How to Help Depressed & Pregnant Friend

Updated on July 21, 2011
K.J. asks from Naperville, IL
3 answers

My friend (only known each other for a few months, but had an instant connection) is 3 months pregnant with her first baby. Her husband has been treating her terribly; picking fights, telling her she is gaining too much weight (mind you, he is a Family Practice doc and should KNOW better), and just announced to her that he is taking a short trip home to visit his parents (without her). She doesn't have any family nearby, and feels so alone in her pregnancy.

What can I do to help her? I try to talk to her on the phone, but she can really only call me during her lunch break, and I am usually feeding my kids or putting them down for naps at that time. I'd love to just pick her up and spend some "girl time" with her, but I've got 3 small kids of my own and my hubby works virtually every day (and my babysitter is out of town.) She has used the word depression several times, and I am sure that some of it is probably hormonal, but she is living in a stressful situation with no support from her husband. I know all men handle becoming fathers a bit differently, and I suspect he is a bit resentful because their original plan was to wait a bit longer before having kids, but it DID happen.

I know I am rambling, so, ideas please, before I just keep typing on into oblivion ;-)

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.C.

answers from Columbus on

On her days off, invite her for lunch or dinner. Take your kids to the park/let them self-entertain (as much as is safely possible) for a little bit.

If she is using the words depression more than once, tell her, "Sally, I know we haven't known each other very long, but I care about you and am concerned about how depressed you seem. Have you talked to your doctor about this? Have you thought about getting counseling, even if it's just through your church? I really want to be here for you and help you through this rough patch, but I'm not sure what I can do. Please let me know if there is ever anything I can do to help you."

The most you can do is reach out and offer to help, unless you think she is in danger of harming herself or someone else (then you can call the police and/or social services).

And if you know anyone really well who knows this jerke of a husband, particularly if its a guy and he's made these comments in front of others, have the guy or whoever point out to him (not in front of other people) that he really seems to be treating his wife poorly, maybe even have the person say "Bill, I notice you really seem to be giving Sally a hard time. What's going on?" Calling him on it might just make him realize that he's acting like a jerk and the rest of the world can see it and he needs to pull it together and stop. It could just be he's overwhelmed with the stress of being a doctor and now having another family member, or it could be that he's just really a jerk....

2 moms found this helpful

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

ooh man - this is sooo sad!!!!

I don't know what to say - other than tell her you'd love to meet for lunch - gather up the kids and have a girls lunch with the kids - you know it won't be too long because she has to get back to the office...

it sucks that men get pissed when a W./wife gets pregnant - like it's ONLY her responsibility to provide birth control....but you can't tell her that...

I would definitely make sure I can spend some time with her so that she knows she's not alone!!

GOOD LUCK!! This is VERY sweet of you!!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.V.

answers from San Francisco on

If her husband really takes a hike, be there for her, invite her to visit for LUNCH, listen to her, give your support, and then send her home. Her man sounds like a jerk, but you have only known her a short time so IF she is not being physically abused, keep your distance for now.

Blessings...

1 mom found this helpful
For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions