Husband Wanting to Take Son on a Buisness Trip, Some Issues?? Kind of Long...

you're a child & family therapist, & you're asking these questions??? What's up? What's really bugging you? You're making a lot of "little digs" at your in-laws....is the issue truly your own relationship with them & your opinions of them...or are you feeling insecure & unable to let go?? Tough love question, I know. & I am sorry if this hurts your feelings.
How about relaxing, let your husband have this time with his child/family, & allow yourself to embrace this event which so few families have the chance of? This will also allow your son the chance to develop a relationship with his daddy's family without you censoring him.
Do you ever take your son (anywhere?) all by yourself? If you do, then your husband should also be allowed the same freedom. Is he not capable of caring for your son? Do you not trust him?
Physician heal thy self.....is the phrase popping into my mind! I wish you peace.

I'll take the other side, just for balance. ;) First thing I noticed, it doesn't sound like you have much respect for your SIL. I don't know why you assume she would be better than a nanny. (Personally, I am at home most of the time, and would welcome a nanny if I could afford one! Raising kids and keeping a house IS work, in fact it is more than a full-time job, why hold it against someone for getting help?)

But, if you think there are too many issues, maybe there just are. I can relate to your desire to protect your son from unnecessary criticism and pressure. No one knows your son like you do, and maybe you are responding to the situation intuitively. I think it's okay for you to say no, not this time. He's only 2, there will be plenty of time for him to travel and bond with extended family.

IMO--as long as your son is going to be safe, you should let him go. Being exposed to different environments can actually be pretty good for kids. Between your husband, the sister-in-law and the nanny, it sounds like he'll be in good hands. It gives him a chance to get to know his dad's side of the family, it's only for a few days and he's verbal enough to let you know how he feels about it when he gets back.

Uh...I hate to do this but I think you are way over reacting to the situation. The boy will be fine and have a great time hanging with cousins. I don't know why you think the nanny thing to be negative also...as if you think the SIL would put her kids in any danger????
I also think you are wrong with your husband being immune to the situation with his own family...he may not talk about it but if it was bad...he knows...
I am getting the feeling that you just don't want to be left alone..which is ok and perfectly acceptable but it is time to start letting some things go.

Question .........
Why aren't you going too ?

Hi A.,

I too have an almost 3yr old son and my in-laws are less than desirable. However, I keep reminding myself that they raised the man I married and they can't be all that bad. They do things I don't agree with but with limited exposure, it's nothing I can't undo. The positive is, it sounds like your sister-in-law will have your back on this. Also, he will be staying with her.

The nanny thing isn't all that bad. I think it's not too big of a deal as long as your sister-in-law is still around. I stay home with my two boys and one day a week I have someone come play with them and it gives us all the break we need. I am always around to correct things but for the most part, she knows how I run the house and what I expect. I nanny'd in college and I adored the kids I watched and had utmost respect for the parents. Hopefully they have a similar relationship with their nanny.

Sounds like you're a bit nervous about little one leaving all together. I can relate but I think it's a good time for him to help bond with daddy and daddy with his family too.

I think it's a good trip for them. Even though it may be gut wrenching for you, enjoy your break from the boys. :)

good luck
J.

If your husband and sister-in-law are willing and you feel your son would be fine, I say let him go. It will be a fun 'big boy' event for him to go and a great chance for him to spend time with his extended family.

With regards to the nanny issue, if your sister-in-law chooses to have a nanny for her own children, it is not your place to tell her she HAS to watch your son, instead of the nanny. You can choose whether or not to allow your son to go, but you can't tell her how to run her household. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your sister-in-law and that you trust her judgement with the grandparents situation, so you should also trust her judgement in selecting a wonderful nanny who takes good care of her children and will take the same good care of your son. My sister worked as a nanny for many years and in one of the families she worked for, the mom was a stay at home mom. They had a great relationship and the family still keeps in touch and sends Christmas cards now 14 years later.

As far as the grandparent issue goes, I have dealt with similar situations with older family members. At your son's age, I don't think you have anything to worry about. He'll likely just ignore any comments they make. And your sister- in-law seems aware of the potential situation and has probably dealt with it with her own children, so I'm sure she'll be able to handle the grandparents. Don't worry if they try to make him eat foods he doesn't like, as long as it's not a food allergy, it won't hurt him and he likely won't even remember. My grandparents do the same thing with my kids (7 & 3) and make them eat everything on their plate (which I rarely do) and they just know that's the way great-papa is. Kids are very adaptable, more so than us adults.

I'm sure you'll miss your son while he's gone, but trust that this will be a great experience for him and a chance to spend time with and get to know his extended family, "warts and all" as they say. It was hard when I sent my daughter on her first trip away with grandma. She was about your son's age. But I can tell you from experience, it will be harder on you than on him.

Hmmm, I think you may be worrying too much. About the nanny, thats a no brainer, if you trust your sister-in-law and she trust the Nanny, then you should not worry. About the grandparents, if your sister-in-law agrees that they should not be left with the grandparents then stick with that, just ask for help in making that happen with your husband in agreeance. I'm a grandma and my daughters mother-in-law has mental issues and she does not let her keep my grandaughter or let her be alone with her. But it should not be a situation where you try to keep your child from the grandparents and look at it this way, its only for a few days. Hope this helps

Congrats on finding a guy who actually WANTS to spend time with the little guy and has the flexibility to do so! That is rare. I can see why you are tourn with this one. I think that if you trust your sister-in-law, then it could be a fun bonding time for the boys. Obviously, she trusts her nanny or the nanny wouldn't be there so as long as you trust her judgement, I think it will be ok. As for grandparents, I would suggest that you ask your husband to make sure that he is present when they are around. That way he can do the damage control right away if need be. Since the little guy doesn't know them very well, he is likely to take anything they say with a grain of salt anyway until they earn his trust. I say go for it and enjoy the time that you have by yourself. Just have them check in every night to ease your worries.