If Your Houseguest Had Multiple Allergies, What Would You Do?

My daughter's boyfriend stays with us when he is in town. He is allergic to cats. We have a cat. He does not ask us to get rid of the cat, he takes his allergy meds. Granted they don't work 100% and he looks pretty miserable but he will tell you we are doing him a favor taking him in, not the other way around.

I think you have already gone above and beyond what is expected as a host already. Perhaps this is the time she needs to meet you halfway.

Ditto Cheryl O. You need to just stop, you are going to have a stroke, literally. Just plan as you are and when she gets there, if there are things she can't eat, drive her to the store and let her buy things she can eat and likes to eat. Simple. So honestly, just let all this stuff go. Good luck.

I'd call or email the sister in law and ask her myself. Or call the mother in law and ask her.

My brother in law has multiple allergies, but other than extra vacuuming there is little I can do for him. He's highly allergic to things like pollen, dust, grass, etc. Non of his allergies have to do with food. Maybe her situation is the same and that's why no one thinks it's a big deal.

okay, time for my Ultra Honest Opinion:

quit beating yourself up! You're over-planning, you're over-anticipating, you're driving yourself & your family NUTS! Stop it!

Relax!

You have two choices: you can continue in your path....& feel every road bump of angst along the way

OR you can toss it into God's hands (or conversely, say WTH)....& go with the flow. The very fact that you have a 21 day prep plan....says that you're a little overboard with your planning. What happened to spontaniety & joy? Back off....& you won't feel so isolated & solo in your prep plans!

Instead of a 21 day plan....how about a 1 week plan? Cut it down to a much easier size....something you can easily wrap your mind around. & as for the whole food issue: when I have guests, YES, I make a menu plan. I do it for one week....I make sure I have a frig full of prepped fruit/vegies. I make sure there's a sliced ham + all the fixings for sandwiches. I put all snacks/treats out on the buffet or island....so everyone is comfortable with their own food prep. AND I do not wait on everybody....I allow them to be responsible adults. Each morning, we do breakfast together (if possible) & I announce the dinner plans.....& that's it.

& with those food allergies, it's up to your guests to make requests. It's not your responsiblity to try to micro-manage their trip. They know what needs to be done....let them be responsible! Peace to you.....

If she is an adult, it is her responsibility to inform you of her allergies and anything you need to do in advance to accommodate her. She can't expect you to be mind readers and make the house perfect. If she's uncomfortable or unable to tell you herself to do the language, she needs to communicate with your husband or have her husband call you, assuming he speaks English.

My son has food allergies that require specific dietary precautions. I would never just show up at someone else's house without a prior discussion and expect him to be accommodated. If I am going to stay with a friend, I do three things:
1. Ask in advance for the friend to pick up a few specific things that I might need the first night.
2. Plan to go to the market myself within the first 24 hours to buy whatever groceries I need
3. Bring what I can from home

As for you, you'll unfortunately need to relax a little bit and not plan everything in advance. Once she gets there, discuss the allergies and then do your meal planning. Maybe you can eat out the first night or two until you have had time to plan your menus and shop. Or, call your brother in law yourself and talk to him. DH isn't going to change his mind.

You know what? Sister in law is a big girl..

If she cannot eat something she does not have to eat it.. have your husband take her to the store to pick up what she can eat.. She can also pay for it and prepare it.

There are things some people cannot or will not eat, but I just assume they know how to deal with that..

Go on with your life.. She may be a "guest", but first she is just a family member..

DO NOT knock your self out over all of this.. Treat her like you would your own sister.

She can make her own bed, She can eat what you all eat or she can prepare whatever she wants.

S.H.

You know what? Stop stressing over it. If she doesn't care enough about herself to contact you directly and say - these are my allergies - then STOP trying to guess it. Do your planning and such.

When they arrive - tell them the meals you have planned (shop for the first 3 days only) and then ask if there is anything else you need to be aware of - if she says no - then press on and continue with your plans.

No one seems to think it's important and while I get that you want to be prepared - when you are not getting any information to help prepare - go with what you know...and right now that is nothing...no information on allergies - just that she has some and no information on the meds she takes - she's going the holistic route - okay - so be it. This is the schedule while you are here. These are the meals I have planned while you are here. I will be going shopping for the meals on this date - if you have any food allergies - now is the time to tell me - if not. This is how it goes.

Stop being irritated. Seriously! Stop wasting your time trying to make this perfect for them. You will end up being disappointed, over-stressed and not be able to relax and have fun. So plan it the way YOU want to and be done with it.

To be honest it sounds like your family thinks you are going a bit nuts about this... which is why they have tuned you out.
Relax! If she really had terribly restrictive dietary stuff to observe, I am sure she would have let you know. Why don't you loosen up your plan a bit (to be honest it sounds a bit OCD to plan out every meal for three weeks - unless the Queen is visiting you maybe) and plan on taking her to a supermarket to let her choose some foods she likes. I remember bring very entertained by American supermarkets and product when I first moved her from Europe.
Relax and try to enjoy the family visit.

I don't see how you can accommodate "multiple allergies" if you don't even know what they are.
Are you just assuming it's a food allergy? If you can't find out if that's what it is, then I wouldn't worry yourself so much about it, especially if her allergies are to certain soaps or fabric softeners. You'd be fretting over the food thing for nothing.

Your sister in law is an adult. It seems to me that she would certainly perhaps mention something to her brother if she had such severe sensibilities to things.

I don't know...when I go stay with other people, I don't expect them to make all kinds of special arrangements for me or my kids.

I know you feel kind of left alone in the planning of all this and very stressed out. You don't have to go above and beyond to try to anticipate every single scenario or every single possible type of allergy.
You'll just make yourself crazy.

Hopefully she's not allergic to flowering plants because Lord knows she'll be in trouble in Hawaii and you can't eradicate all the vegetation on an entire island before she gets there.

I hope you make it through all of this.

Google has a free translation tool...write what ever you want in English...pick what language you want it translated to...it does it for you...then just copy and paste into an email. Send her an email and tell her that you heard that she may have some sort of allergies...ask her what they are. You know for when she is here there are also apps for your phone that say what you want in english and it says it back in what ever language you choose...might be of help when she is here.

Good luck.

S.H. you're so over thinking this visit! Here's a hug and a suggestion that you stop and just let happen what happens. It will be OK.

Multiple allergies are common in my family. The person with the allergies manages. We don't go out of our way to figure out what they need. It's their responsibility to take care of themselves. Perhaps that's why she's saying there's not a problem. Accept it. It is not a problem. She is an adult and will take care of herself.

Your posts in answer to questions are so level headed. Perhaps you could take a step back and think of your situation from the viewpoint of a stranger. What would you recommend to anyone else?

My husband is disabled seriously. He has chemical sensitivities and severe breathing problems.

What we do is stay in a Hilton PUR room and do not put others out.

Is his M. a storyteller? Trouble maker? When we travel we ask nicely for no air fresheners, fabric softener, recently cleaned carpets, etc.. for medical reasons beyond the snifles. He is on his own timing when it comes to meals. He simply can not eat more than one meal and two snacks per day. We communicate so people don't feel put out.

I think you should stop doing more than your fair share of the work for a houseguest when no one is cooperating.

BUT - I am guilty of this as well in life..... so Hello kettle, I am the pot calling you black. hahaha.

Seriously though. No one would give you any info. If you need to tell your hubby to take her to the store after they get here then that is what I would do. Everyone else eats what you prepared.

End. Of. Story.

And screw the wine......go straight to martini's!!!!!

If you don't know what they are and no one is helping you figure it out, don't worry about it. Honestly, once they get there, your hubby can take her food shopping if she needs anything special to eat (or you can go together). She's a grownup and she can deal. If she's not grown up enough to help you prepare, she can take care of it when she gets there.

When I visit someone, I don't expect them to go crazy for me. If I want something special, they can point me to the grocery store and I'll take care of it. You've done MORE than enough, so take a deep breath, and lay it on your hubby when she gets there to translate and provide extra help.

I think it's wonderful that you're being so conscientious about your SIL's allergies and are trying your best to accommodate her needs. My son and daughter also have allergies, so I always appreciate hosts who go above and beyond to help us.

That being said, I always make it a point to tell my hosts about our allergy issues, especially since they're so severe. If your SIL is concerned about having a severe allergic reaction while visiting you, it really is her responsibility to let you know directly and talk to you about it before the visit. It seems like she, her mother, your husband are all either in denial about her issues or they're not severe enough to warrant any extra effort. For now, I'd take them at face value and go ahead and plan whatever you were planning. For someone to say so-and-so "has allergies" and expect you to magically decipher what they mean is unreasonable - they could literally be allergic to anything. So don't stress out about it anymore, plan all the delicious meals you're planning and enjoy their visit guilt-free!

I've read your other posts, and I think its past time to sit down with your DH and set some boundaries. They are his family, and you are not fluent in their language. Safety is a serious consideration if food allergies are present. His leaving you to be the host, while he works and is not home, for weeks at a time IS NOT OKAY.

You need to let him know that you are a team, and a partnership, and caring for family with multiple special requirements who are staying for weeks is a partnership effort.

If he refuses to help--at a bare minimum, help with communications and at least some of the hosting/tour guide stuff on the weekends/evenings--then tell him that you'll be booking a hotel for them with concierge service so that they can get the special care & tour guide help they need/want. Or offer to stay in a hotel yourself, instead. :)

LIQUID Benadryl and lots of it :-)

I completely understand your irritation, but I think it is really the SIL's responsibility to tell you if she has any allergies that are problematic or serious. Most people I know who have food allergies are very up front about it. Since you don't know what types of allergies you are dealing with, you really can't plan around them. I would just continue with your plans and keep in mind the possibility that you might have to do some last minute adjusting. If she does in fact have food allergies, leave it to your husband to go grocery shopping with her. Good luck!

I might be a bit late answering this one, but I just wanted to add that it is her responsibilty to tell you what allergies she has. If she doesn't tell you, well, you can just try your best to minimize allergens in the household. Common allergies to the environment include dust, dustmites, pet fur, animal dander, pollen, mold etc, so you could clean the house before she comes, making sure that even those nooks and crannies are spick and span. If you have any pets, preferrably keep them in one room so that the dander/ fur isn't around the whole house. Common allergies to food include dairy, beef and seafood, so you may consider avoid serving milk, cheese, yogurt, steak, shrimp or lobsters. Then when she comes the first thing you do is to bring her to the supermarket and let her choose the food that suits her.
(I know it seems quite a lot of work, but this is how I grew up. When I was young, I had eczema, asthma and different allergies to seafood and beef. My mother cleaned the house every day and never served seafood or steak; and we didn't have pets.)
Meanwhile, work on communicating with her since you said that her condition was very serious! I am sure Google Translate is going to be of some help here. Find out what language she speaks, and then just translate something simple like "What allergies do you have?" Just a thought. (If she speaks Chinese or Spanish I can help!)

How kind of you to consider this...you will have to wait for her to get here and then you can discuss it with her.

Some common allergies are animal dander, dairy, sea food, & laundry detergent. If you have done some shopping, she should be able to find something.

Oh by the way, if you are going to feed her broth for 21 days, make sure it doesn't have MSG.

Oh, I am sorry. I don't think March can come soon enough for you.

If the language she speaks is a fairly common one, see if you can get someone to translate "Your mom says you have allergies. Which ones do you have?" for you. If she speaks Chinese, Japanese, or Korean, I can get a translation for you-- just let me know. You could even try emailing the Second Language Studies Dept at UH (I might be able to help you with that, too) and see if someone there can help you-- it's just a few lines to translate....? Or you can ask the mamapedia community, too..

i would try to get the basic answer just for my peace of mind that she wouldn't have a SEVERE reaction to something in my house/kitchen. and then I would TRY to relax a little (I know, easier said than done, but the older I get, the more I have come to believe-- "I can only do the best I can, I'm sorry it is not enough for you. It is the best I can do." Then, I TRY not to feel too guilty :)

Hang in there (as my college professor use to say-- no matter HOW bad it is, NO ONE can stop the sun from rising and setting and from time passing. This, too, shall pass...

I haven't read your other post, so I may be all wet, but - I think I would go ahead, call the SIL, and ask her about this. Take the initiative. Just say that other people have mentioned that she has allergies, and you wanted to know what they were so you'd know if she'd have trouble staying here.

I have dear friends who can't come into my house because they are allergic to animal dander. You'd hate to have a guest come visit and not be able to be in the house. Yikes! (You can use this excuse for calling her if you like. You're just imagining a worst-case scenario here - that there may be something almost irremediable.)

Why don't you just ask her. Call her up and let her know you are trying to do meal planning for their visit and ask if they have any preferences. That will give her the opportunity to mention the allergies but also give you ideas on somethings she can eat so you can plan.

Well, you need to talk to your sister in law. Don't expect your husband to do that if you're the one who will be stressed. Call her. Email her. Text her. Get another member of your family to translate. Whatever you need to do... just get in contact and ask what her allergies are. Chances are - if they were that serious, she would have made sure you knew.

(all that said... are you sure your husband won't help? Cause that's a serious red flag for your marriage that he's not taking you seriously)

Just give her a call and ask her yourself.