Homework Nightmare

Hi L., Something that worked for my son starting about that same age was he stayed after school to do his homework. I spoke to the teachers and they were great at working that out for me. My son was a great student "in school", but once he left the building he was not giving another moment either. Quite honestly when I'm done at work I'm done too. ( I'm not a big fan of homework at all) but "it is, what it is". Also, I felt my time with my son belonged to us, not a homework battle, not even for 1 minute. He is now a sophmore in college & actually has his school schedule set up for homework time between classes, so he never leaves that building until it's done. Good Luck!

Hi L., As a teacher, I would try to negotiate a bit. Give him an hour after school to play, watch TV, have a snack. Then his hour of homework must be done before dinner during the week.
Give him Saturday off, and settle a time on Sunday, either after a fun activity or before, or even split it up. Homework is NON-negotiable. It must get done. Think of a reward after....read his favorite book to him, a special cookie, whatever he may really like. Children need to realize that school is their JOB. Can you sit with him while he works? Balance your checkbook, etc.? Might help.
S. G.

Hi, L.. My son has always had trouble with school and homework. He is 8. I tell the teachers how long it's taking him, and that he can only do 1/2 hour of homework each night. That's really all that a 7 year old should be doing. I'm a teacher myself, and happen to not take a lot of stock in it. Depending on how you feel about homework and what he gets out of it, you really should have the power to choose if he should spend so much time at home on his work. If he didn't master it in school, and it is not review/reinforcement or a project, he should not be doing it.

Well, that's my 2 cents. I hope it doesn't confuse you! Good Luck!
L.

Try a snack and about 1/2 hour of free time and then homework. It gives a break and some brain food. Make it a routine and it should work.

Hi. Sorry to hear about your struggles. I, too, am a single mom who is also a full-time teacher of 2nd grade. I teach 7-8 year olds. I've been teaching for 8 years and have my M.Ed. in Childhood Development/Education. I am very surprised at the amount of homework your son is receiving at this age. Unless he is either gifted or in need of extra support, he is really receiving more than is developmentally appropriate. And if he is receiving extra work on the weekend due to "catching up", then this probably isn't the way to help him. So -- if neither gifted, or extra support, then here is the rule of thumb: 10 minutes of homework for each grade level. Thus, K is 10 minutes, 1st: 20 minutes, and 2nd Grade: 30 minutes. Most schools go by this rule of thumb. So I suggest you talk to the teacher first about this. Is it taking long because he is struggling or is she piling on the homework? Often kids who are very resistant to doing homework are struggling in school -- and want the day to end! But this isn't always the case. So you need to ask some questions. Set up an appointment with both the teacher and ask the principal to be present. If your child is struggling with the homework, ask that the homework be modified. That is, instead of doing 20 items on a page, he would only be required to do 10 - basically enough to get practice and demonstrate understanding. So... 1)a phonecall and/or a meeting needs to be held. 2)You need to find out what the rule of thumb is for homework at the school - how much time is expected (and I told you above what is considered developmentally appropriate). 3) Ask about weekend homework. I personally think weekend homework at his age is wrong, but unless the school has a policy about it, then many teachers have the choice to give weekend homework. 4)Lay out the problem before them -- and I hate to say this - but saying your a single mom may get you empathy, but it won't get you support and probably won't have much influence on finding a solution -- so talk about the facts around homework. 5) Don't give up until an agreeable solution is found. You have a legitimate problem and a solution must be figured out -- WITH THE SCHOOL/TEACHER's help and involvement. Keep in mind that it may require some changes on your part as well. 6)Come prepared with possible solutions and ideas, such as modifications, can homework come in late, can you write notes on the work he struggled with so that the teacher can see where he needs extra support or can offer you tips on how to help him. But remember, this is their field - they should be able to offer help and think through solutions with you. Basically, you need to get down to the bottom of this. Because this is too much time for homework. You need to have a conference and find out what can be done. If a solution is reached and the problem continues, meet again. Good luck.

I have an 11 yo son who arrives home from school at 3:05. I allow him to eat, unwind, and basicaly do what he wants until 6pm. He then has to do his homework and reading BEFORE he can eat dinner. We usually eat dinner right around 7 (working mom). He is on the honor roll and doing well.

A first grader should not have more than 10-15 minutes of HW per day. Period! The amount that you describe is ridiculous, and you are seeing the net result of it with the arguing, stress and fatigue. HW in elementary school should be enjoyable and its aim is to promote good study habits. Overloading will have the opposite effect. Are other parents experiencing the same thing? What does the teacher or principal have to say? Teacher often have no idea how long an assignment takes and need to be told how much time your child spent on each thing. (I would also advocate for NO HW on the weekends--that should be reserved for family time!)

If the school's policy is to overload the children with too much work, then you'll need to get active and mobilize other parents to demand that the school changes the policy. In the meantime, you'll have to decide what HW you think your child should complete, and send a note to the teacher each day as to why.

Of course, if your child is brining classwork home each day, then the teacher (who should have told you that the very first day) and other support staff (reading specialist etc.) need to meet with you immediately to tell you what they think is going on.

I don't know if this will work for you, but, it worked for me. My daughter has to do her homework, before dinner. She comes home, gets a 10 minute break, with a SMALL snack, such as a juice pouch and a piece of cheese, or a couple crackers, and then it is homework time! Dinner is her payoff. I know some people might not agree with this, but, I am a single mom too, and it was a struggle to have her do her homework after she ate. I don't struggle much anymore, because it is her responsibility, and the sooner she gets it done, the sooner she eats, and then has the rest of the evening to play. Good Luck!

Talk to his teacher. Maybe he isn't completing his classwork in school hours and therefore having so much work coming home. My niece lived with my family when she was in 3rd grade and had a difficult time with the homework. After speaking to the teacher we found that she was goofing off in class and not doing her work in class at all. I took care of that right away. No t.v., music, phone, or friends until all work was done. It took her a week of stubbornness but she missed all the fun after school so she got caught up quick. Believe me, she started caching up quick. If he needs help, the teacher will know. My niece cried that it was too hard and I fell for it left and right until speaking to teacher. After that, I sat with her for an hour at a time, helping her then a 15 minute break.

1-2 hours of homework is ridiculous! I wonder if they have time to work on their homework at school? My son is 12 and has a friend that always has homework (they're in many classes together) but my son never has as much because he works on his in class. He figured out the more he gets done at school, the more time he has to play. Maybe make that suggestion to your 7 year old?

My son usually has baseball, drum lessons, friends to hang out with or something he wants to do so when he's got homework, he's got sort of a "goal" to work toward. Example - get it done by 5 so you can go to baseball.
Good luck!

The amount of homework your son has is against the PTA guidelines. It is suggested that 10 minutes of homework for 1st grade and then 10 minutes added on each year thereafter.

This happened to my grandson who is in gifted reading and math classes and he was 7 yrs old too. Homework is a breeze for him, but it is too much to ask kids to concentrate for that long.

I suggested to my son to go to school and talk with the teacher, but before he went to the teacher to talk to a couple of parents that he knew, telling them of his concern and seeing if their kids were having a hard time over the amount of homework. The neighbor's daughter was having the same problem and she too was in honors math and reading with Z.

Then he talked with a couple of other parents and their children were negatively being affected. Armed with his information he went to school and the teacher reduced the homework time significantly.

Orprah had a whole program on this and this homework syndrome is prevalent across the U.S. There are lots of articles about it also if you wanted to ask your local librarian to find them in magazines.

As a parent you must speak up for your child. You are the only advocate that he has. Otherwise teachers, principals, and coaches do whatever they want. You have a lot of power and influence. Go use it! And doing this on the phone does not work, you must go in person. I know you work but this is important.

M. Binder
Former Diagnostic Reading Teacher and Professional Counselor
www.super-science-fair-projects.com

L. you might like to investigate if he really is getting that much. I recently had the same problem with my 7 year old son. I spoke to his teacher (amazing, brilliant, caring woman) who, in short, raised her eyebrows at me and asked to me to perservere for a bit and come back to her. That very night I had the biggest fight with my son about it and went NUTS! He was so horrified that I had spoken to his teacher that he sat there and did it properly without any fuss AND did it properly. What usually took 40 minutes took him 10 minutes. What a load of rubbish he had been carrying on with. One more tip - I told my son it actually wasn't my problem and he could explain to his teacher why he hadn't done it. That scared the pants off him! Good luck - I feel your pain!!