Hitting - Indianapolis, IN

Updated on May 28, 2009
B.A. asks from Indianapolis, IN
10 answers

1)I have a 14 month old daughter adn she has started hitting. I am at a lose on what to do because it is constant hitting in the face. I have told her no hitting, she does not understand time out, and I really don't want to hit her back because that kind of defeats the purpose of telling her no hitting(HERE'S YOUR SIGN MOM) HELP!!
2)Also we are potty training and it is going great, but she keeps touching herself while she is on the potty should I have her stop doing that or jsut leave it alone she is just exploring her body?

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answers from Fort Wayne on

When she hits, you need to grab her hands, hold them against her will, and tell her "NO HITTING" very sternly. Hold her hands for 5-10 seconds and then let them go.

Let her touch herself when she's potty training. You don't want to teach her early on that her privates are dirty or bad. Once she's older, if she were to still be doing it, which is very highly unlikely, then you can have a talk with her about how things like that are done in private.

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answers from Lafayette on


When my oldest was a little guy, he learned to bite from a fellow daycare kid. The care provider told me to not worry because is was a phase he'd outgrow, and she said to keep telling him no and use time outs. It took like 4 months, but from what I understand, he just had to learn it wasn't nice and our opinion didn't change. (He'd bite, then laugh.)

As for the touching at potty time, just tell her "we don't touch ourselves when we go potty". Down play the exploring part and beef up the being clean part; keep it simple. Make more of a deal about hand washing... say somehting like "first we go potty and keep the tinkle and poop off our panties, then we use toilet paper to get the tinkle and poop off our bottoms, and now we'll use soap and water to get the tinkle and poop off our hands".



answers from Indianapolis on

First - with the hitting: is there any rhyme or reason to when she does this? Is she frustrated? Does she think it's funny? Is she trying to get your attention?

If there's any way you can determine the cause, that should help dictate how to deal with it. We would use the term "no hit" (with "authority"). If that didn't work, we'd pat her on the hand while we said "no hit". If that didn't work, we might make a sad face and go "Owww....that hurt Mommy" and see what she does.

With the potty issue - you're awfully brave to be trying to potty train her at 14 months! And the behavior is natural; and be vigilant on hand washing.

For what it's worth, and good luck!



answers from Cincinnati on

Every time your daughter goes to hit, take her hand and show her how to touch gently. Say "Gentle touches only". If she is doing it out of anger rather than experimentation, you need to remove her from the situation. She is too young to have impulse control. It will definitely take repetition, but she will learn eventually.

My son also puts his hands down there whenever he has access to it. He likes to play in his stream as he pees. It's quite annoying. I wouldn't make a big deal about it, but you might want to have her wash her hands if she has been touching herself. Of course you need to explain not to do it in public, but the bathroom should be a private enough place that it should be a safe place for her to explore her own body.



answers from Indianapolis on

1) hitting is normal for a 1 year old because they do not have the vocabulary to say how they feel or what they want. Try teaching sign language. You don't need alot of words... just try to pick a half a dozen words that are common... words like 'more' or 'book' or 'eat' or 'toy'. Once she starts using them (can take a few weeks until it "clicks" for her) you may see a decrease.

She's much too young for a time-out. The best way to discipline a 1-2 year old is through redirection and distraction. Say "no hitting" and move her to another situation. We gave my son an inflated kid punching bag when he was 15 months and going through a hitting phase. We told him "hit this (as we put him in front of it), not people". It seemed to work.

2) Just ignore it. She's exploring her body. You can name the parts (use real names, please) she's touching if you want to but otherwise just ignore it. If she starts touching herself outside of the bathroom or her bedroom then tell her to only do that in the privacy of her room.



answers from Evansville on

I know alot of people believe that hitting them back will only encourage the hitting they are doing, but that isn't always the case. If she gets a little clue as to how it feels to her, then she might associate that with what she is doing to others. I'm not saying haul off and hit her hard, but a little slap on the hand might get it through to her more than words can. It worked for both of my boys (3 and 18 mo) Good luck!



answers from Indianapolis on

You're right...hitting a child for hitting is pretty stupid:) lol You just teach them that when you want your way you get to hit because you're bigger. Besides, even physical discipline advocates agree that 14-months is too young to start. Redirection is the way to go. Say "Hands are not for hitting, they are for ____" and have her do that. Drawing, give her a crayon, hugging, give her a big hug, etc...be creative and positive and it won't turn in to a frustration issue for her.

Let her touch herself and as she gets older or you see her doing it in public, explain that it's only something you do in private.



answers from Indianapolis on

Hitting is unacceptable and has to be dealt with immediately. If a firm "no", and don't kid yourself she gets the message from time out but is stubborn enough to have you believe she doesn't, isn't working then going to her crib for 10 minutes may be your only recourse. I am a believer in I told you "no" and you didn't listen. Frankly smacking her back hard enough to let her know how it feels is not defeating the purpose of telling her "no, that hurts and if you do it again mommy will do it to you". I understand your feelings about hitting her back but I finally realized it was the only way they understood how it felt.



answers from Cincinnati on

All kids go through this phase, it is to see where their limits are. Just be patient with her and I would grab her hand and tell her " no hitting". She will eventually stop but it is very frusterating because of the age. I would not hit back unless you want her to hit more.

As for the potty training and her touching herself, that is also just a phase. She is just figuring out that pee comes out and that is there. BOYS are so much worse. But she will eventually stop. You could also talk to her when she does that and just tell her that is were the pee comes out but you really should not touch. I did that with my daughter she is now 5 1/2 and she has out grown that. But she would touch herself everytime she would get in the bath water from about 14 months until she was 2 1/2. Just know that this is a phase and it is normal. Just be patient with her and everything will be fine.



answers from Cleveland on

If she's into reading at all get the book "I call my hand Gentle" by Amanda Haan from the library. It is a very basic book that deals with our hands and the positive and negative things we can do with them; it reenforces good choices. I read this to my son, who was having the same problem, and it seemed to help. (not sure of course if it was the book but could have been)
As for the potty training (btw i agree with the other poster who said it is very brave of you to start at 14 months) I'd say she's just exploring and let it alone..

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