Help with 1St Grade Stalking Instead of Bullying

Check out books by Dr. Terrence Webster-Doyle. You can google him and read some reviews about his work and his personal experience. He is a been there done that guy.

I have several of his books that I lend to students and parents. They have always been very helpful.

You should be able to pick these up off Amazon.com. I always order used books from there and they are usually in great shape and a lot cheaper than new.

Good Luck,
B.

If this situation is disturbing your daughter & you feel the only solution is to switch classrooms, then you can make it happen. Your daughter has a right to feel safe at school. first write down every incident you can remember including the date it happened. Also write down every step you took to remedy the situation, including all the meetings & their dates. Then have a meeting wthe superintendent. Show him the list. Explain that this girl is harassing your daughter. Show him that nothing else has worked. Nicely request that your daughter be moved. If he says no, then say I expect me daughter to be in a new classroom by tomorrow or I am getting a lawyer & suing the district & you for allowing this harrassment to continue. If they don't follow through...get the lawyer. Most schools will do whatever you ask on the threat of a lawyer. However, realize that once you do this, you will become that parent that all teachers are wary of. You will never again be asked to help out in the classroom. Every teacher that gets your daughter will be warned about you (by other teachers). They will ofcourse do evrything necessary to educate your daughter, but they will be cautious around her. Only you can judge the seriousness of the situation & determine if it is worth going through these steps. Good luck.
Oh...something else to consider. hated my K teacher. She was an evil, awful woman. She was mean & nasty & one day I was sick. I asked her to let me go to the nurse. She said no. We were leaving the classroom to go to the library & I threw up in the hallway. She had everyone else in the class move to the other side of the hall. She made me stand over my puke until the nurse came. My mother was livid & I believe the teacher was reprimanded, but I was still in the class for the rest of the year. I survived & though I do remember every detail of that incident & a few others, they did not scar me for life. I loved school (except for that year) & eventually became a teacher. The point of my story is that your daughter will most likely come out through this ok (we all have at least one horrible school story) & it should not affect her future school life. Again good luck with your decision.

I taught 1st grade for 5 years and a year each of 2nd and 3rd in Baltimore and this was the case every year in my classes. Sometimes it was the "smart, pretty" girl excluding the others or the "needy, bully" ones trying to gain friends. Either way I found that taking a huge part in the "groups" myself usually helped. I would invite them to a lunch in the classroom and talk about there feelings or have special talks with the self proclaimed leaders. You said that you have talked to your the teacher, and no one wants to seem pushy, but perhaps you could suggest that to your daughter's teacher. I would explain that leaving anyone out of a group is hurtful and then would have lunches with all the girls and rearrange the room often so students had the chance to sit near other new friends. The girls would often make friends with whomever was close. You are right to be concerned if it affects your daughter or her education. The school's last resort is always to move a child to another room. They often want to encourage coping skills and the fact that you can't always avoid a situation, some silly for little ones though. If they let one child move for that reason, there would be many more to follow. Believe me, it is more common than you think. Maybe you can talk to some other parents and see how or if they have handled the same situation. It is frustrating but these little group dramas start earlier and last for many years, sometimes into adulthood I think. Good luck and continue to encourage your daughter to be kind and strong!

I don't have much experience with this but what I can tell you is that no matter what the school is telling you they have to seperate them and if your daughter is not the disruption they other girl has to leave the classroom. I would keep going, i.e. the school board and so forth and keep up on the issue. The only other thing I can tell you is to take your daughter to the doctor, Psychologist, and have her evaluated in regards to the situation and then bring it to the attention of the school. Keep up on the issue, there is no reason your daughter should suffer emotionally because the school refuses to do anything about it.

Kerrie, I feel your pain. My daughter is in 1st grade and has a love/hate relationship with a "friend" in her class. The only blessing I have is that my daughter doesn't take any stuff from the other girl. We have had the "...will you play with me at recess?" "...you are not my friend!" things too. I am astonished that after 3 meetings no one has stepped up and taken your daughter's side!! My only suggestion would be to have her go to the guidance counselor and maybe she can help your daughter deal with the other littel girl. Maybe you could request a meeting with the counselor, principal and teacher AGAIN and tell them that you want something done to help your daughter! As a previous teacher, I think this is why certain children fall through the cracks. All the attention is given to the children with "problems" and the children who are gifted. The "average" ones are left to fend for themselves.
Good luck with your daughter. I hope it works out for your both.

As someone or two also said, your daughter is entitled to an education just like this other little stalker girl. While you have to have some sympathy, it cannot be at the expense of your daughters education. Yes, the other girl has a right to a good educational experience but so does your daughter!

So...I would call another meeting w/ the principal, the teacher & the superintendant & I would be adamament this time. Your daughters education is being negatively impacted by this situation & she has a right to not feel harassed in her classroom. So...ask them what options they are willing to offer to fix this situation? And...then if one seems reasonable, take it. I think moving her to another classroom is completely sensible.

My daughter's class includes a troublesome child. He's been trouble since the first time we met him in preschool when he was 2. This boy was harassing another girl in the class so she was moved. On the one hand, I think he should have been moved but...important thing, she is comfortable again becuase they are seperated. That is what has to happen!

Demand that the school do something. If they won't go to the board of education and demand they do something. I went through the same thing when we moved here with my then 2nd grader. When it changed from stalking to bulling in 5th grade he is now targeted by this kids gang. And I am now trying to deal with that. I am at the point I want to pull him out and home school him. Which he is now asking for on almost a daily basis. It is funny, I just got a call from the school nurse my son lied about being hit in the head by his 3 year old brother with a base ball bat. Which the only bat in my house is a nerf bat, made out of the same thing nerf balls are made out of, can't hurt anything with it, but the thing is it never happened, even with that bat. He eluded that mom did nothing about this, when I told the nurse that I felt it had something to do with emotional issues do to on going bulling I was told she only deals with medical issues. Excuse me but isnt emotional issues a medical issue? The point I am trying to make here is not to take away from what your child is going through, but to stand up and make them do something NOW before it gets worse. I keep being told kids will be kids and they will out grow it. This is NOT true, if they get away with it now they are taught that it is ok to behave this way and it will get worse as they get older not better.

"We must be the change we want to see in the world"
-Gandhi

Abundant Blessings
Trish

Hi Kerrie,

It sounds like you are very frustrated and have every right to be! Did you get the guidance counselor involved in this situation. She can sit down with both girls (individually and then together) in order to let the girls air their issues. She can also define friendship boundaries, not just to them, but to the whole class.

Don't stop until you get satisfaction. If your daughter is still crying about this, then it is not over! Maintain your support so she feels someone is in her corner! Most schools have a "no bullying" policy. Look it up in the school handbook and bring it to your principle and/or school superintendent if necessary. Document every meeting, phone call, discussion, etc.

In the meantime, arm your daughter with the tools she needs to deal with difficult people. Keep giving her possible responses, play out senarios at home. With increased self-esteem and perceived power, your daughter will be able to handle these situations better. Good luck and keep us posted on the outcomes please.

kerrie,
I have a 17 year old who always had issues with the girls in her class. Most schools should have a councelor who could meet with the girls together and /or seperate because although they willn't be in the same class they still will have free time at lunch and other things together. if a councelor is involved your daughter has a "safe place" to epxress her feeling and someone else she can talk to if the teacher isn't doing enough or she afraid to get introuble by going to her. Good luck I know it is very hard. J.

Ok First of all Im not caring much for the responses that are suggesting that your daughter just deal with it or think of how 'the other girl is feeling' thats rediculous. Everyone else is only concerned with the other girl and that is not right. both children have equal rights to be educated but one does not have the 'right' to infringe upon your daughter (one persons rights end where anothers begin). Dont believe those who tell you there isnt much the school can do about it either. the school has an obligation to do something about this. this is potentially effecting your daughters education (as we all know how hard it is to concentrate on lessons when there is such a drama going on). Teachers and school districts have become lazy in that they only want to do things the 'easy' way. they teach the kids who learn without much help and lable the others as 'problems' or 'dumb', they will also sweep any behavioral 'issue' under the carpet and not deal with it until the child's self esteem has become so damaged that they are acting out in school and then they lable them as "problems'.Your daughter has the right to decide wether or not she wants to be friends with someone and if the family of this other girl arent getting her the help she needs then they are being neglectful.
Keep advocating for your daughter! dont let the school 'win' here this is sending the wrong message to both your daughter and the other girl... its telling your daughter that her needs and rights arent as important as the other girls and its sending the message to the problem child that she can treat others however she wants because she is 'special" or whatever. YOU keep making it known that this is not acceptable and keep standing up for your child (showing her that you always have her back and will always be there for her and showing the school that you arent a pushover) The school does not care about what is best (most public schools are like this) they only care about what is 'easy' for them...I dont know what state you live in but stand your ground and if you have to, tell them if they dont honor your request of keeping this girl from harrassing your daughter that you will pull her out of school and Home School her (the public school loses money if you do this) Here in PA, we have wonderful CyberSchools as alternate options to Public schooling nightmares like this.
I say KEEP ADVOCATING for your child (the school wont like it but you have every right to do so... dont let them intimidate you)the lessons you teach your daughter will be invaluable.
This is not a popularity contest. Now is the time to put your foot down. the older they get, the worse it will get if something isnt done now.
Good Luck

Oh boy, I have a daughter in the 1st grade. I am big on teacher communication from the problems I have had (long story). I would have a sit down converstaion with the teacher and re explain the problem. Don't let her blow you off again, I find certain words are big helpers in getting teachers moving, words like school bulling policy. They can't ignore you if they do you have a ladder, teacher, principal, school admin. They don't like you going above their heads so let them know up front your intentions if things aren't taken care of. Good luck!!

Could have asked your daughter to be moved to another classroom if it is really problem. There is not much the school can do as both have the right to be there. Seems like the other girl has only 1 friend your daughter and maybe explain to her that and how proud you are that someone feels that way about her. Remind her how wonderful she has been and to continue and how hopefully other kids will learn to be the same way, which then would take off the pressure on your daughter.

Hi Kerrie,

First of all, it sounds like you've so much already and good job for that! Being an involved mom is so much better than an intrusive, bossy mom in the classroom.

What a little love your child is. I bet you're so proud of her for handling all this so well with this little girl. I would be. I think her acting out is good that she feels safe with you and can share - better she vent at home with you all in the confines of her home where she knows she is loved and adored. Here are some things I would watch for as she struggles with this until the end of the year: her sleep habits and patterns - is she sleeping soundly and awaking with joy and ready to go to school? picking at her skin like around her nails, biting her nails, pulling at her hair, bowel movements, seat work in school, her grades and her teachers overall view. You were wise to get her teacher involved.
And that parent who said, the annoying stalker child has every right to the same education as your child is RIGHT. Gosh that stinks doesn't it? And don't you wish we could just take a pill and make all the bad things go away... I do. But, life isn't like that and your child has 2 parents who love her and are dealing with this head on. She is lucky! I would suggest showing your daughter how to set boundaries with this little friend. And then practice saying and acting it out with her; that will give her more confidence. And only you and your family know what is appropriate. If you are sick of all this and want to take a break from the entire relationship then do it. And just formulate a sentence for your daughter to repeat. "we're being separated from us playing until April 1 and I can't talk to you until then." Or you could suggest a recess playtime for once a week. And your daughter would tell the little girl "I only play with you on Fridays." I would absolutely keep the teacher involved with a note or phone call to squash any confusion or miscommunication. And then if the little girl persists or argues with your daughter she should then go promptly to the teacher or recess teacher and explain that the little girl is harrassing her (big word but, she can learn how to say it) and would they please help her.

I think the best thing you've done here is create a home where she feels safe and loved with you... continue to keep up the good work.

"Sometimes life is about learning how to deal with difficult people and it doesn't go away when you grow up. Some times it gets worse. You're learning lots of things in school this year and not just how to read but, how to be a good friend and I'm so proud of you"

take care Kerrie,

C.

HUmmm this is a tough situation. I am having an experience similar with my third grader, who went through this even in first, and second grade. (get the hint?....) Here's how I put it, Look at the girls' life, what she has and what she doesn't have-Mom? Dad? siblings? real friends? what makes them this way? Right now,(this year, there's always a new one each time) this girl that my daughter is dealing w/ has no parents, being raised by "grandparents" and is alone almost 24/7.
So I ask my daughter- how do you think she feels? Would you like to feel the same way? Be treated the same way? This teaches them to understand another's feelings and the best way to go about it. So she plays a game every so often with her so she feels included. If the girl is obnoxious, then find another "friend" to play with. Certainly there are other playmates. But, to be fair she needs to learn how to deal with people that she is not fond of either. Does it hurt? Absolutely not. While this may sound like my daughter has to be everyones friend....she is not. She knows what she wants to put up with and not. But I have seen her try with kids that aren't in the mood to put her "in' the club, to the point that I have to tell her to stop!And like night and day, there are days-they are beggin her to be "in" the club. It's little tiring for any mom to deal with. (chuckling). Like all kids, they change like the wind, but they have to learn how to deal, no matter how young this all starts. My goodness, we've already started with my son and he's in first. So while I am giving you "my senario". You can take this as something to reflect on when you are dealing with your daughter as well. Teachers and Principals just want good behavior for the most part that they cannot deal with who gets along with who and what not. For it was said to me at one time, they are teachers, not counselors. Unfortunately we have to go through these trials with our little angels.

Best of luck.
Mom of 4.

Kerrie,

My 8yo daughter tends to also befriend the most trying of friends. Through K and 1st I just figured it was dumb luck but after moving to a new town and her establishing a friendship with yet another "troubled" child, I too find myself without understanding or school concern. Do to many other issues, my daughter is changing school next week. We have talked a lot about making friends and keeping options open. Sounds like your child's school is promising the same things my daughters was prior to deciding to move her. I feel for you and your family having to go through such a similar situation. I hope you find resolution and take heart your daughter will learn important life lessons from this...that's what I tell myself anyway. Good luck to you both.
TJ

Hi Kerrie,
I recently received the link to this website from another parent. I haven't looked to see if your particular issue is addressed, there are so many issues covered, it probably is worth looking into.
http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/
Best wishes for you and your daughter,
~Peace~