How to Tell Your Toddler (3Yo) That You Lost the Baby

I just went through that in April. I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

When I lost our baby, the first thing that came to my mind and made me more sad was: What am I going to tell Julia?

I was told by many what to tell her. It was a very difficult thing for hubby and I, and we just didn't know what to tell her, what the right thing to tell her. The right thing for one could be the wrong thing for others. I didn't see Julia for 2 days after that happened. When I thought about it, I cried. When I talked about it I cried. So, when I saw Julia, I almost cried but held it in. She is 3 (4 at end of month) and the first thing she said when she saw me was: Mommy, look at your tummy, my baby is growing.

Because I was so emotional, I couldn't say anything for days, even for about two weeks. I would just change the conversation. Then one day I said that baby wasn't coming right now. She asked why. I just said that plans were changed and the baby couldn't come now, but hopefully the baby could come later. I just couldn't talk to her because I just couldn't deal with it myself. It was so hard....I was 19 weeks and we had felt the baby move and even called her by her name, she was a girl.

About a month after, she asked again and I finally was able to talk with her, so I told her we needed to talk about Amy. She said: No, it's OK because my foot itches. I insisted and she insisted on her itch.

Now, four months later, she will bring it up, but she will say will say: ...whenever my baby comes......

It's hard. I know I probably should have done it differently, but, I just didn't know how to comfort myself.

I went through something very similar. My son was almost 3 when I miscarried. We had already told him. I just didn't mention it anymore, and he soon forgot about it. I wouldn't mention it to her unless she asks. If she asks, just tell her that while you were hoping that there would be a baby soon, it looks like it will won't be right now after all. That should be enough for a toddler to understand.
I am so sorry for your loss. I know how heartbreaking it is. Hang in there, and take care of yourself!

I'm so sorry for your loss!
This is a tough one, and really depends on what you're comfortable with. Maybe tell her that her little bro/sis became a special angel, so they won't be coming to live with you after all?
I wish I had better advice for you. At 3 she probably will forget sooner then later, but in the meantime I'm sure it's very hard for you, and she just doesn't understand. But I'd try to keep it simple as possible, that will probably lead to less questions.
Again, I'm so sorry for your loss L., take care of yourself.

i would suggest you do tell her like that she wont keep asking about the baby. i would suggest you tell her that god wanted a new angel to be by his side and that he decided he wanted a special little baby!!! she's still young yes it would hurt her but also she's a bit older to understand why you lost her baby sister or brother!!!! im so sorry for your lost and may god bless you and your grieving family!!!! good luck!!

Be honest and just tell your daughter what happened in terms she can understand: The baby wasn't growing the right way and wasn't going to be able to get big enough to be born, so it went to heaven and isn't in Mommy's belly anymore. There will be questions, but just answer them the best you can. Not addressing it will only cause more confusion in your daughter, who I'm sure is looking forward to being a big sister and who also has quietly picked-up your stress and emotions over losing your baby. Right now, she doesn't know what is going on, but she knows Mommy and Daddy are sad, the baby stuff is gone and no one is talking to her. I'm so sorry for you loss. I wish you lots of luck and my heart is with you.

I am so sorry for your loss.

My heart goes out to you. As your toddler is loved and feels secure, this will be OK for her - a part of your family's story that she won't remember but will have learned about. So much better that it isn't a secret she hears about later! You're doing all the right things, you poor thing! I'd say something about the baby being not strong enough or having problems that the doctor couldn't fix or something like that because the baby was so tiny and something was really wrong. Then I guess I'd say the baby is in Heaven and happy there with other babies who weren't strong enough to live here on earth. I wouldn't blame God or say anything that would make your daughter worry that this might happen to her. Sounds like you're already being cautious about that. The truth in child language, just put it out there with words about missing the baby and how you'll all always love this tiny one but won't have him/her with you anymore.

God bless you as you deal with this. I wouldn't make it too dramatic but also wouldn't brush this important event under the carpet. Sometimes small kids think something is their fault because they were bad so you want to avoid that at all costs!

First I am so sorry for your loss. It is a true grieving process. I would say to look for an age appropriate children's books on the subject matter. Also talk to your pediatrician for suggestions. And if needed connect with a support group for further insight and support. Your a good mom for just for trying to find the right answer~

I had a miscarriage in April at 17 1/2 weeks. We have a 3 1/2 year old. After days of trying to figure out what to tell her we decided to keep it as simple as possible and just told her that the baby "didn't work" and that we were going to try again soon. It seemed to work (she even told my husband about it not working and us trying again later) and she seemed to get it as much as she could.

I'm now 7 weeks pregnant again. She knows and is happy. I couldn't not tell her. She would have figured it out. She's too smart to hide something like that. :) Hope you figure everything out and sorry for your loss. It's crushing and horrible but you can and will get past it. :)

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage at 16 weeks in February this year. The entire pregnancy had been complicated and I had many ultrasounds, all of which my girls were with me. At the ultrasound when we couldn't find his heart beat, my girls (almost 3 and almost 2) were in the room. They asked why I was crying and I said, "the baby that was in mommy's tummy died and is in heaven with Poppy now (grandfather that died)." The 3 year old got upset and said she wanted the baby to live with us. I told her that I did too.

Because I was so far along, I had to deliver and was gone for the next day in the hospital. The girls didn't say too much about it, would occasionally ask but nothing big. We did read these two books A LOT (and still do).

Something Happened by Cathy Blanford
and
We were going to have a baby, but we had an angel instead by Pat Schwiebert and Taylor Bills

They occasionally asks why the baby died and I just say that I don't know. This last month (6 months after I miscarried), my 3 year old has started to get very upset that she "never even got to see the baby". We are working on that now.

All that to say, I don't think that the kids forget as easily as we might like sometimes. They are grieving in their own way and we need to respect that. My midwife put footprints on a cross for us at the hospital when he was delivered and we have put that cross up since our 3 year old started getting upset. Perhaps some other tangible item might help your 3 yo. Again, I'm so sorry. It is hard enough to grieve alone, much less help your kids with it!

A 3 year old can definitely understand about the baby. My 2 year old understood my whole pregnancy and was very excited about each part and loved seeing the ultrasounds and hearing the heartbeat.

Just let your child know that sometimes the baby dies inside of Mommy. They might not be strong enough or something might have gone wrong inside of Mommy. Let them know that you're sad about it, and that you loved the little baby very much, even though you had not met them yet. Then ask them if they have any questions, let the conversation flow from there. Let them know its okay to ask any questions later on too. Keep the communication open and satisfy any answers as much as possible. Id keep it as simple and scientific as possible, but don't exclude your religious views or emotion either, but make that more secondary and not primary to your explanation. That aspect will probably be more prominent when you answer the 3 year old's questions. They might want to know how the baby came out, or where it is right now. Don't be afraid to tell them the truth. Kids like honesty. Start with generalization and give specifics as they ask. That way you don't burden them with more then they want to know.

Hope this is helpful. I'm so sorry for your loss. Best wishes!

My heart aches for you and your family. I think you should tell her the truth in the most age-appropriate way. Tell her it's okay to be sad or cry and let her know how you feel about it too. I think it would be emotionally unhealthy for her to think that "poof" no more baby without any explanation. Even at her young age it is okay to start teaching her that sometimes in life these things happen and what's important to be able to work through it together.

Good luck!

i would just say god need to take the baby for one of his babies n now its being taken care of by him or a loved one knows of they may have passed.

If nothing else, since you believe in God as I do, I would just tell her that God decided to take the baby to live with him a bit early, that sometimes God needs us to come home to him sooner than one expects sometimes. Being at just 11.5 wks, I assume you weren't "showing" yet & that she didn't actually 'see' the baby in your tummy growing so from a visual aspect of not seeing any change in your tummy should help as well. Hope this helps & good luck!