If you've been following my posts, you know I've been potty-training my son who's 2.5. He took to the peeing in the toilet really quickly (within a day or 2) but he gets really scared when he's pooping. I asked a question about this and the responses I got told me to back off and he's not ready. So I decided to do just that and back off...but then I was up half the night, tossing and turning over this whole potty issue. I don't want to back off if he's ready but I don't want to push him if he's not and I guess I'm wondering how I can tell which it is! Is there really a time when young kids just readily sit on the toilet and poop or is there always some sort of resistance when training? How can I tell if this is the type of resistance that we can push through by being encouraging and soothing or if this is the type of resistance to really respect and back off completely? I hope I made sense. Please give me any helpful suggestions as to what exactly I should be doing at this point? (FYI: the 1st day, he pooped in toilet, was scared but we read books together and then he was happy/proud saying "I pooped in potty!" the 2nd day, he kept telling me he had to poop in potty but when we actually got to potty, held it in until he had an accident later in the day. the 3rd day (today), he sat on toilet and read poop books but nothign came out)..
all kids have this problem. if he is consistantly going pee on the potty, keep moving forward, just don't push on the poop part. I did that, and it totally backfired on me!
Do you have a child size seat with handles that sits on the potty? it has a smaller seat so kids to have the 'falling' feeling.
http://www.target.com/p/Ginsey-Sesame-Soft-Potty-Seat/-/A...
If he responds, you are being encouraging. If he becomes resistant or upset, then you are being pushy. Having a 2 1/2 year old who is pee trained and not poo trained yet is hardly a reason to keep yourself up all night. If you become more relaxed about this, maybe your son will as well. Good luck!
Sally, he is really young. Just because he did it one time doesn't mean that he is ready. He actually is showing you point blank that he ISN'T ready. Plus, he's really young. I'm not sure what else he has to do in order for you to "get" that you need to back off.
Please listen to the advice seasoned mothers have given you. You need to just go to sleep tonight and not toss and turn over something that YOU want, and he does not yet want. It is important to step back from pushing through potty training. Really and truly.
Dawn
Here's a multi-part answer to your question. If he is crying when you take him to poop on the toilet, he's not ready. It may just be a matter of waiting a few weeks or so, and trying again. If the crying only happened once, and he is willing to sit on the toilet, then keep on trying. Pooping on the toilet, as opposed to pooping in a diaper, uses different muscles and has to be "learned," so that can take some time. It took a longer time for my son to poop in the potty, and even longer to poop in the toilet. We had many long (and fruitless) reading sessions on the potty before he learned how to go. Another thing to consider is starting with a potty, rather than the toilet. It is easier for them to push when they are lower to the ground. It's a pain to clean, but you only use it for a few weeks or months.
Hope this helps - and keep in mind that 2.5 for a boy is relatively young when it comes to potty training, so be prepared to give him some time to work it out. Good luck!
You don't mention whether you use any kind of kid seat that makes the regular toilet seat smaller and more comfortable for a small child. You also don't say if you ever tried him on a on-the-floor potty chair (as opposed to a regular sized toilet). I think kids tend to be scared when they realize there is all this space and air under their bare backsides and when they feel as if they are going to slide into the adult toilet because the seat's so wide for them. So a child seat on the regular toilet, or use of a potty chair for poop, could help a lot.
I would not hand him a diaper for poop unless you want to go back to diapers, period. You would have to put the diaper on him each time and let's face it, he would go ahead and pee in it as well. It sends him a confusing, mixed signal to say, "Pee in the toilet but poop in the diaper." Try instead "Pee in the toilet and poop in the potty chair." A potty chair, the kind that just sits on the floor, would be MUCH lower to the floor and does not have the huge gap that probably makes him feel he's going to fall in.
From what i was told by our pediatrician, if HE tells me he has to go and then follows through without crying and fussing or just goes on his own without telling me, then HE's ready. Otherwise I would be the one trained. Which doesn't mean I left it all up to him, I HAD to be on top of it to help him to learn.
We started training @ 22 months, and I had to "back off" a few times. I actually had to do what Amy mentioned, the first time I got him to poop in the potty I had to hug him and hold him on the potty, even had to push his legs down on the potty so his bottom was on it, and he had no choice but to let it "go." That was the only time, after that he "knew" how to poop on it, but flat-out refused. So, at 2.5 after almost 4 months of training (and training typically takes 3 - 6 months) I went with this approach:
http://rogerknapp.com/medical/pottytrainingrefusals.htm and he was pooping in the potty by the next day, his choice.
Read it all the way through before you dismiss it, it offers excellent advice, techniques to use, and is a "the child is responsible for using the potty" approach so you KNOW it is him or her doing it, not the parent(s).
I read your other question about peeing standing up in a public restroom, have him stand on your feet or hold him so he's up high enough to clear the rim when he goes. My guy learned to pee sitting down, his ped said it would be easier to train him this way and I found this advice offered online as well, and learning to pee standing would come when he sees other boys doing it, and she was right. So when we are out he sits to pee with no problem.
Do you have a small training potty seat? Maybe if he is on something smaller he will feel better. I would also keep toys in the bathroom for him to play with. If he makes hard poops it might hurt to go which would make him not want to sit. Give him a day or so and try again, if he does poop let him say goodbye to it when you flush. Some kids feel like they are giving up a part of themselves and don't totally understand that its ok.
None of my kids ever had any anxiety or issues with pooping at all...so i am not sure how much help I can be...just wanted to tell you to trust your gut, only you know your child and if you feel he is stressed then don't push it. But after reading what you wrote it doesn't sound, to me, like he is being traumatized or anything? I say just keep it light and stress free but keep at it.
'Lets go try'...'oh nothing came out, oh well, maybe next time, good try, high five'......like that!
I find bribery more effective than "encouragement." Therefore, if there's something a 2.5 year old really wants, you could tell him if he poops 3 times on the potty, he can do or have X.
Some kids don't want to poop in the toilet because it's like losing part of themselves. If you haven't already explain the process to him. Also don't flush the toilet until he's left the room. Or some kids feel better if they do the flushing. Talk to him about it.
It's very common for some children to not poop on the toilet and yet be fine for going pee. So, some ideas...
Have him tell him you he needs to poop and give him a diaper to do it in.
or
Wait a while. It's okay. You've had a lot of posts on this, so much so that I do have to wonder if it's you who are ready instead of your child. If you are wanting to keep him peeing on the potty, then do offer a diaper for him to poop in. Otherwise, it's okay to take a step back and let him get a little more comfortable with all of it.
What I have noticed (as a nanny and teacher) was that kids who are stressed have a harder time using the toilet. Ina May Gaskin, in her book "Guide to Midwifery", talks about the unavoidable truth of "sphincter logic"; when the body is stressed, the sphincter muscles are contracted, thus nothing can pass. (Gaskin is referring to stalled labor here,but this holds true with any sphincter muscle.) However, when the person is relaxed, it is much easier to pass what needs to come out. Without going into detail, I have found this to be true with my own birth and then my recovery. (Most mothers who birthed vaginally will remember how traumatic their first bowel movement was after birthing ,especially if there was tearing. Now imagine you have NO IDEA about what's happening. That's what some kids experience.) When kids are stressed and upset, they have a much more difficult time pooping. In fact, with one family I worked with, the stakes felt so high that the child would regularly NOT poop on the toilet and then, within 15 minutes, poop in an inappropriate place when we was relaxed. (in his pants, on his tricycle, etc.) You can keep pressing it-- and possibly create a problem, or let it go. It's entirely up to you. Or, you can tell him "if you need a diaper for poop, let me know" and see what happens. I'm not trying to discourage you, but I agree with Dawn that if it's keeping you up at night, reconsider.
He sounds ready to me. If he is willing to sit on the toilet for any extended period of time, then I would try to keep at it. My 3.5 year old was trained around 30 months and I am working on my 25 month old now. I think if he is scared the key is to take his mind off of it by reading, singing, talking etc. until it comes -- also if you know if it is imminent (or he has just pooped), take him in and have him sit on the potty for a while to see if he can finish in there. I think you might be too worried about "pushing" him - kids have parents for guidance and sometimes they need to be pushed - see how he acts/reacts and give it time, it doesnt happen instantly -- it will take time and there may be a few accidents. If he pooped once, and was proud - he seems ready to me. Keep working with him and praising him for trying and he will want to do it more...Good Luck!
Both my older ones were scared to poop in the potty, and there was a time where (it's not as bad as it sounds) - I held them down and made them go. This was when I knew they definitely had to go, they were crying, holding it in, and wanting to jump off the potty. I knew they just didn't want to go through that new scary feeling, and I knew they would go in the corner in their diaper as soon as they got up (they did that several times for sure), so I would wait patiently with them, and when they were really wanting to jump up, I'd sort of "hug them" and coach them through and not back off. I just didn't want it to be "forever" until they went, and of course after the first successful one or two times, they weren't scared anymore.
You have to really watch him, REALLY make sure he has to go, and then just wait it out with him. The urge comes in waves, so you'll notice he has to go, then he doesn't, then he does, when you can tell he really has to, just don't let him jump up. If you're not really sure he has to go, you'll just have to wait for a better (more clear) time.
