Having Problems with Couch Potatoe Kiddo

Turn off, unplug the TV. After a few days she will become bored enough to find other things to do, trust me. It may be tough the first few days, but it will get better. You may even want to try a TV free week for the whole family. It's amazing what families begin doing without a TV.

Turn of the television and the video games and make her earn them. A child who is only 7 should not be watching that much television if any at all anyways.. I have a 3 year old who constantly asked me if he could watch one of "his Shows", which he could only watch after he did his chores, made his bed, jammies in hamper, brushed teeth, ate breakfast and helped with putting silverware away or his folded clothes, whatever. Then he would watch 2 20minute shows but i cut that out too. Everyday he wanted to watch television and then act it out, Diego or backyardigans. He would bounce off the walls but if i told him to go out and play he wouldn't want to. It is really tough not to just let them chill out watching TV while you get some work done but in the end he is happier, playing with his toys, which he hardly wanted to do. He found things that he had to do because he couldn't just watch television. He plays outside with our neighbor who is 7(when he is not in school) and now he is riding his bike without training wheels. I think if you stick to you guns and not let her watch TV or on a limited bases and if it is earned she will appreciate it more and find other interest to take its place. Does she have friends or neighbors she could play with. Try getting a playdate with girls her age. Try getting her books to read too if she needs stuff to spark her imagination. Hope this helps.

Hi C.
I was wondering if you just took TV away all together? We kinda did that with my 8 yr old daughter I picked up that she was watching to much TV so now it is just not an option at all except if she has had a good week at school and home we will reward with Saturday morning cartoons. Ithe only other exception to this rule is if she where to have friends over but then they are so busy she does not want to watch a movie.I dont know if that helps but that is what we did as a family we all kind picked what would be our favorite thing to watch(one thing a week) and other than that no TV what so ever and that is based on our behavior and the other family members judge weather tat person had a good week or not.
Just a thought lots of luck to you
J.
Mom to Abigail and full time Doula

Christy,
We don't have a television at our house, but this so before Jonah was born, so he's never had one. There's a wonderful book at the library called "simple living with children" that has ways of motivating children. I would discuss the problem as you see it, and get your daughter involved in the solution. She may resent having the tv and video games taken away with out her consent. The book talks about how to do that too, and their are other books that talk about how to engage children in descision and discussion so they beocome part of the solution and are cooperative instead of resistent.

The book also talks about wonderful "traditions" that can be started in the house, like game night. Where the family plays games on a given night every week. With my neighbors children when we would have them over for dinner in the summer, we would go out and play frizbee with the kids, all of us. Adults alike. It was good for us too.

Best to you,
D.

This may drive you crazy before it actually works. It is my opinion that it's time to tune out. This means to put your foot down and have no t.v. or video games whatsoever. It has done wonders for motivating my 7 year old into reading and playing outside more. The funny thing about it is they don't miss it and their imagination is coming back to life. My oldest built a drum set out of household items just the other day. After you notice a difference try allowing her 1 hour of t.v. a day. Hope my advice helps.

This will sound curt. Please don't take it that way. It's harder on you than it will be on her, but the simplest thing to do is TURN OFF THE TV. You're the mom, so just make a new rule. It's as simple as that. I didn't say it would be easy... Just decide it's not going to be on and when she says "what am I going to do?" let her worry about it. She'll find something. Suggest drawing something or reading or just tell her to go outside (if you live where she can do that)... I end up leaving it on longer than I realize some days, and when my husband comes home he just says, "When that show is over, turn the TV off." THey do, no fussing. Then they go and DO stuff. It's amazing... You can't ask or suggest. You have to TELL them, or just reach over and do it yourself. But warn her first.. "in 20 minutes" or "when that is over" or "no more TV except on the weekend" or however you decide...
I find my kids come up with all kinds of things to do on their own when I don't interfere by making it something logical or organized or not messy... they drag out stuff and build forts and all kinds of things... but they have to come up with it on their own. It seems that boredom is the best motivator... Having a playmate helps, so maybe if her siblings aren't the "right" age, invite a friend to come spend a couple of hours.. but no movies or video stuff while company is there. They can draw, paint, play together... whatever... and they will..
Best wishes!

Look into Girl Scouts. I don't know what age you can start 4H, but that was a good program as well. If she likes animals ask the local shelters if she can volunteer for something there. Get her involved in something outside the home.
I love the idea of cooking with her that I read below. She's old enough to know how to measure and read the instructions and follow simple steps. They get a lot of satisfaction when they can not only see, but also eat the end result. That sense of "wow... I did that!" can't be beat.
If she doesn't like going outside regularly, maybe it's time that she picks out her own flower pot and decorates it and have her plant some flowers or herbs. That's something that she'll need to tend to regularly and she will see how she made a real plant grow from a seed in her very own pot. Or if you have a yard capable, you can always plant some veggies. When they get ripe, your whole family benefits from fresh produce right in the back yard.
Get creative and get involved. If left to her own devices, she won't know to think of anything but tv and video games.
Check with your local Lowe's and Home Depot stores. I think it's 1 Saturday a month that they have kids project time. It's free, they get to make a project, keep it and they get a pin or patch for their apron. The kids seem to love it.

Without telling the kids, cancel the cable and tell them there's a problem and it will be back up in 3 days. In the meantime, take her or them to the bike shop, if you want her to ride, and let her pick out something pretty for her bike and your bike. Kids will ride if parents say you're going on a picnic, and let her help pack the picnic and get the bikes ready, get her a horn or basket, etc, for the bike. Ride to the park or somewhere to meet up with friends, and make it a regular thing. Or just plan a picnic at the park and drive there to meet up wtih friends and make it a regular thing. Skating rinks are great also. Good luck

definately set limits on the tv and games. We dont watch tv until 5pm and no video games during the school week. Usually if the tv is off, they will find something to do. Sometimes I also just send them outside, as I have seen others say. We have a simple swing hanging from our tree, they will swing on it for hours. You say you have three girls, not sure what ages, but maybe she could play with them. Craft sets are good too for indoor play.

what about a learning game on the computer or something like a v-tech...

I loved to watch TV as a kid. Maybe its just her down time she needs. I still love cartoons and I get to watch them with my kids. But there's a limit for me, I've got way too much stuff to do! LOL. Why not ask her to go for a walk with you after dinner (if its still light outside)? My grandmother and my mom and I used to do that after a nice dinner and just have long nice talks together!

Good luck.

Hi C.,

You may think we're crazy but we don't have cable or satellite. We have a physical TV that we keep in the closet. It's for family night movies or to watch storms coming in. My husband decided that since he is a "cough potato" by nature that if the TV was gone, he wouldn't set a bad example to the kids.

I think it's the best thing we ever did for family communications and getting things done. Don't know if it's possible in your home but I don't have to beat him over the head to get things done, lol!

Regards,

M.

Hi C.,

This is going t be tough love, but fix it now and you'll have a kid you'll want to be around as she grows up. Let her pick one TV show a day or one game..that's it. A half hour to an hour-then she's done. Turn it off, take the remote, whatever you need to do. You and she can be creative with how she will spend the rest of her time. Read, play, draw, etc. and I would highly suggest some chores. All your girls should have chores that help life in the home.(what are they doing while you clean, cook, laundry?-they all can help. Even a 2 year old can sort clean socks) Make a chart, switch chores around, train them if need be (set the table or load the dishwasher correctly). These aren't optional, and it's not punishment. It's family life. If she doesn't obey, there should be consequences (maybe no TV at all). Then I would get in her into scouts, YMCA, girls club,,,whatever is in your community.
Present this lovingly..again, this isn't punishment, it's a plan to make her a little person who thinks of others and how she can be helpful, rather than be selfish and spend her day doing nothing productive. A lot of it will be how you present this. And hubby has to be on the same page with you. Need more help? I'd be glad to do that-write back, and check out Johnrosemond.com

Let her watch more T.V. Just kidding. Maybe she does too much and wants some time to relax. Free time is sometimes underestimated. They don't have to be involved in anything to be active. Sometimes the backyard- a swing set, ect. My son used to be an indoor boy. It was hard to get him outside, but with a swingset, sandbox, he has changed alot. My son is going to be 7 in April. I don't know if this is anyway helpful, but good luck! :)

I know everyone has told you to turn off the TV and you need more, so here's my advice. It says you have 3 girls, so maybe try to get them involved in something together and with you. You could plant a garden for each of your girls with their help. Let them pick out the plants and help you arrange and maintain them. Since she's so in to TV, maybe you could find her a drama class to get her excited about being on stage. It would be less monotonous and you could appeal to her interests. You may have to accept the fact that your daughter is not interested in organized sports, that's ok, not every kid will be. If you want to push her to be more athletic, show her some incentive by coming up with a reward system. I know how frustrating this is, my 5 year old son is much the same way, it just takes a lot of effort and energy on my part, so I wish the best of luck!

I never did any organized sport in my life. But when I was little my mom just kicked us out. :) she told my brother and I to just go outside. Sometimes we'd play with kids down the block. Sometiems we'd play together in the back yard or just play in our separate corners. But being outside at all allows for more space to move. I don't know, but it worked for us.

Maybe she's not into sports. Have you tried crafts or collecting? What about learning about pottery or some other interest she may have? Maybe she would go for walks if you went with her or to a park to run around? Have you asked her to make a list of things she would enjoy doing outside? Or activities that she enjoys or would like to learn more about?
I'm sure there are other things she would enjoy doing as well. My son was really into playing video games. He showed a slight interest in playing drums and would beat on things with his hands all the time. We finally bought him a drum set and he played it for years. He loved it and taught himself to get really good. He even had some job offers which he turned down because it was a hobby, not a job to him and he didn't want to lose his love for it.
Walking around or driving around and just talking to your daughter may bring up some interests that she has that she has never thought of exploring. Not to mention, it can create some very intimate conversations that otherwise may not have occurred. If you want to know what to do to get her active, really listen to the things she says she likes and enjoys (not that you don't listen to her already, just make a focused effort on it). Then, sieze the opportunity to get her involved in it. If she would like to paint, get her a paint kit, if she would like to scrapbook, give her some photos to work with and a starter kit, etc...
Spend a lot of time with her until you dig deep enough (without being too pushy) to find out what you need to know to get started.

How about asking her what she wants to do. tell her TV and Vdeo games are off limits, but anything not having to do with the computer or TV are okay. Then try to do whatever she suggests. If you take the TV and computer, after about a week, she'll go outside to play. I did this with my own kids and it works. I just said find something else to do. Eventually, they realized I wasn't backing down. Now they play outside all the time and love it. You have to be serious about NO TV!! Turn that thing off and don't let her turn it back on. Tell her the TV is grounded from her for taking up too much of her time. ~C.~

It is completely normal for a child to hate to practice anything. I remember I used to love to play the piano, but hating having to practice. I think for me personally the reason I hated practice was because I wasn't good at it at that time, you have to practice to get good at anything. But when you are a kid you just don't understand that.

Maybe sports aren't her thing. Maybe you regular sports aren't her thing, maybe you could try golf, music lessons, girl scouts (or Indian Princess). Maybe if she sees you doing an activity that you enjoy that is outdoors maybe she will enjoy it as well. We as moms tend to get so busy that we forget to go outside sometimes and do things! I know I do. Also you can always tell her that if she practices and does her best that she can go to the movies with you, or you will rent a movie with her....

Also, here is another idea, maybe since she is so into movies, let her make her own movie. Let her edit and put the music to it. If this is something she enjoys doing, watching movies, then make her understand what is going on. I'm sure that there are movie making places, but use this as a way to get her to try new things. Tell her that she can do this, if she gives this a try.

Also I would limit her viewing. I know that I am guilty of letting my 3 year old watch tv, more than she should, but sometimes that is all I can do because I have to take care of the other 2, especially my 8 month old, nurse him to bed. Anyway, what I do with my 3 year old is if she starts to give me grief regarding turning the TV off or getting upset because I have said No she can not watch the tv I tell her she will have no more tv for the day if she keeps up with the attitude, and sometimes it ends up that she doesn't get any tv for 2 or 3 days...that only happens on very rare occassions. Just a thought.

One more note, about the training wheels. Sometimes the hardest thing about being a parent is being mean. Take that training wheels off, pad her up, and make her do it. She can refuse all she wants, but as a parent you make the rules and she will have to deal with it. I know that sounds horribly mean, but you know what is best for her, and pushing her to do something you know she will enjoy and is safe is what we are here for. You have to push your kids sometimes. Oh, and are you making her stick with the activities for the whole year/season or do you take her out when she complains that she doesn't like it? Because if you take her out too soon she will never give anything a try and will always end up giving up. Good luck and I hope this helps you a little bit.

My mom never gave us a choice -- we HAD to play outside. You become pretty imaginative if you can't go inside. I was the youngest & my brothers/sister would go off with their friends.
I remember having a few friends (some boys my age & some girls who were younger)....and we would play outside for hours on end because we weren't given a choice. (But that was a long time ago.)

Now days, we are new to our neighborhood, but I sit outside every afternoon & watch my three children play, play, play. The next door neighbor's child comes over & plays when she isn't scheduled for an activity. My kids are 3,5 & 7. When they want to play inside & it is sunny/nice -- I say "Not now. Play outside." I know the summers in Fla. are hot & there will be plenty of time to legitimately "hide inside" from the heat.

The children come up with a lot of inventive games (and squabbling too). I try not to get too involved & let them work it out. It might be tough for your daughter if there are no neighborhood kids. I know in my old neighborhood a mom kept inviting my eldest daughter (7) over from school. (This mom lived 3 streets away.) That was difficult since my girls are close in age. I invited her (and her mom) over several times. I explained how we LOVE having kids visit (and moms), and that as soon as my kids are older -- I'll have no problem just dropping them off for playdates (if I have a clue & know the parents, I would think a bit -- I'm probably a bit paranoid with all the moving we've done.) But the neighborhood mom didn't really understand & kept inviting my one eldest daughter over & we would decline -- or I would set up a playdate at our house with her when she called. Then she got a full time job & only wanted playdates on the weekends or after 6:00 p.m. -- which didn't work for us at all.

Why not ask your daughter to invite a friend over after school. And, perhaps, the mom too? The reason some kids don't do playdates after school may be that other moms have my paranoia as well & would like to know the parents. Or are there kids in the neighborhood? Sometimes moms can encourage friendships & your daughter would play outside more because it would be fun with other children. Maybe I misread or don't understand the entire situation. But that's my 2 cents worth:)

Hi,
TURN OFF THE TV>

Step 1 Take it out of your house make it impossible to watch/play.

Step 2 Do something w/ you child. It might just be she dosen't like to leave home to do it?

Step 3 put the TV back in after she is into something and monitor it like a sargent. 1 hour a day! All screen time(TV, Computer, Games) Home work dosen't count.

I have 3 and my middle child was just like this. If I walked with her or rode my bike she would, begrungingly. It's like veggie's or sweets. Which one would you pick? Once you don't have sweets around veggies are ok. Soon you get to like them. This is not a quick fix. Unfortunatly it is one that takes finding the right thing and de-programing her from the computer/TV

She will find something to do if those choices aren't avail.

Good luck and hang tight!

Our TV is in Our Bedroom so we don't have to not watch (were adults) but when they have an hour it's easier to monitor.

A.

I agree with the other moms. Tough love seems needed, and boy are you gonna hear it. One other thing I thought of was: What kind of shows/video games does she like? Is there any way to take the theme of the show and turn it into her activity. For example, American Idol- voice lessons, or theater group. Does she want to do anything performance based? or does the main character have a hobby that she can take up?

One other thing that occurs to me is that I used to escape into my TV as a child. Things were sometimes too stressful for me to process them. So, I used tv to zone out. Is that a possibility for her?

I hope she learns to love the outdoors like I did.

God Bless,
H.

This may sound kind of silly but maybe there is a reason she just wants to sit around, not just being lazy. Maybe she does not feel well or something similar? My niece was a very "lazy" child and got extremely large at an early age. At 3 years old she was huge and looked like a fat 5 yr old. They had to buy her clothes several sizes large and then hem them because of her size. She would never do anything active, of course no one pushed her to do so either. Anyway, the point is she suddenly started loosing the weight and looked horrible. At age 7 they found she was in complete kidney failure and had a genetic disorder. The docs said she probably never felt right, it was just hard for her to explain that so young. Of course I do not have enough background to make any assumptions like that with your daughter, just a thought in a different direction. I am curious tho, what happens when you dont let her have the tv. Then what does she do? Are her sisters younger or older? Do they play a sport? I know I was very good at sports and my brother wasn't, that caused him to act up and not want to play. When he joined one that I hated (soccer) he did very well because there were no comparisons.

Oh yeah, my other niece hates sports too. She is 10 now and I always played sports but she hates them. When they tried anything like karate or dance it was the same way. Then they signed her up for cheerleading and she loves it. Not my cup of tea but she is active that is for sure!! Good luck, maybe your daughter will end up being a bookworm genius brain surgeon!!
T.

While she is at school have a neighbor/ friend come and(steal) the tv and games. Or you just put them away. The amount of time she does other parent approved activities is the amount of time she gets to use them. Put a child ban on them,

JUST SAY NO. SEEMS SHE LIKE A LOT OF OTHER KIDS HAVE DONE A GOOD JOB OF PARENT TRAINING.

Get her involved with swimming! My oldest son didn't like "team" sports like soccer and baseball because he's not "competitive." He didn't like running with other kids who were aggressive or would knock him down. I signed him up for swimming when he was in 6th grade because we had run out of options. He's now a sophomore in high school, and LOVES it! It brought out the competitive side of him and helped motivate him to do better because it's very self-driven. You are swimming with a team, yes, but the goal is more to improve your own times and technique. Search the web for local teams in your area and make sure the coaches stress technique and personal achievement for all swimmers. Our team is awesome and our coaching staff is very kid friendly at all levels. I now have three swimmers at different levels and each one stays interested and has fun because of the positive feedback from coaches and the friends they make. My daughter (9) wants to go to practice EARLY to have extra "hang out" time with her swim friends! Good luck!

Oh, yeah, this leaves little time for TV and video games and they become a reward after hard practice and homework. Also, I set a timer to limit their time at the games/tv. I've always done this so they're used to it. Try the timer - you can even let her set it so it's real to her. When it goes off, there is no arguing or the privilege of video games/tv is lost the next time. And reminder her it IS a privilege she needs to earn and you determine how it is earned - doing an extra chore, finishing homework, going to swim practice, whatever!
GOOD LUCK!
T.
Mom to three swimmers AND three video game junkies (with limitations!)

Sounds like you need to set tv and video game limits. A reasonable limit would be 1 show only on school days and 2 hours worth on weekends (such as 1 movie or two 1 hour shows).

She will get bored, because she hasn't had to think of things to do before. So give her an activity bucket. Make a bucket or container or something (if you're crafty you could make an embellished tin box...google embellished lunch box for ideas) or better yet, SHE can do that as one of her activities. In the bucket, put strips of papers with ideas of how to spend her time. It's hard to get active when you're by yourself, so maybe find some playmates for her with whom you can trade playdates. Explain to the other moms that you would prefer they get outside to spend their time.

Maybe try gymnastics. That is not the same things all the time, believe me!

You could teach her how to cook. At this age, she might really get into it. It's not physically active, but it is more than just sitting around watching tv, and in a year or two she might even be able to help you out by preparing the family meals sometimes.

Make the weekends family activities. Picnics at the park, nature walks, family bike rides, touch or flag football, etc. If the family is active, then she will be too.

Good luck and have fun!

I have 2 daughters, 12 and 8. They get exacly one hour of tv/computer games a day. If they want to watch a movie or something, they may save their hours for a longer tv time. If they are going to a sleep over and they know there will be movies or there is a birthday party at the movies, they have to make a choice early in the week.

There is no debate, no discussion, this is just the way it is.

It is wonderful, they have figured out ways to be creative. They are way better at managing their time.

This is just the way it it. They require no motivation, they do not need me to sign them up for things. They must decide for themselves what is important. If all they want to do is stare at the wall, so be it. Trust me, it won't hapen for long.

Is your tv/computer games set up as a focus of the house? The only TV in my home is in the spare bedroom. Seperated from everything else going on in the house.

What about your family time? What physical activites do you do as a family? We are from Alberta Canada, even in January (when it is minus 40) we walk for at least 15 minutes after dinner

It is up to you to be the parent. You are not there to be the friend. You are there to ensure they have healthy habits now so as not to put them in an unhealthy pattern and lifestyle as they age.

B., B.A.;B.Ed.
Family Health and Wellness Coach
____@____.com