How to Deal with Husband Inviting His Sister to Christmas...UGGH!

If you know her drama/trantrum is going to happen and dont have any choice in stopping or avoiding it, then have fun with it!
Talk with the rest of the family, friends and anyone else who will be there, who understands her propensity for drama and causing trouble. Have everyone chip in $5 and make bets on what time she will blow. Just like the baby pools at work when someone is expecting! Maybe have everyone pick a time she will start the drama, and who she aims it at, as a tie breaker. I can just see the fun for everyone to be sitting around happily visiting and sipping eggnog, and when she walks in the "TIME STARTS NOW!" and the eager faces as she starts her little fuss over small stuff. Have someone designated as judge for when it is FULL BLOWN TANTRUM and decides who the winner of the cash is! As she storms out in her dramatic way, the cheers and high 5s for the winner will be so much more fun than any other entertainment you can have!

I can't offer advice but just let you know I have the same issue with my MIL. She was so horrid at Thanksgiving that my mom told me that her and my Aunt will not be coming up to my husband's Aunt's house for xmas and the reason is because of how the MIL acted on Thanksgiving. She actually said, the rest of his family is lovely, but they just don't want to be around the MIL again, so soon.

Yes, she's his sister, but you're his wife. When a person has a history of being negative, dramatic, toxic, self centered, etc., that's a game changer.

Your DH should respect your wishes to not invite this woman into your home. You both need to be on the same page. You have already compromised by attending functions that she's also attending (and subsequently ruining), now it's his turn to compromise.

I would not want that type of person at a holiday that I was hosting, personally, family or not. I am not sure that, at this point, you can "uninvite" her, but I would make a clear set of ground rules, such as telling her she'll need to leave at the first sign of negativity, drama, rudeness, etc. And follow through (nicely) if she doesn't comply.

She like the reaction she gets when she drama's it up. Don't be part of her audience. You dont have to react, let the others around her react the way they want to. She is not a reflection of you, but how you react WILL show YOUR character.
Would it make you feel good to have people say to you after the fact "I love how you handle Gertrude so effectively calm and cool, I wish I could be like that!" Be that person.

Family is family and I am glad to hear your husband has a heart of gold and wont turn his back on his family. Writing family off is just not an option in my opinion. How would you feel if this was your brother/sister/mother/father in question?
Sounds like the sister is dramatic, but I dont hear anything truly "toxic" here - just an obnoxious personality. Just about every family has one of those. You can't control her behavior, but you can control your reactions. Just dont let her get under your skin. When she acts annoying or dramatic or whatever, just brush it off and walk away. Dont feed the fire. If your holiday gets ruined by her, its only because you let her do it. If she decides to storm out, you have not lost out on anything, she has. Dont let your anger at her behavior get the best of you.

Tell your hubby since he's invited her, he needs to have a talk with her ahead of time...something to the effect of "We already discussed that you were out of line and I am over that but if you are attending Christmas at my home (and/or anything going forward) I expect you to behave like an adult. No more tirades or storming out. You ruin it for everyone and we want our get togethers to be peaceful and enjoyable for all. You last episode was the last forgivable one.".

I guess I am lucky that even my ex tolerated my family. Really you do get that even though he can't control them he still loves them. Even though my family drives me to fits, it hurts and I become very defensive if someone else attacks them because it feels like I am being attacked. Probably because I grew up with them and know very well I have some of the same personality flaws.

So I guess I am saying is it really worth your temper tantrum to alienate your husband because that is what will happen.

No one wants to think of a family member all by themselves on a holiday, esp. when you are all together and they could come over, but If he wants to invite her over, do it on your terms. Invite her to come in the late afternoon after you've enjoyed YOUR family time. Or even on a different day, after Christmas, or even the next weekend for New Year's. Say its a scheduling thing.

Apparently your husband is not finished riding the merry-go-round.
Talk to him about finding a way to not care about her outbursts.
Next time she blows up, thank your husband for the evenings entertainment and ask him if he's ready to change the channel yet and when is he going to ask her about seeing a therapist.
I should think you'd be able to have a few occasions when she'd not be invited - your own birthday for example.
Eventually he needs to figure out it's you he's married to, and although crazy sis might be invited to a few things every year - she shouldn't be a central figure in every event in your household.

Unfortunately every family will have drama! She obviously has some unresolved issues that she hasn't learned to deal with. It's nice to extend the invitation. If she isn't speaking to him she probably won't come. In advance of her attending make sure you and DH are on the same page on how to handle her if she becomes beligerent again. No you should not have to put up with this in your household. It sounds like your DH already sets her straight..Let him handle.

If she shows up and acts like nothing has happened I'd completely ignore her. If she asks you about it tell her that you will not feed into her drama, that she acted inappropriately and you won't give her any reason to ruin Christmas, you understand she is your husbands sister and will inevitably be at functions but that you'd rather not have contact with her. It might not make the drama better but at least it would be someone holding her accountable.. this is your house and your Christmas don't enable her by acting like everything is a-okay. It's not.

Put it on hold for the holidays. That's my best advice. Don't let it ruin your holiday, don't dwell on her brattiness during the holiday, just put it all on hold. None of that stuff is important and your husband is choosing to put his relationship with her above all of her petty brattiness. Let him.

I am so sorrry...but really sorry that your husband is not on board with you. That is a lonely and frustrated place to be.

We had this same situation with my husband's sister. Finally we had enough and my husband told his parents that we would not come to family gatherings if she was there..we would come celebrate with them another night. The parents understood and finally told the daughter her behavior was disruptive to the family and the happy feelings that should abound during holidays and gatherings. She was told to shape up or she was to come another time. She flipped worse then she ever had before. She began to really show her true colors when confronted that SHE had a problem.

She ended up putting a restraining order against her father (he is the most peaceful man...a doormat to the women in his life) and taking him to court. WTH?!! Turns out the judge sided on my father in law and actually told my sis in law that she owed him money. She had a tirade in court and mouthed off to the judge. She was found in contempt of court. She has now lost custody of her own daughter for other trumped up charges she made on someone. She is sick...really sick.

THere are people that have serious issues or mental issues and are unwilling to get help. This is my sister in law. I really think she has some psychological problems but will not seek help. She has lost everything and our family has not seen her in 9 years. We reached out for awhile with cards or phone calls but now she has disappeared and wants no contact.

All of this started with us simply putting our foot down to the drama and all attention having to be on her or she would get angry. We did not believe we needed to put up with this in our family for the sake of keeping peace in the family. We had enough..my husband was not a little boy anymore having to do what his parents and family dictated to keep sister happy and content. He stood up to the same old song and dance.

You need to help your husband understand that he may have had to put up with her antics while growing up but he is a man now and head of a household and you will not let it into YOUR own little family.

Good luck and best wishes!! I feel for you!!

I think that you should invite her but remind her that it's Christmas and that she needs to behave herself at your home. And if she can't, then she has no business coming over and ruining your family celebration.

Here is the thing I have figured out with my hubby and his spoiled brat sister - she can say anthing she damn well pleases to himand he just takes it. I remind him OVER AND OVER that if he doesn't confront her about her actions that she will never act any other way than like the spoiled brat that she is (she is a married adult with 2 kids). She was just used to having her way with her brother until I came along and stole her personal slave/money lender.

So I say, don't let her act that way in your house. Good luck!!

Why can't he just see her on his own? He can take your kids to see her and you don't have to be involved. She doesn't have to come to the family parties or your house. I don't agree that you should just have to deal with it. I hope you figure it out...good luck!!!

I'm right there with you and I can't deal with my husbands sister at all anymore. So I have no advice just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone.

I understand completely what you are saying. My stepdaughter who is 33 is like this and much worse. She purposely trys to ruin our lives and not just at holidays. It's gotten so bad that we have completely written her off. We have absolutely no contact with her. Luckily she lives in another city. But it took a long time to get to that point. I got to that point way before my husband (her father) did. He finally got to that point with her after she completely burned the bridge between them by an action that is unspeakable. I say all that to say during the time that I had already reached my limit with her and he hadn't yet (he was hoping againist all hope that there still was a possiblity for a healthy relationship with her) that I had to deal with him still talking to her. I didn't like it but that was his daughter and he had to get to the point of enough is enough on his own with her. I couldn't influence him because he may resent me later on. This was something he had to do on his own. While my situation was more violent than yours I didn't care for the drama associated with her. Right now your husband is just trying to keep peace with her but he fails to realize that there is no such thing as "peace" with people like this. I learned that the hard way. No matter what you do, sooner or later, she'll explode on you about something. It takes more than blood to be family. Sharing blood doesn't give you a free pass to do as you please and everyone just has to accept it. Unfortunately there is not a lot you can do since your husband isn't on the same page as you. It may take a few more blow ups on her part for him to say that's it. Maybe ya'll can compromise? Have her come over for a set time or meet her someplace public to do something? Hang in there and good luck.

I understand how hard it is. The only thing I can say in your husbands defense is that he has to live with how he treats others. He may feel he has to be tolerant of her and even others that act like this because it is his nature or he has been taught his entire life to look the other way.

If his basic nature is like that of a "meek" he is never going to be one to take a stand and say no more drama, they tend to have a forgiving nature. They are not doormats by any definition but more of a "I am going to ask nicely then stand here and wait until I get what I need" and not a warrior who acts like "I want what I want when I want it and if I don't get it right now everyone is this whole building will know you are lazy and not helpful".

I am more of a warrior and hubby is more of a meek. Sometimes it is very frustrating but when I want results I usually allow him to intervene so I don't have to get all riled up.

This is family so I know you will have to be around her for many years unless you move away for a job transfer or job change, which sometimes can be such a blessing in disguise.

Good luck with the holidays!