Having a Third Child - Broomfield,CO

I posted this on another thread, but this may be relevant to you as well.
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In today's world, two is ample.

I was listening to the Diane Rehm show about "World Population" and America's the most over populated country based on the resources we consume. We have 6.8 billion people in the world, we're losing the biodiversity in the planet, running out of water and other critical resources. Environmental sustainability depends on how many people there are, how quickly the population is growing etc. The panelist also said that ethically we should not have more than 2 children since its going to affect every body else.

A wonderful alternative is available... have you considered adoption?
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Plus, I think that not having the time to bond with your children because they were twins may not be a real reason to have another child. You'll likely have even less time to spend with your twins if you have a third. And coming to other important aspects, will you be able to provide them each with a good college education at the very least ? In 2028, a college education will cost about $200K-$300K per child. With 3 kids, multiply that number.

OK--let me get this straight..you think you will enjoy this pregnancy MORE and bond MORE COMPLETELY with 4 year old twins?! That sounds kind of funny to me.
Also, wanted to add that I had my son at 39 and had a healthy, completely normal pregnancy. 30 is nothing! Neither is 31, 32, 33, 34.....
If your husband knows you "really want another" and is not yet agreeing to it, I wouldn't push it. I don't like the idea of having to "talk my husband into" anything. If he knows I want (to do) something he thinks about it and we agree. I certainly wouldn't like to know I had "talked my husband into" the 18 year+ commitment of a child. Why haven't you had any "long conversations" about this subject? Seems to me it is the 800 lb. gorilla. It's a big deal to you and he may not know that.
Sometimes our lives don't always work out as we have seen it in our 'mind's eye" for years. Count your blessings and see what happens with your husband's opinion. Sounds like you already have two 4 year old blessing in your house considering what they went through.

Hi!

Have you thought of alternatives to being pregnant? You can adopt a baby. You wouldn't put your health at risk, but you can have all the exeriences of the infant one-on-one. We adopted both of ours- we were at the hospital when they were born. I stayed in the hospital with the baby (the birthmom went home) and then we took them home from the hospital. We are blessed with 4 children - 2 born to us and 2 adopted - we couldn't love them all any more and there is no difference what-so-ever in feelings towards the ones born to us or the ones adopted. We love them all more than words can possible express! :)

I'm venturing a guess that your husbands issues are with your health - that would have been very frightening to him thinking he could lose you!!

Good luck and God bless -
C.

If he is starting to warm up to the idea, I would just continue to gently mention it every so often. There is nothing wrong with a big spacing between children. You will also be able to give more time to the baby when the others are old enough to play on their own part of the time (and since dad likes to play with them now, he can help make sure they get lots of parent time, too).

I am 32 and my "baby" is now 6. We have just, in the last year, started talking seriously about having another, and there is a good chance it will be another year before that happens. I don't think there will be any issues with the age gap, even with my first 3 all 2 1/2 years apart.

Hey C.,

If having another child feels right for you, do everything you can to conceive and complete your family. I wholeheartedly disagree with the poster who said "2 is enough" for world population (can you say, "spare me?"). As for your husband's concerns.. he most likely does not want to see his wife go through a life-threatening event again. He doesn't want to lose you. He may be reacting strictly from a worried standpoint which may be hard for him to communicate with you. As for subsequent pregnancies for you, I would follow your gut instinct and your doctor's advice. If they say you should be fine, you should be fine. My first pregnancy resulted in disaster as well (almost lost both me and baby and then baby ended up having a stroke during the difficult labor/delivery, NICU, the works). Since then, I've had another successful pregnancy with no complications and am due to deliver #3 soon. Don't let fear stop you from pursuing your dreams. I'm much older than you and I put my career first, then kids. And it's just fine. You are very young and your kids' age difference is not a worry at all. I also have 2 stepkids: 9 and 14 and all our kids interact and play and love each other as typical siblings. It's OK. There is no right and wrong answer. Only what's right for you and your husband. As for "convincing" him... try the gentle approach first... then back off, let him think about it for a few days/week... then let him know how much it means for you. He may be worried about change in financial dynamic of the household, etc, things men typically worry about (how am I gonna pay for this one...). Offer him suggestions about getting thru those stressors (you going back to work after the youngest is in Kindergarten, etc). Then, let nature take its course. Let him know you won't be using birth control and will let fate decide... if he has strong anger over any of this, maybe see a counselor, respected family member, or church advisor to get advice for both of you. Best of luck to you! Don't forget to pray over this issue-- I'm no religious freak but I do believe strongly in the power of prayer and positive thinking. Best of luck to you, C.. :)

My husband and I had talked about kids when we first got married, and I had him envision life after they were 18 and on to college. I said we would be young we could move to whatever house we wanted to wherever we wanted to, we could get a sporty little car and be young cool grandparents. etc. etc. etc. Maybe giving him a vision to look forward to might help a little. Say something to the effect that if we wait any longer we will be __ old before the last one leaves the house and we will start feeling old where if we have another one now we would be ___ old before they leave the house and we would be able to (insert his dreams)...
We had 1 child first and our twins second. I did not bond with my first as well because I let everyone tell me what to do and I got frustrated. With the twins I was able to bond with them more, but unlike you, they refused to eat together so I was constantly feeding them.

You are going to get many mixed views on this one. I personally have had pre-eclampsia with all 4 of my pregnancies and, no, it did not get any better the next time around. In fact, it got worse. With your kindneys already having been damaged from the first pregnancy and all the trauma that you went through, I can see your husbands point. I would be seriously thinking of not having any more children, by you. That doesn't mean you can't adopt, or foster to adopt, there are lots of kids out there who need loving homes. Your twins were most likely born early because of them being twins but could also have been born early because of P-E. All my babies were early, healthy, thankfully, but early. This could happen again, there are no guarantees here. When I wanted to get pregnant with my 4th, (I had 3 boys) I went through the same struggle with my husband and you know, I had a terrible pregnancy and decided early on that I would not have any more after this because I would not risk my health to have another baby, I would rather be healthy and alive for the ones I already have. As it turns out the 4th was another boy... I love them to pieces though. I had to spend a total of 15 months on bedrest between all 4 of my pregnancies, I added it up one day, thats 60 weeks of bedrest!!! 19 weeks the first time, 17, the second, 11 weeks the third, and 13 weeks the fourth time... grand total of 60 weeks. I have kidney trouble now too. What if you have twins again, it could happen... I would think it too risky, you have 3 other people who still need you healthy. They love you.

WOW!!! I don't really have any advice, but I wanted to tell you not to worry about the negative responses!! I am super shocked!! Only you know how many kids your family needs/ is complete with/ can care for financially, etc, and I really don't think its anyone's place to judge or be so cruel. WOW!! I have 2 of my own, a stepson, and we will be having a girl in about 3 years... and YES- in case anyone was wondering, we can care for them emotionally, physically, & financially. I personally LOVE my boys to death, but have yearned for a little girl for a long time... so I feel like my family will be complete after her. And, we may adopt, who knows??? But, if we don't then its no ones place to judge!! Every child is a gift from God!!