there, two were easy, one was a SCREAMER - and I kick mine out of the sling between 10 months and a year. Time. Time makes it better. He should be able to follow you around now, with the exception of the bathroom. If you're folding clothes, let him fold a wash rag. Give him a bowl to wash while you do the dishes. Get him involved in his own work, which will usually be whatever it is you are doing... and know that this, too, shall pass. I kept their crib in my room.

S.

Both of my 11 month old twins do it. The severity completely depends on their mood. What they really like (if your home will allow) is a walker. Have you tried that? Mine are made by Chicco and they go over carpet. Distraction & snacks are good. My Pedi also told me to play peek-a-boo games because you're out of sight, back in sight, etc. They get the idea that you're gone, but coming right back.

Well, I was going to say you should get a sling for him, but then I read that you're completely unwilling to do that. I don't know why; our Moby wrap was very comfortable for both my husband and me and really did help us out with our very demanding infant.

I do think that is a very reasonable and helpful solution. And it obviously works, since you anticipated that lots of us would make the suggestion, right? What else can anyone say? Crying it out doesn't help (and IMO is awful); you're both exhausted; and your two year old is probably suffering a bit from it. So try it. Can't hurt, right?