I don't know what to do anymore! For the last few months all my husband does is watch these shows on Netflix. He stays up all hours of the night and spends all weekend on the couch or on our bed watching Korean TV. After work, he will sometimes eat with our 2girls and me, but then rushes off to the bedroom to watch more. I end up having to do everything at night... Feed/take care of dogs, help the girls with homework, make their lunches, clean up from dinner (oh, I cook the dinner too), get the kids bathed, and ready for bed... I work full time too, so I am tired and would love some "me" time too, but someone needs to get the other stuff done. I tried watching one series with him, they are good shows, but he still wouldn't help, so I ended up lost because he kept watching while I got the kids ready for bed. I tried saying something to him, but nothing has changed. I even have let the girls do whatever they wanted while I tried to have some down time, and he just kept watching, I ended up going and getting them in bed, so it would get done. Now he is trying to learn Korean with a phone app, so when he's not glued to the tv, he's walking around with his phone repeating Korean phrases. I think it's great he wants to learn a language, but come on!! Enough is enough! I can't keep this up! My job is getting more stressful, I have no one to talk to about it because he is oblivious when he's watching! He's focused on the subtitles so he knows what they are saying. HELP!
Hide whatever device he is watching on. When he asks for tell him --SIT DOWN WE NEED TO TALK --- then tell him what you just posted.
Tell him everything in moderation.
Well, the man needs to move to Korea, for heaven's sake. Maybe he can go teach English and learn Korean while living in a teeny tiny freezing apartment. Maybe the Korean TV would lose its allure if he had to live without you.
You seem to already be a single mom as it is. From now on you need to stop doing stuff for HIM. Don't wash his clothes. Don't cook food for him. Just do for your children. When he gets up in arms over this, tell him that since he can't bother to help with the family since all he wants to do is watch Korean TV, he can be on his own just like if he lived in Korea. It will finally get his attention. Be prepared for a battle. Don't give in. Either he straightens up as a husband or father, or he loses the privileges of having a wife and being part of a family.
Dawn
I would not put up with this at all. I'd first talk with him using I statements, telling him that you need his help. Tell him how you feel. Tell him specifically what you'd like him to do. Perhaps, together, draw up a list of things that have to be done every night, every week, every month and divvy them up.
If he won't participate in making marriage, parenting, house keeping more of a partnership then I'd go to therapy to learn why I'm letting him do this and how to get his co-operation or how to get out of the relationship.
You're already managing as a single parent. Perhaps it's time to become one without the drag he's putting on you.
Find ways to get help from other people and/or how to arrange your time differently. I suggest that you go out one evening a week and leave him with the children, getting dinner, putting them to bed. My family wasn't cooperating and I went out for dinner one night a week. I had time for myself and they learned that they could do things for themselves. Tell your husband that if he doesn't step up and help this is what you're going to do.
I also suggest that you stop doing anything for him. Don't wash his clothes, don't set a place for him at the table. Tell him you're doing this because you need his help.
Do both of these things after first trying to talk with him in a calm manner using I statements telling him how you feel and what you need. The way he's acting is now a habit so don't expect sudden change but do expect him to accept what you say and agree to work on change. Then continue to have calm talks every day about what needs to be done.
This is outside the realm of a normal interest. I've had interests that I would spend a LOT of time on, but my responsibilities to my family always came first.
The issue isn't actually watching TV, so making demands or canceling Netflix won't do a thing. Your husband has detached from his family, and the unknown reason why is the problem. You have to uncover the reason behind the behavior.
Okay... here in Hawaii, the Korean shows, or as we call them "K-dramas" are VERY VERY VERY VERY popular. It is not only Koreans that watches it... but many people of all diverse ethnicities etc. And it has been popular for YEARS. But only now, perhaps in the mainland, they are getting popular.
AND the stars of the shows, also come to Hawaii for special appearances. We also have many Korean tourists.
The shows, are very good. I and my husband and even my daughter, likes them. It is a big popular thing. We watched several show series that we liked.
Tell your Husband, to DVR it. That's what we do.
Or yes, from Netflix, you can stop and then resume watching it whenever.
Some people I know, even buy the DVD's for certain show series.
BUT your Husband is carried away with it.
So just tell him off.
Good grief.
And there is such a thing as a PAUSE button on the darn tv.
I truly am not a servant in my home. If I don't feel like doing it then it doesn't get done unless he helps. He gets tired of dealing with the mess so he decides to help.
You don't have to have a perfect house. When the kids are still up and you want some time to yourself send them to daddy. Each and every time they come out of his "place" he's watching TV you just send them right back in. You could even go on to bed, just make sure the kiddo's are in the room with him. Tell them goodnight and to stay with daddy. Turn off the lights if they are afraid of the dark that way if they do come out they'll turn around and go back.
When he notices you have stopped letting him treat you like this he may be angry that you are "neglecting" stuff but in reality you are mirroring him and he needs to feel what you are feeling. If you don't allow him to learn he will never learn.
i would bitchslap this selfish git.
time for drastic measures.
khairete
S.
Start feeding the girls and yourself...even take them out for dinner if you can and just leave him at home...let him call to see where you are, start only doing your laundry and the girls, I would not do ONE thing for him. He will get the hint.
You do need "me" time. Make plans and go out with the girls. Let him handle it alone at home. It's like your alone anyway , show him how it feels.
Before you resort to all this, have a long talk with him see if he stops acting like he is the only one in the house.
Talk to him, don't just "try to say something." Tell him that you feel like a single parent...ask if he's training you to be one.
Explain that you're fed up with being the only one who can step away from the shows to actually get things done. Let him know that he needs to place some limits on his TV time so that he can help you out and generally be a part of the family. Talk to him about what that will be (1-2 hrs? What time?).
You need to make your needs known. If he sulks about it...so what? He needs to grow up.
Um, cancel Nelflix and the Smart phones service.
Tell him you are using the money to pay a nanny/housekeeper.
If he wants Netflix and the phone back, then he has to perform the nanny/housekeeper duties in order to afford them.
Treat him like the child he is acting like.
Alternately, switch to paper plates and plastic utensils - no clean up there,
One pot meals - limited clean up. Let the laundry pile up and the rugs go un-vacuumed. I love the idea of sending the kids in to him to be watched.
Eventually he will want clean clothing and get tired of wading through the mess. Then explain to him why it is that way.
You have enough on your plate - let some of the "other stuff" go. Tell him that may mean him if he doesn't step up.
This seems like a symptom of a bigger problem. Is he depressed? How was he before he got sucked into these programs? I would sit down with him and be very direct with him about what you expect from him as a dad and a spouse. I would be very specific i.e.," I am feeling overwhelmed and need your help. Starting tonight i need to split our nighttime responsibilities: how about you walk the dogs, clean up dinner, and bath the kids. I will cook dinner, do homework and put them to bed. Please I really need your help. ". In a different conversation I would tackle the TV problem and say you worry this much TV is sign something is wrong with him and or/ the marriage. Also, you worry it sets a bad example for the
kids. Stand your ground Mama! If talking to him does not work, I would make an appointment ASAP to talk to a couple's therapist or your pastor, priest, or rabbi to get to the bottom of this. Blessings!
You need to talk to him. He's a husband and father first and needs to learn to watch his Korean tv or whatever when the kids go to bed. My husband plays MMOs, and when the new Star Wars game came out that he'd been waiting and waiting for, I let him have 1 week where he could play as much as he wanted (the guys he plays with are all childless). After that, he plays when the kiddo goes to sleep and when it's not one of the nights we have to watch our shows.
I get having obsessions, unfortunately mine now is Marvel, so it's hard to burn myself out on it, because it never ends, but your husband needs to remember that there are 3 dimensional people in his life, too.
Maybe when you talk to him about what you need him to do to participate in your life, you can find out what he loves so much about these Korean shows.
