Help with Our 18Month Old daughter...pleeeeeease

You're right. We've all been there. Unfortunately it is just a phase of their life, but the good news is that it gets better. It sounds like you're doing the right things, telling her that's not acceptable behavior, and redirecting her to other things. I have done time outs with my 2-yr-old, since he was probably about 18 months. I have him "sit on the step until he is ready to be a nice boy." It works!! I just keep asking him if he's ready to be a nice boy yet, and after a few "No"s, he finally says "yes", and then he's okay again. Good luck!

At that age, she will not probably understand time out. I remember my daughter at that age was either moving or asleep.

We would take the offending toy or whatever it was away. The toy would get a time out.
When my daughter would have a tantrum, I would just walk away from her & if she didn't have an audience, the tantrum wasn't as fun. You have to be prepared to leave where ever you are. There was a couple of times when we were at the store, that I put her in the car (in her car seat), closed the door, & stood outside the car until she stopped screaming.

Some activities we did at that age: roll balls & cars back & forth to each other in the kitchen or hall wall; lots of blocks; lots of stacking cups; lots of Little People.

Good luck!!

Dear L.,

Sounds as though you have your hands full...but you wouldn't trade that handful for all the gold in the world, would you??!!! A doctor recommended the book "One, Two, Three, Magic" to us and it works. Your daughter may be a bit too young to grasp it just yet, but by the time she reaches two years of age this book will be very effective.

Hope you find this helpful.

By the way, my son is nine years old and I don't fit into my skinny jeans.............sigh.............

Sincerely,
C.

My son is nearly 16 months and already doing all the things your daughter is...Im terrified of the terrible twos, not sure it can be much worse. We've started to use time outs b/c he often just laughs when I say no and when he gets soemthing in his head he wants he wont be redirected. Usually I take him as far as I can from what he wants and tell him no, sit him on the floor and walk away. He usually gets mad but then when he comes to find me we hug and move on. About 75% of the time this is enough to get him off of whatever it is. Really worked with biting. They do not like to be ignored. I have also noticed my sons behavior is worse if we aren't active. He is not one to hang in the house all day so I try to plan one activity for him and one errand to run each day. This breaks up being at home. I'm a member of the local MOMS club (www.momsclub.org) and that helps us to have more to do then the park, etc. Good luck, we will survive this!
Btw...love your about me!!

Have you tried ignoring the behavior? I know it isn't easy but sometimes kids will get attention any way they can, good or bad. The more you give in the more they learn that by whining or behaving in a certain way they will get what they want, and often, they will continue the whining or other behavior as long as they need to until they get their way. Stop the behavior as soon as you can and teach your child that the behavior isn't an acceptable way of getting things. My son has only thrown 2 tantrums (he's 3). No, I'm not the perfect parent and he's not the perfect child. The first one was when he was 2 and he tried to throw himself on the ground and scream. I laughed at him. He soon began to laugh, got up, and tantrum was over. With the other one, I gave him 2 options: Calm down or go to his room until he was under control. He didn't calm down at first so I had to take him to his room. I told him he could come down when he got himself calmed down. He threw everything from his bed down the stairs but I ignored it. He eventually calmed down and came downstairs. When he came down we talked about why he got upset and why he had to go to his room. I have also used time-outs for hitting and other behaviors. We started using them around before he turned 2. I think the important thing in using them is to make sure the child knows why they are getting them. Tell them "timeout, no _______", and then put them in timeout. My son is very good when I put him in a time-out and doesn't come down until we say he can so we have luckily never had to deal with repeatedly putting him back until he stays. When he has sat for whatever time he needs, we ask him why he was sent to his room (or put in a timeout). He can almost always tell us without any hints from us. We talk about it and then he has to apologize before he can come downstairs. With my son, usually the threat of going to his room is enough to curb the behavior. My son does have toys in his room but he knows that when he is in timeout he is to sit on his bed and not to play with toys. There's also nothing really in his room that he can break, so it's a safe place to send him.

Whatever you do, be consistent within your family (and hopefully with whoever else watches your child). The more consistent you are the quicker you will curb the negative behaviors. Good Luck!

Hi L.,

Sounds like you've gotten some great advice. I take care of a 2 year old who likes to cry buckets if things don't go her way. When she starts, I usually just nip it in the bud from the start, and tell her to go sit by the door in the kitchen until she can quit whining and crying...off she goes and before you know it she's telling me that she is done. It use to take a couple of times a day before she would realize it wasn't going to work, and now it only happens a couple of times a week. Her parents use the time out technique, too, so we are working together.

Good luck!

C.

I only have two pieces of advice, but they saved us! You may have heard them already...one, set up a place that is completely ok for her--to make a mess, to play, to get into anything. Two, take her outside. When my kids are acting that way, we head outdoors pronto, because we have a small wooded section of our yard and both kids (almost 1 and 4 years) both seem to act better outside and are engaged enough to mostly stay out of trouble!

just keep doing what you are doing and be patient (seems impossible i know) but they will get it, and twos aren't so bad, its threes that are testing! Also i don't know how many naps your little one still takes but hearing you describe some of the things she is doing, sound exactly how my little guy gets when he is TOO tired and it always takes me a little bit before i realize..."Hmm maybe he needs a nap"

You will get through it, enjoy them at this age it doesn't last long enough!

Sounds like we are going through this at the same time. Yes my wonderful sweet baby is a terror. We did start the naughty chair/step a week or so ago. It really does work if done properly and consistently. One warning, once they do it again, get down at their level and tell them no..stay with them at first to make sure they stay. Eventually they will stay on their own. For whatever reason, they learn that they do not want to be there.

I also hear that they eventually grow out of this stage! Not soon enough!

This to, shall pass. I have 4 boys, the youngest is 7. Those sweet days you're in right now, are a breeze compared to sitting up waiting for my 17 yr old to come home, after he's broken curfew. My mind races: accident? My other 2 are pretty much on their own, being teens, and I pray for them while they're away from me. Enjy these days, and keep this stage in perspective. It is only a stage, and will be followed by other stages. Don't want to bum you out, but it does pass very very quickly. When she whines, picture your life without her, and it makes all the difference in the world. Still OK to vent and blow off steam, though..that's what Mamasource is for !!! Have a good day, and snuggle with that sweet baby...

Wow-
Looks like you got a lot of advice, so please excuse me if I repeat (I didn't read them all).

I too have a busy, busy daughter (I say she's my spunky little monkey). She also hit her "terrible two's" at 18mo. She is now 3 and getting better, so be patient... you'll get there. Keep re-enforcing the positive such as that's an owie - be nice, gentle hands - no hitting, etc... (you are already doing).

Some may say she's too little for a time out, but with my daughter she understood soon enough. I always told her to say sorry to someone she may have been unkind to or hit... have her hug them and explain why it is wrong. If she chooses not to, then she sat facing the wall until she could (it was cute how she said "saawee"). If it was something she did and not to someone, she needed to say sorry to me. Over time, she has little time outs and knows when she does wrong where she apologizes without my telling her.

Also, counting to three helps. I tell her she needs to __(change what she's doing wrong)_ when I get to three, or she will get a time out. She'll get the knack of it after a few time outs... she'll then wait until 3 in the beginning, then maybe start listening at 2, then change right away at the start of 1. It's somewhat funny how my daughter will now say - when I start at 1.. "I'm coming!".

In fact, to make you feel better, when my daughter was starting this.. she hit my husband and I scolded her explaining that she needs to be nice to daddy and hitting is not aloud. I said that it hurt daddy and she should say sorry to him... she chose to take a time out (when I didn't even tell her) instead of saying sorry! That is just one of the stories where she gave herself a time out. Kids understand more than we give them credit for.

Just be consistent in what you decide how to handle this. She'll understand when you keep following through with your choice. I always make sure she understands why it was wrong and what is the better choice (keep it age appropriate - simpler now, more explaining as she's older - such as "be nice right?" to "that's not nice to... will you be nice now?" to "what did you do?"... will you...now?").

Many times I've felt like pulling my hair out with my daughter, but I wouldn't trade her for the world!

Good luck and I wish you the best (and all the patience in the world). I feel for ya - I'm sure we could share many similar stories. In time, it will get better. I think it took all of the two's with my daughter and she still tests me. My husband and I joke that if she would have been the first (I have an opposite first born - 8yr old son), we probably wouldn't have had a second :)
~SR
P.S. -- Always praise the positive/when she does something good. She will get praise for the good, and consequence for the wrong, and soon she will choose good things over the bad because she'll like getting praised. :)

Hi L.,
Sounds like an active 18 month old. My first thought was diet, our son was a bit like this and it helped taking him off All artificial colors and flavors. Now that he is 14 he is not as reactive and doesn't need to avoid them. Seems they do grow out of the sensitivity. I am not a big one for time outs.
SAHM with home business and homeschooling our 14 year old ds,
S.

It sounds like your daughter and my daughter are the same! I've found she acts out when she wants attention. I try my hardest to ignore the behavior but when she's climbing on top of me it gets hard (not too subtle). I try to redirect her with an activity, it doesn't last long, but it makes her forget the unwanted behavior. Believe me, I'm with ya. We do this all day long, it's really irritating but I guess you just have to be consistent. I do use time outs, she gets what they are but she doesn't care. I'm hoping someday she'll catch on if I'm consistent! Good luck and I'll be checking in to see what others say!

Hi L.,
Been there, done that! I think we all go through it at some time. What worked for us--and still does, is consistency and timeouts on the steps. We picked steps because wherever we are, there are steps--at the park, at friend house, you name it. We also found that the behavior was also done just to get attention--so we ignored when there was no hurting of self or others.

hang in there!
L.
mom to ainsley and gentry 11/03

Hi L.,
I don't have many solutions for you, mainly because my son is going through the same thing, though much of our frustration is manifesting itself in sleep regression. Here's a link to a blog I follow, where readers share their parenting experience/advice. There was recently a whole discussion dedicated to the 18mo stage. This alone made me feel better, that my child isn't the only one turning into Jekyl and Hyde! Good luck!!

http://www.askmoxie.org/2008/09/18-months.html

Agree with Liz a lot. We have an almost 2 year old little girl and she definitely tests us constantly. We do find it best to ignore the tantrums and praise them more when they behave well (like when she does sit and entertain herself or plays nice). We do use time outs and we started at about 18 months. It takes them a little while to really understand that they are supposed to stay where you put them but eventually they will get it even if it means you have to constantly put them back on that spot. It takes awhile but we can use time out as a threat(sounds like a bad word to use but couldnt think of anything else off hand) say come and pick up your mess like we asked you to our you will go sit time out. This usually works but they will test you from time to time to see if you are for real. As long as you are consistent with it, it should work. but of course every child is different and you may need different tactics. This seems to work for us.

Good luck with your daughter, even thought they can really test you they are just loads of joy to watch develop and become their own little person.

wow. awesome.
im taking a class right now thats called 10 steps to positive discipline.

first of all, dont use the word dont, kids dont understand what it means because they cant un-conjunct words. they dont get dont = do not.
try to use positive side, like, lets walk instead of dont run.

secondly, with the tantrum part, what works like a charm is if i just let my son flop onto the floor (which usually hurts but nto seriously enough to try to stop him or catch him) and i walk away. do not pay one bit of attention to it, any attention reinforces the behavior.
if you need to, put her in her room or some other room by herself until shes done with her rant. my son goes into his room where he has a tent with a big teddy and big puppy called his quiet place.. and its funny that he goes right in there and lays down. sometimes they just need to be removed from the situation.

good luck, the more calm and confidence you can have, avoiding the emotional outbursts on your part as well, the easier this stage is. it doesnt go away quickly or easily.
but it does go away eventually.

sounds like you're doing the right things.

I do time outs. One minute for her age. Seems to help.

She may be bored and need playmates. My daughter really blossomed when she went to a sitter's house with other kids. Very happy and gregarious kid. She just needed other kids to play with.

My boys hate time out, but after they get out of time out they behave, and have not had to have time out more than once in a day.

When you put her in timeout make sure she learns that she has to STAY there until you say she can get out (1 min for however old they are). If she gets up keep putting her back in. Even if you have to hold her in timeout to make her understand then do it; she'll learn eventually. Also, don't give her blankie, binkie, turn on cartoons, etc. She is being punished. After her time is up remind her why you put her in timeout, give her a hug and tell her you love her.