Holiday Family Drama.. How to Deal with It.

Updated on December 31, 2008
T.W. asks from Burleson, TX
7 answers

Hello All. I am need some help! My husbands family are very competitive people and I am not. I am so proud of what my kids do without over doing it (If this makes since). My husbands family has a family deer lease (it's a house so we don't rough it). We have had it since my daughter was 6 months old. Anyways this past weekend we went there with the family that consists of my husbands parents, his sister and her husband and his brother and wife and there daughter. Well my husband does have a temper when it comes to his family as far as what you say to them. Well all weekend they all were getting onto my son ALL WEEKEND even with us sitting there and I can honestly say he wasn't doing anything we are not the type of parents to let him just do whatever. However when my neice would do something I would give her parents the chance to say something to her about pushing my son or making fun of my daughter when my daughter lost at a game. By Sunday afternoon my husband had enough and him and his brother got into it and it got a little of out of control and now they are not talking and he wants to just cut all ties between his siblings. I am such a family person I believe that it is very important and at the same time I don't agree with how everything happened I gave my opionion to all and I feel that is what I can do. I just hate that my husband feels this way.. What should I do?

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answers from Dallas on

I'm sorry you are in that situation.

Sometimes it is more emotionally healthy to cut the ties of some or all family. The only side of family we deal with is mine. I've been there and I am going through it.

Hang in there, support your hubby and do what is right for your family.

This time of year seems to bring the worst out of some people....



answers from Dallas on

Since this is your husband's family, I think it's his place to decide how to handle things. It sounds like he has grown away from them over the years and this was the culmination of things. I say you should do your best to keep things civil, but if your husband's family is toxic to yours (and it sounds like they are), then your husband is probably making the right decision. Yes, they are family, but what they say and do to your children especially can be more harm in the long run than taking some time away from them. It also sounds like it's the siblings and not the parents that are the issue. Maybe your family should try to plan visits with just your husband's parents rather than the whole family.



answers from Dallas on

I'd say let things calm down, then talk to your hubby about it. If emotions are still running high, discussing it would possibly do more harm than good.

Cutting ties sounds like a very emotional reaction, maybe said during the height of the upset. I'm betting that once things calm down your hubby may have a different view on the situation.

Let him calm down, then sit down with him by yourself and talk about what happened and how he wants to handle it.

Good luck!



answers from Houston on

I had to cut a whole section of relatives out of my life because the relationship just became too toxic. There was an incident right after my son was born, & it was just the straw that broke the camel's back. I decided that I had to visit those people, but I refuse to bring my son around them. They are just too toxic.

Sorry you are put into this situation. I believe that family is just not only blood relations.



answers from Dallas on

Oh goodness! I know the feeling excpet my husbands mom is a very very big drama queen and his brothers are drama kings!! They even started things with the entire family on Christmas eve!! This past week my husband said the same thing about them even his mom he has had enough of all of them. Honestly I am too but at the same time my kids love their nana and I am a family person as well. So I would do what I am doing just don't give advice and don't push him about the subject if he is like most males they will eventually get over it and if he does decide to go to family fuctions with them there and they get on your son honestly I would tell them that your not parenting their children let you parent yours. Maybe in a nicer I have also had that same issue with my own family and my sisters and I have agreed to take care of our own kids and if they are doing something wrong then one of us can notify the other and let them say something to the child. Hopefully everything will work out with time. Good luck!



answers from Dallas on

Hi. I have a similar situation. I have two boys, almost 4 and 1 1/2. I definitely notice that people, family and friends feel like they have right to get on my boys for things I wouldn't or don't. I know when to discipline my kids. I also know what to let go, because if I got onto them for every little thing, I would just be continuously be saying no all day long and that would be completely annoying and ineffective. And it seems that boys get in trouble for the exact same things that people let slide with girls. Also, it's unfair when another person says something to your child before you even have a chance and then they wind up getting in trouble twice because you were going to say something, you just got "beat to the punch". That's unfair to your child, they get in trouble twice. I used to teach Kinder, so I do have some background and experience with this. I'm sorry to say that I was probably guilty of it too. I don't really know how to handle it either, just thought you'd like to know another mother has a similar experience. I'll probably get to the point that your husband got to and totally blow up at someone too. They may not even deserve it, they're just around when the straw finally breaks. So, I gotta give your husband props for standing up for his son. Good luck with smoothing it over.



answers from Amarillo on


I know that whole situation had to be uncomfortable. Sounds like you handled it well. I don't think you need to do anything. I agree with the others-allow your husband to calm down. I think he is going to have to work this out on his own-with you to talk to about it all. I would also pray about this as well. Sounds like the family needs some healing. Hang in there!!

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