"How Can You Clean in Front of Her"

Who does he want to clean? If she doesn't see it modeled and if you don't teach her, then how is she supposed to know what to do and that it is supposed to be done?

And I have a 3 year old also, she had her own cleaning supplies that she picked out at the store because she LOVES to clean.

Yes, he over reacted, but I think it is really about more than that. Maybe he is jealous.

Just smile at him sweetly and let him know how awesome he is that he would volunteer to do all of the cleaning so that you can have mommy/daughter time :)

I vote that he is in charge of cleaning and taking care of DD after he gets home from work every day for a week, and count how many times he cleans in front of her.

Tell him, you're right dear, I'll hire a cleaning woman ASAP, I think twice a week would work, let's check the rates......

Oh, boy did he overreact! First, it is good for her to see mommy taking care of her responsibilities. Children do as they see, not always as they're told!

They are never too young to start learning how to take care of themselves and watching mommy do it is a great way to show them. Also, most kids like to clean with mommy; it gives them a sense of satisfaction and that they've contributed to the household. They like that!

And it really wouldn't hurt her to be unhappy for 45 minutes while you try to accomplish something. She needs to learn patience; when she gets to school she's going to have to wait her turn. Never too early to practice that!

BUT really, if my hubby said that to me, I would take the next day and spend it entirely playing with the child. No housework, no cooking, no errands, nothing. And when he got home, hand him a list of the things you didn't get done because you were too busy having "good mommy/daughter time". Let him know he should start on the list right away because you are still busy with mommy/daughter time.

Give him what he thinks he wants!

His comment seems really strange to me. I am trying to imagine what kind of upbringing he had. Did his parents never clean or do chores? How does he expect those sort of things to magically happen?

I do like the other comments you received like taking a break from all chores tomorrow so he can see what just 1 day of all fun and no picking up leads to (OH MY!) Then of course I would make sure he is helping in the eventual cleanup...nothing worse than "going on strike" for a few days and then nobody caring and then eventually killin yourself trying to catch back up!

Personally, I think that doing chores -in front of, and WITH (not sure how old your child is) is an important part of parenting. It is a way of teaching children responsibility: how to care for one's things, how we all work together as a family to keep a household running, it even teaches basic coordination skills for young children (how to empty a small trash can into a large one, put toys away in a basket, dry off a dish). You are doing your child a favor by doing chores, really. 45 min a day is fine, kids should be able to entertain themselves for a bit.

Wow... if my husband had said that to me, I likely would have replied "Oh, do you plan on paying our child to have a cleaning lady because he never learned?"

First, you are doing your child a SERVICE to get on with life and do what you need to do to make your home comfortable and clean. Kids NEED to see parents who are busy with real life. In fact, there are sometimes some serious problems that come with giving a child our undivided attention all day. Those are the kids that get bored easily and cannot entertain themselves; if we don't back off and give them space to play and discover on their own what it is they like doing, they just don't know what to do when we *do* need them to keep themselves busy.

Parents should be their child's first teachers, but most certainly not servants nor the entertainment committee.

I don't know what's eating your husband, but I would have been royally pissed off too. If your husband wants to argue the point with you, ask him to read "A Good Enough Parent" by Bruno Bettelheim-- there's loads of evidence that independent play is vital to a child's development and how they work through problems and solve their own personal issues through playing alone. I think your husband is seriously overreacting. Maybe ask him if he'd like to do the cleaning when he gets home? Sheesh!!!

(oh, and like hell would I spend all the time my kid was in care or school cleaning, either! gag.)

What the...huh? How else are children supposed to learn, other then seeing and doing?!!

OF COURSE, he overreacted!!

Lol.

He'd hate me. I homeschool and spend the bulk of my day cleaning and cooking. I can't stand clutter and dirt, and I like a well functioning household.

I also like good food, so I spend a lot of time cooking, the kids love it. Tonight we had a homemade berry pie for dessert.

Please inform your hubby that he is totally misguided. All the research on language acquisition, etc. shows that kids learn best following mom around while she engages with the world. Kids learn a lot more by being around mom while she cleans then by playing with plastic toys. In fact, preschool for young kids is a bad idea. They need dialogical learning, and in a room filled with lots of other kids, they aren't going to get that. The first 4 years are essential for language development.

So when are you supposed to clean? Do you send her away? I wouldn't be livid but I guess more puzzled. I probably would have told him "okay, here's the broom. we're going to the park"--or where ever else you can go this time of year.

I'm sorry, was that your husband volunteering to clean the house? No? Then he can shut up about when and how you clean. That is all.

I can believe you are livid. He does have some unrealistic expectations.
Doing chores together is something families have been doing since there were families. What in the world would farm families do if they entertained kids all day long?!
I know you have written about his odd insistence on things before that you have made allowances about. I am worried that you are coming to the end of your rope.
I understand your frustration in a way. My H is more laid back now but a lot of our younger years were spent butting heads. He is kind of like Sheldon in Big Bang Theroy! Which I really like just because when he is at his worst I can call him Sheldon and then he recognizes it.
Anywho, there were moments when I wanted to strangle him. I was pretty sure we would never make it at times. Raising my kids was made much harder in certain ways. But we made it through and I can tell you it was worth the struggle. Keep trying to reason with him and get him some therapy if you can. If you can't, maybe you should try some! Good luck!

What a weird comment.
I don't even know what to say.
My kids "helped" me with everything: cooking, cleaning, laundry, gardening, they were always involved.
Perhaps tomorrow you should spend the day having his idea of mommy/daughter time (whatever that is.)
When he comes home and wonders why there's no dinner or clean clothes you can smile sweetly and say, "but darling I simply took your advice."

I probably would've said, "Oh, so you'll vacuum while he we get our mommy-daughter time in, right?!"

Does he think that you are supposed to spend every minute of the day entertaining your child? Perhaps he doesn't know this, but when you give your kid 100% of your attention at all times, they don't learn to amuse themselves and you are doing them a disservice. If you're a SAHM, I think most of those do housework in addition to caring for the children during the day. Every moment of your time isn't "mommy/daughter" time. If he has only evening to spend with her, he's wanting to spend every moment with her and that's normal, but he's only seeing it from his own perspective. Let him read the responses here - and if she's 3 or 4, do register her for preschool for the socialization and routine.

Yep, male out-of-touch syndrome. They don't all have it, but when they do, it's always "amusing". Well, if he says it again, you can let HIM clean so you and your daughter can go out and get icecream together. You're just doing what he wants, and having better mommy-daughter time.

i would have handed him the cleaning supplies and gone out for girls only ice cream lol! the other day my son was begging me to give him a rag to help clean the baseboards with.....kids love to clean!

Wow- next time he says anything remotely resembling that you need to shut him down. This is what you say: "Seriously? that is one of the stupidest remarks that I have maybe ever heard. I am going to pretend you didn't say that so I can keep my respect for you at the level it was a couple of minutes ago." And then refuse to even entertain a discussion like that ever again.

Sounds to me like he flipped through a parenting or women's magazine in the doctor's office or somewhere and got it completely wrong. Men!

I feel like one of those bobble-head dolls, reading your post, ES. My husband would be so surprised that I was vacuuming cushions that he would offer to take care of our child himself in order for me to continue. I guess you have a spotless home and love to clean. My home is "clean" but never spotless. And I HATE to clean. I sure do take my time about it, that's for sure.

I just can't quite put myself in your shoes, or that of your husband's either. I have no advice. I'm just a bobble-head, I guess!

Smiles,
Dawn

Your post makes no sense to me.

"Well, if I don't clean in front of her now, will you be the one to pick up her room when she's a teenager and doesn't know how to clean?"

Geez. I think you may be on the right track when you say that there may be more behind his ridiculously unrealistic comment than just wanting you to be 100 percent entertainment mommy. Why is he angry that you haven't registered your child for preschool? Are you both on board that she'll go, or is there conflict over whether or not to send her at all, so he's taking that conflict out on you with this unrelated remark? Or is she definitely going to preschool, only...you haven't done the paperwork yet and he's irked at the delay? Why can't HE register her if you both agree that she'll go? Or are you still looking into which one and he fears you'll lose all possible slots if you keep waiting?.....I'd unpack that issue first.

If he otherwise tends to nitpicks a lot about how you interact with your daughter....you and he need to communicate better and he could use some good books about child development at this stage. He needs to learn that children learn and grow not just through what he thinks is play but through doing everyday things like "helping" a parent clean or cook or go to the store.

Is he a full-time working dad while you are a stay at home mom? This could be a case of his feeling uncertain or isolated--uncertain what you and your daughter do all day, isolated by the fact you see more of your child than he does, and maybe a little envious of that fact. Or it could be the opposite: A case where out-of-the-house-all-day dad thinks he knows best what SAHM and child SHOULD be doing each minute. Does any of that sound on the mark to you? If so -- the issue isn't really about this one comment but a bigger problem, right?

Or... all's well in the bigger picture and really it IS just about this one rather silly comment. Did you tell him exactly what you said here, the details about how your child loves the brushes, the fort, etc.? I would ensure he knew EVERY detail....

*ETA: SHOW your Husband, all the responses you get to this.

Then tell him, he can PAY for a cleaning lady.
He can PAY and DO the research for your daughter's Preschool.

What does he think you are? Mary Poppins?
Good grief.

Tell him, to do ALL those things, that you are not supposed to do, while you are with your daughter.
TELL HIM TO DO IT. Since he doesn't want you to do it and you are the primary caretaker of your daughter.

Tell him, if he can dish it out, he can do it.
He better be able to handle it.

Tell your Husband, to SPEND ALL OF HIS TIME AT HOME... WITH HIS DAUGHTER. ALL DAY, ALL NIGHT, AND FOR ANY WAKINGS ALL NIGHT. Tell him, to do this ALL weekend. So that, you can clean and do things that he should be doing, TOO.

He needs a reality check.

snork!
what a silly fellow!
yes, i agree it's about preschool or SOMETHING other than the cleaning.
i hope he returns to sanity soon.
:) khairete
S.
ETA triple flowers to julie G!!

So is he going to clean so you can spend time with DD instead?

you are MOM & you rock! Good for you...& yes, he over-reacted. Shame on him!

Why can't he register her for school?
When are you supposed to clean? In the middle of the night?
& I could go on & on.

Kudos to you for teaching your daughter important life lessons!

Men just don't know what goes on all in a day's work with children

Yup, complete overreaction. Not even sure I would classify it as an OVER reaction, but an inappropriate reaction altogether. I clean my house every day, and I'm also homeschooling, and somehow we find the time to do that plus play and have "quality" time. (Isn't it ALL quality time?)

Hand your daughter a dust rag and go ahead and be supermom!!