My Kid (& My Sister's Kid) Won't Poop in the Toilet

They're not ready. I started potty training my daughter at 2 1/2 and she had the pee thing down almost right away but WOULD NOT poop in the toilet until she was 3 1/2. It was an agonizing year I wish I could do over (in this regard). She begged for pull ups and I would give in afraid she would become constipated.
One compromise we made: she had to be in the bathroom to poop and we would immediately put the poop (if it was reasonable) in the potty and flush it away. So at least this way she started associating the bathroom with pooping.
At the end, I knew she was ready and I knew she could do it so I just stopped buying the pull ups. She knew the day was coming and when it did she was able to go. We had a few hiccups after that but shortly afterward it wasn't an issue at all.
Good luck.
About the clothes off-- my daughter, now 4 1/2 still regularly takes all her clothes off below the waist when she uses the potty.

I'm sorry to say that I don't actually have a solution for you I just wanted you know you are not alone. My 3 1/2 year old is putting pee in the potty like a pro but will NOT put poop in the potty to save our lives. I've done the bribery things I thought I'd never do as well. Right now it's a Thomas toy sitting high on the book case that can be had as soon as poop appears in the toilet as well as a long awaited trip to the zoo. I had no idea when I promised the zoo that it would take this long or I would not have done that bc our membership is about to expire and we haven't been even once this summer! We normally do Music Together class--it has been explained to my child that there will be no class this Fall for kids who do not poop in the toilet so I am keeping my fingers crossed. Yours might be too young (or not!) but right now I am also making my child clean out the poopy underwear. There are 2 choices: poop in the toilet or poop in your pants and have to clean it all up yourself. There is screaming, there are temper tantrums when poo gets on the fingers....but there is still poop in the pants. I dunno what to tell you except they do it when they are ready and not one darn second sooner. It's the mystery of the universe. I feel your pain acutely and wish you all the best!

It is rare for a 2yo to be able to poop "on command." Their body isn't mature enough. Wait until they're closer to 3 to try to get them to do it. Some kids are even later. Boys are later than girls. And all kids get proficient with urine weeks/months before they're able to poop in the toilet.

Notice that Maila B's grandson is 3 1/2 as is K.L.'s son.

It's pretty normal in western countries for poo toilet training to follow 6mo to a year after the the child is 100% pee potty trained.

Our toilets aren't designed for ease in pooing. The physical position is wrong. It's REALLY easy to squat and poo (what babies and toddlers naturally do, and how toilets are shaped in most of Asia). Sitting and pooing is as difficult a motion to LEARN to do (requires different muscles) as standing and pooing. Dare you. Try pooing while standing up. (I can dare, because you won't be successful). It's very possible/ easy once you've built up the muscles but it *hurts* to either sit and poo or stand and poo. Our muscles aren't designed for it (although we can strengthen other muscles), and our intestinal tract isn't 'aimed' for it (never will be, even if you sit and poo, many people lean all the way over to *almost* be in the squatting position).

Which is 1 of 2 tricks with toddlers. Trick 1 is to have them stand on the seat and squat (how asian children AND adults often learn to use western toilets), Trick 2 is to have a stool under the edge of the toilet for their feet to rest on/push against, and to have them lean over... so they're in a 'supported' squat, but still on the toilet. Gravity doesn't get to help as much in a supported squat (ever notice toddlers bounce/rock a bit when pooing in a diaper. Same motion is used in "squatty-pottys" or out camping... but it's MUCH closer to the natural postion, and hurts a great deal less on their rectums than the pressure created by sitting upright.

This is quite normal. It seems to be just a matter of giving them time to be ready. I know it's frustrating when you so much want them to be totally potty trained, but patience does win out.
As for getting the boy to stand to pee... I think the best way is for him to go to the bathroom with his dad or an older brother (if there is one) and see that is the way big guys do it. Be sure you are ready to fight the battle of teaching him to raise the seat when doing that, or you will have the battle of getting the seat wiped off after he's 'tinkled' on it!

Strangely enough, it was getting some of the 'flushable wipes' for my grandson that did the trick on pooping in the potty!

He was doing just fine with peeing..... but hadn't figured out the pooping part yet (he is 3 1/2).

My daughter bought some flushable wipes with the CARS decoration on the package, and showed it to him.... he wanted to use them.... she said "No... these are ONLY for when you poop in the potty!"

He figured it out VERY quickly with that minor incentive..... I have no idea why, but that did the trick!

He is now VERY securely potty-trained, and will go without us reminding him.

And yes, we still use candy as a reward when he pees and poops in the potty..... whatever works!

It's normal. My son finally fully trained at 3 years 3.5 months. I didn't push it because my daughter was born just after he turned 3, but he was peeing standing up at 2.5. He thought it was cool to stand on a stool and pee, but good luck on making him keep his clothes on. My son is 4.5 and still pulls his pants/underwear down to pee, and half the time they end up on the floor when he poops.

What worked for us was finally forcing the issue, but he was showing signs of being ready, so it wasn't as big a deal. For 2 months, we prepared him that when we ran out of diapers this time, Mommy wasn't buying anymore. (diapers are cheap to stock up on hehe) President's Day 2010 was the last diaper, and he knew that when he peed/pooped in that diaper, he was done with them. We caught him behind his train table trying to hide during the act and immediately took him to the potty. I left him on the potty for about 30 minutes with him crying and carrying on, and he finally couldn't hold it any longer. He pooped and said, "Mommy, it splashed me!" And that was the end of not pooping on the potty. He thought is was HILARIOUS!

I do NOT recommend that extreme an action at their age!!!!! I would suggest backing off and respecting their time table. The average age for boys is 38 months; girls are around 35 months. This is honestly one of those battles you have to concede because you can't force it.

Have patience. Both children are very young, particularly your son. It is not unusual for boys (and some girls) to not train until past their third ( or even fourth birthdays). Don't rush it, don't get into power struggles (you'll lose). Give mild praise (but not bribes). Sometimes beginning with a favorite stuffed animal choosing to poop in the potty can get things going.
As for standing up, have him observe his Dad using the toilet helps.
Also good books are, Everybody Poops, and Once Upon a Potty.

A little about me: Child psychiatrist in practice 18 years; two kids - a 21 yo boy and 14 yo girl, both successfully potty trained. Involved husband of 23 years.

kids have actual fears about pooping in the toilet. You have to really find out what it is that scares them, and then do major reassuring, and you may have some positive results. Talk to your son about what it is when he poops on the potty that he is afraid of, then when he tells you, say, well, that happens to ALL little kids learning, or EVEN me! For example; my daughter pooped ONCE and then was frightened. By talking to her, I figured out she got splashed by the water when she went and it scared her. So, I reassured her by telling her it happens sometimes to everyone, I even went as far as bringing a pot of water to the bath tub and let her drop toys in it to see how the water would splash back up, to show her what was happening. It worked! She was no longer afraid, and understood what was going on when she pooped. Mystery solved! Anyway, find out what scares him, and help him understand that he's not the only one to be afraid, and work with him on his emotions about it. Bribery is Ok, but he needs his fears to be understood. Best of luck!

I'd let him sit for now.
Some kids think their poop is "part of them" and are scared to put it in the toilet.
There's a book "Once Upon A Potty" that details WHERE the poop come out from and so on....there is a girl version and a boy version. It helped my son turn the corner.

Oh! And kids LOVE to sit backwards on the toilet!

Toilet training comes in stages, and generally kids, IME, master peeing in the toilet well before pooping. So you probably need to just be patient and keep working on it. I would suggest backing off a little, because two year olds are notoriously stubborn and will resist doing what you want just BECAUSE you want it. They will eventually poop in the potty. Also, boys are generally a bit slower than girls with the potty training anyway.

As for peeing standing up... are you sure you want him to do that at this age? Two is really young for that. Unless you are prepared to be cleaning the bathroom and doing laundry A LOT, you might want him continue to pee sitting down for awhile. He'll do it standing up when he's ready.

Good luck!