How to Help 15Yr Old Step Daughter Deal with Recent Death of Her Boyfriend?

Just give her a chance to talk about how she feels if she wants to. All you can really do is be there for her and let her know you love her. Don't minimize how she feels..I know you say it was mostly a long distance relationship and all but to her it was probably very important. Just let her talk about it in her own time.

That is absolutely horrible. The Contra Costa Crisis Center has excellent grief counseling on a sliding scale. I would definitely try to get her to talk to someone. http://www.crisis-center.org/

By all means contact KARA - ###-###-#### http://www.kara-grief.org/ This organization specializes in the grief of children. Their people actually accompanied my nephew to school to help field questions about death. I support this group with donations, time and my services to their auction. Please call them.

Dear C.,

Nine months is a very long time to have even a cyber relationship. It sounds like your stepdaughter may not have many friends locally and has become dependant on the computer and telephone for company. She’s now lost what she probably considers her first boyfriend. Puppy love or not, she is grieving and needs support and guidance.

If its possible to have a talk with her mother, maybe the three of you could decide what would be the best way to help this young girl. Her high school could put you in touch with a grief counselor who specializes in adolescent behavior.

For now I would ask her did she want to write a letter or send a card to the boy’s family. I would also let her know that you and her father are here for her. (If you are unable to express this verbally, maybe you and dad could write her a letter and/or send her a card that acknowledges her loss.) If you are close enough to hold and hug this child and let her cry, that might be the best thing of all.

If I were a teenager and hurting, I would feel fortunate to have a step-mother like you.

I can't imagine trying to deal with that kind of greif at that age. All you can really do is be there for her. I imagine that his funeral will be out of the country so she won't be able to attend. Perhaps you (along with the rest of her family) could have a small memorial service to help give her some closure and a chance to say good-by.

You said they kept in touch via myspace. Ask her if she would like to set up a tribute to him on her page. A friend of mine did this as a way to remember his brother.

Follow her lead and be there for her as much as possible. Respect her when she says she doen't want to talk but let her know you're there for her when she does.

Hi C.:

What a devestating thing for your SD to go through. I would HIGHLY suggest contact ing your local chapter of Hospice. Although they do mainly deal with assisting terminal patients and their families, they offer wonderful grief counseling, and have special programs for children and teens. They also offer a special summer camp for children going through similiar circumstances. It is a great organization - one that I cannot speak too highly of. Check out their website (I don't have it, but you can Google it). Good luck to your SD and your family.

Pray for her and listen to her if she chooses to talk. If you don't already go to church, start going now. I can't imagine going through something like that without the certainty that God has a purpose for everything and it is good. She may even develop some interest in afterschool activities through church.

Dear C.,
I am a therapist who specializes in teens and their families, and I would recommend *not* assuring her it will get better with time-- we all know it, but she can't see it right now, so it will only make her think, 'You just don't understand!' Instead, let her know you sympathize and are sorry and leave it at that. Try statements like, 'You must feel really bad' 'this must be really hard for you' 'you probably wish you were home with your mom right now'-- they'll all let her know that you respect her feelings and aren't minimizing them just cause she's a teen. You might suggest she get it out and get some exercise-- sun and movement are great mood-lifters, but if she says no, don't push it.
Good luck!

WOW, Toni, those are exactly the things I would have said. . .Grief is grief and it is REAL...My advice is not to downplay the relationship, it may have been a cyber relationship but it is REAL in her heart. At her age, dealing with death now will be the way she deals with it for a very long time, so it's important that she has a HEALTHY way of dealing with a natural progression of life, be it a pet, another friend or even a family member. I would talk to her school counselor to see if there is a service that the school can perform for her, or perhaps seek professional grief counseling for her...I don't know what kind of relationship you have with her mother, but it is important that she is given consistent support from her family members now. You didn't mention her age in your post, but it is important to find out why she doesn't have more friends at school or in her neighborhood. MySpace is a social network, but when it becomes your only means of socialization it shows signs of problems. Talk to a mental health professional, grief counseling is available.

Hello C.~

I don't know if this will help: I too had a boyfriend pass at your daughters age and it was very hard to handle the fact that I myself didn't know much about life, let alone death of someone I loved, still don't,trying to deal with a loss of that magnitude at that age was hard to say the least, unbelievable pain that really no one could console. Being 15 is hard enough but I'll tell you I needed time (alone) to grieve my own way. My dad watched as I sat in my room in a corner sobbing for 4 days straight I didn't sleep or eat or talk to anyone. I rocked back and fourth like a mother rocking her child to comfort her.My dad was there when I finally needed a shoulder. She'll come around. My friend too had a bad heart and had 11 surgerys by the time he was 15 by the last rountine surgery. We were suppose to meet for lunch that day. Donny never called and that was not like him. I called to see if he left the hospital and he had passed...I kept calling over and over expecting a different answer, telling myself he would show up at our meeting place but never did and the sadness was immediate. Not much shock at that age just pain, sorrow and numbness. I hope this helps. I weep for your little girl because I can truly say just by writing to you has resurfaced the loss and the great memory of his friendship. Thank You for putting your struggle out there. You don't know how many lives you'll probably touch in the process. If you should need someone to talk to your welcome to contact me. May her pain subside and may you know she will come through this.

Dear C.,
After reading your request a couple of times. It sounds to me like you know what to say to her, I read it in your question. Say all those thing to her, ever the one about not knowing the right way to guide and comfort her. All that opens a line of communication when she ready and lets her know you care. One small suggestion instead of saying it will get better, tell her the pain will get easier to deal with (it never gets better.) You sound like a great step mom.

At this point in her grief listening and acknowledging her sadness would be a good place to start. Also talking to grief counselors (local hospice providers may be a good source for finding a qualified grief counselor) may help her work through her grief. When my husband died last year what helped me the most right after his death were those people who allowed me to talk bout my feelings without giving me opinions or telling me how I was supposed to feel. Feeling I had a safe, caring support system to fall back on was huge in dealing with my loss.

Good Luck-My heart goes out to your step-daughter, this is a lot for someone of her age to deal with.

C. V-Widow and mother of 3 year old.

First give her comfort, make her busy at home, avoid her from being alone. Talk to her about happy moments. Do things with her that she loves to do. And always remind her that her late boyfirend will not be in peace if she's always sad. Pray for his soul with her.

How horrible! You should Look into a grief support group for her (call the local hospital they often have contacts)- probably someone will need to go with her, either you, her mom, dad or a good friend. I would definately not downplay the situation because it was only 9 mos and long distance. As for what to say, just say you are sorry and admit you don't know how hard it is, I'll be praying for you all.

hi C.,

i am a mft and work with teens. teens often try to hold the world and especially parents out because they are trying hard to feel themselves and ground their own channel of self on the planet to live as an individual. it is a difficult shift from using the family's energy to identify in to feeling your own self enough to anchor there. so, teens need people to come very directly into their field with very loving energy and give them a choice about whether they want, can receive input right then.
to do that you have to be secure in yourself and not take it personally if they cannot open up at the moment. you just tell them you understand and it is really important to you to give them some support and love and you will check in again. if you are consistent and do not need anything from them, they almost always respond. they are human and all humans want love and support. they just do not want to have to take care of your feelings when they barely can hold themselves.
another thing that often works is saying how you are feeling, also what you imagine they might be feeling/how you imagine you might feel if that was happening to you. with reticent teens i just talk for a bit so they can feel me and know where i am coming from. i just give them loving energy that is available if they want it and is non invasive, meaning i do not need them to take it in, it is their choice, truly a gift from my heart.

honoring you for caring and trying to help,

A. m

Dear C.,

First my condolences for your step-daughter for her terrible loss and you as well.

Your letter touched my heart as we have just had losses in our home that affected our 15-year-old daughter deeply and know the pain of loving someone and wanting to reach out and help, but not know what to say. But I think you said what you need to in your post...

"We're not sure what to say or how to show [you] that we love [you] and are here for [you], and let [you] know that things will get better. Actually, WE don't know how to handle it (we can only imagine what [you are] going through.... "

(I added you in place of she in parenthesis)

I think you showed your love right here. She doesn't live with you but if you wrote her a letter or called her and said just what you wrote to us, well I know it would touch my heart.

It is a confusing time, a sad time, and no one knows what to say or how to show their love or that they are there... But you do that, by just being there. By the card in the mail, by the phone call in love, by the hug when you see them.
It's in those little things that we show our love.

There is no big moment of healing that comes. At least not that I have found. But those special little moments that tell us we can always count on those people who make themselves available to us, those mean something. And you can let her know that she will never forget her love. He will be a part of her always, but the pain will pass.

As for the depression, just watch. It's only been since Saturday? Being sad and withdrawn is part of grieving. And I cannot say how long it should go on. But I know that in our case we saw changes in our daughter that led us to take her to the doctor and found out we were dealing with depression. Excessive sleeping, giving up on things that she used to love, no longer socializing with friends, extreme moodiness. So just watch and love, make yourself available and don't give up. And stay in touch with her if you are able.

I pray that everyone involved here finds healing and a way to move forward.

God Bless,
B.~

I think you should keep a close eye on her, but sometimes its just enough to let people know you're there and although you don't know what she's going through, you're available to listen. There isn't much you can do but that. I would keep a good eye on her especially if she's home without parental supervision after school. they say the worst times for teens are from the time school gets out until parents arrive home. Keep an eye on her; let her know you love her and you are there to listen if she wants to talk or you're there just to sit with her if she doesn't feel like talking. don't push her. Let her deal with it in her own way. Everyone deals with grief differently so don't expect her to deal with her grief the way you think you would deal with it. Just be there for her. If she doesn't start to pull out of it in about 2 weeks or so, I would see if there is a support group nearby that she can get involved with. It always helps to know you're not alone!

Hi C.,

I would acknowledge it openly as you would want people to if it was your loss. Ask her how she is feeling or tell her that you feel for her. It doesn't need to be long and drawn out but keep up the dialogue so that she has contact. She must have been in constant contact with him and now she doesn't have that anymore. Talk to her without suggesting that she do anything other than where she is in life right now. It is such a difficult age and there will be time for afterschool activities when she wants them. Kids have so much nore homework and incredible pressure now. I would also make sure all her teachers and counselors know so that they can keep an eye on her. There are also many books about grieving and many school districts have specialized grief counselors who can speak with her and the entire family in order to guide you in her loss. Making sure that her school is aware is very important because that is where many teenagers slide into oblivion and then out of the system.

During college I worked in Yosemite during the summers and was friends with two brothers from upstate New York. The fourth summer only one brother came back and told me that his sibling had died in an auto accident. I immediately told him how sorry I was and told him that it must be terrible loss. He told me that I was the only friend who acknowledged his loss and how much it meant to him.

If there is a Presbyterian church in her area, you can make an appointment with one of their ministers. They are all trained family therapists and you do not necessarily have to be part of the parish.

It's wonderful that you care.

I'm sorry to hear about this. She must truely miss him. Nonetheless, I would suggest getting a hold of the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation...they have resources for counseling for this type of situation..if she had an understanding what took place with his disease, she would have a better understanding and can maybe work proactively for him...you can help her turn this devastating death into a positive campaign. Good Luck.

Death of a spouse or girl/boy friend or anyone at any age is devastating. It just takes time and she needs to know that she has someone to talk to. OMG... it hurts so bad. You might think about taking her to someone to talk to... someone that does the death counseling. There are good books out there that help one through this too. Mourning is a difficult thing to go through and it takes time... and it may take more time for her to deal with this than someone thinks it should. I would get her to talk about him... maybe remember some of the good things. For me, the most difficult thing was I was screaming inside and pretending everything was okay on the outside thus people thought I was okay. Please don't make this mistake... please realize that she will be hurting for a long, long time.

There is an online chatroom with hosts called www.groww.com. This helped me and I do support this cause.

I am so sorry for her loss.

I am so sorry for your step daughter, what a terrible tragedy at such a young age. I lost my daughter 11 months ago. She was stillborn. It was unexpected and tragic. The grief process is a long one and your step daughter will probably never be the same. Which isn't to say that she won't grow from this experience and use it to make her a better person, but it takes work. Nobody knows what to say, so sometimes people say nothing. From the grieving person's perspective, this sucks! Say something, even if you're not sure what. Say, "I don't know what to say, I can't make this better for you, BUT I am here for you 100%" Call her often. Send her cards or writings of inspiration. See her, take her places to help her connect with nature. Help her do rituals to say goodbye to her boyfriend. Talk about him, this is very important. If she knows that you are thinking about him like she is it makes it not such a lonely process. Don't assume that because she's not talking about him that she's not thinking about him. She will always think about him. Buy her a special candle so she can light it every night and say a prayer(or meditate) whatever language works for her, to him.
I hope this helps. Basically, don't forget that she is changed and she needs guidance. After all she's a teenager foremost, life is confusing enough, she needs to know that she has support, even if she pushes you away. Depending on what type of a person she is a support group might be a good idea.
Anyway,I'm very passionate about the grieving process. I wish her and your whole family peace on this roller coaster of a ride.
Be Well.

Young people that are dealing with major illnesses such as heart disease and dabetes are very special. They know to live daily as each day can be a trip to disneyland. They have a contageous personality and can be such great loving friends.

Is her mother concerned?
Is she by herself at any times?
You may be able to contact the mental health in your community to be able to help her. You can look online at griefshare.com and putchase a book that may help her to read.
Also, you can contact the American Heart Association and Diabetes association and see if there is a walk in your area that she can participate with you to help others in his name.
Put no time limits on her grief, and let her know you are there for her as long as she needs to talk.
Bless you for caring for her so much.

Your friend, D.

This is a tough time and a tough age to lose a close friend. It will take years for her to get over this lose. Be patient. Let her know that this year will be hard but each year it will get better. Time is the only thing that will heal the hurt. Eash of my children lost a special friend in their teens, each one dealt with their greif differently. My neice took two years before she came through back into the light and out of depression When she lost a friend to suicide. She is a child of divorced parents and when her friend died she dealt with feelings of abandanment along with the grief. She felt as though she was the only one who missed him. Everyone else seemed to go on with their lives but she was stuck for two years. She is fine now and a beautiful 16 year old junior in high school. She went to a counselor for acouple of months which seemed to help. My youngest daughter was driving her car and lost control on a rain slicked road and one of her close frends died in the accident three years ago in January. A year of counseling helped but she is still has a hard time every December and January. Look for a good counselor either at a local church or through her school. Just hold her close and let her greive. Just understand it may take longer than you think it should. I teach high school. In 1999 we lost two girls in an accident. The students would come to me and say that S.... the surviving sister is having a bad day. Sometimes she would just need to come and sit in my room or come by for a hug, then she could go on with her day. Sometimes I would call her mom and whe would come and get her. Find an advocate for your stepdaughter at school next year to help her through the sad times. Good luck. My heart goes out to you and her.

J.

I can feel your pain. My Husband was in an accident earlier this year and had killed a man. I felt very helpless. I was just there for him when he wanted to talk about it, cried when he cried. I did tell him that he needed to get some counseling which he did. It helps to talk to someone out of the closeness of family. It is ok to go on an antidepressant for a sort time. I would have your husband call her mom and suggest it. It dose not have to be forever my Hubby only had about 4-5 meetings with the counselor but it helped him a lot. Also you could send her a card or flowers letting her know that you are thinking about her. If she spends any time with you how about having her write a letter to her boyfriend telling him what ever it is she wants and then have her put it in a balloon and letting it go. Sending her love to him up in heaven
Hope this helps, Best of luck
E.

This is a very tramatic time for your step daughter, I think the best thing to do would be to ask her all sorts of questions about him, what was his favorite food, sport, funny stories about him, etc. She needs to talk about him, let her know that you are willing to listen, let her find some fond memories of him, to keep in her Heart. And then in time gently suggest something different to try, something to keep her busy, a Hobby, sport, let her know that you appreciate her and will always care, and will always be there for her to talk to and that her Dad and you love her dearly. God Bless this girl going thru this terrible time. Best of Luck to all.

How awful. You are so sweet to reach out. Do you think that having a ceremony will be a bit much? I might try that but being the other parent it might be to much to offer.

My heart goes out to her and you.

I would talk to her about her feelings and get it out in the open, but don't pressure it, if she does not feel like talking about it. See about her mother getting in contact with her daughters friends to see about having them get together after school hours so that your step daughter does not feel alone. Make sure she knows that if she needs anyone to talk to, that she always has you, her father, her mother, friends, and other family members to talk to. Another thing to consider is to have her mother or father talk to her teachers to make sure she is doing ok during school hours as well.
Death can be a difficult thing to handle, especially when it is the first time experience, and especially when it is someone close such as a boyfriend. My first love died after I moved out of state when I was about 19 years old. It was the hardest thing ever. Just make sure she knows that she has people here now that love her and is there for her to talk to about anything, I think that is the best advice I can give.

Good Luck, and much love,

M. *~

I strongly suggest that you contact Kara Grief Services in Palo Alto, CA. 457 Kingsley Ave
Palo Alto, CA 94301
###-###-####

Office hours are M-F, 9AM to 4PM Pacific time.

They have free services for members of loved ones who have experienced a death. If you live too far, you can call and they can give your grief services in your area. Counseling or support groups would be really helpful. If you attend a faith center, synagogue, spiritual group, or church, then your can talk with your priest, pastor, or spiritual guide.

I hope this helps.

Have her keep a diary of letters that she writes to him when she feels sad. Have her channel her sadness into volunteering so she can focus outward. Join National Charity League with her or have her join Junior League, or find somewhere local for her to focus her energy.

How very sad for her. The most important thing to me is to get her into a support group of some kind. When my husband passed away, I found a group through Hospice that had grief support groups for parents and kids, so went and took my 14 year old son...we met once a week at a place in San Leandro, the parents in one room and the kids in another. A local pizza place even provided pizzas for us. The cost was minimal...only five dollars each. And outside of that...just be there when she needs to talk. You don't even have to have anything to say...just validate that what she is feeling is ok. Good luck to her.

Hi C.,

It is never easy when you loose someone you care about or your animal. Time will heal her wounds. I would let her know you love her and that God has him with him. He comes for us when he wants us to go home to him. Her boyfriend would not want her to be sad. He is not in any pain. He is free from pain.

Give her lots of support and love and she will get through this time in her life.

I wish you well.

N. Marie

Hello C.,
Find a bereavement group for your stepdaughter. You and her father can attend the group if she'll allow it, but let her choose. Don't be afraid to talk to her openly about her loss. You can say something like I would hurt terribly if I lost my husband. I can imagine you also hurt because your BF died. You can also say things like I would be really upset if my husband had died far away from me. I'm wondering if you feel the same way? Please avoid saying "I know how you feel" because there is no way you or anybody else can "know" how another person feels and it feels insulting to have somebody lie and say they know how you feel.
You might also keep a close eye on her and possibly talk to her doctor about a mild sedative if she has trouble sleeping. I prefer to help her talk about her loss and rest assured she will eventually learn to live with the hurt. Please remember to avoid saying things like "it'll pass, you have the rest of your life ahead of you, you'll find another BF." These things might be well meant, but they are hurtful. Much better to say simple things like (if it's true) I miss him too.
All my best, S.

I am not sure where you live, but I know here in Stockton Hospice of San Joaqin has griving groups. I know they have experience with all age groups. Hope this helps.

Notto doubt anybody but is this guy really gone? Is there a way to find that out? Do they have obits there where he is? This may give her some sense of closure.

When I was 15 there was an accident and three of our classmates were killed. It was devastating to all of us but we got through it as a group. Maybe you could find out if there are any classmates of hers that have had to deal with death - either a friend or family member - and have them talk it out. You should also look into counseling. In CA it seems like everyone has a therapist and it truly does help. Just having an unbiased person to listen and ask objective questions can help her organize what she is feeling.

What a horrible thing to have to face as a young girl. It is hard enough on us as we get older. I don't know where she or he were spiritually but tell her God needed an angel and he chose her boyfriend. He chooses them with the utmost pride. He also knows that facing a life with diabetes and heart problems can be a very difficult life so he chose to spare him that. She will comes to terms with it after a period of time, I recently read a great quote that said A person with memories is never alone.

C., I have had 2 brothers die, one when he was 16 drown at my high school grad party and the other one die of kidney disease 2 years later. The best thing people did for me was to put their arms around me and love me. I don't think there are any "words" that can console an aching heart. Only God can soothe a hurting heart. For my friends to let me know that they were praying for me and that they loved me got me through it. I know losing a boyfriend is not the same as losing a brother but I still know only God can heal. Bless you, S.

First off..just being there for her and letting her know the lines of communication are open is very important...be gentle, she is young and this is something that will probally take her a long while to get over. Perhaps you can encourage her friends to stay in touch and get her to do things..gently..but she may very well need the help of a profesonal to help her deal with this...loss of any kind takes time to deal with and we all deal with it at our own pace..do not put a deadline and when YOU expect her to be over this...just be there for her in what ever way possible..and the professional may in fact be very helpful so that she learns to move on again someday to find love again...she needs to bulid her trust in life again...be gentle.

my prayers are with all of you..p

Don't be afraid to talk to her about the death. Just listen. She needs to talk about him, who he was, what she is going to miss, etc. Talking will help her go through the grief process. Stuffing her feelings will only make her suffer alone more. Don't be afraid that you will make her feel her feelings and cause depression. She already is depressed...you can't stop the pain. Just listen!!! Don't tell her you know how she feels...You don't!!!! Don't talk about you when talking to her...just LISTEN TO WHAT SHE HAS TO SAY!!!! She may need to talk with a professional therapist. Keep an eye on her. If you think she wants to hurt herself....ask her! You won't put ideas in anyone's head that aren't already there. Just BE THERE!

Dear C.:

Part of the grieving process is letting go, and part of letting go is saying goodbye. She didn't have a chance to say goodbye or to have closure on the relationship, so perhaps she would be open to letting you help her with that. There are lots of ways ...

She can write a note to him (it can be 20-pages if that's what it takes to say what she wants to say). She doesn't need to let anyone else read it ... it's from her to him. She can then tie it to a balloon and let it go. It's a symbolic way to send a message to him "in heaven" to validate the importance of their relationship to her.

She can journal ... give her a beautiful diary (old fashioned, maybe, but important nonetheless) and encourage her to write her thoughts, conversations that they never finished or never had, feelings that were unfulfilled or unsettled. She needs to know that this is private and that her privacy will be respected. As she moves through this process she may want to destroy the diary or put it away in a special box to revisit as she gets older. The thoughts and feelings she writes now may help her through future losses or may give her insight for helping others through grief.

If possible, talk with her mother about what she's doing to help her daughter through this and see if you can agree upon a support strategy that each can reinforce. Parenting through loss is very difficult and her mother might need a break from the worry and emotional strain.

Try to make some special time for her in the coming weeks -- just for the two of you to go to a park, out for a walk or bike ride, to a movie, shopping, out to lunch. This is a time when she will want to fill the void and what better opportunity to say "I'm here for you" than to just spend time with her? Don't push it, but let her know that the opportunity is there.

Fifteen years old is a difficult time, and dealing with the loss of a boyfriend at that age can be terribly painful. But it's important that she be allowed to grieve.

Best of luck,

V. T

I am sorry to be a skeptic, and goodness knows, young people do die as well, however could this just be a way for this guy to stop conversing with your step daughter? I know it sounds horrible to distrust someone when they say a family member has died, but you may want to do some research to see if this is true or not (I'd check local papers and call coroners' offices). If it is true, I am so sorry. If it is not, I would encourage her to find another interest.

Dear C., the best thing to do is just be there for her, get her involved in cooking or baking with you. And pray that God will send her healing, comfort and restoration to her hurting heart.when she is ready to talk about it let her cry and say what ever she wants.Once that is over tell her that you and her family will be right there with open arms for her everytime she feels the need to cry or talk.Never tell her i know what you are feeling unless you have gone thru it.Sometimes just sitting there by her side and not saying anything is more helpful than trying to explain why this things happen. I will pray for peace and comfort for her and i suggest you do the same.May God's Blessings fall upon her and you now.

This is never an easy situation. Just being able to give her comfort and letting her know that you are there will help. What you may want to do is ask her if he had any hobbies or interests and then ask her if maybe she would like to get donations from family and friends and donate it in his honor. Or you said he had a bad heart and diabetes. Maybe she can get donations and donate the money to his towns local chapter of the heart (AHA) or diabetes association or local support groups in the area. It might be very theraputic for her and it might make her feel like she is doing something in memory of him.

Hi C.

death is so h*** o* any body
we had 2 death in the family in march
and its so hard first what you should try to do is call the school and ask if they have a school councilor and get her in there and/or just sit down with her and ask her what you can do be up front shes 15 she'll tell you I wish you the best of luck
God Bless
Danielle mother of 4
Thank you for being so caring alot of step moms wouldn't care
keep up the good work

How sad.

I think Toni pretty much said it. Grieving people usually need people to listen and physically be there, and hug them. There's not much else to be done. I'd take her out and do some fun activities with her.

Hello,
My brother died suddenly due to heart failure because he also was born with a Bad heart. He had many surguries thru his lifetime and always had a pacemaker from birth. We were blessed to have had him for 34 yrs. After being told he would never make it thru his teen years with his heart! My daughter now 17 also was born with a Heart Murmur and other heart related problems that led to a series of surgeries for her as well...So far so good for my daughter and we are in the long haul, (no more surgeries and a repaired heart to this day. SMILE not as severe as what my brother's heart was) THANK GOD. She is just under Forever CARE with her Pediatric Heart Specialist. SMILE
But to say the least after my Brother's Death it really tramatized her 2 yrs. ago and she just went into DEEP, DEEP depression and etc. As I can imagine what your daughter might be experiencing! The first thing I did was look into counseling?outside help, there are so many kinds out there, but we found group counseling programs referred thru the Hospital, Dr's, Her High School etc. For KIDS of all ages going thru similiar situations and signed her up! ASAP. She really got in touch with herself and fears and now today even volunteers to help others in similiar situations...You may want to look into such activities or group session/counseling programs that I found are FREE and only work thru donations! A plus...
The Best of Luck to you all. God Bless