I Need Advice About Naptime! Help!

My daughter is 22 months old. When she doesn't want to nap I tell her she doesn't have to sleep, but it's quiet time and she has to stay in her crib. I'll even let her take a book to look at in the crib. It might be harder if he's in a toddler bed, but just tell him it's quiet time and he must stay in his room. He might sleep and he might not, but at least you get a break.

I hear you on the crabby part though when they don't nap.

It sounds like he may be growing out of naptime (unfortunetly! lol) At this point I would do what you did putting him down for "quiet time". Put in a nice long video, darken the room, and tell him him doesn't have to go to sleep but he does have to lay quietly and rest until the video is over. You may have a crabby kid later on, but that won't last forever. His body is just trying to get over the bridge of taking a nap/not taking a nap.

Dear AW,
I hope you are not as discouraged as I was reading some of the responses. People are very opinionated about THEIR way of doing things, and granted you asked for opinions... but sometimes people give them with a certain arrogance. At least that's how I felt reading some of the responses thus far. We have chosen to raise our son with the attachment parenting style and we do NOT let him "cry it out". We have always been a source of comfort for our son, nursed on demand and co-slept (and we still do both), and we have been blessed by it. I know mainstream America may not use these practices, but globally, they are tried and true ways of bonding with your child and have been around for thousands of years. That said, let's discuss the nap time issue. I would say this difficulty is absolutely normal and yes, scheduling a routine does help, but there are ways of being compassionate and loving while being firm. I like books by Dr. Sears in case you want to google anything by him. My best advice is to do what you feel is right for you and your family. Gather lots of opinions (as you are doing), then ascertain what's best for your situation (and know there is not one way that is the only way). And, don't feel like YOU caused this or are at FAULT, or are less of a mother, because you don't let your baby scream all night. That is YOUR choice and you are the mommy. Enjoy these days of "togetherness", as they will be gone before you know it! Hope this encourages you.
K.

You seem to be giving in to him too much. He is testing his boundaries now with you (which is normal for this age). Even though they have temper tantrums, kids need to have set limits. Don't negotiate naptime or where he naps. Give him a set number of times he may get up (one-three) in case he needs to go potty, etc. But after that if he gets up, he looses a privilage (T.V. time, a movie, or a special treat after dinner). Right now he seems to be making the rules for where he naps and when. But he's not in charge. And this is why he keeps taking this farther and farther with you, he keeps testing how far he can go before you set the limit for him. He doesn't know where the limit is right now with naptime. I would suggest talking with him before naptime tomorrow and letting him know that from now on he naps in his bed because he's a big boy and he only has -set- number of times to get up in case he needs to use the potty. But that he needs to stay in his bed and have a rest. Even if he doesn't sleep, this is very important for him to have quiet time where there is no T.V., etc. Maybe even use a sticker chart and when he is able to nap well (or rest well) then he gets a sticker. Kids this age are extremely motivated when they can see their progress up on the fridge. :) I know this is easier said than done when you are very much pregnant. Alot of the time it seems easier to give in rather than have an argument with them, but in the end it's better for him to have set boundaries and for him to know that you are in charge of making the rules, not him. Good luck!

This is totally normal for this age. Both of my boys went through the same thing. They are pushing boundaries and testing limits to see how serious you are. Kids this age need naps to replenish their energy and spirits. Be firm- it is naptime and you will lay down and rest. We have a routine after lunch that helps. Potty, reading, nap. There is no ifs, ands, or buts. It is naptime and you must lay down. I close the door to my boys room and they know that it is nap time and they must stay in bed and be quiet. It may take a few days to get it down with him, but with a new baby coming you will appreciate being firm now. You will especially appreciate the quiet time when the new one arrives! Good luck with everything!

lol... he is not ready to give up his naps but he is getting more independent and wants to be in control which you gave him. I would give him a choice "do you want to lay down on your bed to go to sleep or do you want me to rock you?" then if he choses one, stick with that choice, reminding him that he chose it. I wouldn't go from one thing to another like that. It works with my 21 month old granddaughter when I ask her if she wants to go to her crib or if she wants grandma to rock her. She will try to get out of the naps by always needing to find something else to do. I just tell her if she isn't going to let me rock her, she will go in her crib. Once she realizes I am serious on that, she perfers me rocking her. It only takes me a few minutes of singing to her that she is sleeping soundly (maybe so she doesn't have to hear my singing anymore). Her daddy took naps clear through the 1st grade. The teachers gave up on trying to keep him awake in the afternoon, letting him have a hour nap...lol.

Well I totally have a different attitude towards the whole napping/ bed time. In our house we have always practiced the CIO method and it has worked great for us. So now when it comes time for naps my son just lays in his bed and goes to sleep. When I put him in his room he knows that it is nap/ bed time and falls asleep pretty easily with out any confrontation. In the rare event that he is not so compliant and gets up, I just place him back in his bed and cover him back up again. For bedtime it is a bit more strict, I will keep placing him back in his bed until he falls asleep. For nap time on the other hand, I normally only let him go about an hour. If after an hour of being in his room he is not sleeping I let him out and we go back to playing. Yes, sometimes he maybe tired but normally that just means I can get him in bed earlier that night. Ok.... so thats what I do, but every family needs to find what works for them. But my suggestion to you is to put him in his room and leave him alone for awhile. In my experience I think that maybe you trying to lay with him or be in there with him is just too distraction and therefore he has a hard time settling down. Clear noisy toys and activities our of his room, pull down the shades or place a blanket over the window, and if he has a TV in his room, turn it off. Place him in there when you think he is ready to take a nap and leave him there for a bit to see if he can fall asleep on his own. Oh and personally I would not get in the habit of driving him around the block, that may lead to you needing to do that at bed time too.

You've lost control, and it's time to reassert yourself as the mom. If it's bedtime, we go to bed. The only time one may get up is to use the bathroom. Otherwise, lunch is over, it's not TV time, and Mom needs her nap, too. So go to bed. He has just figured out how to string you along and will continue to do so as long as he gets something out of it. Put your foot down kindly but firmly, put him in bed and shut the door. Each time he gets up (which he will) tell him no, it's naptime and put him back to bed. If he fights you physically or tantrums, give him a swat on the bottom and shut the door. The less said the better - you've made your point so don't belabor it with too much talk. And stay calm. The biggest mistake parents make is taking their child's misbehavior personally and arguing with the kid. Since he already knows the naptiem drill it won't take long to get him back in the swing. But, since you have opened the door to getting other things (snack, hugs, TV) he's realized there is life on the other side of the bedroom door and he doesn't want to miss it! So remove the temptations (say no to everything he requests except the bathroom) and he'll stay in bed. Also realize that this test will come around again, perhaps in another form, so be watching for it and stand firm.
As kids develop internal control they can learn to put up with hearing "life sounds" going on throughout the house, but allow themselves to sleep anyway. This is better than having to keep a silent house during naptime. Besides, with your new little one coming, you need the eldest well trained and helping you, not hindering!

SAHM of seven, 23yr - 21 mos. My youngest says "night night" and pulls me into the bedroom to put him down at naptime. He's already learned to love his nap. Without it he's a cranky pants!

AW, I have always had a routine with my son. And when Gordon was younger my mom commmented several times about my "rigid schedule". The only times my son has skipped a nap is when there was no place to take a nap (no crib/bed)or we were at my mom's house and there was other people there so he didn't want to be away from all the action. When he is home it is SO great to have a routine because then he knows what to expect. It makes him feel comfortable and secure. Everyday when Caliou (sp?) comes on at 12:30 my son says eat, EAT! hehe. He knows. I have never rocked my son to sleep or layed beside him until he went to sleep. Somehow you need to get out of that habit. In my opinion, a child still needs a nap at this age. And for those kids that don't take a nap at this age, did their kids test their limits and the parent just didn't win??? I don't know. My son has always jabbered/talked before he goes to sleep. As long as your son or new baby isn't having a holy fit or crying their heads off I wouldn't go in there. They need to know that right now is naptime/bedtime and that's final. That's it. When I switched Gordon to a regular, big boy bed, he never got out of bed once. I thought he would. I thought the transition would be horrible. It wasn't. I guess I'm saying all of this to prove to you that routines work. Also, for his nap I put him down at about the same time and I got him up at the same time everyday. Somedays he'll jabber/talk for up to 50 minutes before falling asleep. If that's what he wants to do for his naptime then so be it. hehe. I mean that's fine with me. If you just want to do a "quiet time" then I would maybe go out and buy 3 or 4 more Elmo tapes/DVD's and have like a rotation of the 4 or 5 of them. So like label each one, label one of them 1, the second one 2, so on and so forth. Play one movie each day and he has to lay down and watch the movie until it's over. And do this the same time everyday. We eat our lunch, we go potty, we lay down on the couch, mama goes and starts the movie, mama turns off the light and leaves the room. Good luck!

I also have a 26 month old. They are strange creatures, aren't they? My daughter gives me a hard time about nap some days and I just leave her in her bed to cry because otherwise it is two hours of frustration, as you described, and I have found that she cries for a maximum of ten minutes and then settles down and goes to sleep for a couple hours.

I feel awful walking away from her screaming and crying and I totally understand if you don't have the stomach for it but after a full morning with two kids on my hands I just don't have it in me to fool around with her at naptime. Especially when I've got a five year old hanging around asking for things, and stirring the pot.

I don't know if this is helpful but I just want you to know that if you leave him to work it out on his own in his bed, you are not alone and it is okay to need some time to yourself (without putting in two additional hours of work first.)

Good luck and please let me know if you arrive at anything.

J.

Yes, you are right at 26 months he still needs a nap. I see the types of things you describe from my own son. Basically, we only allow so much "stalling", which is what it sounds like your son is doing. Sure on occasion, when he gets in a new stalling mode, we get the "mommy", "Daddy" through the baby monitor, but after a point, we tell him we're leaving and we won't be back until he wakes up and we don't go back. It takes a few days, but eventually he discontinues his "stalling" because he knows mom and dad aren't goign to play that game.

Try going to the bathroom ahead of the nap and tell him he should get everything out now, becuase he won't be able to go again until after he wakes up.

I'm also wondering when he wakes up in the morning and what time he goes down for his morning nap. Possibly the nap needs to be pushed back a bit.

We put a quiet CD on for our daughters at naptime, about 45 min to an hour long. They know they have to stay in bed until it is over. One usually falls asleep by then. The other often doesn't, but at least she's had a "quiet time" to rest. They do try to test this sometimes and when they get up and silly we just have them lay down and we start the music over.

I have to laugh at some of these responces. You never said anything about him crying once, so the whole do/dont let him cry it out is silly. My rule of thumb with naps is if they are beyond uncontrollable, then they go down for a nap, even if its just before suppertime (then its a short 20 min nap so they still go to bed on time). I dont see a point in trying to fight with someone on this issue and he probably is trying to show you his independence with the whole nap thing. Now is the time to show your son that even though things are going to change and he wont have you all to himself anymore, he is still extra special to you by letting him decide when he should take a nap. The only time I make one of mine nap is when they are so tired that all they do is cry or have fits. It will also help with the transition when baby comes home, though do expect some back sliding. Good luck!

I think he has just figured out a way to watch more t.v. You can turn the tables on him without him realizing it if you tell him he has to take a nap and THEN he gets to watch t.v. Of course, I'm sure he's a bit confused though because of the potty-training which can really throw a kid off his regular routine. I do think you are doing great by him because you could conceivably have the same situation I did for a couple years when my daughters who are 2 1/2 years apart took naps at the same time each afternoon...and it lasted a couple years!! My older basically modeled all the good napping behavior to my younger daughter. Half my work was already done!

AW,

You have a very bright little boy here who still needs a nap but is trying to test the limits and see where mommy stands. It is good to give children choices, but he has way too many when it comes to the naptime routine. You need to set the routine and stick to it.

I did the same thing with my first child - let her run the show thinking all of the freedom and choices would make her more compliant and happy. It had the opposite reaction. She would just push the boundaries and eventually she got upset with me and would act out because I wasn't being a mom, I was being a servant to her. She really needed an authority.

So when I stepped up and started setting the limits and holding her to them, she was much better behaved because she knew what she could and couldn't get away with.

It really doesn't matter that much what your routine is - although I wouldn't recommend sleeping in the car or in front of a video. You can do lunch, potty, 1-2 stories (make it clear which you are willing to do and hold to it,) song and lay down. But keep it consistent and predictable. He isn't likely to settle down if he has to keep guessing what the routine will be today.

Good luck,
S.

My daughter did similar things right around the time she stopped napping. She always falls asleep in the car when she is tired, but at home she just keeps going and going!
I think it's normal for the age, and unfortunately he may be getting out of the napping thing altogether. But you can still have 'quiet time' every day, and since you are about to have another you should insist on it :)

Nothing is "normal" when it comes to human beings AW. Neither of my kids napped and for them it was normal. My neighbor has a child that naps 3 hours a day at the age of 3 and she is normal. What ever you do, don't leave him screaming in his crib. You may already understand how cruel it is to abandon children this way since they are developmentally unable to picture people when they are out of their sight until around age 3.

The 2-4 stage is the hardest on the stay-at-home parent. Toddlers are busy and exhausting. Try taking him into a dark room with some books, setting blankets on the floor or bed (your big bed will be best) and laying down (with the door closed so he can't leave). Let him read the books while YOU take a nap and if he naps, great... if he doesn't at least YOU will be rested for the next several (perhaps challenging) hours before bedtime.

I'll bet that most of the time he will get tired and lie down with you to get a little rest. Once he is asleep, you can get up and get something done... or just sleep yourself so you are refreshed and happy :o)

Hi A W,

Sorry to say, but it is you who are making him not want to take a nap. You are giving him way too much attention...and what kid doesn't like that. I put several children down for a nap everyday ranging from ages 1 - 9...I read them a story, give them a kiss and a hug, tell them I love them and they go to sleep for at least 2 hours. It will be really tough for you to change the way you put him down for a nap, but it is possible if you want to do it. There is no way he is too old for a nap...adults aren't too old for a nap, so I never understand why parents think their toddlers are outgrowing them.

I have always just laid my children down for a nap...from the time they were born. It is just so much easier on them, and me, as they grow-up. They still try me once in awhile, but since I've always consistently put them to bed the same way, they know what the answer is going to be. Besides adults need time for themselves, too.

Good Luck!

C.

From what you write, it sounds like a combination of testing your boundaries, and him not needing a nap, or a very long one, anymore.

I got tired just reading your post! That's a lot of fiddle-faddling around. If this were my son, I would pick a time of day that I wanted to be "quiet time", say, from 1:00 to 2:30. I'd offer him a snack BEFORE "quiet time", and then take him to the potty. Then he'd have a choice of either laying in his bed for a nap, -OR- resting on the sofa with a video. He may not sleep, but you'll both appreciate the downtime. If he said he had to go to the potty, fine, I'd take him, and then he'd go right back to quiet time.

Get him in a routine now, before the baby comes.

I think you need a consistent, firm routine. Your son is smart and verbal, so talk to him about it, and either come up with a plan with his input, or present him with the plan.

For example, "starting tomorrow at nap time, we are going to go upstairs after lunch. You will go potty, and then we'll read two books, I'll sing you one song, and then it will be time to sleep. I'll be downstairs the whole time, and when you wake up, we can play."

Then stick to the plan.

Good luck!

All four of my children went through the same thing. Just be consistant and you will get through it. When he gets up put him back to bed and tell him when he takes a nap you can play together or he can have a special snack or get to watch a favorite show or Whatever you like. You will be glad you did with a new baby you will welcome the rest. I think naps or rest time is very important. My children ages 14,10,8 and 5 still have a quiet time some afternoons.....it is good for everyone. They read, watch t.v. clean their rooms....whatever, they know that it is moms sanity check time. LOL I also run a daycare and kids are much happier when there is a routine. Good luck