Help!!! Still Not Potty Trained at 3 and Half

After potty training 3 children my absolute best advise is stop! They do it on their own when they can master it. My youngest was about 4 when he went into big boy pants. His dr told me we start them too early and sometimes cause the problem....He wont start first grade in diapers ;)

You may want to look into a class: http://www.bootycampmom.com/

My 2-1/2 yr. old is totally disinterested in anything to do with the potty, so I've got the class bookmarked, in case I need it in a few months! Good luck!

I can feel your stress in your post. Easier said than done, but you need to stop putting so much pressure on yourself and your son. My mil used to give me a hard time, because she had all three of her boys potty trained by the again of one.

Make a Dr. appt. just to make sure everything is o.k. and not a lack of muscle control (the spincher) has to be developed enough, before they can control number 2.

My son could climb up stairs at 6 months, but took forever to be potty trained. I did it all.

There was this little boy years ago who would come to church, he was about 4 yrs old wearing a suit and carrying his pull up. His mom told him if he wet then he had to change himself and he was fine with that.

You are not a bad mom, because your child isn't potty trained!

Let us know how you are doing. Potty training can be extremely stressful for all concerned.

Take care
J.

Potty training has nothing to do with being smart. In fact, his intelligence could possibly even be standing in the way of his success. he's smart enough to know that he can do what he wants with his bowels and his bladder and he's just not ready yet to put his potty and poop in the toilet. Potty training has everything to do with him having control over his bodily functions and putting his waste products either in the toilet or a diaper. This is one area where he is 100% in charge - and he likely knows it, too.

I'd go with reverse psychology on this one and totally drop it. You mention you've been pushing, begging, pleading, bribing, anything for over a year - how's that working out for the two of you (it isn't)?. Step back and just drop it completely. Put him back in diapers and don't even mention it or make a big deal out of it. You may be surprised to find that since you're no longer making a big deal out of it or pressuring him, he'll take to it on HIS own terms.

Please don't worry. It will click. Patience is the key with this....I know because my four year old (birthday may 1, 2005) just potty trained this last summer after his fourth birthday. I went through all your feelings...but am now receiving articles from newsletters that it is perfectly normal for some kids to train at four. Where were those articles when I was panicked I do not know.

I noticed a few things with my son. Ultimately it is his decision and he hated when I was always reminding him. This is what we did. Forget about nighttime for now...who cares. I put him in underwear when we were home and pull-ups when out. I did not remind him. Yes we had A WHOLE LOTE OF ACCIDENTS. Get a bissel! After a few days he started running to the bathroom after he went in his pants. I thought that was a good step. I stayed positive and cheerful and let him know he did good but needed to try to get to the potty a little sooner. During all of this we had a BIG prize up top the TV waiting. One for the first pee by himself, then one for the first poop, then one for staying dry and going out in public bathrooms.

It took us a month or more and I did think I was loosing my mind. Then one day I was upstairs and I heard the toliet flush. He said he went. I went back upstairs and a while later I hear him running...I ran to the landing and yep...he was doing it! Then came the poop later and public restrooms took a little longer. But we have been going strong since.

One thing my little man wanted I think was to stand an pee like his daddy and the other bigger kids he saw. He is small guy. It wasn't really until four that he could do that and was tall enough!

My best advice is RELAX, pick a "program" for lack of better terms and stick with it. My son accomplished everything "later" then the "book" said he should. But I saw intelligence there that I could not place on a milestone chart like logic and reasoning. I wish I did not worry so much over when things would happen......it only stressed me out and made my son and I unhappy at times.

I also may not try this over the holidays. Jan, Feb, March are boring months where you may stay home more. The holiday's are so exciting and schedules are often different that might make it harder.

Ours was 2 weeks before 4th !!! b-day before he would "poop" in the potty.....he is also one of those "super smart" & I mean SCARY smart boys.....

1st understand this....boys do it when they are darn good and ready AND NOT ONE SECOND BEFORE!
if you think back you will see this in other milestones as well.....did he rock and scoot backwards or just get up and crawl @ 9 months, did he cruise around furniture or just get up and walk across the room @ 15 months (and then never stop)......
for us the main motivating tool was "Day out w/Thomas" he wanted to ride on Thomas, so.....I told him only big boys can ride on Thomas, and Big Boys poop in the potty......the NIGHT BEFORE he FINALLY pooped in the potty and then at the event he looked around for a place to hide, remembered "big boys" and screemed "DADDY......POOPERS!!!!!!" he has rarely had an accident since and that was 4 yrs ago...we literally went from diapers to underwear in ONE night!!! If you are worried about muscle growth check w/ your doctor...but they will probably tell you they have never seen a child go to Kindergarten with a diaperand as for the "clumsys" they grow out of that it is totally a coordination thing....if worried check with your school district about testing and occupational therapy

My older son completely refused to use the potty until about 3.5 years old. We just tried potty training my other son who just turned 3 and he started off peeing in the potty occasionally, but then it became too stressful and he felt too pressured and he compeltely refused to go in the potty. This happened with my older son too when we tried potty training the first time. I think if it becomes too stressful for them (they feel all of the tension and pressure we are putting on them) they rebel against potty training. What worked for my older son is that we completely stopped potty training and didn't say a word about it for a couple of months. Then when we tried again a few months later he did it perfectly from day 1. I think he needed the few months off to forget about the stress and pressure. Also, I think the initial potty training had made him more aware of his own peeing and pooing, so the few months off gave him time to focus on controllign it in his diaper without any pressure from us, so he was able to really learn by himself without the stress. This was just my experience. Many boys don't get potty trained till almost 4 (including both my boys), so please don't think your boy is abnormal.

First, you should never punish a child for not learning to go potty. Do not tell him that he won't get gifts from Santa. Your son very well may have a medical condition that is keeping him from holding it. It sounds like he doesn't always know that he is going until he feels that he is wet. Make a doctors appointment and tell them before you go what you are coming for. He may have low muscle tone. Once the dr checks him out and tells you that they can find anything then you can start rewarding him for staying dry. It really does sound like something medical, so get it checked out. Relax everything will work out in the end.

Did you talk to the pediatrician? From my experience boys are lazy. My son didnt potty train until he was a little over 3 years old. He also didnt start walking until after a year. Whatever you do and no matter how frustrating dont take things away from him and threaten no santa. Potty training is hard and you have to encourage him regardless. My son would always say he had to go and sit on the potty and do nothing. Then after 10 seconds he would get up and run away. I starting reading to him when he was on the potty to get him to sit. Try sitting him down even if he says he doesnt have to go. Get him to sit there a little bit. Even if he doesnt go tell him what a big boy he is for sitting and trying. Then 20-30 min later try again. My son was just 4 2 months ago and he never has accidents and he stays dry all night. Your son will come around. I wouldnt get too worried yet. Some pediatricians tell you to let them run around with no pants or underwear on while they're training. In my experience this did nothing except give me more to cleanup. Does he have a favorite character? Maybe get him big boy underwear with a favorite character on it. MAybe that will make him more willing to get out diapers. Good luck.

I see that you've received a lot of similar responses but wanted to put my two cents in. I was in the same frustrating situation with my (now) 5yo. I thought she would NEVER get this thing down. She too is a super smart (reading by 4). I threatened everything. I rewarded, I took away, I yelled, I cried!!! Nothing worked. She even had a friend her age at the sitters that was potty training at the same time... no help. (She did infact have a medical condition that made her unable to go #2). We spent time with her cousins (one of which was six months younger and totally trained- but she had two older sisters that she was trying to be like).
My darling was just over four years old when she finally got it. Try for patience (I know it's hard) and as my mother always told me- "How many 20yo do you know that aren't using the bathroom?" He'll do it when he's ready, and because he's so smart- not a day before!
This mantra helped me stay calm (while taking deep breaths and trying not to scream)- "This too shall pass." Just like midnight feedings and sleepless nights. When he's ready he will get it- don't push it. Odds are he understands perfectly well what he's meant to do... he just doesn't want to yet! Good luck and maybe Santa will bring him underoos for Christmas! How exciting!!!

My daughter was also super smart and was reading before she was potty trained. It took us to 4 1/2 to get the potty training down right. She is also slower with her gross motor skills and didn't walk until she was 18 months. She also got constipated once when she was 2 1/2 and she never forgot which lead us on a two year odyssey of training and Miralax. I know you are freaking out, I did too. I was so tired of training for two years that my patience ended quickly. I also lost a school deposit because she wasn't potty trained in time. If your Dr. says that he is physically ok than you just need to wait for him to be ready. All children become potty trained sooner or later, you just need to keep at it. Back off and maybe let him take the lead in the future. He might surprise you. Good luck!

I haven't read your responses and you already posted your "what happened", but I just wanted to add what my MIL told me. We tried potty training my son at 2 1/2. We constantly had accidents and no sucess, so I decided to put him in pullups and try training again in a few months. But my MIL said boys have to develop the sensation to have to go. She told me we may have been having so many accidents because he didn't know the sensation of having to go until after he was already wet.

Its okay. My daughter is almost 3.5 and we just started wearing panties. She is still in a pull up at nap and night. I hear tell that very smart children are often the hardest to train, because they are too involved with their activities to be bothered by their bodies. Thomas Edison used to wet himself while working on a project. Its just not vital to them, and it doesn't bother them - its not gross its coming from their body.. type thing.

Have you tried being naked? Thats what finally did it for us to move from pull ups to panties, my girl was naked over two days from the waist down, she sat on a towel. We also took away every other reward. No TV, No Desert, no going places. She had a choice, she could go on the potty, or these things wouldnt happen. I still made her fave foods, and we played on the floor and did projects, so it wasnt like a day of no fun, there just weren't any extras. When the second day of this began, she knew I was serious.

We are still working on it. Good luck to you.

My daughter is five years old and still not "trained" in the conventional sense. We do a LOT of laundry around here, and she wears cloth underpants with a liner in them at preschool. She is, however, doing much better than she was a year and a half ago when I lowered the boom with "no more diapers".

Strangely, she has gone #2 in the potty by herself for a year, but pee does not seem to warrant the same urgency nor does being wet bother her. I too have tried every known method from boot camp to bribes with little success. (I have warned her that she is going to be in for a world of ridicule if she's doing this next year in kindergarten, but perhaps she needs to find that out the hard way.) What has yielded results: routine, routine, routine. Then if my daughter has an accident, she is responsible for putting her went pants in a bucket, putting on dry underpants, and wiping up her pee (with me finishing the job w.the latter, of course).

A lot of people -- usually the ones with nice furniture, I've noticed -- have suggested that I keep her in Pull-ups. Sorry. While she has developmental delays, she's not cognitively or physically impaired. She'll get it when she gets it, but at least I'm giving her the chance.

My oldest son had just turned 4 when he got it done, and my other son was 3-1/2, and finally did it because he was starting preschool. If you don't have a deadline, you may be better letting him work it out. It's not tied to intelligence at all (they're both in advanced classes now. If it helps any, they also walked late (15 & 16 months!) but are good athletes now that they're 10 and 6.

set a date, say the day after Christmas, that will be a no more diaper date. Get a cake, sing a song (no more diapers to the tune of happy birthday) and then that is it, no more diapers. Talk it up big before then, that after that date it will just be how it is. And then don't back down. Only diapers when he is sleeping. No other time. You will have a few days of accidents (maybe) and then you will be done. Honest.

Hi S.,

Looks like you've gotten lots of good advice already. I'm just adding this to send you good vibes! :) It's soooo frustrating (as is everything else, I've discovered, when it involves a 3-yr old! ;) ), but...it'll happen! My mom always says that my older brother was nearly impossible to potty train, but she would tell herself that if she couldn't do it, then his wife would have to ;)

For my son - also 3+1/2 - we discovered that bribes of M&Ms encouraged him - 1 if he went peepee on the potty and 3 if he went poop. We had a looming deadline of preschool that prompted us to up the ante and break out the M&Ms but - as others have said, your son will do it when he's ready (and maybe when he thinks you're no longer concerned about making it happen - thus, no longer a way for him to exert control! ;) )

Anyway, relax - it'll happen, and enjoy that 'lil fella! :) And happy holidays to you too!

M.