How to Deal? - Henderson,NV

Know that it's ok to cry, ok to break down and don't let anyone tell you how long you should grieve. My mom occasionally gives me special "hints" that she's still around. She told me she would always watch over me (she knew she was terminally ill) and I believe her. Faith.

Blessings. My heart feels for you. There's no words to describe how special Mothers are.

Attend a community "grief group."
That is what my Mom did, when my Dad died years ago.
It really helped her.
She just Google search ones for our city.
Try that.
she met many good friends and people there, all going through various grieving stages.

I am so sorry.... this is really hard.
Grief, is a process.... it can take time.

I'm so sorry for your loss.
You can try some grief counseling for you, your Dad and immediate family.
Long story short - my Mother met my husbands father (they were both divorced) and became a couple, and were together for 17 years when he died suddenly from a massive heart attack.
My son was 3 and my husband and my mother (they don't get along) were both grieving, I was caught in the middle and it was very difficult for a very long time (and my Mom lives 700 miles away and was 68 at the time).
My Mom totally lost it - she went on an almost constant crying jag for more than a year - she WOULD NOT seek out help (other peoples problems are boring and depressing so she said).
First she wanted to die, but she didn't and she could not bring herself to harm herself.
She couldn't drive down a road or go into a store without crying hysterically - everything reminded her of him.
Then she was convinced she would die when she got to the same age he was - and was majorly pissed when that didn't happen.
Now she's a bit better (it's been about 10 years now), and doesn't cry at the drop of a hat anymore but she's beginning to sound a bit like Sanford and Son (who was always talking like he would die any time now "I'm coming, Elizabeth!") and I've just had to accept she may never come to terms and achieve a peaceful acceptance of my FIL's death.
At this point, being miserable is what makes her happy so I have to leave it alone, but she's always glad to hear about what my son is up to.
There's no set time table for grieving - yours or your fathers.
No doubt his grief will have an affect on his healing/recovery and he might not want to recover if he's depressed enough.
It's different for everyone, although there are stages one typically passes through, they don't necessarily come in a particular order and they can overlap.
I hope you attain peace eventually in your own time and you won't always feel like this.
It's only been a month, and the whole year (all the holidays/milestones) will feel different for at least a year maybe more.
Just take it one day at a time.

You're going through a lot right now. You're worried about your dad and grieving over your mom. I'm so sorry for your loss. You just have to take small steps each day. Allow yourself time to grieve and rest. Grieving is a tough process but you have to go through it. There is no way to skip it or make it hurry up. Everyone responds differently so it's okay to feel everything you are feeling. My sister passed away suddenly in a freak gun accident. It shook my whole family's world. Then my dad passed away a year later and my step-dad had a massive heart attack. My grief was so severe that I didn't think I could make it through. I went to grief counseling and a support group. I felt guilty too. I think that's a natural part of the grieving process. You tell yourself there's nothing to feel guilty about but yet there it is. One thing that helped me so much was to journal. I had a special book that I wrote my feelings. Sometimes I wrote to my sister and sometimes I vented to God. I just wrote and it didn't matter if I was correct in my thinking or if I made sense. I just wrote what was on my heart at the time. Hang in there! Hugs to you and your family!!!!!

I am so sorry for your loss. How devastating.
Set small goals for yourself.
I had a terrible time when my son left for bootcamp, I know it is not the same, but I had to set very small goals.
It was a good day of I got out of bed and took a shower.
THen I started getting the dishes done and making dinner. I was paralyzed for two weeks and ate cookies and M&M's. My 13 yo was making dinner for the other two.
I started playing the piano again.
I would make my bed after I got up so I couldn't get back into it.
I started Flylady.net
I played a lot of Solitaire online, bad, but it helped me to not think of him

Can you attend a group couseling session? My grandma has been going and it is helping her with Gpa's death, (May this year).
Keep up your own couseling.
Give yourself the time to grieve. Cry when you need to.

((((BIG HUGS)))))

Sorry youre goin thru such an emotional hardship. Just take it one minute, one hour, one day at a time and soon things will be better. Dont worry about tomorrow, just do what you can do today to get through.

I'm so sorry. How horrible!

Here's a list of grief support groups in & near Henderson:
http://www.griefshare.org/findagroup/search

The best advice is to "feel" the grief. Some people try to stay busy, and while that's a distraction for a time, grief WILL be resolved, whether it's today, next month, next year or 5 years from now.
Look through your mom's favorite photos, music, places, etc. and let yourself feel what you feel. Cry away. Give yourself that freedom.

Best wishes. God bless.

L.:

I am truly sorry for your loss. I've not experienced so I can't offer advice that way...

Please seek out your Paster or Priest - you have NOTHING to feel guilty about..you are overwhelmed and have a ton on your plate...

HUGS, HUGS and more HUGS! I am truly sorry for your loss!!!

I'm so sorry for your loss. My dad passed away suddenly and unexpectedly also. Its just so hard when you don't even see it coming or have a chance to say goodbye. My family also had guilt even though it wasn't our fault. You just always wonder what could you have done or what if this or that. But the only thing I can tell you is as clique as it sounds only time will help you heal and move forward. You cannot change what happened. What has comforted me and my family is that God decided right then and there it was time for my dad to come home. And that's it. It was your mom's time, plain and simple. God called her home. Do not feel guilty because you cannot prevent something you had no idea was going to happen. Best of luck and hope you are comforted in your time of grieving. I know how tough it is!

I am so sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. It is overwhelming and seems never ending, but it does get easier, I promise. We lost my MIL a few months back after we were told that she was getting better. The circumstances surrounding her passing are still to me, bewildering. She too went fast. You are not alone in this. We go to Church, but nothing quite prepares you sometimes for tough times like this, nothing. My advice is to continue with the counseling. The more people around for support and comfort, the better. Live one day at a time. Spend as much time as you can with your dad and with your family. Don't forget to show and tell them that you love him. There is a light at the end of the grief tunnel.

Wishing you the best and keeping you in my prayers.

L., my heart aches for you. That is a lot for one person to handle. Although I don't have any good advice just wanted to let you know you and your dad are in my prayers.

L.,

You've had a really tough summer. I am so sorry you have had such a struggle. That you are in counseling is amazing! You are doing what you can to take care of yourself and get through this. That's GREAT! Hey, some people would crawl into bed and pull the blanket over their head!!!

Keep taking good care of yourself and allowing your husband to help you. That he went over to check on your Mom says something right there. He sounds like a good guy.

My friend gave me a quote once, by an unknown person. I don't know that's it true all the time but it sure made me think. It went like this: Guilt is anger we don't feel we have a right to.

It's normal to feel angry right now, and I think it is okay to do something nice for yourself or something that would distract you from your worry and pain. Remember...... worry does nothing to stop anything from happening. So try to let it go, and be gentle with yourself.

Hugs and Best Wishes for Your Dad's Recovery.

First - I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words that will ease the pain. There are stages of grief and you have to go through each and every one of them. Normal will never be what it was - it will be a new and different normal.
You feel guilty. You feel sad. You feel angry. You're okay and then suddenly, you're just not. This is all perfectly normal. Therapy is a great place for you to be... There are also group therapies that might help you heal. I think there is one called Compassionate Friends. Look it up and see if there is a group meeting near you.
You need to keep moving forward. Every day will bring different challenges, waves of sadness, and even some joy. Grief comes in waves... you'll be fine and then you won't. This is okay.
Be sad when you feel sad. Be angry when you feel angry. Be happy and embrace the joy -- do NOT feel guilty about being happy.
Some days you'll feel like your world should stop -- and you'll think nobody remembers. But, they do. They just don't know what to say. They love you. They don't know what to do to help ease your pain. If there is something you need - ask for it. If you want someone to sit and listen, ask a friend. If you want to be distracted, tell someone. If you just don't feel like cooking dinner, don't. Ask for help. Your friends and family can't help you unless you are specific about what you need. :-)
Hang in there.
LBC

I'm so sorry. sounds like you're in crisis mode at the moment which, for me, means you don't have the luxury of falling apart OR grieving. This is a lot for anyone to handle. You're still looking after your father and I'm guessing you have little ones to take care of at home. My guess is that with counseling (great idea, btw) - you'll manage the next few weeks/months and your father will eventually be on the road to recovery. You'll have some closure on losing your Mom and so will your Dad - it's such a shock right now. After all that, THEN you'll be able to relax and grieve properly.
I lost a dear friend to cancer a few years ago - she was only 41. This was a friend I knew my whole life. A week after she passed away, my very dear uncle died suddenly. This was all just before Christmas. I hadn't dealt with either death like I should have and months later when I realized what had happened, I was a mess for weeks. I just hadn't dealt with the losses. It's hard, you'll get through it. Again, I'm so sorry you're going through this.