Husband Won't Look at Our Budget

Updated on May 13, 2008
Z.B. asks from Floresville, TX
32 answers

I have been married now for 11 months and we are expecting our first son any day now. I won't be working after the baby is born and have been trying to figure out our finances so we won't be in for a real shock, but my husband doesn't seem to be bothered by us losing my income. I can't get him to look at our budget. I have tried bringing it up several times that I won't be working and how we need to tighten our belts on spending. But he blows it off! Says I will be home so I won't be spending any gas or food for lunch. But that is not all that my paycheck went to. I have done a rough budget with just his income and it looks grim. I have been trying to do the Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover but can't get my husband on board. I guess I need advisement on how to get my husband to take a serious look at our budget so if something happens to our new little one we won't be stressed out on the money issue.

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S.M.

answers from San Antonio on

try serving him hot dogs and beans for dinner every night for a week, when he asks you what's going on, tell him you are just getting ready for those budget cuts that he is not worried about! or take your paycheck now and put it in a seperate savings account and tell him that you are preparing for when you are out of work, see how it is without that extra income, let him figure out how it's going to work! You know my husband used to be the biggest penny pincher, sometimes he down right embarrassed me, once I started working and contributing to the bills and took over paying them on time, he started not worrying... he leaves lights on all over the house now! I think that both spouses need to be involved with the budget so that you both "get it"! we also did the 13 week Dave Ramsey course just coming out of losing a buisness and filing bankcruptcy on that buisness. good luck, at least you are only looking at a few months of lost wages. hopefully if you are doing Dave ramsey you have your 3-6 mths put away.

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S.P.

answers from Austin on

Because you mentioned the Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover, I am assuming you are a Christian. If so, get the book "Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian.

There are truly anointed prayers in this book that address everything from your husbands care of finances to his integrity. The book was not written for us to manipulate our husbands, but to bring God into the picture and allow the Holy Spirit to work in our husbands, bringing about good God-directed change.

When you bring up a major issue several times, like budgeting, and your husband is blowing it off, only God can change his heart. If you keep bringing it up on your own, it sounds like nagging and will only irritate your husband.

You are doing all the right things by studying Dave Ramsey and by working on your budget. Now it is time to pray.

I have seen my husband do a complete 180 regarding several major concerns that I had for YEARS. After praying for a few months, I saw drastic improvements and changes. Some things I prayed for more than a YEAR before seeing change, but I can say that only God can move like that.

When you feel in your heart, in prayer, that your husband is ready to discuss the budget again, have specific spreadsheets ready for him to look at. Many people are visual, so break down the REAL numbers and show him what you will wind up with each month. Show him where adjustments can be made and how they will affect the entire picture. Show him exactly where the numbers are coming from.

A lot of men are afraid of failure, they are afraid of the pressure to provide and they were raised in a home where money was not discussed in a healthy way. These are all things your husband may be coming up against and it may be easier for him to pretend there is not a problem. Pray about open communication. Pray that he is not feeling judged when looking at finances in a real way.

I know that the Lord is faithful and He hears your prayers. He knows the desires of your heart.
:-)
S.

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J.D.

answers from Austin on

Since you're about to have a baby it might be a good time to hand the budget over to your husband. If he's taking care of all of the bills then it will open his eyes to see how much money is or is not coming in. It may be just the thing to get him on board with the Dave Ramsey program. (I've heard it's great. And would like to do it with our budget.)

1 mom found this helpful
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G.G.

answers from Houston on

Z.- pray about it. also some men know what the situation is but aren't willing to deal with it unless they want to make a major purchase. also, have you always handled the bills???????????? Keep on paying off the debt and things will work out.

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C.W.

answers from San Antonio on

Z.,

I can completely understand where you are coming from with your husband. I have been on my honeymoon for 8 wonderful years and we have 3 girls. I first worked with the two and our middle daughter as an infant was sick constantly. My paycheck as well as yours went to reoccuring bills as well as his and still had play money. I as most pay the bills and when it came down to me haveing to leave my job to keep our daughter healthy, I had to sit him down and show him what was going on.
His grandmother had just passed away and so that left his grandfather with everything and he didn't know what was what. That shows that us as women take care of EVERYTHING.

I wrote everything down on paper the reoccuring and credit cards and put balances and what we made and what was left over all on one sheet of paper (tried to make it simple for him). I also put down who paid what by putting our names next to the bill.
We sat down one night when there was nothing going on, which was planned by myself. The girls were in bed a little earlier and we had some quiet time. He thought he was going to play his x box and I told him that we needed to talk about something, I didn't tell him what I just handed him the paper.

I told him that after watching his grandfather deal with every thing that he needed to be aware of what is going with our finances. I told him that tomorrow is not promised to us. That night we also discussed getting our wills in order.
I hoped this helped, I know that when I finally sat him down and told him that this was important to me, he finally took notice and stopped and listened.

Thanks,
C whitfield

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B.T.

answers from Austin on

CONGRATULATIONS on your marriage and the birth of your first child, how exciting!

You are fortunate to be able to take three months off after the birth of your son. There are many others that don't have that opportunity. You have son much to be grateful for, so don't let the budget issue diminish the blessings that have been bestowed upon you.

Since you are a Herbalife distributor already, I have two suggestions/recommendations for you:
1. Contact your upline to see what recommendations they may have for your business growth during that time. The business was designed to be worked from home, which is what it sounds like you will be doing for a while. Even with a new born, you will have some extra time on your hands. They sleep a lot and with the wonder and delight of the little life in your mind as your eyes gaze on the miracle, you could make some calls or whatever it is that your upline suggests.
2. If you have not been introduced to the The Secret, I sincerely urge you to become acquainted with it. You can access information about it by visiting their website (www.thesecret.tv) or browse the books online at Amazon.com.

I was blessed with four grown children, 3 boys and 1 girl, and the youngest boy getting married in May. I am blessed with four absolutely fantastic grandchildren - two boys from one son, and two girls from my daughter, and I am married to the most magnificent man in the world who has always treated me like a princess! I am a successful mother, an adoring grandmother; I am a very successful career woman, Paralegal Board Certified in Family Law and Civil Trial Law, who not does purely contract work; I am a successful Herbalife Distributor - with an absolutely phenomenal team, and design my life by manifesting my desires.

Best Wishes
B

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K.R.

answers from Austin on

I would relax a little. If you work part time, and sell herbal life, I can only assume you don't make a large income. He's right, you won't have the same expenses in gas and food you had before. Gas is mega expensive right now. If you plan on nursing, you'll be surprised how inexpensive the first year can be. Have a diaper shower if you haven't already. You could end up with at least 6 months of diapers. You could have more time to make herbal life your main source of income. Day care is extremely expensive. And what an opportunity to be able to work and stay home with the little one.

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S.R.

answers from Austin on

Hi, I'm a stay at home mom and we're expecting our third baby girl in about 3 weeks. My husband is a financial advisor and he would be more than happy to give you advice on your budget. He works for Thrivent Financial for Lutherans but don't worry you don't have to be Lutheran to meet with him. I'm sure he can help you out he's excellent at what he does and I'm not just saying that because I'm married to him. He's actually ranked #1 in Texas right now. It doesn't cost you a thing to talk to him. You can call him (George Rivera) at ###-###-#### or e-mail at ____@____.com
Good luck with everything! ~S.

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D.W.

answers from Houston on

I am a huge Dave Ramsey fan. I have never, however, heard him tell anyone that it was possible to drag someone to the table. I would try sitting down with your husband and honestly voicing the reasons you think the Money Makeover is necessary. Tell him your feelings "I'm scared", "I'm worried and I'd like to show you why" "I need for you to review the numbers with me and tell me if I'm wrong about this" and not anything about him or his lack of interest. I would say that financial peace university is great, because you get to hear some of his motivational stuff, and live is great. If your husband's not sold after that he never will be. And lastly, pray about it. You'd be surprised what that can accomplish.
Keep it up. A year ago we had $110 worth of debt and no way out. This year, after hard work, we are debt free. It only took 9 months. Dave knows what he's talking about.

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K.W.

answers from Corpus Christi on

Have you actually done a detailed budget with only his paycheck in it so you know before you approach him where you will be financially? I'm trying to figure out if you've done a budget and he just won't pay attention to it or if you're waiting for him to do a budget. Be proactive, do your detailed budget, see if you really can afford to live on just his salary and then that will tell you if you really can afford to stop working or not. Once you've done the work, then approach him with the results and ask him to be a part of the solution.

ps. The way i got my husband on board, I did a detailed budget and also a savings plan showing him how we can retire in 15 years if we stick to the plan. We call it our millions plan =) and every time we go to spend frivolously we figure out what impact it will have on our millions plan.

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J.B.

answers from Houston on

Oh, I highly recommend Dave Ramsey and the Total Money Makeover. We are on it and it rocks! I guess with your hubby, maybe try the low key approach. Read the book when he is around,leave it on the table. Chat about it excitedly on the phone with a girlfriend and do your part to put what you learn into practice. And mostly pray. He is the leader and needs a revelation about how important this is. Ask God to talk to his son about this and then I say leave it alone. God will come through. Congratulations on your new baby!!!! Being an at home mom is great ;)

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D.M.

answers from Houston on

Good morning Z.,
You are right that you can't do Financial peace by yourself. Dave speaks about this quite often on the radio. I would sit down with your husband and let him know that you need his help in order to feel safe in your marriage. One way to do that is being on the same page with you financially. He might not be good with numbers or just not like it but I'm sure there are things that he would like to purchase in the future not only for himself but for his new son. You need to be assured you can buy diapers and food and afford trips to the doctor. When you are the most financially strapped is when the car breaks down or your child gets ill. It would be very nice to have an emergency fund in place for those times.
My husband and I started the FPU late in life about 2 years ago. We have paid off over 26,0000 in debt and try to keep the $1000.00 in the bank. We are on baby step 2 still.
My husband was laid off work last week and I start a new job on Monday. We are both in our 40's with no retirement to speak of. This is a scary place to be at this time in our lives but we are at least a little prepared and working toward a brighter future together.
I hope he will consider discussing this with you because you don't want to be in our position when your 40.
First thing I would do is pray about it. God can move mountains and I know he can opens ears to listen.
We will pray for you too.
D.

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W.C.

answers from Houston on

If you know Dave Ramsey you already have the best financial advisor out there! You may have heard him discuss how lots of us throw his name at our spouses like some kind of threat :D If you have a good first pass "allocated spending" budget, then ask your husband when a good time to sit and review it together would be as he will need to have input into it in order to stick to it. It may help him too if you have anything on paper about where your check had been going, other than to lunch and gas. Stroke his ego or whatever method you know appeals to him but try saying something like "I know I'm hormonal and stressed about the change in our lives and you're probably tired of hearing me about the budget. But if you could give me a few minutes of your attention, it would really make my fears go away to know you've really heard me and guided me through this." How could he say no?! And, if he does, do your best to have a good allocated spending budget with an emergency fund (baby step 1) and when he wakes up that your check wasn't just fun money you will at least already have a cushion. I hope this helps! I didn't read TMMO, but I did attend Financial Peace with my husband who was fighting me each step of the way but we're down to $2200 debt from $14000 (credit cards) and will attack those car payments next and be DEBT FREE!

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T.C.

answers from Houston on

Hi Z.,

My name is T. and I am a supplier of thousands of fast selling products. I am looking for new Distributors in this area. How does spare-time work with a full time income sound? Use my catalogs to get big orders, and you can make two times your cost or more. E-mail ____@____.com for free info, no obligation.

Many Blessings,
T.

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R.S.

answers from Houston on

We followed Dave Ramsey's advice, purchased the books and videos and paid off all debts before having kids. What a huge relief. I was the one was not not on board at first- though. I was afraid of the unknown and also how this budget was going to restrict me. The only way to get him on board is for him to feel not threatened by this huge change. Take small steps and keep it simple. My husbands made all these fancy charts which also intimidated me. Get him to listen to his show live or online- he can learn some of his advice that way and maybe he will be more interested in jumping in with both feet. I love his shows, he is practical and funny. Gotta love it. Good luck! It works if you stick to it!

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H.F.

answers from San Angelo on

I would take up that MOM on using her husband's financial planning. When your hubby sees it in black and white from another source it may hit home. That said, what is it that you are proposing when you tell him there will be problems? Are you suggesting that your husband get a different job or pick up another job in addition? He may see these things as over-reactive at this point, or just downright scary to consider. Maybe you should just take over the finances so that you can budget for the family. While you wont' be spending lunch money most days, you will be purchasing groceries, household items and baby items which is going to be the bulk of your spending other than rent/mortgage and car payments. It just makes sense then for you to give him an "allowance" for the week for his gas/lunch money.

I am not trying to sell you anything, but if you need an easy way...and I mean very easy, very low "sell," little or no start-up cost, way to earn extra money, I would be happy to tell you about how to become an Associate for Stream Energy. (I quit selling Pampered Chef because it required too much time and overhead costs). Stream is an electric company with EXTREMELY LOW RATES. If you tell someone how to save money and sign up with Stream (they are about $50 cheaper per month than CPL and Reliant), you get money from that person's bill and every other customer's bill that you sign up. In addition, you can make up to $500 for each person who signs up to be an Associate...that means that they sign up to tell people about Stream Energy. My hubby and I just made 1200.00 from home by signing up two people last month to be associates. They were just really happy customers who wanted to tell others about the savings. If you are interested, I would be happy to tell you more, just e-mail me! Either way, good luck to you and your family!

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D.B.

answers from Houston on

HI. I paid off over 40K of debt on my own to be debt free. No special programs, though some are good. Stay clear of financial products brokers. If anything, locate a financial coach for a fee only, if you must. You can do the planning yourself, it seems.
Since you seem to have access to the bills and such, and you have created the beginnings of a budget, carry on with that, share it with your husband as a contribution to your own peace of mind and his information---without any scare tactics, drama, or guilt-tripping of him (real conversation stoppers). You can't "get your husband to" do anything, silly goose!! It will give you peace of mind to know what is so with your money. Create scenario #1 (grim budget) and scenario #2 (current financial picture with your income and where the money goes) and see where the cash gaps are for after-birth and after returning to work. Look around for extra income opportunities (craigslist or ebay sales, expand your Herbalife customers for the time you're out of work, and share your strategy with him. If he has steady income, potential for a raise this year, benefits for you and the child, and you have childcare options you can afford for when you return to work, well, there ya go!

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K.B.

answers from Houston on

My husband and I are actually the opposite of you and your husband. My husband has every penny accounted for on a spreadsheet and goes through all of out receipts each month to determine how we did for the month. I don't have the patience or the energy for it. Each month he lets me know how we did, and what I can do to improve things for the next month, but that's it. I do what I can to make sure I'm not spending frivolously, but otherwise I buy what we need and let him figure out how to make it work at the end of the month.

My suggestion to you is to take Kristen's advice. Do the budget and tell your husband if there is something he needs to do to help you stay on budget each month, but otherwise just be proactive and do it yourself. The good news is, since you will be the one at home, I'm guessing you will be the one responsible for most of the "variable spending" each month. You'll be in the best position to ensure that each month comes out on budget.

Just an FYI, I too argued that we'd save money when I stayed at home because we wouldn't use as much gas, wouldn't need work clothes and wouldn't have lunches out, etc. Unfortunately you will find that staying at home leads to other expenses that simply take the place of the ones you're saving on. There will be activities you want to do with the kids that cost money, your grocery bills will increase because you now need to have more food at home since you're not eating out at work, etc.

Good Luck,
K.

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L.B.

answers from Odessa on

I was having the same problem. I turned it all over to him for a couple of months. It finally donned on me that was the only way for him to know was to look at it every month. We still struggle. He's read the Dave Ramsey books whereas I haven't. I'm so grateful he has, but not knowing is just not knowing. I took them back over and now I'm threatening that he's going to get them back. I think it's very important for both parties to understand what goes on with the finances.

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C.S.

answers from Austin on

Hi Z.! I can relate to your problem, and I respect you so much for taking the uncomfortable but smart route and attempting to plan. My sweet husband is very good with money and conscientious to boot, but he likes to put his head in the sand in regards to our family finances. He actually has convinced himself that as long as he pays off the one credit card that he uses each month, then we are okay. However, he knows that I have other cards that I use and which we have NOT paid off, but I have responsibility for those bills when they come in, so I guess out of sight, out of mind from his perspective. We keep communication open though, and finally we have implemented a cash budget like Dave Ramsey recommends. This is a huge weight off my shoulders. As the primary "hunter-gatherer" for the family (shopper), even though I am making purchases for the kids or the family I have felt like it is my fault that we are in debt now. It really isn't though and finally we're taking steps to fix this mess but it's going to take a while and it's not going to be easy.

Anyhoo, I have been out of the workplace for 4 years this summer, and not only hubby, but also I was in denial for most of that time on just how many sacrifices it would take for me to stay home and our family to function on just one income. We figured if we make some lifestyle changes (like the types of changes that are unavoidable when you have children) then we would be alright, but what we weren't thinking about is that the new expenses with the baby almost make up for the savings from my not driving or going out to lunch or buying work clothes anymore.

Long story short, we have found ourselves in major debt and are wishing that we had gotten into the habit of sticking to a strict budget a long time ago. I read the Total Money Makeover, and was surprised to find how excited it made me feel about what it will be like when we are eventually out of debt. I have asked my husband to read it but he hasn't, saying that he is always in favor of not being in debt so he doesn't need a book to get him fired up. I told him he doesn't understand -- we really need to do something, I want us both on the exact same page, and the TMM will take us through step-by-step. Anyway, I plan to keep pushing for him to read it. I hope you keep pushing your guy too.

Especially in light of these uncertain economic times, I think it is important for all families to have a handle on their finances. You are tackling this project at the right time - it won't get any easier. That's great that you are doing Herbalife too! I actually chose Melaleuca for my home-based biz, and starting to see the profits now which is really nice. The health and wellness industry will ride out a recession like what we may be facing just fine, so we are in the right place at the right time with our businesses.

Good luck to you! Don't give up on your hubby! I pray for you that he will come around. Tell him about me and my guy, and he'll agree with you that you don't want to wind up like us! :)

C.
www.SaferHomeNaturally.com

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V.B.

answers from Houston on

If you can find the Financial Peace University class at your church or another church in the area, you could try to talk him into going to that. It is a Dave Ramsey course and it is awesome. My husband and I just finished ours on Sunday and we both really enjoyed it. I don't have the problem that you do in that my husband and I both like to do the budget together, but Dave Ramsey talks about people like your husband (called Free Spirits), so he can give you both some tips on how to make it work. If you don't have time to get done with the class before the baby, then I would suggest getting all of the numbers on paper and then just put it in front of him. Make sure he understands in a concrete way how much is in the budget for each category (not just abstractly saying "we'll have less money").

Best of luck to you!

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C.H.

answers from Houston on

Z.,
I would agree with the others that you start by letting him know how important it is to you (and do that in whatever would be the most effective way for him). Then let him know how much you need him, his help, etc., how much it would mean to you.
It sounds like you all aren't used to budgeting. It might be easiest to start budgeting the income you have now, perhaps with the goal of saving some extra for those 3 months (then move on to the what to do during those months once he's on board). I would recommend doing this with the "this is important / please help me" approach instead of the "this is how we need to do this" approach (which can be easy to do once you've heard Dave say how to do it).
We started budgeting about a year ago. The first two months, I always did it. My husband rubber stamped it, but wasn't really engaged and wasn't into sticking to it. Then I asked him to take a stab at it (I was really busy that week)--and things finally changed. We figured out, at the beginning of the month, that we would go $800 over if we didn't change things! He finally understood what I'd been trying (apparently poorly) to say. It was one of the best days in our marriage. He even fixed up our reports in Quicken and our budget spreadsheet to make it easier so we can both check it during the month.
We're still learning on the budgeting, but it's getting easier to tell ourselves and each other "no" and to stick to it. Keep with it. The rewards are numerous.
The wonderful thing is, once you learn to cooperate like this on finances, it can spill over into other areas of your relationship, strengthening it. And that will be such a blessing to you with you little one coming.
Best of luck to you!

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C.T.

answers from Houston on

My suggestion would be to get Quicken. If you kept a check register or have your bank statements, put the past year into Quicken. Itemize each item. Run a report for the past year. It will show you your income along with your expenses. Considering your husband does not seem to pay attention to what he spends, I am pretty sure you will see that you spent more last year than what both of you earned.

This is black and white proof that he needs to pay attention to you.

If you still need more proof, start entering in every months income and expenses. Every month print out a report showing the income and expenses. Show him that you are over spending.

After all this, I would do a dry run of eliminating your income. Put your salary in a savings account and live as normal for a month or two on just his salary in the checking account. Once again put all of this into Quicken and print a report.

I live off of Quicken. Everything we own is in Quicken i.e., car loans, home loans, ira, stocks, 401K, etc. The great thing is you can schedule it to download all your transactions daily, hourly, etc.

Please feel free to contact me. Also, I have a budget sheet from my financial advisor. It shows how much you should typically spend on car, house, clothing, etc.

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A.R.

answers from Houston on

My husband and I have been married for 11 years and we finally decided (after many tears, arguments and YEARS) it is my job to handle the budget. My husband just doesn't have the patience or the time. We decided after the birth of our oldest that I would be a Stay at Home Mom! It did mean a very tight budget and lots of coupon clipping. There were times it was very hard, but you can find lots of great things to do very inexpensively. We did end up having to go down to one vehicle for many years. On the days I would need the truck, we got up early and took him to work. It was a challenge, but well worth it!

We are also now on the Dave Ramsey plan. (We have paid off approximately $6000 since January and just refinanced our house for 15 years fixed! woohoo!!!) Our plan is to have our debt, including both of our vehicles paid off in about 1 1/2 years...

Anyway, I just plan out our monthly budget based roughly on last months expenses and then add about 20% to that amount. For expample, I figure on an average paycheck, (every 2 weeks) we will spend $200 on groceries, $450 on gas, $200 on restaurants, etc. If I only spend $150 in groceries, then I place the $50 saved onto the debt snowball...if we only spend $300 on gas (gee...that would be nice lol), then the additional $150 goes towards the snowball.

I always try to figure in a little extra for my husband's unexpected spending. Anyway, when I have completed the expendature budget for the month, I show that to my husband, explaining that after bills and savings, we have $X amount for extras. If he goes over that amount, then he needs to figure out how to put the differenct back into the budget. This seems to work best for us.

I am the spreadsheet person. I have our estimated bills for the entire year planned out, including the amount we will need each of his paychecks to be.

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R.B.

answers from Beaumont on

It's been my experience you can't make your husband do anything. You can only change your response to his actions. If financial needs really concern you that much, ask your husband how he feels about you continuing to work. Then talk to your church about working from home, bringing your child with you or working after hours when your husband can watch your son. If that's not an option, be creative! There is a lot of pressure within the church to be a full-time stay at home mom. But if you read Proverbs 31, that "ideal wife" found a way to add income to her home. You can pick up photography and do weddings on weekends. You can tutor. You can cook or bake and let your husband sale it when he's at work. I know lots of women who garage sale on Fridays with their little one in tow, and then ebay all that stuff at a mark up during their kids nap time. You can care for another child. You can work as a seamstress or florist. There are really a lot of options. Do some searching online for other ideas. And don't be afraid to leave your son alone with your husband while you work. It will give you a much needed break, it will build your husband's confidence in his ability to be a father, and it will allow your two men to bond in a way they wouldn't be able to with you there.

A little about me: I'm a full-time stay at home mom of a 7 month old. I've been married to a wonderful, non-budget minded man for 3 years. I'm a degreed accountant. I work from home for my church and go in to the office in the evenings and during my husband's one day off a week. I work on a part-time basis. I pay a sitter to watch my son 3 1/2 hours a week. I also do some free lance consulting work and prepare taxes.

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K.C.

answers from Houston on

good luck on getting him to do that. My husband is a big spender and Im the one that does the checking account. The best way to start saving with out him knowing is say you have less then what you really have. He may get upset about not having the money for what ever he wants, but at least your saving a few dollars. I do that with my husband. I finally had to tell him that I was doing that because our bed fell apart and he was worried about how we were going to get a new bed. Needless to say that with in the few months I was saving we had around $1000. we were able to use to get a bed. Now Im saving again and I just tell him Im not so just incase we need something else we wont have to worry again. Start saving now. good way to do it is when he gets a paycheck mark it in the checking account for around $50 less.That way you dont even think about it. good luck.

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L.W.

answers from Dallas on

Take your budget and tape it to his bathroom mirror. If that does not work, tape it to the exit of the home, any place that he has to see it.... briefcase, on top of car keys....

To cut your budget, try getting your DVDs, CDs, magazines through your local public library. You will be amazed at the savings! Purchase your clothing/baby items through garage sales, resale shops (not high end resale shops).

Enjoy.

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K.T.

answers from Houston on

My husband is the same way. I just do it. It is frustrating, but I decided that's better than the alternative - I got really upset with him a few years ago and just handed him everything. He did the bills for a couple of months and got us into big trouble. He would just pay the bills as they came in - never looking to see when they were due, or how much money we had in the account at the time. He didn't wait for payday. He didn't take into account that we were now living on one payceck. We were overdrawn, and a huge amount of fees from them constantly transferring our $$ from savings. Try to do this job as God gave it to you. He probably has his reasons for not wanting to look (I know it's an avoidance thing, but at some point, he may come around). He may feel very overwhelmed. For a little added income, you could try some various at-home sales. I sell Mary Kay (and I AM NOT a salesman). If you choose a quality product with a good name and very well known, announce it on your outgoing greeting on your home answering machine and cell phone. You will be amazed at how many people will be so glad to have found you. GOD WILL PROVIDE. You just have to pray and He will give you the answer, whether it be to work part-time, do some sales jobs, or simply stay at home. There is one concern, however. I have several friends that are SAHM's. A few do just fine on their husband's income. A few do not. I do not believe that staying at home while your family sinks further and further into debt is God's will. Pray and He will give you the answer.
Good look and God bless you!
K.

M.I.

answers from San Antonio on

Hi Z.,
You are doing the right thing by trying to get your budget and a new financial way of thinking BEFORE the baby comes. Too many people wait to even think about it until they are so deep in debt. I have also read the Total Money Makeover this year and we are trying to follow that closely. My husband did not read the book and he has always been more laid back with the money issues and figures it will all work out but we have two children under 3yrs old, I now stay at home, and we have a lot of debt from student loans,credit cards, doctors bill, cars, house, etc. He knew how important it was for me to be home with our girls and after I did a very detailed budget and put the time and work into it he did discuss it with me and realized how little we actually had to spend for any extras. It was a real eye opener for him and he did get on board. We found that it really helped to keep all our reciepts and truly track where every penny is going. If we lighten up on that and don't keep track we spend so much more. We also posted a sheet on the fridge at the beginning of the week with our weekly allowable money amount for everything other then debt bills. Each night we would subtract what we spent and you both see it starring you in the face everday. When the money is out for that week, you need to be staying in and using what you have. It's tough but it really gets everyone focused on the goals. The other thing that has now helped us most is that I am now working from home with an amazing wellness company. It started out as a way to help pay for the bills but it has now become so much more because it has taught me how to provide the safest, healthiest home for my family. It is so great to be home with my little ones and be there to help them learn and enjoy life and still have a career that I can be proud of and do around the important things in my life. I would love to share the details with you and see if this could help your family the way it has helped so many others. Best of luck with your new son and finding the best way to get your husband on board and take control of your financial future.
M. www.FollowingOurDreams.com

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F.D.

answers from Houston on

Hi Z, I had a similar problem. My husband is just plain careless with $. There are a lot of reasons why and once I understood them, it helped me deal with him. First of all,I love Dave. I am working my way to being debt free as well. I am on my last credit card. I am paying off my car and SUV by the summer. Yeah! I can't wait to send in my plasectomy. Anyway, enough about me. Can I suggest you listen to Suze Orman's courage to be rich. She provides a lot of insight on why people react and behave with money they way they do. I learned that if I suggested that we did not have enough money my husband felt I had just attacked his manhood. Silly I know but true. So I just stopped saying anything. I designed a household excel spreadshee with allthe bills listed. I listed what was billed and what was paid. I left it for him to see @ the end of each month. I lied and said -"Dave Ramsey said this was a great idea to communicate household finances." (A shameless lie) But it works for us. Now I don't have to say anything. I say put your projections on paper to give yourself piece of mind.

I heard of another woman who let the lights get turned off. Her hubby came home and she and kids were sitting there in the dark waiting for him. It was very effective too.

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B.S.

answers from San Antonio on

I don't know how to help you with your husband but I work from home with a bunch of other moms and I love being home with my son and helping my husband pay our bills. I would love to share with you what I do.

B.
www.MoreForMyBaby.com
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K.C.

answers from Brownsville on

Advise I do not have--only suggestions--been their

Prayer is the only thing that helped me thru and it still is not where I would like for it to be but here goes--

Men have trouble dealing with the fact life may not be what it use to on two incomes and they will, more often than not, face, not address it. Sometime it is tied directly into their egos--providing!!!

Try and get him to see your concerns and then back off--when men have to take the reins it is a whole new ball game. So often we women want to fix it so it is not so painful for them.

Allow God to lead you.

Blessings--K.

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