Help! My Kid Won't Eat His Dinner...

i thought i was reading my own post there for a second.. i have the same problem with my 3 year old!! he always wants to snack before dinner.. then when we had dinner he wasnt hungry and he just made a mess.. then after everyone was ready for bed, he would tell me that he was starving and want more junk..
still tryin to work ont his problem.. but i have started eating dinner earlier then i use to, and i fix him a very small salad before dinner.. it dont really seem to bother him that its salad and not chips or junk.. he just wants somthing.. and at night when he wants to snack and says hes hungry i give him a rice cake with a little bit of PB on it.. lol

I can almost guarantee that letting him help cook will get things moving. My daughter was really set in the things she would eat, but I began having her "help" me and now she eats salmon, broccoli, spinach ( her absolute fav!), you name it! Just let him sprinkle the seasonings, stir the pot, dump in ingredients, and he'll be so excited about eating what he made. Don't negotiate with him what to make, just announce, "I've got to make dinner now, would you like to help?" Once he's engaged, talk about that you think it will taste so good, and your family will just love it, and it's a good thing he is cooking because everyone is so hungry. After dinner, thank him for cooking & (hopefully) eating so well. This worked for me and I hope it does for you too. Good luck!

I haven't personally had kids of this age for some time now, since my own are 16 and 19, but I am an early childhood educator who has run a licensed childcare business for 12 years now. Given this, three year olds are something I have quite a bit of experience with.

In my opinion, yo are absolutely right, you do not need to m ake separate meals for him, etc. However, you don't have to worry he'll starve to death either. This appears to be the arena he's chosen for his budding independence, which if very age appropriate and an important developmental step,but a step at which he needs to see you respond appropriately and with understanding. Take the pressure off. Just have him sit at the table with your family for ten minutes, even set the timer. (I would talk to him about this change before dinner starts so he isn't totally thrown by the change. Something like, 'you're growing up now, and I think you're old enough to know if you're hungry or not. Here's what we're going to do:) Then sit down together and stress the social aspects of the meal, time to talk about the day together etc. Family mealtimes are great opportunities for language/social development, too. If he eats something, OK, if he doesn't, when the timer rings, wipe off his hands and let him go play. I would save his dinner though, and if he comes to you hungry later, I would suggest you kindly say, "sure, honey, here it is. Would you like me to heat it up?" If he wants to eat it, OK, if not I would not offer him other food till morning. In the morning, it's a brand new day with your usual breakfast and lunch. I know from experience that it's very typical for children your son's age to eat just one or two meals per day. And they all seem to grow up in any case! Now keep in mind that if you get past this "independence arena", he may just choose another issue. Just keep in mind that you r goal is to encourage his independence while still making sure he feels safe because you are still there setting appropriate boundaries. Here's hoping this works for you, or you get some other advice that does. They grow up so fast, you want to be able to relax and enjoy, not struggle!

K.

Hi there. i have 3 boys - 6,4,2. They have all gone through phases of this. Who cares - he is not going to starve if he does not eat. For about 1 year, I put dinner in front of my 6 year old and he did not eat it. I made him try one bite and then he was done. He gets enough good nutrients during the day that he is fine. It is soooooo incerdibly typical of kids to do this. The more you make a stink out of it, the harder he is going to be. Someone once told me that there are 3 things kids have absolute control over - food, sleep, and the potty. Let him be, and soon enough he will turn around. I think that the more you fight it, he is going to fight you right back becasue he can - you can't make him eat. If you let it go, you can relax at dinner and he can slowly see that he does not have to exercise his control to the fullest extent on this. If you are still worried about his nutrition, get a vitamin. They are goos and do the job for nutirents - get one from whole foods though or a natural store - not flinstones - to much sugar. Anywho, hope this helps - relax and it will all fall into place!

B

A.,

My mom raised 10 children and many of her 38 grand & great grandchildren. She would only make 1 dinner. If we did not eat we went hungary. My sister has 2 boys that only eat certain foods. She will try to incorporate them in the meals that she prepares for her family of 5.5 (expecting her 4th in 8 weeks. She does not make a full seperate meal for the boys. They to know how to get under her skin and it bothers her to no end. But if you (she) continues to give in they will have you forever.

When they get hungary they will eat what you prepared. It will not hurt them to miss a meal here or there. Your the parent they are the children.

J.

Hello A.-
I am sorry that you are having such a tough time- I don't know if it will make you feel better, but there are moms everywhere going through this. I happen to be a Registered Dietician and mother of a 2 1/2yo and 6yo (my dose of reality between text book and real life). I am going to start out by recommending a book by Ellyn Satter "How to get your Kid to Eat but not too Much" http://www.amazon.com/Get-Your-Eat-Too-Much/dp/0915950839. The underlying principles she sets forth are that you as a parent decide what to eat and your child is in charge of how much to eat (if any). As soon as kids sniff a battle, control issues, thier need to flex independence, they tend to dig in and soon mealtime becomes a battle zone. I know it is tough (my 2 1/2 yo.....I have an untouched plate of asparagus, ham, and pears on my kitchen table as I type..)but the most successful eating habits usually emerge when the emotion is removed from the table. Another thing to keep in mind- you may need to introduce a food as many as 30 times before your son acquires a taste for something. Ms. Satter recommends offering at least one thing at meal time that you know your child will eat along with your normally planned menu (and this can be as simple as a slice of bread- not necessarily the can of ravioli). I know it is not easy, but you are on the right track not wanting to always serve the mac n cheese etc.... Try out the book. Hang in there and best of luck.
J.

I think all parents go through this at one point or another!!

My 5yr old son did this when he was about three. My mom gave me excellent advice (as always!). She has raised five kids of her own, and did daycare in our home for several kids when I was growing up - so I tend to listen to her advice.

That being said, Ignore him.

She said that at that age, children are learning independence, and they are learning that they can get under your skin if they want to. A child will NEVER willingly starve him/herself. Serve nutritious meals for all meals and snacks. if he doesn't eat it, don't make a big deal out of it - the more he sees that he can control your mood/actions by refusing to eat, the more he will do it. I do enforce the "you have to eat one bite" rule, but I also try to make sure that at least one of the foods served is something I know he likes. My son NEVER ate spagetti sauce, for example, until a few months ago. I put it on his pasta everytime I make it. I did bend and bribe him - if he ate two bites with sauce he could have plain pasta (it wasn't an additional food or meal, so I didn't feel too bad about the bribe). Eventually, he started eating the sauce and now he likes it.

Another mom mentioned that you have to introduce something to a child upto 30 times before they have a taste for it-- and this is SO true! My son still wont really eat anything that looks "messy" - casseroles, stews, etc. I serve it anyway, and figure he'll be hungrier at the next meal. If he doesn't eat it, it's not my belly that will be rumbling later. My son also didn't like the texture of certain foods -- he hates fresh pears but will eat canned (he says fresh make his throat itch).

If you are concerned about him getting enough nutrition, you could give him a vitamin supplement. My son seems to like the Centrum Kids. We tried Flintstones and other brands but they were tart, and he didn't like the texture of the gummy vitamins that we tried.

Either way, don't let it get to you. As with everything.... this too will pass :)

If he doesn't want to eat, don't force him. It seems like the only time he is having problems is at dinner time. As long as he is eating fruits and vegetables during the day he may just not be that hungry at night. If he is really hungry I am sure he will eat. It seems like more of a power struggle and he is just testing you. Just keep doing what you are doing and eventually he will learn that you are not going to give in to him and he will sit down and eat dinner with you.

Hi A.,

I know that this is old but I couldn't help but respond back. Just to let you know that you are not the only mom out there that has a child who is refusing to eat. I have a daughter who will be turning 3 in the next few days. We have been dealing with her eating issues since she turned 2. She is now just getting out of the phase as we speak. She would refuse to eat, even after I took away snacks. Once in a blue moon she would eat everything that was in front of her without us telling her too. She wanted us to spoon feed her as well. Which I have to say we did for a while because we were so desperate to get her to eat.
I talked with my sister who has 4 kids. So she has been there and done that. She told me that one of her daughters had the same issues. She said when she wouldn't eat she wouldn't argue with her. She would take her food away and put it in the fridge. She said the first night her daughter couldn't believe that she wasn't fighting with her to finish it. She was really excited that she didn't have to eat. In her eyes she thought she won. So around 2 or 3am in the morning her daughter woke up starving. My sister refused to give her anything until morning. The next morning her daughter ate her breakfast faster than my sister could finish hers. She did say that her daughter didn't want to eat her lunch or dinner that day again. My sister once again said OK...and put the food in the fridge. Again she woke up in the middle of the night asking for food. Again my sister said NO, not until the morning. She ate her breakfast so fast again. And that was the last time that my sister had to fight with her daughter to eat her food. She is one of the best eaters now. So it only took her two days. I think most kids between the ages of 2 and 3 go through this. Because they feel that this is the only thing they can control. And they will push our buttons as much as they can to see how far we will go with them. I tried this on my daughter just this past week and she is now back to her normal self.
Hopefully your son was just not feeling well.
Good luck!

My four year old is going through the same thing! His older brother has some sensory issues where he cannot tolerate certain tastes and textures without throwing up. As my youngest got older he saw his brother getting something different at meals( I still have his brother try new things, I just have to get creative with what I make). The four yr old (Josh) won't eat any kind of pasta. He would not eat pizza either. Suddenly two weeks ago he finally tried pizza and now loves it!!! The difference was I never offered him pepperoni before(go figure). Please have patience. There have been countless meals of bread and butter( one of the few things he would eat. To get him to eat that I would make him try a bite of whatever I was serving. Then he had to eat a banana or a fruit and grain bar before he could have the butter sandwich. He would also try a bite and say "I'm full" so he could get down from the table. As he walked away I would ask him if he wanted a cookie or a piece of chocolate(chocoholic in the making). If he said yes I would tell him "then you are not full so sit down and take some more bites" Don't worry about him finishing everything on his plate. As long as he tries it he will eventually learn to eat it. After about a year and a half of struggles Josh in the span of one week tried and liked pizza, eggs, and ice cream( he would never even try it because of the cold). There is a light at the end of the tunnel so don't give up. If you need to talk just email me. Good Luck.
____@____.com

Hi, A.!!

I know this post is old, but I did want to tell people about Jessica Seinfeld's new book, "Deceptively Delicious". It's out Oct. 5th and in it she uses veggie purees to "hide" the veggies into the foods kids will definitely eat (chicken nuggets, brownies, cookies, etc). Saw this at the Oprah show and I've already pre-ordered my copy!

Let me say yes I know it is very hard, it pulls at your heart and you certainly don't want your child to starve it makes for a very unenjoyable meal. But I agree with the rest they will eat when they are hungry let the battle go. I do agree he should still sit at the table quietly with the family while the family eats he will eat when he is hungry and at this point he is only trying to gain control, also let go of the going to bed thing he is getting what he wants he is getting away and that makes him feel in control. My oldest went through this at that age and just to let you know he is now 15, 5'11 and 170lb he ate and grew just fine.
Believe me it will past just stand firm.
I just had another thought have you tried doing meals either an hour earlier or later maybe even just a half hour different.
Have a great Thanksgiving.

It sounds as though you are having a little bit of a power struggle going on, as you described giving him the same meal (that he refuses to eat) over & over & over again. You cannot win with this method, as you are creating a lose/lose situation.

I agree with not making separate meals. It sounds like he's eating breakfast & lunch. I say, offer him dinner (the same as the family eats). Don't force him to eat. At the end of the meal, if he hasn't eaten, give him some crackers or something so that he doesn't vomit from an empty stomach the next morning like you described. If you feel he's not eating enough in general, increase the portions for Breakfast & Lunch. It's actually healthier to have light dinners. (Americans do it backwards by eating huge dinners before bed, whereas it's better for digestion & engergy to have large breakfasts/lunches & light dinners!)

Good luck. Take out the power struggle & you BOTH can win!