Have You Ever Confronted Another Child Because They Were Mean to Your Child?

Yes. My son is on the autism spectrum, and he looks 2-3 years older than he actually is. So he acts his age, and is just socially awkward enough that it becomes noticable. At a play place, some kids, who were probably at least 2 or more years older called him "mentally retarded".

I gave myself 15 seconds to cool down, and talked to them. Mostly about how not nice that was and why, how would they feel, etc. They told me he'd done something gross (it was, kinda), and I corrected him in front of them. But I also told them that even doing something "weird" is no excuse for name calling.

Sometimes you have to, and you have to do it right and make it as much of a teaching moment as you can. "How would you feel if...?" is a very strong question to ask because kids need to learn to think about what they do. I can't change the world, but if ONE kid stops and thinks, then great.

No. I might talk to them, but the way you described sounds a little rude and intimidating to a child.

Before I was a mom, I was a construction manager (well, I still am a construction manager, but my point is, I learned construction first). In construction, we have something called a "stop work card." If you see a blatantly unsafe jobsite, or see a worker using a tool in an unsafe way, even if it's not your jobsite, you can pull a stop work card on them. Basically, it's a way of all of us helping to make sure nobody gets hurt. Only rarely have I had to use it, but on occasion, I have.

I see talking to other people's kids in the same way. If I see a situation where someone could get hurt, I'll ask the kids to stop. I think the way you approached these kids was fine. You simply let them know they weren't being very nice, and corrected their misunderstanding. It's a shame their parents weren't there to correct them, but parents can't be everywhere at once, and really, any responsible adult can and should step in when necessary. I appreciate it when another parent gives me an assist, even though I may be dismayed at my child's behavior - just like I appreciate it when another construction manager sees something going on on my jobsite that needs attention. We are all in it together.

I don't "confront" kids, I talk to them. Yes, I have talked to other people's children.

I would have done the same thing you did. I see nothing wrong in politely pointing out to kids when they are incorrect or being gossipy/mean. Usually they don't think about the fact that other people can hear them (especially grown ups) and tend to get a "Yikes!" look on their face when called out.

I'd say that my attitude would be less about 'confronting' the kids and just matter-of-factly giving them correct information in the moment, in a very emotionally neutral way. "Oh, Sally received an invitation too. Maybe you haven't met yet?" Casual. Little girls can get gossipy-- I see it in my son's class when I volunteer ALL the time. This is just how some of them are, regardless of race; it seems to be more about the age.

And if you feel a group of kids is out to deliberately harm or hurt your daughter, keep her away from them and find your daughter other, nicer kids to be friends with.

6 and 7 year olds don't talk about people "party crashing." Adults do. So if these kids were sayng that, they heard it somewhere.

I think it was fine to say, "Hey kids, she was invited. Stop gossiping about people." And then just drop the issue. Kids repeat things. Sometimes you have to tell them to stop. Whatev.

I've commented when the group is getting rough (at my house) or they start to gossip about a kid who is not there....

IMO, you went too far. I'd have listened (passively) to their comments and made a mental note to tech my kid some phrases in Spanish...or I'd have had some info regarding future interactions, etc...

I think, if you are new to a neighborhood, you want to tread very carefully. You take a risk if you approach a bunch of kids in defense of your child, because you can alienate the other kids and reduce the chances that your daughter will be accepted into the group. A nicer way might have been to really thank the host family (in earshot of the other kids), either when you left ("Thank you so very much for inviting us and helping us get to know some other neighbors.") or during the party itself ("Thank you for inviting us - Susie is having such a good time.").

If you are Asian and the children are Latino, you have many shared values and experiences, in that you have both been looked at as "the other" and had stereotypes applied to you by the white European majority. So you have common ground. You want to be very careful not to engage in anything that smacks of the treatment so many minorities have undergone - and unfortunately, many people just perpetuate the problem by inflicting the same dismissive treatment on others that they themselves have received. But since the kids spoke in English, I think it's likely that they did it just so you would understand them, to see what your reaction would be.

Maybe it would make sense for you to have your daughter learn Spanish (a good idea anyway, not just in this neighborhood). Anything that builds bridges is a good thing.

But she's 4 and they are 7 so they are not going to be in the same social circle anyway. So I don't think you have to confront every statement or get to the point of being so tired of a particular group that you feel the urge to intervene in kids' conversations.

Since you have at least some neighbors who are interested in socializing, then play to that strength. Next time, YOU have the party and invite at least some of these neighbors to that. See if there's any interest in organizing a neighborhood block party so that everyone can get to know each other. My neighborhood has one every Labor Day, with pot luck dishes and name tags and a food pantry drive. The kids do a lemonade stand & bake sale and raise money for a charity, and everyone runs around together with all ages having fun. Don't upset the apple cart by coming in and organizing things without cooperation, but do go to the mom who invited you and see what you can do to become more friendly and integrated with the families who have liver here for a long time.

Yes, because they hit & pushed my son down and the parents were no
where to be seen! I mean nowhere. I consider it a teaching moment.
Teaching my son how to stand up for himself AND teaching those kids
how not to treat or bully people.

The problem with kids today is the parents. They are just as mean or
rude and don't teach their kids a lick. Not all kids, obviously, but an
alarming high percentage (the new trend).

I would not have intruded on a conversation between kindergarteners. I would have only intruded if my child was being directly threatened or harmed.

If you live in a subdivision there are going to be kids that don't like yours. Clearly they were trying to get your goat and this had nothing to do with your daughter and you fell right into it! They speak Spanish, right? They spoke English so you could understand, get it?

Now their parents have one more reason to not like you.

I think it's fine to say "that's not a very nice thing to say" whenever you hear a child being unkind, either to your child or anyone else's. But you must realize this kind of thing will happen often, especially with such a large age gap. Four year olds playing with six and seven year olds is probably not the best mix, those kids are bigger and your daughter should, for the most part, be playing with kids her own age.

There was a group of girls at the pool and one of the older ones, probably around 8, was whispering to the other girls and excluding my DD. DD tried politely to join in with them, because she had been playing with one of the younger girls til the older one showed up. I forget exactly what I said, but I talked to the ringleader. She didn't have to play with my DD but she didn't have to be mean, either. And wasn't she really too old to be in the baby pool anyway? She slunk off to the big pool and we didn't see her again.

I try not to fight my DD's battles for her, but sometimes kids are mean and DD can't yet figure it out.

If I was the parent to those kids gossiping, I would HOPE that an adult would kindly put them in their place....you did fine

I usually try to speak to the parents, but this summer I confronted a little boy at the park who was being mean to my son during my older son's baseball game. I asked him where his parents were, and he wouldn't tell me so I told him to stay away from my son. Then I stood there and made sure he did.

The only time I have "confronted" a child, I don't think I would call it that. It has only been with kids who I babysit from time to time. It was more of correcting poor behavior, and they are only 4 and 5.

I would have wanted to do the same. Generally I think you have to weigh whether speaking up would help or make it worse for your daughter in the long run. We have some older kids who are bad attitudes in our neighborhood (maybe 9 or 10 year olds, quite a bit older) and I generally try to befriend them because it will make my daughter's life in the neighborhood a bit better.

I do tell my daughter to stand up for herself as well, but she's 5 and never encountered 'mean girls' like that. Your daughter only 4 years old! How sad that she's already experiencing this type of bullying, and from girls that are also so young. :(

My kids are older but I have NO problem saying something directly to the other kids. I will say flat out, hey, we don't talk like that to each other. Or, we are going to be nice to each other or you won't be playing together. You should be able to say something to the kid but if its a big thing, go to the parents as well. Good luck!