I'm Looking for Some Legal Advise

K.,
as a single father who did eventually get to keep my kids full time, I can guarantee you that your husband is WRONG. In the state of Colorado fewer than 1 father in 1,000 end up with full custody. It is more likely that you will have shared custody but that's a different story.

The courts look favorably on moms (and to a lesser extent - dads) that work hard to protect their children and who put their children's best interests ahead of all else. Your husband is completely wrong about your legal standing - job or no job, you are highly regarded within the eyes of the court. Your husband is trying to create fear in you.

There are free legal services. But far ahead of that, protect yourself and your children.

Good luck - take care,
E.

Dear K., You can't fix this, because the problem is his. You're not doing anything to cause his behavior, and nobody deserves to be treated like this. Please phone a battered women's shelter and start discussing an exit strategy. This will only get worse over time.

If you're too terrified to make the phone call because he'll monitor it, but you want to start exploring the situation, start by taking the kids to a library -- an innocent outing. While they're looking at books, go start reading a book about battered women. Bring tissues, because you will recognize yourself. When you're ready to make a break or contact a shelter discreetly, talk to one of the librarians. Tell her that you need one of the shelter's representatives to meet you at the library to talk. You pretty much need to work yourself up to get brave enough to leave, but in the meantime, this is probably a good way to remain secretive. God bless you.

Hi Kristen!! I don't like to hear how your husband is treating you!! My sister in-law is an attorney in the family law practice. She is great and caring. If you want the web site is www.harrisfamilylaw.com and her name is Hollie Hinton. It's nice that you want to make things work but, your kids understand whats going on and if it's not healthy for you to be in that situation than it's not healthy for them. Everything that he is telling you is wrong and he is trying to scare you. I hope this helps. At least she will be someone to talk to and you can be informed and educated on the subject. Good luck!

Hi K.,

I believe you are in the need of more than legal advice. Please contact SafeHouse Denver immediately at http://www.safehouse-denver.org/ or ###-###-####. If it is not possible for you to contact them via phone or internet then drive there - 1649 Downing Street in Denver. SafeHouse is equiped to provide you with information you need to protect yourself and your children.

Good luck - my prayers are with you.

There are many attorney out there that will give you free legal advice. I think it is horrible that you are in such a controling relationship. No man should ever treat a women like that. You should really consider getting out of that relationship and fighting for your kids. Just because you are a stay at home mother doesn't mean you can't get full custody of them. You have my support and I think you will find that you have support from many other people.

That's a tough situation! Bottom line is that your spouse is too controlling, and he controls you by controlling the money. For some reason, he has to use this power over you. You should try couples or individual counseling. He needs to trust you. I am sorry your are unhappy. Try to work out this control problem before seeking divorce. Document all his controls/power trips, just in case you can't work things out. Good luck!

Please get a lawyer immediately. Your husband has all the hallmarks of an abuser - it just hasn't escalated into violence yet. Can your family or a good friend give/loan you $500 to get started on the process so your husband needn't find out about it? Please contact your local women's shelter and see what resources they may have for you. Use a friend's cell phone if you need to. Also, and I know this is easier said than done, but have you thought about getting a job? You need money and you need to be free to make your own choices. Child care is a huge obstacle, I know. Again, the local women's shelter will give you ideas of what to do. You WILL be fine but you need to get away from this man. This isn't a marriage at all, it's indentured servitude. Good luck!

YOUr husband sounds very insecure. You have done nothing that would prevent you from getting your kids. He is keeping you like a prisoner. Could you possibly go home to your parents for a few weeks this summer and take the kids. university of denver has a law school. They did offer free advice from senior law students at certain times. I KNOW you cannot call without your husband knowing this, but use a neighbor's phone and ask if they still offer free advice. You are living a night-mare. The reason he says you wouldn't get the kids because he does not want to pay nor could he prob ably afford child support. Do you go to a church? My church offers a psychologist help. Don't use the clergy. Once your kids get older, get a part time job and don't ever get yourself in a situation where you are so dependent. S.

Unfortunately I don't have any legal advice for you but I just wanted to say that I will pray for you and your family. Are you a member of a church? Can you seek counseling there?

This situation can't go on for you. I was in a simlar situation where my now ex husband controlled every penny that came in or went out. You are being abused. No question about that. If you are unable to stand up to him and tell him that you need your own money-- that he needs to either give you that money without question or you need to find a job and he will need to pay childcare, then you need to find someone else to tell him, or you need to leave him. If you go the route of divorce, find some way to get a good lawyer, and do not tell your husband anything. You WILL get the kids and he WILL have to pay you child support. Don't let him frighten you in that way. He's wrong.

I'm a lawyer and while I don't practice family law, I have in the past and I think his threats of keeping the children are incorrect. It's just a way to control you. Your greater issues with a divorce may be financial and a concern for your safety. It sounds to me like you are in an abusive relationship, whether or not he is physically hurting you. There are resources out there for all of your questions - and you will find a lawyer to represent you on a pro bono basis.
Check out Project Safeguard (legal options) ###-###-####.
Also, check out Safehouse. They are the best. They can help you with your options, including how to contact a lawyer without your husband knowing. If you call them from a public phone or email them through a public computer, they can help you figure out a way to contact them in the future without your husband knowing.
SafeHouse hotline number: ###-###-####

SafeHouse email address: ____@____.com

SafeHouse web site: www.SafeHouse-Denver.org

Good luck.