Imaginary Friends

Hi Karen,
My son had an imaginary friend from the time he was about 3 years old until about 8 years old. Him and "Jake" used to do things together. They would hunt bears and lions, go camping, bath together...just about everything was with Jake. Jake just eventually went away. My son is 24 now, and he still remembers Jake, and we laugh about it. I believe it was because he was an only child, even though he had plenty of friends. My thoughts were as long as he did not do bad things, and try to blame Jake for these things, and since it did not go too far, I did not worry. Just another Mom's opinion!!

Many years ago a teacher told me that children who had imaginary friends were usually very bright and creative children. I found this to be true with my little girl (now an adult mother). She had two regular friends who lived in the mirror on the door. She would hold school classes, lining them up on the couch. There were usually more than just the two regular ones when she taught school. Her friends got to say words that she was forbidden to say, and they got to do things she couldn't do. I guess this was her outlet. Since her friends lived in the mirror I didn't have to worry about her opening the door, and I was never invited to participate in anything they did. This was her own private thing. I don't remember exactly how long this phase lasted, but I do know that is had a good long run. Maybe when she started to pre-school and made real friends, I just don't remember, but I wouldn't be too concerned if I were you. It's her special thing that she'll outgrow, and someday when she's all grown up it'll be something the two of you can laugh about.

How cute is that! This will probably go away, so I would say just enjoy it while it lasts. Play along as much as you can, except make it part of the game that you are the only one to open the door.

Are you sure our children aren't twins?! Imaginary friends are completely normal and actually a good thing. My daughter has had the same imaginary best friend for over a year. This friend now has an entire family and they have mutual friends. It's really cute!

It doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about. You may have an event coordinator on your hands since she's already entertaining and hosting parties. :-) My daughter started doing little things (eating a cookie after I said no, not flushing the toilet, and ignoring me) and then blamed her friend. You may want to watch out for that one.

I nipped it quickly by asking questions about her friends and getting involved with some of their playtime. I would ask my daughter to describe her friends to me and just let my daughter take the lead during playtime. Eventually I learned that her BFF and family each had their own personality; which was a BIG help.

Later, when my daughter blamed her imaginary friend I would tell her that wasn't the person I saw doing whatever she did. I'd give her an opportunity to be honest; which she normally did. When she wasn't honest I just turned to her imaginary friend and explained that my DD was in trouble for lying and she'd have to go home now. After a few times of that, my daughter got the message.

I think imaginary friends are healthy. It promotes dialog and problem solving, just like real-life.

This sounds perfectly normal to me. I wouldn't be concerned unless the imaginary friends begin causing bad behavior like one previous respondent mentioned. Or if she doesn't play at all/doesn't play well with any real children.

Karen,
My son is almost 6 and he has had an imaginary dog since he was 3. He went with us everywhere until a few months ago. Don't worry about her imagination. It is a wonderful thing.

I would worry about the door though. We have had many a problem with our son opening the door to strangers. It has been a big battle that we might have won now - I hope.

Enjoy every moment,
L.

HI Karen, It is wonderful that your child has such a great imagination and can entertain herself so well with the imaginary friends. However, be sure to bring her to play groups and parks and encourage interaction with real children. The imaginary world is totally controlled by your child in ways that the real world cannot be controlled. Also, since she has shown an interest in friends, try to find her some real friends for parts of the day. J. K. :)

Both of my daughters had "friends" and used them for about 4-5 yrs. I was told by my grandmother that they are Angels sent to watch children. They normally appear during a transition time which age 2 is a BIG transition time-losing bottles, diapers and other baby comforts. I wouldn't go to crazy with you suggesting she go play with her friend, bring them along, etc. Let your daughter be the one that initiates any contact with the friend. I can still remember my oldest ones name -Juno. She mentioned her once or twice again when she was about 10 or 11. Again, transition time.
If you are concerned about the Spirituality of it, talk to a clergy person. Ask about it for health reasons at your next peditrician appt.

Hi Karen
My son has an imaginery friend too, I'm sure its normal. Sometimes this friend is called a friend and sometimes he's called 'his brother'.
He has lots of friends right here in our neighborhood, and he's a very outgoing little boy , he's more of a social B. than both his dad and me. :))) The only time this imaginery friend surfaces is when my son is playing by himself at home, so I think its pretty normal. I just play along with it, as to keep an eye on it.
My sister had one when she was a little girl, I remember hearing her sitting on the front steps of our house just having a grand whole conversation with her pretend friend, and she's now 40 yrs old and very normal. :)

It's completely normal and great for her imagination. I read an article about how it is actually a sign of high intelligence but I'm sure you already new that about your little girl! Enjoy it! Lol.

Karen,
I think the other moms gave you great advice. I, too, was told this is a sign of intelligence when Charlie Brown and Lucy started accompanying my daughter on daily outings. She seemed delighted by their company and chatted away with them in the back seat of the car. Before long, (I would guess it lasted a few months) she moved her focus to her new baby brother. As long as your daughter's "experiences" with her new buddies are pleasant, I would just enjoy her creativity and let it run its course.
S.

So normal! My son did this for about four years. His friends were a family complete with a mother, father and three kids. They had lots of adventures.

Like someone said below, video her talking about her friends, or write down some details. I have found I have forgotten a lot about this phase. It is so cute & I regret that I don't have it documented.

Somewhat normal. but i always reassure my daughter when she watches tv or plays with her imaginary friends that they are NOT real. it's make-believe. and you have to say no sometimes. like when we are running late and her "friend" isn't ready yet, I'll tell her that we are late and they are waiting for us, not her "friend." And she understands that we have to go. Doing daily activities with them is okay, but if you have to waste more water or spend more money, that's too far.
Good luck!

My daughter started having imaginary friends just before 3 and now she's almost 5 and still has tons of them! She knows they're imaginary and I have elicited her help in setting boundaries and helping with them. When she tells me there's a herd of horses who want to come in for tea I ask her to make sure they don't bump into anything, wipe their hooves, etc.... If one "tells" her do something I don't like (or does it) he get the same consequences as she would and she does it with him because she was supposed to be in charge. I personally love all her friends and don't want this stage to end! They are also very soothing for her and I hear her talking to them in the early a.m. and at night.
PS We had to work on the door thing too.

I'm interested to see what others have to say about this.
My almost 4yr old daughter has imaginary friends and imaginary daughters. I love to watch her play with her imaginary playmates and family. She has parties and playdates with them. She takes them to the store and even bickers with them. I think it gives her a chance to work through social situations. She still loves to play with other children and can realize the difference between real and pretend (when it works for her), so I guess I've never given it a second thought. She has had the same imaginary playmates since before she could talk as far as we know. We even packed a box for them to move with us when we moved from Indiana. I think it helped her adjust and make friends, really. Maybe I should be concerned? I'll be keeping an eye on this one. Thanks for posting.

don't worry about it she is just 2!!! She is just playing and be glad that she has an active imagination and can keep herself occupied!!

Karen,
I was told that having imaginary friends is a sign of intelligence. It usually goes away by five when the child goes to school and has real friends and school work all day long. I wouldn’t worry about it at all unless it persists well into the school years. You can go along for a while and have fun with her. I think she is lonely or seeking your attention. She will out-grow it if you don’t make too much of it. Your little girl sounds smart and full of fun. I have four grown daughters of my own and they all had imaginary friends when they were her age. Relax and enjoy her while you can. Too soon they grow up and we grow old. L.

Imaginary friends are a completely normal and healthy part of growing up. It is a chance to use their imagination etc. Eventually they will grow out of this phase. One thing you want to watch is to make sure that the imaginary friends aren't causing issues, like bad behavior blamed on the imaginary friend or late for school/work etc because of these imaginary friends. Set the guidelines with your daughter and don't allow the imaginary friends to run everyones life. Other than that it's harmless to go along with it for a while.

I myself had an imaginary friend from age 4 to about age 8. His name was Jeffery and he had many friends that would visit. I would play school and tea party with them and hold the door open for them etc. Eventually Jeffery went away, apparently I told everyone that he went on a plane and moved away. Of course he came and went in phases. I really wouldn't make too big a deal about it, I'm sure it's just a phase.

The reason my imaginary friend hung around so long is when I was 4 my parents had my sister, so I guess I just needed someone my own age to play with.

Many children have groups of imaginary friends. The only thing I regret is that we never video recorded "our imaginary friends". Just go along with it. By the way, we found that imaginary friends like "Ice water soup with chunks of ice". They also do not tend to make messes this way either.

Remember to introduce the friends to other grown ups and to kiss everybody goodnight if they are sleeping over.

I also had a friend Jimmy that was my friend till my little sister was born. Sometimes, I wish I could have kept Jimmy and not have had to have a sister, ;}, she cried so much!

my daughter is 4 and has imaginary "sisters"!i feel relieved after reading everyones responses.she will be playing then all of a sudden she says something,and i ask her who she is talking to and she tells me her sisters.when she was 3 she had imaginary friends then she stopped for awhile then just recently she started again with imaginary sister now!!

Karen,

Imaginary play is normal at this age. My son loves to pretend and he's almost 4 years old. I'm sure she's fine. Just play along with her.

Have fun!
C.

Normal...great to have imaginary friends. I believe in playing along, ask questions to find out as much as possible about her ifriends, such as what they look like. Maybe even to draw what they look like. As long as it is safe, feels good, and ifriends are not monsters it is a good thing. Please don't discourge it, she will end up losing her imagination. Some people tell chilren, its not real (they lose their imagination), some say they are silly (they will introvert), some say they are crazy ( they beleive it). All the great story tellers probably started out that way. Have fun with it. C

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Hi Karen,

I've heard of this type thing, but never have had to deal with it with my three sons. She sounds very precocious and maybe she will be doing something in the artistic field one day. If there is such a thing, maybe she actually sees her friends from another dimension wacky as that sounds. I would suggest seeking help from a professional who knows how to react to her seeing friends that aren't there. Good luck with this one! If that had happened to me years ago with my kids, I probably would have just humored them and gone along with it. Would get tiring though. Jan

I don't think there's anything wrong with it, and it's probably good for her imagination! My 4-yr-old daughter has an imaginary sister that comes and goes in these recurring phases. She has always wanted a brother or sister and we've been on an eternal adoption list, so she finally just made one up. One day she opened the back door and screamed at the top of her lungs, "SISTER!!! COME IN FOR DINNER!!!" I'm sure the neighbors think we're nuts, but oh well...

work through a lot of things from lonliness, to family issues, to arguments with real friends.

My oldest had an imaginary friend when she was your daughter's age. Autumn had a yellow fairy that fit in the palm of her hand. She wanted someone she could talk to who always understood her.

With what you are describing, I would bet that your daughter would like either more friends or to have the ones she has visit more often.

I not only had no problem with Autumn's friend, but would even encourage it. I know it helped her out while she was still around and when Autumn started school and had more friends to talk to, the Yellow Fairy faded away.

Imaginary friends usually only last from a few months to a couple of years. Unless she starts telling you they tell her to hurt herself/others or to break the rules I wouldn't worry about them. In fact encouraging her can help you to understand why she feels she needs them. Not to mention it gives you and her a break from the harsh reality of everyday life... ;-)

I hope this helped...

If your daughter goes to day care I would almost bet you that the names she is using are of some of the kids there. She wants them there and wants to play with someone her age. Are there any kids in the neighbor hood that she can play with even if they are a year or two older. This might be the problem. Good luck.

Hi Karen,
I just had to laugh, and laugh, and laugh. I had one of those.........David, Now 38- when he was about 2.5 he had an imaginary friend named Greer- of allthings, where he got that name I would never know- but we had Greer with us everyplace, at the table, in the car, at the store absolutely everyplace. He even had a pillow in David's bed- hsi own toothbroosh and hair brush- David even had a little suitcase he kept packed for Greer incase we took a trip .....or incase he (David) decided to "run away" hahaha it was so funny- but we loved having Greer with us- and he stayed with us until David started school and eventually forgot about taking care of Greer..........My Pedi was not at all alarmed or concerned- saying lots of children do this- we could not understand why David needed this extra friend because he was number 11 of our 12 children, so he certainly had lots of siblings to play with- but Greer was his special friend and to this day (we laugh about it) he still remembers his time with Greer-
I would just cuaution your little one to never ansswer the door unless Mommie or Daddiy was with her........just let her have her fantisy - enjoy her tea parties and the extr place setting at the table- it will go away someday and she will be fine. have fun with her.
Blessings