Ok, here's the deal. I've been married now for 5 1/2 years. We have a little boy who will be 3 in January. I'm 34 & my husband is 35 years old. He wanted to start trying for baby #2, and I don't think I'm ready yet.
My son is wonderful--very sweet and very smart, but also VERY clingy/needy of me and my attention. For the last year or so he's been sleeping in bed with us. As much as I want another child, I don't think I'm ready to handle a second one right now. I also can't imagine loving anyone else as much as I love my son!
HELP!!!
Those of you that have more then one child, how do you know when it's right to have another one? And has anyone else had these feelings too--that you're afraid of loving baby #1 more then the 2nd one?
We're working on baby #2, and these thoughts are on my mind too. I think once I see that baby, I will love him/her just as much as I do my son right now. It's something that many people fear, and then they see it can be done. As far as the neediness, not all babies are a like. You may have a very self dependant baby number 2, you never know. If you're not ready, you shouldn't be pushed.
J. .. don't torture yourself!
My girls are almost 4 1/2 years apart. and YES YES YES there is enough love to go around.. Never doubt the capacity of your heart. Now let me tell you.. I don't love my girls "the same".. I love each for who they are.. There is no favoritism, no scaling of equations.. They each get from me what they need.. (and more) and I get the same back.
They are great together too.. and love each other dearly (Not that they don't fight! lol) And will always have each other, even when my husband and I are gone.
BUT DO follow your instincts about YOUR readiness for another child. I needed to wait.. for MY OWN emotional needs..(If that makes any sense)
When she was going to preschool.. growing mentally and emotionally by leaps and bounds, I realized I was ready to do it all over again.. to go back to diapers and nursing, waking in the night and soothing a crying baby. I was anxious if I could love another child as much as I was consumed by love for my daughter. and guess what.. The answer was YES.
But ultimately it is YOUR decision when to be ready .. not your husband's .. he is not the one carrying a child, birthing a child and 24/7 raising the child. YOU need to ready or you will be resentful of your husband and the baby... Not a good way to go.
My girls are now 17 1/2 and 13... I knew after my 2nd daughter was born that I was done. I was 38, and so tired!! LOL..
Follow your heart on the timing.. and trust me that you will have more than enough love to give to both your kids...
V.
J.,
My husband wanted #2 before I was ready.... and I was swayed easily because I always wanted 2 and I wanted them (in my head that is) to be close in age. I found #1 to be more of a handful than I had expected, so when our "time" to start trying approached, I hesitated. We started about 6 months later than we originally thought we would, and my boys were 2 years and 2 months apart. It was very close and there were times (honestly) that I regreted not trusting my instincts. Now that they are a bit older (3 and 5) I am glad they are close in age and that I am out of diapers and that they are the best of friends. I guess you are the only one to know what you want and need and can handle. Don't do it for your husband, however, as you are the one who must live with the decision of pregnancy and at home and work (as I was).
Also, you will love #2 as much if not more.... I find my relationship to be very different with each child and they bring me different joys (and challenges). My second is very affectionate and sweet. He is happier and more optimistic than my first. He is also more clingy and needy and plays "the baby" a lot. #1 grew into the role as the big brother overnight. He actually amazed me with his love of his brother and it gave me another reason to be proud of him.
Whatever your decision, good luck.
-A.
I know how you feel ..I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter. I am 33 and my husband is much older. I feel that at this stage in my life my life is settling down. My little one is getting older and we are exactly where we want to be. Honestly, I don't know if I could love #2 as much as her. She sure would make a great big sister though!
We tried so hard to have her and I am so grateful to have had her. Our lives are just so settled. I don't know if another baby would be wise for us. Although, don't get me wrong the thought has crossed my mind especially when I go to the playground and see siblings. I wonder if she'll be lonely. Right now we are happy ...just the 3 of us and our dog. It's so much better and healthier to have this happy small family unit than to have another child and temporarily disrupt that place we are at now. I don't miss diapers, midnight feedings. I get the feeling you are really in tuned with your situation and that's great...if you feel you don't want another child...its okay. Only a woman knows what it is to be pregnant for 9 months and know they energy level you need to have be mommy for 2 and wife. If mommy is not happy...its kind of hard for you to make everyone else happy.
