So I haven't posted on here in a while, but I needed somewhere to write this for a second. I'm in such a depressed and screwed up mood about everything and am looking for some support I suppose. This will probably be somewhat long so I apologize in advance.
My son's father and I broke up towards the beginning of the year due to DV in the home. I finally felt that I had gotten rid of him from dealing with me. I began to see a counselor and tried to focus on myself. In February, we had a visitation schedule and child support established. He has spent a total of $20 since the day my son was born and my son will be 2 next February. I felt that I was making good progress until I learned that he started dating and moved in with the girl directly across the street from me and her daughter. Not only does he now spy on everything and everyone that comes to my house, he still refuses to actually take his son for the scheduled visitation, pay any child support, and he likes to regularly tell me that I'm a bad mom who makes poor decisions for my child. Nevermind that I'm doing it basically 100% on my own with his stalking self so close, I don't make enough money to pay all my bills.
So that leads to my second thing. I don't make enough money to cover living expenses for myself and a toddler, but I also make two much for qualify for any state services. I had two jobs at one point but had to quit the second one because I was always calling in due to not having anyone to watch my son or enough money to pay for a babysitter, as that would've basically cost my whole second paycheck. I have creditors calling my every day and have basically tried to limit my expenses as much as possible. (Yes, I realize I'm on the internet right now, but before I get comments about that, I cut off my internet and the internet I'm using is not one that I pay for).
Then the fall happens. My house has been broken into twice in two months. I lost over 1000 dollars worth of stuff in this time period. Luckily I have insurance and will get some reimbursed to me, but that money will most likely go towards bills and not actually replacing what was lost. My son is not getting a christmas, which luckily he's young enough to not really care, but plenty of people are guilting me because I refused to even decorate my house cause I have no money for decorations. Plus, I decided to actually go on a couple of dates with a guy who turns out to be just as manipulative and controlling as my ex and so I'm having to look at changing phone numbers and possibly moving to avoid both of them, all of which I have no money to do. Oh and then I learned yesterday that my debit card was stolen, possibly by one of my teens that I work with, and a spending spree happened at the local galleria.
I have been looking for jobs in Texas as all of my family is located there. I have a total of two friends in this city and both of them have their own families and are located rather far from me so it's hard for us to get together. I just feel very lonely and overwhelmed and like I don't really know what to do next. I need some help, some guidance, some suggestions, I don't know. It's just an awful year so far and I'm trying to figure out something different to do. I guess I need a questions so . . . any words of wisdom?
Do you have family you can move closer too? A mom and dad or other family who may help with babysitting? I think a new place is the right thing. The ex will be far away and hopefully loose interest and maybe a better job is waiting for you.
Don't be afraid to make big changes. I think it gets easy to feel down and forget that you can make a change.
I think based on your question you already know the answer. Go back home to your family. Maybe you can stay with family until you get back on your feet, if not at least you're close to them for emotional support and your away from your loser ex. Have you been to court to get a child support order? That's your first priority and you don't need a lawyer to do it . Good luck in your new life. It's time to start fresh.
Ask your family in Texas for help in moving. Whatever it takes, accept any and all help. There's no shame in asking. Even if it means moving in with a sibling or a parent. If your custody agreement doesn't prevent you from moving out of state then go. It doesn't seem as if your former husband would care about custody visitation anyway except in how it affects his ability to hurt you.
I do hope that you're not upset over the fact that your former husband has seemingly moved on with a new romantic interest. I believe he's only taken up with her in order to use her for her living arrangements. He gets to live there likely rent-free AND he gets to spy on you.
I would also suggest staying away from dating in general for a while... a long while. You're so fresh out of an abusive relationship that additional romantic entanglements only complicate matters even the guy is supportive and Prince Charming. Continue working on yourself and keeping you and your son safe. Work on getting out... you may be no longer legally bound to your former husband, and not legally bound at all to this new guy, but they're both still very much in your present and affecting you.
When it comes to your finances, you simply have to take it one step at a time. You should be able to call each of your creditors and set up agreements with them telling them what you CAN afford each month and getting on a schedule that is doable for you. See if you can get a consult from a financial adviser to help you out with this. Possibly through DSS. That brings me to:
Get in touch with the Department of Social Services. I believe that you qualify for legal aid and likely additional services even if you don't qualify for WIC/SNAP. Tell them your situation and being a woman in an abusive relationship with a former spouse AND former boyfriend with limited finances likely qualifies you for some services, especially having a small child. At the very least they should have some financial advisers on hand to help you and not charge you.
Make absolutely certain that you call your bank and have your debit card reported stolen and let them know the last purchase you made with the date, the amount, and location of the purchase. You shouldn't be held accountable for the loss and they should be willing to reimburse the account. You also may have to file a police report.
There ARE things you can do to move forward. I'm so sorry that these things keep piling up on you. It's not fair and it's not right, but I know that in the end you'll be stronger when you come out on the other side.
is there a family member you could move in with in Tx so you can relocate and then get yourself back on your feet?
I would head to Texas for a new start with the support of family.
Call Catholic Charities
As one poster noted, check with any domestic violence shelters in your area to see if they can help you get support. They may be able to connect you with local services and a lawyer who will take on your case for free. Best of luck to you.
What towns in Texas? Certain ones are so expensive you should not move there unless your relatives have a FREE guest house.
You must stop dating until you fix what is in you that attracts stalker guys.
Start documenting with exact dates, times, and photos.
You are in a tough place, for sure. I was in a situation like that, little money, etc. I found a little paperback book called 'Feeling Good' which gave me a tremendous amount of help. It helped me to deal with my feelings, the manipulative spouse, and discouraging situations. You may be able to get it from the library for free. Good luck
