Our family doesn't know what to do about a family member. We know he needs help. He seems depressed and has lots of headaches and has seen several drs and had several tests done but they all come back negative. We try to talk about depression with him and he bites our heads off. He was sent to a psychiatrist and they basically said hes depressed and are going to give him social sec because he cant work from a sleeping disorder and constant headaches. He tried to get treated at the Mayo clinic and got rejected. We would like advice where to go from here. At times he wants help but only wants to hear what he wants to hear. Any ideas where to go from here?
Go to http://www.nami.org/ for support and direction. They have support groups and valuable information and leads for people who have loved ones with mental disorders.
How old is he? That will make a difference. If this is an adult, there is not much you can do unless he wants to get help.
I'm not clear when you say he got "rejected" from the Mayo Clinic? Does he not have insurance because he does not work and they rejected him from the "no pay" list? Because Mayo Clinic works just like any other Health Clinic - you just make an appointment if you have insurance.
Northwestern University has an outstanding depression clinic in their Evanston office - so it would be a couple hour drive, but if he is not working he may be able to join.... You can call or research "The Family Institute". They also operate on a sliding scale, so there may be no fee. PLease call them today.
If he already saw a psychiatrist who confirmed depression.... is he on meds? Will he take meds? That may also help with his headaches.
Is his sleeping disorder also being addressed? He needs to be treated for that as well.
What tests are coming back "negative"? It sounds like you have some clearly defined "positives" - depression, sleep disorder. He needs medical intervention for these 2 issues that HAVE been diagnosed, regardless of how many other tests come back "negative".
Depression (unless it's situational) will probably be a life long struggle. he will have to pull the motivation from somewhere inside himself to want to get help.
Good Luck.
Im very sorry that you guys are going through this. But yes you need to lay off him. The more you try the more he will reject you guys. Just continue to offer support and prayers. Sometimes in these cases the person needs to hit a major breakdown or hit rock bottom to snap out of it but he can only get help when HE asks for it HIMSELF. Hes got to be willing... Prayers to you and your family! Good luck and God bless!
I am sorry you and your family are struggling with this. I have dealt with this with my mother, brother, and brother-in-law and I have learned that it really depends on the person and their openness to treatment. I think the best thing you and the rest of the family can do is show [him] that you are here for him, express your feelings openly around him, but let him figure out what he needs. Don't push him to seek help - he may just need time and space. I hate to say it but it usually takes someone hitting bottom before the light bulb turns on. Everyone's bottom is different. Prepare for things to get worse before they get better!
There is a great website INSPIRE.COM, check on there. I just looked and there is a depression group. It's a site that you can go to and post questions, seek answers from people who have had depression or family memebers, like yourself, dealing with others in the family with depression. I used it for an illness I had and it really helped me get through tough times and speak to others in my position. Check it out! Good luck to you!
Back away.
Until he starts thinking about someone other than himself, he's going to continue down the rabbit hole.
First of all if he truly has something wrong with him, that is a mystery still, it can very well be the cause of his depression. Sure you can encourage him to get on an SSRI to better accept and deal with the situation he is now in. Keep in mind even the best of medicines has side effects. This is especially true of psych meds. A typical one for men is sexual dysfunction. That can be hard to deal with for men. I've seen that in my support group alot. I have a life long illness and I have so many different diagnoses I couldn't actually pry recall them all. Lets just say my stomach, liver, intestines, pancreas... GI tract barely functions. I take handfuls of pills at every single meal. I can't even sleep in a bed! I have a chair I have to sleep in because laying down I just can't do. Alot of people like me eventually have feeding tubes and some even lose their stomachs and intestines all together eventually! It's depressing. It's scary. I feel like a freak. I have no idea if tonight I'll take my last bite of food ever. I hear alot from support groups people saying just having a name of what was wrong with me changed my life for the better. Just some answers.
Alot of people know something is wrong and will go from doctor to doctor trying to get help. Alot of time to no avail. Doctors are taught to look for horses not zebras... so if you are a zebra you can have a heck of a time getting help! Copays add up quick even if you have insurance. Procedures add up even quicker. Think about how that would make you feel! You feel sick, you know you are sick and you have no answers. Or if you do you know it's NOT the right one. Every corner you get either no answers or something that doesn't make sense. I actually had one doctor tell me to lose weight and I'd be better. I lost 75 pounds because I couldn't keep any food down for 6 months..... went back to him to say now what and he just said he had no idea what was wrong with me but now agreed something was and referred me on. When he first saw me he listened to me..... told me because of my BMI I was overweight and told me to lose weight and I'd be fine... left the room. I waited nearly 2 months to see him! But I went back just to show him! May seem crazy to you but there is nothing more bleak than feeling like dirt and no one being able to help you or know what is wrong with you.
From reading your post I don't know if you do believe him that something is wrong. I dealt with family members like that. I eventually would just feel like they were against me and didn't want to deal with me.... I in turn didn't want to deal with them. They pry got nothing but head biting off eventually from me too. I knew what I was feeling and I knew it wasn't normal. Not believing me made them worse in my mind than the bad doctors. Family is suppose to have your back. I was lucky to finally find wonderful doctors who take good care of me and found the right medicines. That helps more than I can explain. I still get depressed and pain management can be hard.... and I've forgiven nearly all my family members that I took issue with but I still don't trust those ones. When you are at your most vulnerable and you feel left out in the rain what you need most is support and love. Definitely not judgement though.
Oh and NO test is 100% accurate. Hell you can test positive for something like Lupus and a month later negative! Any doctor will tell you nothing is 100%. For the food fasting/digestion test I tested poorly twice and once it came back fine. Well considering my stomach doesn't turn on without pills obviously that test wasn't good or that was just a lucky day that my stomach functioned properly. There are over 10,000 autoimmune disorders known for example. Most of those you would be lucky to find 5 people in the world that have them. Think about how many test it would require to find the right one of those.
But regardless I just wanted to say just be supportive. Leave your judgement at the door. You are not a doctor, You are not him. Maybe he is just depressed and the headaches are in his head... maybe they aren't. Either way you have no idea and isn't it always better to be supportive and loving than it is to go the other direction. If he thinks something is wrong even if it was psychosomatic ... something is wrong.
Leave the diagnoses to the doctors and the psych's even. Just be supportive in every way you can. Hopefully eventually he'll find out what is amiss and get pain management under control and his life will improve, he'll accept his new life and the depression will lift. I've seen it MANY times happen in my support group. But what you really need to do is simply support him. That is where you should start.
Do you mean SSI (social security) If so, the psychiatrist is basically telling you that he isn't able to make a difference with your family member. He may be saying that his depression is too ingrained and will therefore not benefit from therapy. He may have offered your family member medication and he rejected it.
Would your family member give you permission to talk with the psychiatrist? If so you'd know better what you can do for him.
As long as your family member is unwilling to get help in ways suggested to him, you cannot help him change.
As others have said, love him, be supportive when you can, but basically stop trying to improve him.
Is that all that the psychiatrists have to say? What do they recommend he do to function in his life? Any meds? Any rehab? Any social exercises? Since he is an adult, family members can do only what he will allow you to do. Take full advantage when he lets you help him. Sometimes it takes a while to find a good fit with a counselor/therapist/psychiatrist. Keep looking until you find someone who can make a difference with him.
