Husband Sucks - Need Advice

Updated on March 21, 2009
S.C. asks from Beckley, WV
120 answers

I've been with my husband for 11 years now (of which we have been married the last 5 or 6 years) and although I truly thought he was 'the one' for the longest time, we've had a rocky relationship. We were pretty much on the verge of splitting up in 2006, when I became pregnant. We now have a son who is 1yr 4months old and though I will never regret having him, a child has certainly complicated things.

I had never really given up on my husband, even though we were fighting a lot. I still loved him and I would generally be the one to finally make peace. After our son was born, I was more 'in love' with him than ever, with visions of 'the happy family' in my eyes. That didn't last. As my husband became more and more caustic, I became angrier and angrier. It was bad enough that he threatened my life on several occasions, insulted me, made fun of my weight during pregnancy (which actually wasn't that bad he was just trying to hurt me) and the list goes on and on, but when he started criticizing me for... pretty much everything I was doing with our son, that was really the last straw.

As just one example, we got into a huge fight because he wanted me to stop nursing our son at 3 months, which I didn't do. In fact, I'm still letting him nurse and I plan to wean him at 18 months (it's recommended that they nurse until 2yrs). Sometimes my husband encourages him nursing, other times he tells me it's 'disgusting'.

Anyway, I've tried and tried to stick it out. After telling my husband that I was leaving (several times now), he will eventually beg and plead with me to stay, say that he will change his ways, blah blah. We managed to go a couple of weeks without a major fight and then yesterday evening, he started in on me again. I simply refuse to get dragged down into his BS, so I started ignoring him and he went into his whole routine of trying to scare me by threatening to put me in a mental ward (yeah right - I have no history of mental illness), threatening to contact child services and have our child taken away from me, claiming that I was 'abusing' our son (which is utter garbage), threatening my life and telling me he has 'nothing to lose', and finally telling me that I'm an evil person with the devil inside me and that God will unleash his wrath against me. I'm not religious by the way.

Anyway, I'm DONE. I don't want to be in this relationship any longer, but I'm afraid to leave because he has threatened to call the police on me for 'kidnapping' if I leave with our son. I'm being held hostage in my own marriage. Sorry this has been so long to get to my point, but here it is (finally). I'm sure many of you gals have been in a situation of having to leave your husband and take your children. How do you go about it so that they cannot accuse you of kidnapping and have your children taken away from you? Thanks for reading and any responses.

------------------------------

Hello?? Anyone out there?? It's really weird that my post is the only one with NO responses. :(

edit - responses have been flooding in today (7/9/08) and I thank every one of you who has taken the time to write a message with suggestions, or even just support. I can't tell you how much it means to hear it confirmed that he doesn't have the right to treat me this way. Of course NOW he is in his 'good phase', since we had the last big blow-out I posted about. That makes it so much harder to take action, you know? He HAS hit me a couple of times, but it was years ago (once he left a huge bruise on my arm where he whacked me), but in response I got out of the vehicle and started walking down the road... he hasn't touched me in anger since then, but I always wonder in the back of my mind, if he won't get into that space again.

Some of you gals are right. I have told myself over and over that he 'doesn't really mean it' when he threatens me, and I don't really feel FEAR when he threatens me, more ANGER, but I guess you never know what could push a person over the edge and that thought frightens me. I am trying to 'make a plan'. I want to call an attorney and get a free consultation to find out what my rights really are. I know for a fact that a parent CAN accuse another parent of 'kidnapping' for taking the child in WV, I've read the state codes about it and it's ridiculous, but I don't know the exact legal details. I'm worried about finances. My only source of income is the shop I run out of the office/apartment where we both live (and it doesn't bring in much).

My husband has literally ruined my credit and ability to get a bank account by overdrawing my account and preventing me from paying off debts in the past, but it has been years so I might possibly be able to get a bank account now. I will try to do that today or tomorrow. We only have one vehicle and it's in my name, but HE drives it most of the time and yes, he is very controlling. I feel that I have to ask 'permission' to go anywhere or do anything. He controls the money. It's hard for me to get anything for myself. Anyway, I'm truly trying to get a way to get out of here as painlessly as possible. I am still reading responses. Thank you everyone. I will update 'what happened' when something changes.

4 moms found this helpful

What can I do next?

  • Add your own comment
  • Ask your own question
  • Join the Mamapedia community
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

I again want to thank everyone for their kind words and thoughtful advice. It really means a lot to hear such support. Sometimes, you just need to hear that you're not expecting too much and that you do deserve to be happy.

This morning, my husband woke me up and told me that the left side of his face was numb and that his left arm and leg were tingling. He took his blood pressure and it was pretty high. He said he was going to the ER and he was afraid. I asked if he wanted me to go with him and he said he did if I was willing. We were there a few hours and they said that it's likely he had a small stroke. He was showing some weakness in his limbs on that side and some uneven pupil response time, but his cat scan did come back clear. He was very frightened, shaking and in tears.

We are back home and he is resting in bed. I am being supportive to him for now, however I am also following the great advice of some of you ladies. I managed to open a bank account of my own yesterday online (I got the approval today). I am going to pack an 'escape' bag for my son and I, so it will be handy if we have to leave in a hurry. I plan to still call an attorney and find out what my rights are and what their advice is, and probably contact the women's shelter here as well, just to see what they can tell me. I'm trying to get a plan in place because if/when he becomes abusive again... I will be ready.

Regarding the religious comments... I don't particularly dislike Christians, or people of any faith or lack of faith. It touches me when people choose to 'pray for me' or whatever their faith dictates, because that is a kind reaching out from the heart, no matter what they believe in or don't believe in.

I'm actually agnostic. I don't claim to know whether there is a God or not, and I don't claim to know who's religious text is the most accurate if there is one. It does disturb me when I read things like "the most disturbing thing to me was that you said you weren't religious", and others in that vein. People have done some of the most horrible things on this planet in the name of religion and my husband is a 'Christian'. If Jesus himself were here, do you honestly think he would be more disturbed about my lack of faith than by my being abused? Because I don't.

Those of you would look down on me because of my lack of faith, try to remind yourselves of what your religion teaches you about loving people. It doesn't just tell you to love other Christians. I have been having a private talk with a very nice gal who does happen to be religious and I can tell you, she seems to be a TRUE 'Christian' - which if I need to remind, means 'Christ-LIKE', not just believing in God.

Thanks again to everyone who offered kind words of support. I will update when and if things change again. My heart goes out to those of you who have mentioned that you are in, or have been in, similar situations. I hope you all find the healing and happiness you deserve.

-----------------------------

Edit: I left my husband in the middle of July of 2008. My son and I have been living on our own since then. We still have regular contact with my husband, but we no longer live together or have a husband/wife relationship. Thanks to everyone for the support.

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.M.

answers from Raleigh on

Life is to short GET OUT! Things will fall into place. I think he has to know where the child is not to be considered "kidknapped". If is that treatning PLEASE be careful...........I am just saying that poor women from Cary.
Good Luck with every thing

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.S.

answers from Owensboro on

Good for you. Run like hell and never look back. I things get worse then you need to leave everything and just go. There is always help out there.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.S.

answers from Raleigh on

I just always wonder why, if the marriage is "rocky" How you could get pg.
You need a good lawyer. She will advise you on how to go about this properly. Good luck

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.G.

answers from Louisville on

Syb, you are in a serious and potentially lethal situation both for you and your son. You need to seriously consider the advice you have been given here. As you have already read, your husband's threats of filing kidnaping charges against you are hollow and uninformed. You have parental rights to your child and parental responsibility to act in the best interest of your child. If that means removing him from a dangerous situation you percieve to be present with your husband, then you not only have a right, but an obligation to take your child out of that environment.

WV has a Family Court system in their Circuit Court. This is the court which would handle issues in any divorce or domestic legal matters. In this Family Court structure, this also means that you and your spouse would be required to attend Court Ordered mediation as a matter of course in ALMOST any divorce proceedings.

(For more information on Domestic Violence Issues in West Virginia, go to:
http://www.state.wv.us/wvsca/familyct/DomViolence.pdf

You will also find a lot of helpful information at:
http://www.state.wv.us/wvsca/familyct/GoingtoFC.pdf )

The one possible exclusionary situation would be in the case of a history of family violence. I would not begin to suggest you file for a Domestic Violence Protection Order just to establish such a history. Not only am I not a lawyer and, therefore, not in a position to give legal advice, but this, in itself, is a dangerous road to follow. Any police officer who has dealt with domestic violence issues will repeat for you the mantra of Domestic Violence Protective Orders.

"It's just a piece of paper and paper won't stop a bullet."

Right now you may be feeling a great deal of sympathy for your husband due to his possible mild stroke. Make sure your sympathies aren't misplaced. If, indeed, he did have a stroke, that is nothing compared to burying your own child or leaving him an orphan to be raised by a brutal father. Leaving your spouse does not mean you are ignoring any possible medical needs he may have. It only means your are putting your and your child's needs ahead of his. He is a big boy and can take care of himself; your child is not. You need to think long and hard about your situation. You don't want to leave a spouse if you believe the marriage is salvageable. But you also don't want to throw away more years of your life if it is not.

On the side issue of faith, real, true, honest faith is a difficult thing to maintain. I believe true Christians struggle with it at least once in their lives. You don't know what you truly believe until you question your beliefs. I question matters of faith on a daily basis.

But, as you pointed out, being Christian is not really a matter of going to church on Sunday, prayer group on Wednesday, observing all sacred rites, etc. and belonging to a particular religion does not make one religious. (Ghandi, after all, was not a Christian, but he was one of the most Christ-like people of his time) Being Christian is more about conducting ourselves, as did Ghandi, in a Christ-like manner. Do good when you can. Help those in need when you can. Make life better, easier, nicer when and where you have the opportunity. Sometimes it's as simple as a smile and a hello to a stranger. Sometimes it can be as welcome as distracting a cranky child while his mother is losing her temper with him while trying to check out at the grocery. To you, it might be nothing more than a few gentle words to someone, but to that someone, it could be the words that end up changing their world, or saving their life.

You've got a good grasp of what you do and do not believe. Don't let Sunday morning Saints get you down. You go ahead and keep saving the world, one smile at a time. You're on the right track.

Prayer, by the way, is non-sectarian. Even in ancient worlds, long before the time of Christ, men prayed to whatever powers the believed, or hoped, were looking over them. I, for one will pray for you. Your decisions now have to be made weighing most heavily on what is best for your child. Make your decisions and act on them. Don't tell your husband what you will do. DO IT! Don't hesitate too long or you might be too late.

I hope I have not rambled too much and too long and made this too difficult to understand. Good luck to you and, please, keep us apprised of your progress.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.H.

answers from Raleigh on

You are a nursing mother and no one is going to accuse you of kidnapping. This guy sounds manic and could possibly use some psychiatric help. Be careful. See if you can get him to consent to counseling with you and separately. If not, you might be better off as a single rather than deal with a dad who is so off the wall with a growing child in the house.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.C.

answers from Nashville on

"Well, I'd have to say the first problem I saw was "I'm not religous by the way". I am a Christian lady and was bothered by your post.".......If this lady is bothered by your post, then that is her problem. The relationship you have with God is nobody's business. I know you were just stating that you are not religous to make a point about what your husband was saying to you......there's nothing wrong with not being religious - and there is nothing wrong with being a christian.....I just believe that people should keep their religious opinions to themselves unless they are asked. You've gotten enough advise from everyone else on here - I just wanted to stick up for you on this particular comment this particular person wrote.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

P.G.

answers from Raleigh on

Hi S.~
After reading your post, your husband sounds like an ***. I even read your post with my husband and he felt the same way. I don't really know much about how you should leave without getting authorities involved (by your husband). Maybe try talking with a lawyer or even the police just to find out what your options are (depending on what exactly you want to do) and how to keep your child in the process.

Honestly, it sounds like he's the one with the mental issues. Seriously, it sounds like he has some kind of bipolar issues. He should get that checked out and maybe even be on medicine for it. I know that sounds far fetched but I'm a nurse and I do see this a lot with my patients.

If you need an ear or just to vent, please feel free to email me [email protected]____.com luck with your decisions.

PJ

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.P.

answers from Asheville on

Maybe some are afraid to respond. What exactly, and be precise, do you want to be told??
I'm going to be blunt and brutally honest, girl, when I tell you to stop and take a good hard look inside yourself and examine why you believe you deserve to be manipulated and abused.

Contact an attorney that specializes in abuse cases and take the advice they offer, usually at no cost for a consultation. Call a Women's Support group in your area and ask for help, and then reach out and take it.

Your endangering yourself, and now a precious baby is in the mix. What is happening around him is abuse!! Prepare and plan for an escape, and find out what the legal system will do to support you, including an order of protection and if necessary a shelter that you can stay at until you can get on your feet.

The worse thing you can do is hope that things will get better because honestly honey, they WON'T. You have yoked yourself to a very sick puppy, and you need to get you and your baby away asap. Don't just up and leave, but find out what the best way is to do it, and have backup suppport from legal sources, plan it ahead of time, and don't let him know either.

The state will NOT get you for kidnapping, you are the mom!! Another thing to do if you are able is to DOCUMENT every time he is verbally and emotionally abusive/controlling.

No easy way out here, but you do NOT have to have a life of misery because you made the mistake that so many of us do, by choosing a loser to procreate with, hoping that he would "change". HA!!
Only thing that changes is your ability to function without fear on a daily basis.

Hope this helps, but take some action, and don't be afraid. If you fear that he would be violent, get out as soon as you can, even if you have to call the police for an escort. Get information as to what is available in your area.

And if he has hit you before, he will do it again. If you get angry, let your anger ignite your actions to protect yourself and baby.
There is NO reason that he should be allowed to control every thing you say and do, etc. At least you have the car in your name, so you don't have to depend on somebody else for transportation, and he can't report the vehicle "stolen", use it to get away soon.

Best of luck, let us know how you are doing, and God bless.

D.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.L.

answers from Nashville on

Are you afraid your husband will hurt you if you leave? In fear for your life or your childs? Is there any history of physical abuse? The safest way to leave would be to go to a battered women's shelter. This would also help with ground for a restraining order. However, you do need to consult with an attorney in WV because I am not familiar with the law there. The biggest thing that you need to do in order not to have "abandoned" your husband is contact a lawyer, file for divorce, have the papers served on him at work and be gone before he gets home. I don't know about WV but in TN if you just disappear it's considered abandonment and it does not help your case.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

Dear S.,

Please go to a bank that your husband has no dealings with and open a bank account for yourself. Move as much money in there as you can, close any joint credit cards you hold with him so that he can't run up charges in your name, and open at least one credit card in your own name with a company he doesn't know about. In conjunction with this, see a divorce lawyer, preferably one recommended by someone who has gone though their own divorce. Remove everything that means something to you - jewelry, pictures, keepsakes, sentimental items from your house to a place where he can't find them. Those are the ones he'll take first just to hurt you. Hide every paper with your social security number on it, have bank statements, IRA and retirement plan papers from his company, insurance information, etc, and put them in your new bank lock box with copies given to your lawyer. If you don't do all of this, you could find yourself with no money and no assets.

Your lawyer will help you coordinate these things, but you must do them quickly. Use a different address for all of your new statements so your husband won't see what you've done. Your lawyer will also tell you the laws of your state regarding leaving your home and taking the baby, so you'll know what's real and what is a lie made up by your husband while he's screaming at you.

Good luck, don't flinch, and take care of yourself and the baby.

EDIT ADDED:

S., I just wanted to thank you for the addition of your edit about religion. It is entirely understandable to those who really read through your original post and didn't just skim through it what you meant in the first place. It is unfortunate that some people use things like this as a way of chiding people whose religious beliefs are different than theirs - this just makes all religious people look bad to those who aren't religious. Not the way to bring others to God, quite frankly.

Your calm and thoughtful response to this was truthful, mature and appreciated. As a Christian myself who as you can tell by now, doesn't believe in shoving my religion down other's throats, I was really touched by your remarks about appreciating peoples' prayers. I don't hear that often from those who aren't religious. And you are right - Christian does mean "Christ like", and you were right to point that out to this poster.

Good luck with what is happening in your household. Perhaps this "wakeup call" your husband got with the stroke will make a difference in your home life and change him in such a way that can you feel some security in your life while you decide whether to try to make your relationship with this man work.

All my best,

D.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.H.

answers from Fayetteville on

I'm sorry you are in this position. I've been married 24 years, over half my life, and many times I have wondered why I stay. Sometime the devil you know is better than the devil you don't. My only recommendation would be to contact an attorney before you do anything, to be sure you proceed correctly. Also document any and all of his behavior.
On another note, I know you say your are not religious, but you can find strength and peace when you turn to God.
Good luck and God bless,
M.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.B.

answers from Jackson on

S., Honey if you are going to leave him ...Do it and stop threating. I mean get at it. Stop telling him ...then not doing what you say. Am I saying for you to leave your husband.....NO , Never!!!!
This is what I am saying......
My husband is very dominating and like me stubborn; which can be a good thing. We have been married 24 years this Oct. Has it been easy??? OH NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Many times I wanted to Leave...but I am stubborn, that's the Good part. He is just as stubborn as I am on this issue. We have many times agreed to Dis-agree.
The other thing I can tell you is...my husband does Not respect me if I do Not stand toe to toe with him. I am not meaning in a disrespectful way, but a loving, strong spirited way. My husband and men in general do not respect anyone that is wishy washy or won't argue their point. Pick your battles wisely..if this will matter next year, 5 years...10 years from now...Raise the roof!!!!
That being said one word of caution.........As your discussions increase in passion and volumn, speak softer with a loving spirit and heart. Many times I have said over and over "I am not fighting with you." Softly and sweetly and after about the 5th time...my husband begins to hear me and starts to grin. We can then Agree to Dis-Agree or just smile and work through it,or leave it alone.
I don't understand about the devil part with your husband.
But S., please think long and Hard about the God part. Don't wait too long on this one.
We all die, Honey.
We all say yes to God, Or Thanks but No Thanks God I don't need you.
After a life time...of I don't Need you God and I won't ever... God has No Chioce, but to Give Us Exactly That (our seperation/divorcement papers from Him).
Your Friend LaDonna

P.S.Just read you re-post...I don't like the part about the physical abuse...that will not do!
I will tell you some things I began doing...I already told you "Things were Not always easy" in my own marriage.We were newly married and we were living many states away from my own family. You may want to try to live a little closer or if your family or in-laws are a BIG part of the problem...move farther away from them! Honestly , it MAKES SUCH A BIG DIFFERENCE!!!
But, these things changed me and made me more independant.
Start making plans....as you are and were you are...begin with getting a safety deposit box at a bank in your area. NOT the same bank you have you joint/married account. Also, open a savings/checking account for your company...with NO CHECKS being written from this account. Place the Visa/Check card in the safety deposit box...this is for TRUE emergencies NOT for Him to get and ruin you farther. Make Sure this bank understands YOU are the only one on this account and there are No checks to be written or applyed for from this company account!!!! Really Important!!!
Place your birth certificates and important papers in your safety deposit box. You may want to put it under your company name, instead of your own married name. Get a P.O.box in your company name have things sent there (P.O. Box) instead of your home.
Always leave a bag packed with things you and your baby needs. One in the car and one in the closet or somwhere,easy access.Pack it as if you were going on a trip!
Keep your Id and drivers license in your bra at all times. You may have to "Just Go!" So pin any /all cash to your bra every morning! Pin Emergency numbers to your money...in stressful situations..you may not be able to THINK CLEARLY!!!
Rmember to alway keep cash for gas/cab fare.Really Important!!
Always look for safe places...friends house, He has Not met yet. Churches in your area..get to know their pastors and the Times/days they have the doors open. Late night dinner--Wal_Mart is open 24 hrs a day! Begin to think about these things. Where would I go at 2am? 5am?
Years later I can see these few steps gave me the power to set my jaw and be able to stand and say to my husband "You will Not speak to me that way" "I deserve Better!"
He knew I was right and WE began to change together. That is what I will Pray for the both of you!
Also, start collecting soda cans for money,sell plants from your flower garden, have a yard sale and have a bake sale (during your yard sale), send off every rebate you can find, apply for Free stuff on line,Use those coupons! Get your company on the web! Keep looking for ways to get dollars in your hands ......pennies add up!
Again, I am Not Telling You to Leave Your Husband!!!
I want you and your baby safe!!!!
I'll be praying for You and your family!!!LaDonna

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.A.

answers from Raleigh on

Well, I'd have to say the first problem I saw was "I'm not religous by the way". I am a Christian lady and was bothered by your post. I don't mean to be harsh or judgemental so I hope that you do not take it that way. It sound like you have a lot of anger with turns into bitterness, and maybe well justified; however if you don't deal with the issues of bitterness, it will eat you alive and ruin ALL your relationships (including the one with your son).
As far as your husband goes, he doesn't sound like he has a lot of kindness in his heart. I don't think that it's fair for you or your son to have to deal with being treated the way he is treating you. Ultimately, it's always best to try to make things work, but my husband has been previously divorced so I know that things don't always work out. As far as advice for leaving, maybe you should just call a lawyer and ask some basic questions. There are lots of laws in place and people split all the time, so it would NOT be kidnapping. Your husband may not like it, but he'll have to deal with the guidelines of the law. (or get his act together)

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

G.M.

answers from Nashville on

Call the police on him because of his threats on your life. He needs help and he won't get any if he is allowed to keep treating you the way he is. Do you own or rent. If you own while he is at work go and change the locks. When he comes home and can't get in and gets angry call the police and tell them you were scared for you and your child because he threatens to hurt you. Then you and your child get to stay in your house. Your husband gets the help he needs and hopefully you guys can come back and have a healthier relationship later. If you rent, contact the landlord when he is not home, let the landlord know why you need the locks changed. That way if you don't have the strength to call the police, the landlord will call them for you. I know it sounds like i am making this easy but i am not, i just have been through this also. However, i did not just get threats, i got hurt several times. However, i did kick my husband out and he ended up going to the doctor and getting on medecine for anger impulse control which neither of knew they had medecine for that. I allowed him back in our house once he had been on the medecine and he had to sign a slip saying he would never go off the medecine or stop therapy without the doctor's approval. This was when we were marrried 6 years. I had two kids and was pregnant with our third. Now we have been married eleven years and the last five have been the best. He is a great father and husband now. I hope this helps. Www.workathomeunited.com/myfoursons

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.T.

answers from Greensboro on

I am sorry that no one has responded... Perhaps they don't know what to say. It sounds like you know what you need to do. I do not have experience in this area, but know that there are Family Services out there which may be able to give you some direction. You may be able to get a free consult with an attorney as well. Just document everything so that you have records of what is going on. That way you can have something to stand on if he follows through with this. Until then PRAY for guidance, wisdom and protection. I'll send a "flare-prayer" up for you right now!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.C.

answers from Knoxville on

S.,

It does sound like you are in a very bad situation. If you want at all to stay, the only possibility I can think of is to try to convince your husband to go to a counselor -- the two of you. He may resist (a lot of people do), but you can pitch it as something that will help both of you. He has issues with you (sounds like they're completely unfounded), so you can tell him that a counselor would help you both to figure out how to be good partners to each other and how to learn to have a cooperative, healthy, and happy marriage. I don't know if your husband will accept that, but if it works, then a good objective counselor may really help him to figure out how to stop this behavior and you to figure out how best to deal with him as he works on fixing this terrible behavior. If it will not end (set a definite time limit for yourself), then it sounds like you should do some real soul-searching and consider whether you and your daughter would be better off without him in your lives (at least not as your husband). Sounds maybe like you've already decided to leave, in which case there is other great advice here about what to do and where to go. I'm so sorry it's so hard. I wish you the best of luck.

Best of luck to you!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.S.

answers from Charleston on

First, it is only kidnapping if you are divorced and the other parent has
custody of the minor child and you take them and dont bring them back.

Starting today document every thing he threatens you with, any physcial
abuse go to the ER and have pics taken. That way you have a public record
of physcial abuse on file and can get copies of it. Keep a record of everything.

Talk to an attorney who specializes in divorce.Your attorney can advise you
of places you can go for help.

If your husband presses child abuse charges against you, he is the one responsible
for proving that you abused your child. Child Protective Services will come into
your home and look around at every thing. They will ask you questions, they will
want names of friends and relatives who know you and your child to talk to. They
may do more than one home visit. None of the visits will be scheduled. That way
they see the real way the home is.

As to child support he will have to pay it. He will have his wages attached if he
wont willing pay it.

As to visitation with your son once the divorce is final, try to get the visitations
where they are supervised. Fight for what you want for visitation with the father.
This is your childs safety, mental health and well being at stake.

From what I read so far it looks like he has only mentally and verbally abused you.
Get a restraining order against him. Have the police there when he gets his stuff
out of the house. Have the locks changed. Dont answer his calls once he is out of
the home. Make it clear that its over and any thing he has to say to you is to go
through your attorney.

Dont bad mouth him to your son. You son as he grows older will see how is father is
and will form his own opinion of him.

You do whatever you have to to protect yourself and your child. It will be hard in
the beginning. Dont be afarid to ask for help. There is people out there that will
help you make a new life for yourself and your son.

Good luck to you in whatever you decide to do. I will keep you in my thoughts and
prayers.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.H.

answers from Memphis on

Hi, I normally dont even read these but did read yours for some reason. I am a family law attorney here in memphis. You need to buy a voice recorder and record him making these threats. Say things like "you know that's not true" to elicit further response and confirmation that what he's saying are lies. Warning though: hide the recorder on you where he cant find it because he sounds violent, and if he finds it, I would be very worried for your safety. As soon as you have a recording, leave him. Go somewhere safe, file for divorce quickly, (there are automatic injunctions that attach to the filing of a divorce complaint that will protect you and your son; ex: cant go out of state or 100 miles from shelby co. with child) and get an ex parte order of protection ASAP, based on the threats to kill you and prior violence.

Get the money you can from the bank account for the lawyer. Once the Complaint is filed, you can have whats called a "temporary support hearing" to get you some alimony/child support during the divorce.

Hope that helps,
L.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.J.

answers from Louisville on

Well it is difficult to get away from an abusive marriage but it is all deinately worth it. He has deninately been verbally abusing you and it sound like it has been happening for awhile. Your son is also being affected by the tension in the house. You need t get out of the house. Anyway, unless he has fought you and gotten custody of the child then you cannot be charged with kidnapping. It is your biological child and you have the same rights he has. You wlill probably have to eventually go to court to fight to gt full custody of the child yourself. However you can legally leave with him. Do you have someplace to go?

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.M.

answers from Jacksonville on

Sorry to hear all that you have gone through. I left my ex-husband as well. It was 14 years ago. I got an attorney first and then she advised me what to do. If he is abusive in any way, verbal, mental, physical you need to file a report on him. Not to the extent of jail but just so someone knows that you are affraid. Maybe at your local social service department. I used an attorney that would take payments cause I didn't work and had no money to pay up front. But she then told me to take my son and bring him to a friend or someplace my ex couldn't get to him. Then to go to the house get my stuff and leave. So that is what I did. I took him to a friend and went to the house with another friend so I wasn't alone, then I got what I could. Well he had his mother come and she was like you can't take this or that, blah blah blah...anyway I left with a bag of cloths, my sons blankets from his crib, some of his things and that was pretty much it. I left on a Friday night so he couldn't do anything till Monday cause attorneys don't work on the weekends, HAHAHA. But he got an attorney they made us go to custody mediation, cause he wanted custody, but it didn't work out for him. So we went to mediation and worked out visitation but it was like 2 or more months before he saw our son. If you are threatened you could get a restraining order or something because he threatened you. By the time we went to court 6 months later, he had to prove me unfit. But he couldn't so even when he got the best lawyer money could buy he lost. I would be writing this stuff down and take notes of the comments and things he says and does. You could also tape him so you have proof. But you need to protect your self and that baby. They did grant my divorce on abandonment because I left the family home but so what they granted it and I got my son. So good luck and GOD bless, you don't have to be religious to believe.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

P.G.

answers from Charlotte on

Hi I am so very sorry that you are going thru this !! It must be terribly hard and its quite apparent your husband has anger issues and insecurity issues . My best friend went thru the same thing and nothing worked until she just told him go ahead n try what you will, and he did and caused alot of crazy nonsense but in the end she won because she was mentally stable . I hope things go better for you and I wish I had better advice but when you are dealing with people like this , its like dealing with a brickwall !!Keep us informed ok ..Patty

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.C.

answers from Fayetteville on

I dont know where you are but I believe in North Carolina, Unless ther is a custody agreement in place saying you are not allowed to have your child, you CANNOT kidnap our own child!! He could just as easily take him and not be kidnapping. Call your local police department. Talk with an officer(get his name for future reference) make sure he can't do anything. Get restraining orders, talk to your sons daycare so he is can't pick up your son etc. But please don't let your baby grow up in such a horrible enviornment. You know it's horrible so get out now before it gets worse. Remember boys want to be like Daddy, don't let your son repeat this to someone else one day!!! Hang in there, you'll figure it out. Just do whats best for your son!!!!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.B.

answers from Raleigh on

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I don't think you should be concerned about him calling the police because he is threatening your life. You should be calling the police when he talks like that. From what you said, he sounds kind of dangerous. You cannot underestimate his desire to want to hurt you. It seems right now he's trying to do it emotionally but you never know when he will attempt to do it physically. I suggest you start the process of divorce and legally separating from him. You can always talk to a lawyer about whether or not he has any leverage with the kidnapping thing. I wish you the best.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.C.

answers from Nashville on

Make a bag of "supplies" for when you decide to leave. A lot of the time people get caught up because when the other person is having a good phase they don't prepare for when the other is not and then when the other blows up they don't feel like they can't leave because they won't have any supplies or anything. Pack a bag for you and your child and squirrel it away somewhere, if you can. About the kidnapping thing; you're right one parent can accuse the other of kidnapping, but if you're being abused, and you DEFINITELY are, you are protecting your child by getting them away from the aggressor. If you have ever called the police when any of this was happening that will help you. If not you need to start doing that, at least. Get an official record of how he has threatened you. Really, calling them one time should be enough if you want to press charges. You can get an order of protection that would cover you and your child from being contacted by him for a year. I did that and I feel so much better. I had no idea that I was as miserable as I was until I left; it was like my entire body felt lighter and my insides weren't made of lead like I had gotten used to. Remember that you are in the right. Does anyone else know about the way he treats you? They can be witnesses for you, if necessary. Also, look in the phone book. There are always lots of places that help abused women, even if he isn't hitting you. You deserve to be treated like a human being. Everyone deserves to be able to make their own decisions and live their own life. I had a relationship that was somewhat similar, the father of my now two year old daughter and I would fight a lot, but I loved him very much and tried as hard as I could to make him happy and avoid fighting by doing what he wanted. I'm a peaceful person; I like to pick my battles. Unfortunately, I didn't stand up to him quickly enough because one day I looked up and realized that he was my boss, and in charge of everything I did. He threatened me and talked down to me all the time. He constantly criticized everything I did. I was not allowed to have friends or to see my family. Having my daughter was the best thing that ever happened to me because it made me realize that even though I would put up with what was going on and allow that to happen to me, I could never willingly let anyone treat her that way. I left him for her and I have never regretted it. Despite all his threats of killing me and my entire family, kidnapping my daughter and taking off with her never to be seen again, and legally contesting custody, he has not attempted to do any of these things. I lost most of my possessions, but I got my life back. I have since gotten a new career, met a wonderful man who has restored my faith in that half of the species, and regained my confidence in who I am and what I want out of life. It is possible to get away. You can do it. It will be scary and hard, but it's completely worth it. I hope you are able to get out of this situation before it progresses to anything more volatile. Just know that I love you, and there are many other people out there who can love you for who you really are, not who they are trying to force you to be.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.A.

answers from Raleigh on

Laws vary between states, so please check with your local law enforcement, as this is just general advice.

Generally, married parents do not have custody of their children, so technically neither of you has custody. You cna not kidnap a child if neither of you has custody - but this goes for him, too. Either of you can just leave with your child and there isn't much the other parent will be able to do.

Go to your local police department, and file a police report because your husband is threatening your life. Make sure to document, as best you can, exactly what he has said. Also document, on the report, that you fear physical harm will come to you or your child. Talk to the police about how to protect yourself.

Go to the courthouse and file for a restraining order, also known as order of protection. Reference your police report in your request for the restraining order. Put as much detail as you cna, and make sure it is clear that you are scared that your husband is going to make good on his threats. A judge has to sign off on the order so it's important to convince the judge (on paper at least) of your fear. Some courts have a little hearing before the judge approves the order, and some don't.

File for temporary custody. This will give you custody so that your husband can not remove your son from the home. Also, it protects you in case he does try to say you are kidnapping him. Please be aware that your husband will be served with copies of EVERYTHING you file in court. You should have a plan of action in place before filing for these things since they may incite him. If you have a friend or relative to stay with, make arrangements. If not, call your local women's shelter and make sure you know where it is.

There is no such thing as "JUST" emotional or "JUST" verbal abuse. It is no less damaging than physical abuse. All forms of abuse are damaging - and there is no way to say thta one form is worse than another. In my marriage to my ex-husband, I suffered all of those abuses, so this is experience speaking. I won't share my horror story here... just know that you are NOT alone.

Here are some links with information about abuse and how to escape it:

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_h...

http://www.ndvh.org/

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/domestic-violence/WO00044

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.C.

answers from Nashville on

Yeah, you need out! He has threatened your life and does not seem like a great supporter for you or your son. Get out, go somewhere he cannot find you and get a lawyer. Getting a lawyer and do it legally, everything on paper, including the threatening of your life. He is the one with the mental issues so I would make sure he has suppervised visitation-if any.

You should concider getting God in your life and your son's life, sweetie! He can help you through these difficult times and he is always there!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.P.

answers from Charlotte on

You need to get out. He is trying to control you and even though he may not be hitting you, you are still in an abusive relationship. You need to find a lawyer to talk to that can define your rights as far as the child is concerned. I know there can be issues in certain states if you cross state lines with the child. If you are staying in the same state and not refusing parental visits you should be able to take your own child and leave. I again would recommend talking to a lawyer or seeking free law advice if you can't afford a lawyer. A good friend of mine went through a similar situation about 2 years ago, but she moved from Florida to Conneticut. She was able to do this before the baby reached a certain age. Her boyfriend at the time made all kinds of threats. 2 years later they are still in a court battle with no resolution, but the loser hasn't even tried to see the kid or pay child support. It is going to be messy I won't lie, but you sound like a very strong and determined person and you want to put your child first. I feel for you and hope you can get out and start fresh and make a happy life for you and the little one. I would also recommend when you leave going to stay with a friend or family member so you have support and protection from whatever he may try....

Good Luck!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.B.

answers from Lexington on

That's odd. Regarding the date. Your post (dated the 4th) showed up in the daily log on the 9th. Anyway....
If you main concern is prosecution, I suggest getting the facts. (Is the Berea list?...hope so. otherwise the rest of this won't make sense.) Safe Alternatives, ###-###-####, e-mail: [email protected]____.com) is Richmond's domestic abuse center (and if he's talking to you like that and threatening your life, don't kid yourself that its not abuse). Barbara is the director there. I think they'll be able to give you the facts regarding what the law says about women fleeing with children from an abusive relationship. They will also be able to offer you resources and help in filing for divorce and finding safe shelter in the interim. Hope Wings, Inc. is also an option. I was only able to find an email for the director, [email protected]____.com out. Best of luck.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.P.

answers from Louisville on

Hire a lawyer and get a divorce! A good lawyer will put in the paperwork that your husband pay all lawyer fees, carry medical insurance on the child, pay child support and alimony. If he's treating you this way, think how he may one day treat your child in the future. Don't kid yourself that he would never hurt the child, what he's doing to you now, IS hurting the child indirectly. Stand up for yourself and be the Mom your son deserves!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.S.

answers from Lexington on

Hello S.,
I know that this has been posted a while but I just read your story. I hope that you have the strength to do what is right for your son. It's going to be hard being a single parent but you want him to grow and develop in a loving and stable environment. Also, men who are prone to abusing their spouses often turn on their children (I don't know your husband so I'm not saying that he will, but it does happen). You don't want your son to see your husband abusing you and think that this is normal behavior.
As for people judging you for your religious beliefs....they shouldn't. I'm a christian and belief I that only Christ has the right to judge others. Although he didn't come to judge us but to save us. And you are right.....christians are suppose to be "Christ-like" and show Jesus living in our hearts. Not to judge but to love all.
I hope that all is well with you and you find the courage and strength to do what you need to do.
All the best,
T. Sizemore
Mt. Sterling KY

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.R.

answers from Greensboro on

I left my husband under the same circumstances. I had 2 girls at the time. You need to get a restraining order against him which will protect you and your child or look up the number for battered women in your area and explain your situation. They have people there that can help you leave safely and they have access to lawyers and they can help you with the whole process.This is what I did and it was great. I am remarried now to a wonderful man and we have 2 boys together. Don't let this man scare you. You deserve better for yourself and your child. The United Way can give you the numbers you are looking for.Battered womens Services are not just for women who are beaten they help women who are threatened also because they want to help you before something bad happens. My ex held me hostage and tried to shoot me in front of my girls.Without the help from battered womens services I wouldn't be here today. Good luck and hope you get the help you need.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.T.

answers from Nashville on

Oh S., S., S.,
Honey it isn't kidnapping. You are the mom. It is only kidnapping if the judge gives him custody and then you are not supposed to have him and then you take him away when you aren't supposed to.
Let me tell you. I went through the same thing that you did. I stayed for 17 yrs. Please don't make my mistake. I am now writing a book about it and hopefully I can help other women just like me and you. The difference between me and you is mine did throw me in a mental institution, not once but twice and I was stupid enough to stay with him after the first time and not only that, he literally talked me into believing that something was wrong. And do you know why he did it? To hang onto me. It also made him look BIG to everyone else. His EGO grew like wildfire because everyone thought that this man was so wonderful and so good: here he took this poor mental case and he deal with her, puts up with her and he is just a 'good old boy'. That is what made his heart beat. Without that pat on the back from people he wouldn't be able to live.
And as far as the acusing you and calling you names. He is only doing that because he sees that in himself in which he doesn't like and so it makes him feel better about himself if he can down you for it.
Dear God, leave. Don't be stupid like I was. Pick that baby up and leave. Go straight to an attorney and tell him what is going on. He will guide you from there.
When I left I was threatened also and told he could and would do this and that and he had me so afraid that I stayed for 17 yrs. After talking to an attorney, do you know that I got the kids even after all that trouble that he went to to prove me unfit and paid cash money to have it documented that I was crazy and abusive to the children, etc. The only abuse going on was his own.
It is never kidnapping when it is your own. You have custody right now. And you will keep custody. The law in the favor of the mother and child. Here is another example: my sister is an alcoholic and she got a dui, passed out and didn't watch the kids, they walked off and then she passed out and fell asleep and left them at school till 6 when someone broke in her house to wake her up. Then she took a fingernail file and scraped on her wrists swearing to kill hersef to her children and you know what? The court still thinks that a mom is better for the children. That is why they have that law that they can chose where they want to go when they get a certain age, but they feel that the child needs the love from the mother above all.
Now, you husband can threaten all he wants but in the end he will see that no matter what he does or who he threatens, you are going to win because you haven't done anything wrong.
Let me make this suggestion first. I am only saying this because it would have helped me considerably. Take a small (student) tape recorder and keep it in your pocket and record him saying some of these ugly things to you. Don't let him see it, hide it and be very discreet. Anytime you can catch him with anything, do it. Also if there is any money anywhere, take it or get documentations of it, like copies and keep them with you and safe.
Honey you are in the right. You need to get your ducks in a row FIRST before you leave and then hit the road running as hard as you can and never look back.
He will get visitation. There is no way around that and you will have to deal with him for as long as you have your son living with you. Obviously when he moves out and has his own family you may have to deal with him later on special occasions but that is about it.
Just get your ducks in a row. I didn't. We had a $250,000 business and he hid is all from me and I walked out with no part of that business at all because I didn't keep papers and copies and document things. So you do that and get a tape recorder so the courts can hear what you have to put up with and you will get everything that you want.
Good luck and if you need to talk, write to me from mammasource and I will give you my email. I have been there before and I know what you are going through.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

P.L.

answers from Greensboro on

Hi S.,
This is a hard one to give advice on. I'm a 38yr old parent who USED to be in an abusive situation years ago, so this is Hard for me to respond. My heart went out to you when you said no one responded to your situation. I got sad again. It's even harder on you I suppose if no one want to help you. It sucks when you need the help, you ask for help, and everyone turns the other cheek! It sucks cuz, people always say "I'm here if you need me", but No one seems to care to get involved in this situation, therefore, you left ALONE!
Just so you know, if your husband "mentally" abuses you, dont you know he's gonna abuse your son too? Oh He WILL! And then you feel like you gotta stick it out more bcuz he's the father, right? Your NEEDS a Dad right? Your husband will claim that he's only CORRECTING the child or "He'll walk all over you". Then the physical abuse will come to you when you even try to interveen (if he hasn't done this yet, he will).
It's all about control with an abuser. You can't change his mind. You cant change him either! The kidnapping threat is ONLY a threat, for Control over you and the baby!
I ran away.
I ran Far away...STATES! And started over.
I first went to Dept Child Services, to tell them the situation. They like mothers that care for thier kids!
Then I went to the Sheriff, and told him. (Just in case "loser" decided to be stupid to come look for me), I had to know MY rights!
Know what they all told me? If an abuse report came out in the future about your child that your husband caused harm, you would also be held accountable as an accessory because you KNOWINGLY put your child in that situation.
I wont go into details of my situation. It was bad. And it was 15 years ago. I'm happily married now. I dont have anymore problems..."Loser" is no where around me or any threat to me. My Son is grown up and in the Army. He never missed his Dad. He remembers some of the bad stuff though. And now knows I built a beautiful loving life for him. He and I had quite a struggle with our new life, but we called each other a TEAM and No Body was gonna break us apart..(He was 3 then) and we are still close.
If I can have a happy ending. You can too. It's just a long road to travel down, yet it's worth it for you and your baby! First step, Leave him! Ignore his threats! He cant touch you! He cant touch the baby either! The mommies win everytime!(if thier good ones)

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

P.H.

answers from Clarksville on

Start with keeping a journal about when he insults and threatens you, especially when he threatens you. Seek counsil, I am sure there are ways to get counseling without paying an arm and a leg. And start working on your Plan B, which is how to support yourself and your child without your husband in the picture. As for his threat to have you charged with kidnapping? BS. And most definitely BS if you don't leave the country with your child. This is the typical sign of an abuser, too. Throw out half-truths and threats to keep you right under his nose. Get out now, before your child learns that abuse is ok. Good luck on the way! And DO NOT hesitate to call the police should he lay hand on you. :)

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.T.

answers from Raleigh on

Get an attorney now. A good one who knows family law in your state. Do not wait. Do not hope he will improve, he won't. You need to protect yourself and your son. If you don't have the money for a good attorney then borrow it. I cannot stress this enough. GO see an attorney first and find out about what you can and can't do as far as leaving your husband. Also, you need some good friends and/or family to help you through this hard time.

Go to the library and read everything you can about divorce in your state. Write out questions in detail before you consult with an attorney. Make a list of all your assests, bank accounts, savings accounts, 401ks, any and all funds you and your husband have. Start hiding some money when you can because you will need it later if you have to move.
Do as much of the homework and reseach you can on your divorce as an attorney charges by the hour and it adds up fast. You may be able to get a court appointed attorney if your income is too low but in my opionion you get what you pay for and that attorney may not be that good.

Good luck and don't give up! Remember you aren't just doing this for yourself but also for your son!

A.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.D.

answers from Raleigh on

Does mental illness run in his family? Could he be bipolar?

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

W.M.

answers from Nashville on

UGH, he is a nut! Get out NOW! One thing to always remember........Love it not that hard when it is true love. You also need to know that you are doing what is best for your son by getting out. If he sees daddy treat mommy this way, he will either treat you the same (disrespectfully) or he will go on to treat his wife this way.

You can either go to a domestic violence shelter before leaving. Not to live, just to talk to someone to have it documented that you are dealing with this in case he does report you as abusive. You can also go file a police report to have it documented. Or an attorney. Or tape record him saying these threats to you to use against him later. You do need to have someone with you when you do decide to leave and try to always have someone with you in the few months that follow in case he does go crazy on you. Only you know how serious he is but I dated a guy once who threatened to kill himself if I left......6 yrs later I left and he never did more than call and beg. Many of these men say these things b/c they know it makes us stay. This jerk needs to be smacked and you leaving may be just the smack he deserves!

Do you have family you can stay with? Can family get you set up in an apt? Can you stay with a roomate/friend and get a job? Can family help watch your child while you get a job? You are going to have to have an income to support you and your child. Family would be best but if you have a friend who can watch him and let you pay her minimally until you get on your feet. You also need to pull your credit report. You can do this online or call each one and they can mail it to you. You need to know what you are up against. You can go to a bank and just explain what has happened and ask them if they can open an acct for you. Start stashing money if you can. Just enough to get an apt and eat until you can work and get a paycheck. Email me back if you need to, you HAVE to get out! Whatever it takes, get out.

W. M

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.M.

answers from Memphis on

Reading everything you wrote and noting the fact that you are married. You can't kidnap your own child. He is just playing mind games with you. And based on what you have written, the games are working. Wise up lady, he keeps criticizing you because he is unhappy with himself. It is not you or how you are raising your child. He has issues within. He hates the situation he is in, he really does not want to be married because if he did he would address real issues and not make up issues to pick fights. Why don't call his bluff and leave for real and see what he does. Which I think will be nothing. He is just full of hot air. When you deal with people that are unhappy with their lives they blame everyone else for everything wrong in their lives. Ask him if he wants to married while you are in the midst of a fight and he will give the real answer. If you ask while things are great between you, he will answer based on his emotions because he feels good right then. So ask him when he is very angry and you will get the real raw feeling not the sugar coated ones. Don't be surprised if the answer is No!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.M.

answers from Charlotte on

I can't fully agree that your husband sucks, because it simply takes two in a relationship. With that said: here is my advice.

If you want out, then get a temp custody order from the judge. (which you apply for) Tell them of the threats, the things he says, etc. You should get it. Secondly, get out and dont' look back. Many times, women will do this, when things are not going well, then go back. If you are done, you are done. Leave and don't look back.

Secondly, Find a way to support yourself and child without depending on your husband. That is what it sounds like he is hounding about. "how are you going to make it without me" type thing.

If and when things get to the point of visitation with his father, I would make things perfectly clear, that hubby needs to leave his personal feelings about you aside.

By the way, you can't kidnap your own child. He's just shooting off at the mouth. IMO

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.R.

answers from Knoxville on

Wow!! I would get any attorney and file for divorce. It sounds like you may have problems with custody and end up in family court. I don't think you can be accused of kidnapping if you leave. Whatever you do don't contact DHS for any advice those people are crazy!!!!! Divorce can be ugly when two people are not in agreement on it.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.W.

answers from Knoxville on

You don't necessarily have to be religious to believe in God.I know that there are Christians out there who tend to make the rest of us look bad by their actions and words.
I will be praying for you, regardless.
Yes, you do need to find out the legalities concerning your child and yourself. A few of my friends were in similar relationships and the situations eventually got worse to the point that they were beaten physically and emotionally. Both are dangerous. You need to find means to protect your son and yourself. There are services out there that help women in your situation. Please don't be afraid to use them as soon as possible. God bless you and I pray you will get the help you and your son need. Love you.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.U.

answers from Clarksville on

hi. thought i would write. haven't been in your shoes but helped me friend get out of bs. first she went to human services and let them know what is going on. they helped make a plan. you may want to sneak off to the police department and let them know about the threats and even go as far as getting a restraining order. you do need a plan. you didn't say if you have a car to leave in. if not find some one to take you two away. you shouldn't tell anybody here you are going. dis there a home safe for wemon and children near you. you may need to hide for a time. if you want you can call me and i can tell you what me and lisa did. she is now happly remarried to a fantastic guy and they have a little girl. 1-###-###-####, R. good luck

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.S.

answers from Charlotte on

Hi, I went through a similar situation and stayed for awhile because I was being told that I would go to jail for kidnapping. This is not true, but you do have to follow some legal procedures. It all depends on who files with the court first. If you are sure, as I was, that you will probabally have to go through a custody suit, then you have to secretly go and see a lawyer and ask him to file with the court. The court will place the child with the parent whol files first. While you are waiting for your court date, if you have filed, you can move with your child and you have the paperwork to show that the child is temporaily placed with you until you go to court. Otherwise, if you leave and he files, he can show up at your door with paperwork that gives him temporary custody of the child until the first court date. This is something that a lot of people do not know about, but could make a huge difference. Don't do anything until you see a lawyer. Hope that this helps.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.B.

answers from Orlando on

A man that will hold you hostage with threats is a man that is abusive on some level. Maybe it is not what you think of in terms of physical abuse, although my concern would be that it could escalate to that eventually. Oftentimes physically abusive men start out with these odd and controlling type behaviors and it may take months or years to escalate to more.

I just read your entire message. I had skimmed through it at first. So, as I suspected, there is also some verbal abuse and threats of physical violence. As I stated before, you are in an abusive relationship.

My advice to you would be to seek help in the form of a counselor and/or women's group and possibly a safe house. They would be able to explain what your legal rights are in terms of taking your child, as well as offering you some suggestions on maintaining your safety while leaving. It may be that you are not able to pack everything up and leave in a peaceful manner (almost certainly). You would need someone else there at the very least and possibly need to leave secretly while he is away at work or elsewhere.

I'm not trying to alarm you, but I feel like you need to protect your child and yourself, and the best way is to be prepared and have a plan. I would not suggest engaging in any more battles with your husband. Seek outside help with someone experienced in abusive relationships. Don't take my advice - talk to a counselor or someone who can offer you legal advice that applies to the state you live in since it does vary from state-to-state.

Be safe and I wish the best for you.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.R.

answers from Clarksville on

Since it sounds like in your last update all is well for now (until the next time he goes postal on you), you need to go down to your local police department the next time he does start with you and find out what your rights as a parent are. If it means being put in a safehouse until you know what your next move is then you need to do it. I don't mean to sound harsh but you are 38 years old!!! You need to get control of your life and this situation if not for you then for your son!!! Abuse doesn't just have to be physical (although he HAS hit you in the past) for it to be considered abuse. If you continue to allow yourself to be in this relationship through HIS ups and downs your son will see it and it will effect him and his childhood - something I am sure you are not willing to have to live with. Again, if not for yourself then you need to make the best choice for your baby. Good luck to you.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.H.

answers from Raleigh on

My advice is to call a women's shelter and ask advice and to get into counselling as soon as possible. Call your Mom, Dad, best friend, etc. Pack your bags and go for a visit.

As a step mother, my experience with the courts is that they tend to favor the mother, especially with young children. It would be very unusual if he got full custody. You must remember that you are the model for your son and he is half your husband. Go to counselling and work out a way to maintain a positive relationship with your husband despite any provocation.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.G.

answers from Nashville on

S.,

Talk to an attorney who practices a lot of divorce/family law and/or go to a woman's shelter and see what advice they can give you. It seems abusive men (or women, for that matter) will often make statements that have no basis in fact as a way to control the other person, they use the threats to keep them in fear and keep them from doing anything.

Neither you nor your son needs to live with the sort of abuse you describe.

K. G

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.B.

answers from Johnson City on

The only way I know to help is for you to start with an order of protection because he has threated your life. Then you can leave or he must leave. The police can help you get out they can be with you when you walk out. Just be sure that you have a safe place to go when you walk out. You may also want to go and talk with your lawyer and get that paperwork started and papers ready to serve.

I hope this helps.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.J.

answers from Owensboro on

If I were you I would get out FAST. Contact a local womens shelter and have it documented. He may not be physically abusing you but he is mentally abusive and that is just as bad. Just make sure you get these things documented. Don't let him push you around. Get out before it gets worse. For the sake of your little one. And good for you for standing up for yourself on the breastfeeding issue!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

I.W.

answers from Greensboro on

I pretty much agree with everyone else. For a lot of women, they can simply pack a bag and leave. Sounds like you are going to have to be a lot more careful. And never be alone so he never has the change to harm you or the baby. Get the police involved ASAP so that you have immediate documentation that you fear him. You'll probably not able to do this alone. You may need help from the police, a shelter, family and friends. Please accept that help. I don't think you're dealing with a sane person.
Be careful, sweetie, and best wishes!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.O.

answers from Louisville on

You may want to check in on this but I honestly don't think that a mother can kidnap her own child. I have been in and out of family court since I myself was a child and now with my children and I don't think that a mother can kidnap her own child. You need to contact an attorney for advice and also contact a police officer about the kidnapping charges.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.H.

answers from Memphis on

It's really shocking to me that out of 113 posts, I read maybe only one response that said you should also look at your role in this situation. Maybe not for your husband now, but for your future mate. And I would hope if you do leave and divorce, that you spend a year or two focused on yourself and your son. I may have different views than most, but I believe that just b/c the person you chose to marry has become an asshole, you don't have the right to take your son unless there is immediate danger. I laugh at all the women that wrote, "he's crazy, and it's not kidnapping." Let one of those women go to sleep and wake up to a letter from their husband saying "you were a bitch last night, so i took our son".... they would be yelling "kidnap" in a heartbeat. You knew you would get a very broad range of responses, so sorry for sounding harsh but I fully understand that 2 people in a relationship feed off the other. You react to what he does which makes him react to what you do. It becomes a never ending cycle where the beginning becomes fuzzy. I would never be so bold to advise you to leave, stay, get a lawyer, call the police, etc... Only you, know the full situation. Only you, know the role you have played. Only you, know the capabilities of this man. And you are the only one that has had YOUR experience.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.H.

answers from Clarksville on

My mom and I pretty much went through about the same as you and your son with my dad and her second husband. All the frustration and pain your going through rubs off on children after awhile if they're around it enough. Your son is still young but he can probably still pick up on your feelings. If you do make it to court don't let your anger get in the way of your purpose there. It might make things look bad on you instead of your husband. If you want to help yourself and your son keep a level head and let him be the angry one. I hope you find the happiness you and your son deserve. Don't be afraid to ask for help from the people around you and get a good lawyer. I never knew about the kidnapping thing in Wv and I was raised there. Best of Luck.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.H.

answers from Louisville on

One word--Divorce. Call an attorney

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.

answers from Charlotte on

Hi S. C,
First off, I have no personal experience in this kind of situation, but I know some who do. I would recommend consulting a divorce attorney & find ou what your legal rights are. If that isn't an option at this point, ie money or time away, call the police and ask what you can do. If he is physically abusive, you should call them every time you feel threatened. You may feel this will insight him, but by making the authorities aware of what's going on, you have the foundation to leave without him accusing you of kidnapping. You may also find support at social services. Since he's making the threat to call them, beat him to it. They can come and visit your home and plainly see that you are a good parent. I know I don't need to tell you this...your child is the most important here. The situation is best resolved as soon as possible to prevent your husband's abuse of your child, emotionally or physically.
My thoughts are with you, take care.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.D.

answers from Clarksville on

I am in a situation similar to yours. My husband has a strong propensity against participating in family functions and that drives me crazy. We have (what I know to be) stupid fights and I absolutely lose control sometimes (I'm embarrassed to say). But, my husband never makes cracks about my weight (and I am morbidly obese). He does sometimes try to manipulate me to say I am being a bad mom because I yell at him in front of our daughter. I know he's right.......but that's a whole other issue.
If he doesn't respect you and you two can't be a united front on the issue of parenting now, what will it be like when your son is a teenager, and acts like a teenager? What sort of example is setting for your son by treating you so horribly?
If you can honestly say that he causes you more grief than you feel you love him, let him go. You and your son don't need to live in that environment. As for kidnapping, I am an attorney and I don't believe you will be charged with any sort of criminal offense if you simply leave your husband. I strongly encourage you, if you do leave, to go to court and get custody worked out ASAP......you can get primary custody and leave your husband with mere visitation rights and make him pay child support.
Obviously he has turned into someone you don't know anymore and the person you thought you were in love with is gone or maybe never even existed. Sometimes I wonder that about my husband, but I'm still hanging in there. I haven't come down to the last straw yet, but it looks like you have. Some of the happiest people I know are from single-parent/divorced parents. Don't stay together for your son.......he'll be just fine.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.M.

answers from Lexington on

I really do not think you would be charged with kidnapping your own son. If you are concerned for your safety (and by the sounds of your post I think you are) I would call Child and Family services and explain the situation. Tell them you want to leave for your safety, but you are afraid he will hurt you or the child in the process and you have no where to go. They are meant to help women in your situation. They will also know the laws regarding separations and the legality of taking your son with you.

HTH! Good luck.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

V.S.

answers from Raleigh on

What I think you need to do is geta restraining order because he has threaten your life a few times. Ana at that point you need to leave and take your child. He can not call it kidnapping because you both have custody over your child. There is no court in the world that will take a baby from his mother with no just cause and your husband's bs is nota just cause. I hope this helps. :) Good Luck

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.M.

answers from Memphis on

I'm not by any means an expert on this subject nor have I ever wanted to leave my husband, but I hear your pain. I would like to ask have you tried to get counselling or have you talked to your husband about it? Maybe through counselling you can get to the root of his anger and verbal abuse toward you. You mentioned that you were not religious, I would even suggest that you find a local church to attend and learn about Christ and how you can be saved. When you develop a relationship with Him and a prayer life you will discover that He can do all things even with a situation like your marriage that may look hopeless to you. I hope this helps!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.H.

answers from Lexington on

hey S.,
all i can say is GET OUT. NOW. i have never had to do it myself, but i can tell you that there should be a women's/children's shelter in your area if you feel you need that. or just contact a lawyer and tell them what's up and see what their advice is to avoid kidnapping charges. i'm sure at some point you will have to go to court or at least mediation over custody (i'm sure your husband will fight for custody or rights just to hurt you), and at that point you can argue your case. if you have any friends or family in the area i'm sure they will help you, but i'd advise not leaving the city or state so it doesn't look like kidnapping. you've done all you can it seems to make this marriage work, but i would get out before he hurts you or your son. please get help! good luck, and let us know what happens,
J.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.F.

answers from Hickory on

hello sorry to hear that you are having so much trouble your husband can not get you for kid napping the baby is both of yours and you can leave with him and go and get tem custody of him he cant that the baby from you or you cant take the baby from him and if you have tem constody he can take him for sure if you dont go get tem custody of him if you were to leave him with a sitter he could go and pick him up and the same for you so that is why you need to go and get tem custody as soon as you leave dont stay were you can be at harms way it is not good for you or your baby

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.W.

answers from Clarksville on

Get a restraining order, get a lawyer, and GET OUT! Do this for you and your beautiful son! His threats should be taken seriously and document EVERYTHING! Go to family, go to a womens shelter, go somewhere safe. Best of luck to you!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.H.

answers from Raleigh on

First let me say I am sorry for what you are going thru. Secondly, it is not kidnapping if you choose to take your child and leave an abusive relationship. Just because you're not wearing bruises doesn't make it less harmful. It is not kidnapping if the child is taken by a parent and there is not a court order for custody. Possession is 9/10 of the law in this state. It is automatically joint custody unless a judge says otherwise. As the vehicle is legally yours, you have the right to it. Do not be afraid to "take back" the power you have along with the car. I know how hard it can be. I was in a similar situation with a sorry, cheating, lying, baby-making man 20+ years ago. Not only was he threatening me and trying to take our twin daughters away from me, but he had his mother and sisters helping him. As difficult and frustrating as it was, I NEVER had to worry about losing custody of my children, because I knew I was not a bad parent. I cannot tell you how many times social workers came to my home, my family and friends homes, my children's school, because his mother or sister had filed an "anonymous complaint of neglect/abuse.It was all an effort by him and his family to keep me down. KEEP YOUR HEAD UP! That baby will depend on you more when you are on your own. Develop a network (similar to this one). You are NOT alone!!!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.B.

answers from Raleigh on

Have you tried contacting family services or legal aide they will be better equipped to help you out

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.B.

answers from Charlotte on

What I would do..is leave..go to a woman shelter or relative/friends place.You are in a bad controlling situation.He doesnt love you no matter what he says and I really doubt he will ever change enough to make a difference.You cant kidnap your own child if you take him with you out of a dangerous situation.Yes it is dangerous since your husband has threatened you in more ways then one..LEAVE NOW!!..pack a bag for you and your son and GO!!..good luck..
S. B

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

I.N.

answers from Raleigh on

I left my abusive husband 2 years ago. I just up and moved with all the kids. You are NOT guilty of kidnapping if you leave with your son. You may want to seek help from a women's shelter or a women's resource center. A lot of them have clinics on separation and divorce- how to do it, the financial aspects, things like that. They can be AMAZING resources. A shelter may be the right place for you so you're protected. Many of us have been there. Stay strong! Good luck to you!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.T.

answers from Jacksonville on

I left my husband, nearly 5 months ago for similar type behavior, though not nearly as extreme.

You need to enlist the help of your family to assist you, or you need to contact the local womans shelter and ask for information on your states laws on the custody in regards to your child.

Start documenting every fight, and when it esculates to him threatening you- call the police.

You should not be made to feel like this in your own home.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.K.

answers from Charlotte on

If I were you I'd try and call a lawyer or get in contact with someone with the police department and ask them. (It's never happened to me so I'm not sure - but from all you've said, I think you do need to do something. That type of traumatic situation isn't good to raise a child in.)

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.G.

answers from Louisville on

I would suggest you contact a battered woman center. Even though he hasn't struck you verbal abuse is still abuse. You should also keep a record of when he goes into these verbal attacks with date and what was said. They can often advise you. You can also speak to the police dept on what would determine a charge of kidnapping. Hope this helps. Abuse in any form is not ok and is unhealthy for your child.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.M.

answers from Huntington on

Hi, wow sounds like he's a real ass, excuse the language.

I would call the police and tell them that you want to leave your hubby but he threatens you and your child and you're afraid, they will hopefully have some advice or even help you get out. You can also contact a lawyer and find out what your rights are as far as leaving with your son is concerned and whether or not your husband can accuse you of kidnapping when trying to leave an abusive relationship.
Get the divorce papers started immediatly, this way he'll know you're serious and no matter how much he begs don't fall back into his trap.

Be strong, you can do this, and you will be sooo much better on your own without his verbal abuse (and physical???).

Do you have somewhere you can go? If you do, then go, get out and don't go back. Pack some bags and GO! If you want him to leave, you may need help of the police, so do what you have to do. As long as you are the one to make the first move you should be ok, you don't want him making you look crazy or manipulating the situation. (he doesn't have to know you're leaving, your safety and your child safety is number one, ok)

There are also programs and shelters for women who need help leaving a bad relationship, you can probably find something local by looking in the yellow pages or with a google search.

If you're serious about getting out of this relationship you may have to give up your home and some materialistic things, but in the long run you'll be soo happy you did.

If you get the police involved righht away that will also be proof that he is the crazy one and not you.

So call the cops, call a lawyer, call a local womens shelter, do what you have to do to make sure you and your little one are safe and way from all the negativity and anger.

Also about the breastfeeding, good for you, don't ever let anyone tell you what you're doing is wrong when you know what you're doing is the best thing for your child. Its NOT disgusting, its natural and beautiful.

Hope this helps, and please keep us posted.

I'm far away but here for you if you need strength, ok :)

Take care

E.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.B.

answers from Nashville on

I am so sorry for your situation. I went through a divorce 5 years ago, but luckily, no children were involved. I believe you're doing the right thing by wanting to leave. If he is stupid to threaten your life, he's probably stupid enough to actually hurt you. If I were you I'd file a police report stating that you have been threated by this man. Next I would contact an attorney to find out what your legal rights are. I don't believe he can have you charged w/ kidnapping because you are the mother and he doesn't have custody of the child. I used an attorney named Grayson Cannon for my divorce. She is located in Goodlettsville and is a super woman. Good luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.M.

answers from Jacksonville on

Hey hon,
I would contact a lawyer and the police. I would also talk to someone in Women's Services about how he is treating the both of you. He is being emotionally and mentally abusive and you have a right to have a restraining order against him. Don't waste time. I know it's very hard to make the big step of getting out, but you have to do it. Also if you can prove that he is a danger to either one of you then have them give him only supervised visits. Good luck and get authorities involved.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.S.

answers from Fayetteville on

Talk to a lawyer.document his weird behavior.This fruit does not sound stable.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.A.

answers from Charleston on

Please don't make the mistake of taking his threats to your life too lightly. You can never be sure that he won't completely lose it and carry out his threat. You need to formulate a plan that you are ready to carry out that will get you away from him and safe. Please contact an attorney. Ask up front if they offer free consultation. They really do help. If finances are an issue, try to begin to put away as much as you can as you make plans to leave. If you need help with a place to stay, or you think that you just might need to stay out of sight for awhile, the YWCA is a wonderful resource. The Charleston, WV location has a number of programs to help someone like you. You can call their toll free number 800-681-8663 for information. Good luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.P.

answers from Chattanooga on

S.

If you are sure you want to end this marriage then the first thing you need to do is to contact an attorney and find out what your options are. The laws are different in each state. Most of them will give you a free session. You need to make sure you don't break the law. If you don't want to see an attorney, then call the clerk at the court house in the area you live in and ask them if what your rights are. I know that he doesn't have the right to threaten you. Because he has you should be able to get a restraining order on him. He is trying to control you through intimadation. Do not respond or argue with him. Do not provoke him in any way. Since there is no evidence of child abuse or mental illness he has no leg to stand on it is your word against his. Be strong and take care of you and your child. You and only you can protect both you and your son. I know that you stated that you are not religious, however I am and my heart goes out to you and your son. I will be praying for both of you and I hope and pray that you get the help you need.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.T.

answers from Raleigh on

Let me just say it nicely. Leave as soon as possible and take your child with you. He sounds very controlling and like it could turn out very badly for you and your child. Watch the news at any given day and you can see a story about a man or women that has gone insane and killed not only the spouse but the children also. Tell him to get some help. As for taking your child from you...He has to have proof of abuse. 9 times out of 10 a mother wins full custody of a child because that is the way it is. It is very hard to remove a child from its mother. Unless you are physically abusing your child, neglecting your child or abandoning your child you are safe. Dont give him the chance to abuse your child the way he is abusing you. He is abusing you.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.B.

answers from Asheville on

I don't know about where you come fom, but in my town, we have half way houses. I'm not sure, but maybe you could call your local Social Service or look in the phone book. But anyway, they get you out and put you into a house, which is confidential, and know one knows where these houses are, nor can you contact anyone until they ok it. But maybe you can find one of them to help you out.I've been married to the same wonderful man for 38yrs. But, I've heard several women I've worked with talk about these house, because they have stayed in them. Hope this helps you some. I am a Christian and I believe in GOD!! So I will say a pray for you. J.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.X.

answers from Raleigh on

Hello - I don't know why you don't have any responses...maybe because it sounds like you need a professional rather than a bunch of amateurs! Not to be flippant AT ALL - your letter truly concerned me, and it sounds like you need to finid a safe place and go there quickly. Threats and verbal abuse are no joke and are quite damaging on their own but could also escalate into something much worse.
If you don't have a place to go please contact The Women's Center in Chapel Hill at ###-###-#### or 888-669-4736. I don't think they can help directly but can certainly steer you in the right direction.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.Y.

answers from Charlotte on

Oh this sounds awful. I hate that anyone has to got through this. I would start keeping a diary of the events that go one in your home. Also, think of anyone who has been witness to any comments by him to you etc. I would contact a lawyer and see what steps you can take to safely and legally leave your home with your son. He sounds like he has some jealousy issues and is so insecure and depressed about himself that he takes it out on you. I am sure it is hard to think that someone you once loved can be hurting you this bad. Only you can make yourself happy now. Stay strong and be smart about your moves.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.K.

answers from Wheeling on

S......leave him. Do it quickly because that "phase" will leave as fast as it came. Hang in there, I wish you and your family well. If you do leave, know that this just may be the best beginning of your life, not the end. Good luck. "ditto what Reese G. wrote to you"

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.B.

answers from Knoxville on

Yeah I have posted and not gotten any response on mylast two.
In most cases... FYI... Neither of you have more "custody" rights over your son. If you take your son and leave... you will need to file for tempory custody on the grounds that you and the child are in immediate danger... and you will need to do this before he does, if they award him temp. custody then you will have to turn the child over to him....if you DO NOT after he has been awarded temp. custody... then he can file kidnapping charges on you.

Sounds like more scare tactics and manipulation to get you to stay. Get out for the safety of yourself and your child.

Good Luck...and by the way... it's not going to be painless... make a run for it with nothing but you and the baby and what you can carry on your back. You dont need his permission
J.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.M.

answers from Johnson City on

It's a little hard to tell you what you need to do. He only puts you down and talks bad about you because he knows that he doesn't look the way that he did when you guys first got together. He needs to make you feel like dirt so he feels better about himself. He's not quiet so sure that he will find someone else. Men need to have someone, It's the woman that can make it alone and still be happy. You need to just know that you are doing the best that you can and don't acknowledge all of the crap that he tells you. Verbal abuse is worse that a good slap. The slap hurts for alittle while, but words can't be taken back and they last forever.

I hope you get the help that you need and good luck.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.M.

answers from Memphis on

If you think that it is bad now...wait until he's your ex. You really will not have any control over what he says or does. Or, what person he brings into your child's life. Trust me that he will find the first loser girl to date and/or marry. Leaving the marriage will solve some problems...yes. But it will create 1,000 others. Try changing yourself first before thinking about moving on. Because with a child there is NO "getting out of here." He will ALWAYS be in your life. And unless you change yourself first you will attract another "winner" like him. And you have made the best and wisest choice to have only one child with him. Stick in there and explore some changes of your own. You will learn alot in the process and your child will have an intact family that you chose.

Sorry to seem harsh. I am a marriage therapist who deals with this all the time and I have some personal experience also. We all can learn to grow and change. And usually (no always) we need to change ourselves.

Marriage is about committment...a committment to your choice perhaps.

C.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.J.

answers from Louisville on

I just wanted to offer a little support. I am not an expert on this stuff, but I would say...call the police, and a lawyer. Get out before he starts mentally abusing your son too. Divorce will be easier on him now than later. Good luck and God bless.
GO SOMEWHERE SAFE!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.M.

answers from Louisville on

as cold as it sounds I would call a cab to take me and my son to a women's shelter and start over from there. At the very least I would have my son, my pride and a place to get started again. They would have all the protection answers as well

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.B.

answers from Nashville on

So I just read this for the first time today when it came in the e-mail, so now that it's actually in people's inbox I'm sure you're getting some responses. But just in case I wanted to respond. I'm hesitant to give any advice because I don't have experience with that type of situation. However I would strongly suggest you contact a lawyer or your state's judicial department that deals with divorces and custody. With the description of your husband you don't want to risk doing anything that will give him the upper hand if you end up in a custody battle. I do know that even without kids if a spouse leaves without filing for a legal separation they can be charged with abandonment (at least here in TN), so I'd be doubly careful about anything with your son. I pray things work out.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.C.

answers from Clarksville on

Go to the police if he is threatning you, get a record of the verbal abuse, get a restraining order if you need to. Let them know that he has threatened to make up stories about you abusing the children in an effort to keep you from leaving. Let them see the children and verify that this is not the case. Tell them about your fears. I have never been in this situation but I know one thing, I would go right to the police, if they don't have answers they are going to point you in a direction that does. I think the biggest thing is you have to file a complaint before he can, that way they know your situation when he tries to go to the police.
Hope this helps,
M.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.P.

answers from Memphis on

You have taken all that you can take and your instinct is telling you to leave then you should leave. No woman or man deserves to be disrespected especially in the way(s) that he has disrespected you. You know that you don't abuse your son so don't let him make you believe that he going to call the cops, etc. He's saying that so that you can stay. Get a police to accompany you at your home while you pack your stuff. Unfortunately you may have to start at square one but nothing would make you feel better than getting out. Leaving is your "fresh air." Get that monkey off your back!

D.B.

answers from Memphis on

First of all congrats on the birth of your sweet boy. Secondly, find a good lawyer & get out. You do not deserve to feel frightened in your own home, to have your safety threatened, your relationship with your son endangered. It's time to get out. Go to a lawyer, find out what they suggest & then find somewhere to go where he wont find you for now.

The lawyer can help you do it without jeopardizing your custody of this child. I take it you are employeed full time? Showing that you can support your son will go a long way with a judge.

It seems to me your husband has some mental issues to work out. He may be suffering from depression or anxiety & may not know it himself. If he offers to change the 1st things I'd do is get him in to a doctor and a counselor. If he does those things, he may be serious about changing. I don't know.

But I do know you need to speak to a professional about your options and how best to protect yourself and your son.

Best of luck to you.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.B.

answers from Lexington on

Dear S. C,
Please talk to a lawyer and quickly. There are services available for women and children in your situation. From the way you write it is obvious that you are an intelligent and educated woman. You may have to get public assistance for a while- take advantage of it, it is there for you until you can get along on your own. My sis in law was on WIC in WV, she was very happy with the program and will go back to work (she's an RN) when her baby goes to kindergarten.
One thing your husband says it true- he can have you charged with kidnapping if you leave with your son, and the courts will keep that in mind when they decided custody. Do it the legal way, but hurry. I worry about your son. Good luck to both of you.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.N.

answers from Raleigh on

S., I have never been in your situation, but my sister has been. Your husband's behavior sounds frightening and abusive. Even if he's never physically struck you, his threats and emotional abuse are creating an impossible and dangerous situation for you and your child. You need to get out as soon as possible, and make it clear that you are escaping a potentially dangerous situation. One way of doing this is by contacting a local women's shelter and taking yourself there. Another way is by leaving but registering a complaint with the police to make a record of his scary behavior. There may be a custody battle, but if there is, you will have it on record that he has threatened your life, etc. Your husband can't accuse you of kidnapping simply for trying to leave him and take your child; it doesn't work that way, especially because you are the primary caregiver. People split up! So a lot depends on your manner of doing things. Your husband is intimidating you with false threats. Depending on your state, the laws may be different, but I'm fairly sure that you won't be accused of kidnapping if you don't leave the state while custody proceedings are going on. Also, you might find a local Legal Aid office or women's shelter or advocacy group and ask for some advice on how to proceed.

I feel for you! And applaud you for having the strength to refuse this treatment. You are doing yourself and your child a HUGE favor. :) Kudos.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

G.C.

answers from Raleigh on

Hi S.: Have you been looking @ the news lately, women are being killed left and right by their spouses/boyfriends. In most cases they have a violent history. I cant tell you to leave but I think in your heart
you already know what you need to do. the first step in abuse is demoralizing you and making you feel bad about yourself. You will not be accused of kidnapping your own child if you leave because you are in an abusive relationship. You need to start planning your departure. You dont say whether or not you work, do you have money saved, do you have a place to go? Do you have any job skills? family of friends for support. Get all of these things worked out asap
G.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.B.

answers from Charlotte on

The only thing I know for you to possibly do is go to your local DSS. You can speak with someone there on how you should handle this. The reason I say DSS, is because he has threatened your life. I would call them or go into their office if your able. If they're not able to help you, they should definitely be able to guide you in the right direction. The only other thing I would know of is to see an attorney. Good luck. I hope things work out for you

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.B.

answers from Johnson City on

Dear S.,

GET OUT NOW...your husband is abusive..threats to your life and constantly finding fault and all the other things he does is abuse. Just because he hasn't hit you (at least you didn't mention that) doesn't mean that it couldn't get worse again. There are domestic violence shelters in almost every town. Depending on the state you live in, you can get a protective order against your husband to keep him from doing the things you fear. Call a domestic violence shelter and talk to someone there who can give you information about getting out safely. Also, they can advise you about what to take when you leave. All shelters will keep your presence there confidential and it will give you a chance to think about where and how you will go on with your life and raise your son in a violence free home. Good luck. I know there are people who can help if only you will call them. I will be praying for you and your beautiful son. Take care of yourself and him always.

B. B

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.M.

answers from Memphis on

I am not sure where you are so I am not sure how the laws are there but where I am as long as you don't leave the state it isn't considered kidnapping. But My suggestion would to be to contact a lawyer and get the facts and then get out of there. Neither you or your son need to be in that type of relationship as you know. It isn't healty for either one of you. I was married to someone who started out that way and I ended up having 2 children with him and like you "i had family in my eyes" and pride because I didn't want to hear the "I told you so's" from my family and friends who tried their best to convince me that he was wrong for me. ( By the way I never heard one I told you so). After the kids game he went from playing mind games and just being mentally cruel to being physically abusive as well. Still I hung around and lived with it for almost 18 years before I just really couldn't take it any more. Please please please for your sake, for your sons sake, for your physical and mental health please get yourselves out of that situation. Even if he isn't physically abusive the mental stress wears a body down. Don't give him any reasons to be able to say that you can't care foryour son properly. I suggest if you have family in the area. Tell him you are leaving. do it in public. Tell him where you are going to be and that your taking your son and go to family. That was the hardest call that I ever had to make was to tell my my I was leaving my husband but they welcomed me with open arms rather than see me be miserable. As far as the breatfeeding goes. as long as your comfortable with it and your son is growing and well nourished then to hell with your husband. I didn't get to nurse my oldest two children becasue their father thought it was disgusting for me to nurse my son and that I would make my daughter a lesbian by nursing her. Have you ever heard anything so absurd? Sorry for the long post but having been in this situation and having gotten out I know how you feel and what you can accomplish. Good Luck. Keep believeing in you.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.Z.

answers from Nashville on

Hope you have found a way out.
Please leave no matter what he says to you or how 'good' he's acting now.
Go as far away from him as you can and be sure to keep your location secret from anyone that could tell him where you are.
I would NOT let his family know where you are either.
Get an attorney so that you can make all necessary arrangements.
Go to a church for help if you need to. Many churches will have great resources for finding help for you and whatever you need.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.B.

answers from Memphis on

He cannot get you for kidnapping! All you have to do is go to a shelter if you have no place to go and explain your situation of how he is mentally abusing you! That is abuse!! Your son also will be affected if you continue to stay in the abusive relationship! Can you make it on your own? If so just move contact the police department and let them know that you are leaving because he has threatened your life. They do not take children because mothers leave with them.....

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

G.M.

answers from Raleigh on

HOLY CRAP GET OUT OF THERE! That is abuse in it's purest form! I would go straight to the police with your child for a restraining order and so that if he did try to make good on those threats, the police and DSS will know that he's full of it. THe man needs help and he is a danger to you and your child. if you want to stick it out, that's up to you but you're are putting a defenseless child ina volital situation and that is NOT cool. There are many services out there that can help you leave even if just for a little while but your husband needs some help and so do you. That is not a good situation to be in, for you or your baby

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.E.

answers from Jacksonville on

Seek a lawyer and leave, it is a danger to you and your son to stay, there wouldn't be a judge that would think otherwise. Good luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.W.

answers from Louisville on

Find a family attorney and tell him basically what you have here. Most will give you a free consulation. If you have any pictures or can get statements from family who have seen or heard him be verbally or physically abusive take that with you. Any valid proof should help you more than "I heard he said." Do you have any family you can stay with? As for him charging you with kidnapping call your local police or the family attorney and see what the laws are in your state. You don't deserve to live like this and it isnt' good for your son either. good Luck K.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.L.

answers from Raleigh on

Hi, I have never been in your situation before, but for watching my mom go through this I would recommend contacting an attorney before doing anything. Within that call explain what has been going on and tell him how you feel that you feel like a prisoner in your own home, he will be able to guide you through this. Every state has different laws regarding children and divorce. Hope all works out.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

N.C.

answers from Memphis on

Well...I'm not up on the laws or anything like that. But since you two are married and therefore no custody is ruled, I don't believe he can get you for kidnapping. However since he sounds unstable, if you have the ability, whenever you decide it is definitely time to go, I would have the police present when you plan to do so. That would be for the safety of you and your child. I don't know how much this actually helps but its what I would probably do. Good luck.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.H.

answers from Charlotte on

Get the hell out!! He can't have you arrested for kidnapping, that is as much your child as it is his, more really!!! It will not get better, trust me, I was in a bad relationship with my first child's father, I loved him very much but I refused to live my life like that, more than that I refused to let my child live in that environment. I came from an abusive home, verbally and physically, it is so hard to overcome, we owe it to our children not to subject them to this madness. I have a wonderful husband now and another child, he is a great supportive husband and father, they are out there, you just have to look really hard. There are laws out there to protect you and your child, do it quickly, consult a lawyer as quickly as you can, if you initiate the legal process it is better for you!! I hope this helps, please feel free to talk anytime!! Good luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.J.

answers from Clarksville on

Hi S.,
I just now saw your post. I wanted to tell you, I'm not sure what the law is where you are, but in Kentucky, my husband took off with all of our children, to a state far away, and I called the police, and they told me that he was their father, he could take them wherever he wanted, even that far away. They could do nothing without a separation agreement or at least a temporary parenting plan that outlined visitation, custody, etc. I had to get an attorney and get those things filed before I could get my kids back. However, I would suggest to you that you need to at least have a consultation with an attorney (which is usually free the first time) in order to figure out your course of action. Remember, you have the power, he doesn't. But you'd better hurry up and get this filed before he does if you want to save yourself alot of worry. And yes, I think you need to get out of this marriage asap. Sounds like your husband has some mental troubles of his own. But if possible, get your divorce at least filed first.
M.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.U.

answers from Raleigh on

Hi, I just wanted to support everyone on here that said get the ball rolling asap. This is a dead end relationship, your husband is mentally off if he's treating the mother of his child this way. You are only prolonging pain in your life to stay there, and I know your son is witnessing some damaging interaction between the two of you constantly. I would start by calling a battered women's shelter, telling them your situation, and taking their advice step by step. You can also call the police and ask their advice. You will not be kidnapping your child if you leave, take your child, and inform your husband that you have left due to abuse and you and your son are in a safe place. Good luck, start the wheels turning today to have a safe home for you and your son. I don't know if your husband is 'all talk and no do' or not, but even if he just talks a big, abusive game, you need to go now.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.R.

answers from Rocky Mount on

I'd first contact the police and tell them he has threatened your life so that it is on record. It is illegal to communicate threats against someone. It's possible they will remove him from the home. I would then contact a lawyer for legal advice as I don't believe he can have you arrested for kidnapping if you're basically fleeing to save you and your childs life. You may also want to contact your local womens shelter as they can take you in and help with some of the legalities and also help protect you and your child from him.
Hope some of this info helps.
Please don't take his threats as just idle talk.
Kat

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.B.

answers from Jacksonville on

First, I guess I would say I can't tell you whether to leave your husband or not. That has to be your decision and yours only. Second, do you have somewhere you can go if you leave? Women leave men all the time and take the children and don't get arrested for kidnapping. It sounds from your description like he is unstable to say the least. Seek the advice of an attorney just to find out what the laws are in your state and leave if that is what you feel you need to do.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.S.

answers from Nashville on

Ok.... FIRST THING... Call or visit the police department... attornies are great and all but they are not going to protect you when he is trying to kill you. So, first contact the police ... THEN contact a lawyer. Because believe it or not stranger things have happened and it wouldn't suprise me in the LEAST if he got you on kidnapping. So, if you go to the police first, you can free yourself of that charge because they will have everything documented. Don't think he won't try to pull any or ALL of the things he has threatened, take this VERY seriously.

Call friends and/or family members to help you with you and your child while you try to get away from your husband... you watch the news... you know how many crazy people are out there and how many unforgiveable crimes that are being committed! Do not have ANY communication with your husband, no fighting, no arguing.... NOTHING! You will only provoke his craziness....

I wish this was an easy fix, but I do pray for you and your child that you make it out of this situation without a hitch... just do us all a favor, get help and get it now!!!!

PLEASE, keep us posted and let us know if you have made it out safe!!!

May God bless you and keep you safe.....

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

V.M.

answers from Nashville on

You need legal advice, and start documenting everything now!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.L.

answers from Memphis on

He is using your son to manipulate you. Obviously, HE has problems and wants out of the marriage, too, but won't admit it. You would both (all THREE) be happier separated...it's not good to raise a child in this environment. My son was two when my ex-husband and I divorced and I am thankful to this day (32 years later!!) that I did leave him when my son was that young. I never bad-mouthed my ex around my kids because I knew they would realize who was right and who was wrong one day - it didn't take long for them to see. lol Life is too short to be miserable!!!

It's hard to leave, but the rewards are great. I will pray for you and your son, and I wish you the best of luck. Keep us posted!

Beverly :-)

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.J.

answers from Huntington on

Go to a counselor or a social worker. I think either can explain to you your options. But if you are thinking of divorcing, you going to a social worker or counselor will show that you wanted to work things out. See if he will go as well. He needs it big time.
If you are serious about leaving, make sure you protect yourself by starting a separate bank account which he doesn't know about. I have heard of vindictive husbands who wiped out bank accounts and maxed out credit cards with both names on them. If he does this and your name is on the account, you will still be responsible for paying the bill or your credit will be ruined (even if he charges it after you divorce). I would close the joint accounts and tell him he needs to open one himself if he wants a credit card, etc. Say your wallet was stolen or whatever. It's a lie, but you must protect yourself and your son and if your husband figures out why you're doing it, he may do something dumb.
Don't stay in a relationship like this. Life is too short to be miserable. And your son deserves a peaceful homelife. So do you.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.G.

answers from Charlotte on

DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT

And get a lawyer. If he's being irrational, then you need to get a lawyer ASAP and start the divorce process. I would also recommend counseling too, but definitely get a lawyer.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.M.

answers from Lexington on

Call a spouse abuse hotline. They should be able to advise you. Good luck.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.M.

answers from Johnson City on

Sounds like you need to seek the advice of an attorney. My ex threatened me with all kinds of stuff like that, and also said he wouldn't pay a dime of child support. He made twice the money I did. Well after I talked to an attorney I found out since there were children, I stayed in the house and he moved, also he had to pay the bills ( electric, water, etc) Expect that mouth of his to either get worse or he will beg your forgiveness, he is an abuser and bully and if you don't get out it will probably get worse. Talk to someone about an order of protection, and later on watch your child for signs of him abusing the child, He can't do it to you anymore. My ex had to have supervised visitation with my children for this reason. Good Luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.H.

answers from Memphis on

I am sorry that you are going through all of this. No one deserves to be treated like that. I have worked for attorneys for years in MS and TN. I can honestly tell you that there is NOTHING he can do about you leaving with your son. Just make sure that you do not move out of state or even more than 30 miles until you go to court. Judges look badly on women that do that. I would try your best to get tape recordings of your husband talking to you like that and threatening your life. He is obviously VERY controlling and insecure and I would be really concerned how he will react once everything is said and done. The tapes would be very good evidence on your part so that you could get supervised visitation as far as your husband is concerned.

I hope this helps. Definately don't let my advice be the only thing you listen or do. Go see an attorney in your area ASAP!!!

Good luck and hollar back if you need anything else or have any other questions.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

N.K.

answers from Fayetteville on

I'm sorry that you're going thru all of that. I guess first suggestion would be to leave and LEAVE NOW - he's threatened your life. I know that there are shelters that are there to help in cases like this. The only other suggestion would be to contact a divorce attorney (they usually have a free consultation) to find out what your rights are. That way you'll know ahead of time what you need to do to protect yourself and your child. Good luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.G.

answers from Raleigh on

Been in this exact situation - leave take anything with you that means something to you and leave. He will not change he will only get worse Go somewhere that you feel safe do not stay alone. You are not kidnapping you child you are keeping him safe.
My prayers are with you--

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.N.

answers from Raleigh on

I am in a similar situation and the first thing you need to do is find out where you stand and what your rights are. If you can't afford to go see an attorney then check out these places online:

http://www.divorcenet.com/states/north_carolina#before_an...

http://www.rosen.com/

Document as much as you can of what and when, get your bills/statements in order and have a plan(s) on where you can go/stay, who will help you, etc. You and your child's safety are priority one!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.M.

answers from Louisville on

file for an epo with the police tell them whats going on and they will help you out. make sure you go somewhere where he wont find you. this guy doesnt sound right in the head good luck i will be thinking about you !

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.S.

answers from Atlanta on

Look online for info. Also, There are groups at large churches that are helping people going through divorces. You may want to look there too. I know in Smyrna TN there is a large First Baptist Church with great support.

Good luck, J.

Next question: Desperate for Help!!