How to Get 18 Month Old to Sit down and Eat

Are you using a high chair or booster seat? My advice would be to strap her in when you sit down to eat, and have her food on a plate for her. Give her the opportunity to eat, and help her as much as she needs. If she doesn't eat, just leave her there until you are done, and then take her down. Be consistent. She'll learn very quickly that meal time can be a pleasant time for interacting and visiting with you (or that she'll go hungry)!

A toddler's attention span isn't long enough to sit at the table for more than 30 minutes, let alone 2 hours. To be successful at meal times, make sure she hasn't grazed her way through the day. Sitting her up to the table with her meal ready and accessible to her. When she decides she's done, she's done. You shouldn't let her eat for the next 2 hours. Meals and snacks need to be consumed at the table/high chair so she understands and learns the dinner table is the 'eating' place. Her hunger will also help train her. She won't starve, so don't worry about not feeding her for the 2 hr period.

Now to the issue of her being down and running around while you eat, again, she's a toddler not an adult. You may have to compromise on the amount of time you spend eating. Eat your meal and don't read the paper or watch TV while you're at the table. Keep focused on the meal and then be done. If you decide to let her down while you're eating, remember no more food for her. That includes desserts. Meal time is important together time, but it shouldn't be the only together time. Take the time to play with her, not watch her play. Again, the interaction away from the table is just as important as the meal time. Even at 18 months, she can begin to help you get ready for the meal. Like folding napkins or getting the place mats. Have her make placemats for you. Give her construction paper to color for the mats. But again, meals at the table, if she doesn't eat within 30 minutes, let her down and you should be done with your meal as well. Nothing served for the next 2 hours, and when you do feed her it's back at the table.

Best of luck!!!

First, good job on trying to let your child know that there is a time to sit and eat with the family. With that said, I still think you need to pick your battles. This may be a losing cause as I have a 19 month old girl who is a good eater too, but when she's done, whether we are or not, I have to stop eating and clean her and then let her play. This makes for less of an irritating situation. Plus, children will eat when they are good and ready. She will not lose nutrition if she is not hungry.

Second, any changes in diet, activity or lifestyle will cause a child to act out. Are you dealing with more pressure since you went back to school (good job by the way)? You kiddo will also feel that stress even if you try to keep it on the down-low, so my suggestion would be to either join a gym where you have daycare for her at the institute, or if you have a babysitter, try to calm down before you pick her up.

Since you mentioned breakfast, I assume you are running out the door like a chicken with your head cut off? My suggestion would be to get everything ready for the next day, the night before. This way, if you have to leave in a hurry or you need to get things done, you are not causing you or your child undue stress. Keep your babysitter close to you as you will need time for yourself, and don't take it personally when others don't agree with you-you make your own decisions to make the best life for you and your child. Kuddos to you and keep your head where you want to be. You'll be there shortly.

Much luck!!!

Kim B.

Around that age we started reading to our son while eating. He's 2 1/2 now, and we actually usually still do it. It's the only way we can get him to sit and eat, and he eats a good amount that way, too. If he gets really antsy after about 15 minutes, and the reading doesn't keep him in his seat, we do let him out, and try again later. Their minds are just so busy, they need something to interest them besides the food. I have another friend who had some kind of matching game that they played while eating. Personally, I usually read while I eat too!
Best wishes.

My son went through this phase at almost this exact same age. We can't decide if we actually resolved the issue through our principled parenting skills (I'm so kidding!) or if it just sort of went away on its own. Part of the reason I was struggling to get my kid to behave at the table was because we were going to visit grandma and grandpa and they are sometimes rather judgmental about these kinds of things. So, here's what we did--we started making him sit at the table to eat anything--even a grape--but, if he didn't want to eat he could get down and play and he could eat later--I think part of it was just that his little stomach wasn't hungry. We also switched from a high chair type thing to a booster seat. So, if he's not eating he can go play, but later when he is hungry he sits at the table and eats. This was hard because what he wanted was mom and dad to come play too! So we had some tears and fights before he realized that mom and dad get to sit and eat even if he's not hungry. Now here's my "advice" the whole time we were dealing with this eating struggle--I realized I wouldn't give a hoot if I wasn't worried about being judged by the in-laws! And that's just so wrong--to spend so much time and worry fighting with your kid so your family doesn't say something mean. So, it sounds like you're super busy and a really great mom and maybe the only one who needs to have her behavior fixed is your mom! Honestly, I think my son would have probably started eating better regardless of what we did.

well this is probably not "good" advice but our 22 month old has been going thorugh a similar phase and we are all happier just letting her run around. She will stop by the table and eat bites of food and then go back to playing. I totally agree with you that it's important for kids to learn that at meal time we all sit together and eat but I figure we can teach her that when she is old enough to understand why it's important (like her 6 year old sister). For now, I am just trying to keep her nourished and myself sane so I say let them run :-)

It's hard to get an 18 month old to sit for any reason, much less to eat if they are not hungry. I would say that if you sit down to eat, and she won't, just pretend like you don't care. Eat calmly and if she wont' sit, the meal will end and she can miss out. Eventually she will realize that if she doesn't eat at meal time, she won't eat. If she's really hungry, she will break down and follow your rules. If not, I see no reason to force her to eat if she's not hungry, it then becomes a power struggle. Offer the food at meal times and when the meal is over, make the food disappear. At the next meal time, remind her that if she does not sit down, she won't eat until it is meal time again.

Good luck!

Wow, R., expecting a year-and-a-half old child to sit for more than 15 or 20 minutes really is asking a lot. Expecting her to stay good-natured and cooperative for 45 minutes or longer is simply not realistic. And two hours of enforced sitting would feel like torment, emotionally and physically, even to most adults.

Consider that you want your daughter to associate mealtimes with happiness and family companionship, in addition to eating. At her age, she can scarcely understand the abstract and (to her) non-intuitive "oughts and shoulds" that grownups find so important. There is evidence that kids (particularly girls) who have too much control exerted by their parents are at a higher risk for developing anorexia in puberty or their teens, as a way to take back some control in one of the few ways available to them. Might be worth keeping in mind.

My grandboy, going on 3 1/2, is still a bit squirrelly when expected to stay in his chair for more than 10 or 15 minutes. This is completely normal for healthy little kids, who have very busy minds and bodies. He's a great human being, and is becoming more socialized by the week, without a lot of struggle and bad feeling. I'm not the least concerned that he will fail to learn table manners as he's developmentally ready. On my weekly visits, I am sometimes able to coax him to sit and eat a little longer than his parents, but it's probably simply be the novelty of a different person. Makes me wonder if your babysitter interacts with your daughter in a different way - you might want to observe how she does it.

Please enjoy your little girl's toddlerhood. It will be gone so soon, and you'll miss it. If you disagree with your mom's negative feedback, hold tight and go with your heart. I also recommend Love and Logic to help you train your child as she is ready, while still nurturing her spontaneous spirit and preserving family sanity. Blessings to you both.

Hi R.,
My kids always got antsy about sitting to eat at this age. I was pretty lax about it. I let my kids stand in their chairs if they need too. Also, you might want to limit the amount of time that you are giving her to eat. Offer food for 15 or 30 minutes and then put the food away. If she's hungry she'll eat, if not then she won't. If you remove the food she'll get the idea that she needs to eat when the food is out, otherwise she'll have to wait until later.
She's just going through a phase, she'll get past it.
Take care,
T.

Congrats on nursing school Rachel. I graduated from UWSON in 2005 and LOVE being an RN. I also know how hard school is. It drains you, and it must be especially hard being a single mom.

I agree with those who have said that expecting a toddler to stay seated for much longer than 10-15 minutes is unrealistic. Two hours is a long time to battle with your sweet girl.

Here is what we do with our son. We prepare nutritious food and his job is to come to the table, decide how much he'll eat and how long he'll stay there. He can eat as little or as much as he wants. We teach him how to behave at the table by modeling, not by enforcing any amount of time at the table, or by strapping him in, or by "teaching" him at the table. Sometimes he sits for a while, sometimes he gets down right away. Sometimes he eats a lot, sometimes he eats nothing. Google Ellyn Satter - she's where we've gotten most of our inspiration from when it comes to feeding.

I have to say that eating in our house is 100% stress free. I totally enjoy meal times with my son and he has AMAZING table manners for a 2 y/o considering that we have done nothing to teach him. We all just exist together and enjoy our food.

Good luck with this. I hope you find something that works.

Hi R.-
I agree with the advice you've already been given, especially that sitting for 2 hours for a toddler is unrealistic. I know that control around food can have an effect on a person's propensity towards eating disorders. For now, try having her sit for a little while and then let go. They will become a little more able to focus soon. Read to her or give a toy (within reason)...that what worked for us. I agree that families should sit down together at least once a day around meals....but keep it positive. There will be many years ahead for that ideal dinner you want. One suggestion is be open to snacking....healthy foods of course. One suggestion that worked well for us at that age is using an ice cube tray or various little bowls to put food in. You can use it at mealtime or between....just have to teach not to dump it. It keeps the interest up. Also, put only a few things out at once and only a little bit....that way the element of surprise is there and you won't waste food that she doesn't want. Good luck with this. It will pass. Resist your mom's negativity...she's your kid.

hi,
you've already gotten good advice so far, so i just wanted to add another one to the list that can't get a 17 mo to sit down for very long. we try eating every couple hours and i let him snack w/ safer foods not in his chair. my freinds tell me it gets easier once they are a little older. also, my son is super inconsisten, which i am also told is normal (huge meal one time, almost nothing the next, sometimes with the same foods- frustrating!)

when we sit together for dinner, i try to limit playing at the table, but a little background music, talking, me making funny voices (not so funny he starts laughing or could choke tho), just something the keep him engaged and from being bored sitting still. having family meals is important to me and i am trying to set a routine to grow into that, but i think at this age i just celebrate the small successes and focus on slowly growing into longer, more relaxing meals. :)

good luck!

Wow, she taught you how to give her 2 hrs of undivided attention!

Don't let her run around with food unless you're prepared to clean up food all over the house. Sit at the table and if she hasn't eaten in 15-20 minutes, take away the food altogether and tell her to go play. She can play on the floor near you while you eat if you want to keep an eye on her.

If you think she's hungry later, you can try sitting her at the table again - but not sooner than 2 hrs from the previous meal. If you tell her she can't eat until the next mealtime, she'll learn that mealtime means business. I wouldn't push the "mealtime means the family sits together until everyone has finished eating" concept until she's older.

Even Vicki Iovine's "Girfriends Guide to Toddlers" suggests never to take a toddler under the age of four to a restaurant that isn't meant for kids because it is just not realistic to expect them to stay still for more than 10-15 minutes (if that), and they *will* try to play with everything in site and engage their neighbors. Vicki Iovine's credentials are that she's raised four kids and talks to a lot of moms, which is good enough for me!

Also, even though my son is only 2.75 years old, I've noticed so far that things go in stages and not everything is necessarily triggered by outside circumstances. I think their development just happens really quickly and there are natural phases they go through. Sometimes it seems like the second you've mastered one phase they move on to the next! :-)

I have been told many a time that we should not force our children to eat. But I totally understand your situation.
My suggestion is to have her sit down with you for her meal and give her her food. IF she doesnt want to eat then fine, but she should stay seated at the table until the meal is over. This way she isnt really getting her way and you are making your point. The more you push the more she willfight, and I think this has turned into a power struggle.
On another note, my daughter is not a big breakfast eater, she more or less has a snack. Though she eats wonderfully at lunch and dinner. So I wouldnt worry to much about it if she doesnt eat before you leave. I am sure she gets a morning snack where she is at, and probably eats that.
I know how difficult it is with a little one, especially by yourself. Hang in there, you are doing a great job.

How GREAT you are striving for boundaries and structure in your parenting! It can seem harder than just letting them do whatever they want to, but it is better for them in the long run.
I would definitely insist that she is always SITTING at the table when she is eating. A lot of parent allow their kids to eat while they play and that is so dangerous! I know someone whose 2 year old died from choking on a grape, and knowing that has always given me the motivation to insist that kids are sitting still while they eat.

However, if she does not WANT to eat, I would: put her in her seat and make her stay there for like, 5 minutes. I would tell her, now is your time to eat. If you don't eat now, it's a long time 'til lunch! Then I would let her get down and skip the meal. BUT I would not give her snacks in an hour if she whines for them. I would say, sorry, you chose not to eat breakfast, you must wait. So then her being hungry is the natural consequence of not eating. Then she'll BE hungry for the next meal and more likely to eat. If you feed her on HER schedule, then SHE is running the household, and she's not the one RESPONSIBLE for the effective running of the household. You have a lot of other things to do than be at her beck and call.

I totally do not buy into the "kids are natural grazers" theory. I think eating is a habit: if people (kids and adults) are fed at certain times of the day their stomachs adjust to it. If they eat throughout the day, their stomachs adjust to that and get hungry faster! So I would not have food available whenever they want it because 1) more likely to eat while wandering, which is a choking hazard 2) less likely to be providing nutritious foods -- snacks are more likely to be crackers rather than vegetable soup. 3) setting up habits that later lead to obesity. I would be willing to bend on this if the graze throughout the day snack is broccoli or carrots and there was 100 percent compliance on YOU MUST SIT TO EAT. But that just makes the mom's job harder to be keeping track of that throughout the day. There really is a practical reason for 3 meals a day!

HI Rachel,
You've gotten excellent advice so far. I wanted to point you towards an article that has helped me a great deal.
http://www.zerotothree.org/site/DocServer/29-3_Chatoorv.p...

My 18 month old is quite similar, and getting her to sit for 10 min at the table is considered a success. Kids at this age are natural grazers. Their tummies are still quite small (about the size of their balled-up fist) and their natural curiosity and energy has them changing focus frequently. Rather than turning mealtime into a battle or starving her to eat at dinner time, we have adjusted to our daughter's instincts and needs. We serve her a small portion of food at dinnertime. She is free to sit in our laps and eat from our plates. Or she can, after sitting for a while (5-10 min or so) wander off to read or play by herself. We sit and finish our meals. Yes, she wants us to come play with her, but we tell her "mommy and daddy are eating dinner. You can come eat or you can play quietly. We will join you when we're done."
Your girl might be missing you more now that you are back in school. If you can, try to have some quality reconnecting time, with your attention focused on her, when you reunite with her after school.
Good luck.

I'd strap her into a highchair and only make her sit for 15 minutes or so. You can't force her to eat, and trying will turn it into a lifelong fight. If she doesn't want to eat, then let her go hungry until the next meal. She won't starve herself. You could try giving her a choice of one thing on her plate, or turn her highchair toward the TV during breakfast. This is a tool that I use to get my son to eat when he has been skipping meals for a while. You could also play airplane with her food for a few bites, or let her help you make the meal. In my house, we just have a one bite rule that they must eat one good bite of everything on their plate and then I don't care whether they eat more or not. Dessert is not a regular occurrence, and the first person done eating must wait for at least one other person to be done before he can get down.

I would try to have her sit down than if she will not I would let her get down. Let her know that this is why she is to eat and if she does not she will have to wait for the next meal which is probably snack. She will get the picture of what is expected of her! Good luck with going back to nursing school!

Maybe she's just not hungry. My son doesn't want to eat breakfast until 2 - 3 hours after he has been up and playing. I eat and sometimes he wants what I'm having and will sit down, other times he plays and asks for food, or accepts the offer of food, several hours later. The one thing I would not do is let her run around while eating. As soon as she starts getting up from the table, take away her food and say something like, "It looks like you're all done. We'll put this away for later." Relax, toddlers really want to eat snacks all day - which they say is how we should eat too. Maybe their bodies just know something that we've trained ours against.